A/N: Well hello again my lovely people. This is a slightly longer chapter for you folks and although it has a few mentions of Shizuru- this is predominantly a Natsuki-centric chapter again as it delves into the past and the mind of our blue-haired beauty.

I hope you enjoy it. I still don't own Mai-HiME- I asked for it for Christmas but apparently I haven't been THAT good lately so all I got was PJ's and a jar of Nutella which is all gone now!

Love as always and please review just so I know whether to continue or give up and admit defeat.

Tiny xx

Chapter 2- Reflex

My name is Natsuki Kuga, I'm 19 years old and I work as an assassin for the Searrs Foundation. I have been brought up around guns; I killed my first person at the tender age of 12 with my bare hands and I can't even remember what he had even done to piss me off. I have no mother and as of 12:43 this afternoon I have no father either due to the actions of yet another glory-obsessed First District dog.

I suppose that I should be happy, actually I have no idea how I should be feeling. I never really got to know the man and he never played much of a part in my upbringing- that was where Searrs came in. After losing my mother at the age of 8, Searrs became both parents to me- however we were the prime example of a really dysfunctional family. One that trains you how to kill without fear and that hammers in the importance of one day protecting a person you have never met and have always hated, with your life.

I still don't get why I have to do this crappy audio-log. Maybe it's to prove that I am a human... not a machine or a robot like Miyu. I've been killing for so long it's almost as if I've lost all sense of what being human is all about. How does that make me human? I have spent every day moulding my body to withstand any type of trial. Wind. Snow. Heat. Anything... including emotion. The last time I remember letting myself cry was over the death of my mum all those years ago. I was told that my mother was dead, she died a bad death and I had to be strong to live to avenge her. I wiped away my tears and set aside my emotions.

I guess I have spent years putting all the blame on Searrs for turning me into this monster. In reality I did it to myself. I would always tell myself that nothing can be achieved by crying over something and that the best way to deal with something is by pushing through... making life remotely bearable.

Here at Searrs I am known as the Lone Wolf or Duran. Duran because when I was young I remember my mum working whilst listening to that British band 'Duran Duran'- I chose it as a reminder and a tribute to her memory. Also my father had been a big fan of them but I chose to ignore that fact when I chose it- he wasn't nearly as important to me anyway so why would I? The Lone Wolf because on every mission- actually I suppose it's self-explanatory really. I have always felt alone, I have always welcomed it because then I would feel untouchable or unbreakable. However- the fact that I'm going to be so far away from the life that I know here in America- it feels daunting. It's that weird feeling in the pit of my stomach that's making me feel uneasy. I have to go back to the place I was born, I have to start at the bottom and work my way up the ranks in the company behind the cause of my mother's death. I will meet and investigate the leader of the First District, Sergey Viola and I will take him out when they order comes through. In addition to that I have to study his daughters, Nina who is the man's biological daughter and Shizuru before killing them... well my orders are to kill Shizuru and capture Nina and bring her back to Tokyo.

Shizuru Fujino-Viola is the 24 year old adoptive daughter of Sergey and after reading her profile it seems that she and I have a lot in common. Adopted at the age of 11 after the murder of her Father and the suicide of her mother- she has been crafted by Sergey in order to continue the First District. She is the heiress to one of the most feared and ruthless organisations apart from ours... and I have to study her then end her.

Killing a person is easy enough with the right training and it was this type of education that I had drilled into me. Sure I had attended a Searrs-style school with Mai, Chie and Aoi- passed with flying colours despite my hatred for it and the constant truanting. No-one would dare kick me out though. Like I said, killing is the easy part... living with yourself after a kill is the most difficult. Every time I close my eyes to fall asleep- I see them, I hear the sound of their last breath and I hear the screams of the people who just lost a relative. They lost a relative or someone they loved because of me following orders. The screams keep me awake. Pacing doesn't help but I still do it- which drives Mai up the wall as it keeps her awake. Despite my best efforts- Mai knows me all too well. She knows when I'm hiding something from her- which is a regular occurrence- yet it has only been recently that Mai has started to ask questions about Searrs. Despite hating everything to do with school I had always been intrigued to learn about the organisation I worked for. I learnt that after years of fighting the Leader of Searrs was aiming to make peace between the two organisations by marrying the two together- however the First went against that and the Leader's son became engaged to someone else from the District. Several years later a daughter of one of our Leader's right hand men was kidnapped, tortured and eventually killed under orders from the soon-to-be Leader.

Sergey Viola was responsible. He was the man who killed my mother and made me who I am today. I don't remember ever telling Mai that last part as I figured that it was best that she didn't get caught up in my sick and twisted world of revenge.

Mai and I met when I was 9 and she was 8. Her mother had just died after trying to save her younger brother Takumi from drowning. He needed a heart transplant so they came over to America, they couldn't go private at first so her father made a deal- he effectively sold their souls to the devil- and little Takumi got a brand new heart. They figured that as I had lost my mother I needed someone to "relate" to- which didn't sit too well with me. It was couple of years before I finally spoke more than 5 words to the girl at any one time- 5 turned into 10 and so on. Mai did what she was told in providing me with a friend, she even introduced me to a few of the other girls who had grown up around me without me really paying any type of attention.

Oh yeah that's why I killed him. One day Mai and I were walking home from school when some perverted jackass woof-whistled at Mai- he started to get frisky and gave her ass a slap. That's when I snapped and jumped the guy- and smashed him against the wall. The guy woke up and I kicked him again before Mai finally managed to get me off of him. That last kick had been the lethal one and that was when I felt no longer human.

I felt like a monster. I am a monster. I don't even know if I'm capable of feeling anything anymore. I suppose once upon a time I loved my mum and I guess in some way I do love my friends as I know that if it called for it- I would kill for any one of them... well except Nao because more times than none I want to kill her! I wonder if I loved Alyssa. We were literally made for each other I guess- protecting her was the only thing I have ever really failed at. Maybe that's why Miyu hates me so much- I let the person she loved most in this pitiful world die. I did love her as an obedient servant type person and I knew my duty was to protect her as well as her protecting me was hers.

Damn I hate doing these sorts of things. This will be the last one I do here at Searrs Foundation for a while if ever- the moment I land in Japan I will have to be a totally different person- even if my aim is the same.

This is Agent Duran signing out.

Natsuki reached over to the microphone and switched the off and the eject buttons. Once she picked up the disc she did what she would always do- she placed it within a brown envelope and sealed it. Each month she was required to create an audio log documenting her thoughts and opinions before a mission in order to measure her 'psychological balance'- she would then have to do one after her mission was complete. Her other missions had been fairly easy because the pattern was always the same. Get the technology and kill all those in your path.

This one however would be drawn out and she would have to live and serve under the people she was tasked to kill. She had to monitor their ways, get close to them, learn from them and eventually use this to kill them whilst the rest of the Golden fleet would step in and take control. Natsuki had already read the profiles of the three 'big guns'.

Sergey Viola was the Grandson of the Leader of the First District who only got where he was by staging a coup-d'état and killed the three old crones. Viola's father had been the Leader for over 20 years yet he met a grizzly end to say the least- making way for Sergey to take control. Nina Viola was Sergey's youngest but only biological daughter and had just started her second year in Fuuka Academy as a high-schooler. She followed her big sister's footsteps and managed to secure a role within the Student Council as President despite being a whole year younger than her competitor. Even though she would generally be announced as the heir to the metaphorical throne of the First District seeing as she was the Leader's only child- Sergey had other plans for his daughter. The weight of the First District would eventually fall on his adopted child's shoulders and it appeared to Natsuki that the 24 year old had proved to be just as menacing and unnerving as her adopted Father. It was at his behest that his children received a hybrid of modern and ancient Japanese education- martial arts being the main subject taught in the Viola school. In some ways Natsuki could sense some similarities between her and the older woman. Both were orphans, and then were drafted into major organisations with decade's worth of blood tainting their names and both were natural born killers.

Natsuki heard a knock on the door of her apartment Another 3 shortly followed. Why is Yamada here? He's picking me up in 20 minutes. "What are you doing here Yamada? You're too early- even for you." Natsuki hated it when people were too early or too late for an arrangement- pushing all her own terrible timekeeping skills from her schooldays behind.

"My apologies Princess. I just came to give you a little something before you really have to go." Natsuki stopped checking through her equipment and smiled in satisfaction- when she replayed what the long-haired shady looking man had just said.

"What is it?" She didn't mean for her words to come out as harsh sounding as they did... as of yet she was completely unaccustomed to receiving anything but a hit to the stomach. She breathed a sigh of relief when the older man chuckled softly as he reached into the inside pocket of his duffel coat. "I know you're just as excited as child Princess. Before I give you these, I should apologise for not following orders and giving them to you sooner."

Natsuki frowned in confusion... in all honesty Yamada's tone was making her excitement turn quickly to nervousness. "Erm... you're forgiven?" Natsuki gave him a lop-sided smile however it faded when she noticed just how serious Yamada was... and that didn't happen often.

"In all fairness it's not your forgiveness I have to seek Princess. Before your mother died, she gave me something which I was supposed to give to you on your 18th- but when the time came... it didn't seem remotely special enough so I waited." Yamada took one of the young girl's hands in his own and within it placed a pendant. It was silver in the shape of a Wolf with an emerald gemstone for its eye- Natsuki could see her name engraved on the back of it. A wolf? How fitting. For the first time in years, Natsuki could feel tears threatening to spill from her eyes and there was absolutely no way in hell that they were going to fall.

"Thank you Yamada... I...I really appreciate it. She did know me after all I guess." Natsuki smiled at Yamada who seemed genuinely appreciative of the small gesture... he had half-expected her to kick his ass for keeping Saeko's gift from her for so long after it was supposed to have been given. He took a deep breath as he now had the feeling that the easiest part was now over... how would she take the next gift? He was now 100% certain that if he gave it to her and made her read it in front of him... the metaphor "ass handed to him on a plate" was bound to become a reality.

"This also came for you before your 18th." He handed Natsuki a letter- it had been opened but sellotaped back together. "I recognised the handwriting and swiped it before it was reported. Don't ask me why- but... Natsuki I need you to promise me that you will wait until you get to your new place to read it. It'll more than likely give you something to think about. I hope you do think on it. I'll put your stuff in the SUV. Meet you downstairs in 5?"

Natsuki stared at the letter in her hand and gave a curt nod as Yamada left the apartment without even awaiting an answer. The blue-haired beauty was torn between upholding the promise she had made seconds before- or tearing it open like a kid at Christmas. Natsuki shook the thoughts from her head and folded the letter up and placed it in her bag- zipping it up and locking it tightly. Thanks to the influence that Searrs Foundation had within the American Government, they were able to make it so that Natsuki was able to simply pass on through with her bags unchecked. They knew who she was- it helped to have an insider or twenty! Natsuki took a long look around the apartment- knowing that it may be the last time she would ever feel the warmth of the place- and with a sigh she closed and locked the door behind her.

The flight was long- 14 hours too long- and it was uncomfortable despite the fact that Natsuki had been able to purchase a business class seat. It was just the thought of being surrounded by so many people for such a long time- she had endured it for the first few times as her job meant that she travelled all over the world... however flying business class was now a requirement that Searrs was more than willing to fulfil for their precious Ultimate Weapon.

Natsuki breathed another sigh of relief as the plane touched down at Osaka International Airport- at least the longest part of the journey was complete- now she had to endure the drive from Osaka up to the island of Hokkaido. She had managed to hire a driver to get her there; she had tried unsuccessfully to convince Smith to let her drive herself... however logic decided to kick in and she had realised that despite training her body not to necessarily need more than a few hours of sleep- it did affect her driving skills when she was jetlagged. And sleep deprived!

After 10 minutes of being on the road, Natsuki decided that it was a good amount of time to dabble in idle small-talk before excusing herself due to tiredness- which was true. Natsuki hated flying and could never position herself comfortably enough to fall asleep- however this flight was made even worse by the existence of a crappy piece of folded up paper in her hand-luggage. She spent pretty much all of the 14 hours debating over whether to read it on the plane or do as Yamada said and wait... each time she went to retrieve the letter from the over-head she would sit back down- and twiddle her thumbs. When she was done with thinking, she would pull out her PSP and blow up some zombies or kick some boxer's ass- hell she's 19 after all! Just because she hadn't received a normal upbringing didn't mean that she didn't like the simple pleasures that modern technology had to offer! Plus, when the woman next to her asked her to turn the volume down- it gave Natsuki the chance to work the Kuga-Death-Glare as Nao called it.

Many hours later, the silver Toyota pulled up outside a small apartment block in the town of Fuuka and the driver- Mr Itou- helped Natsuki bring up her suitcases before giving a deep bow and quickly making his way back. The apartment was small- or compact- but modern and fully furnished which was a plus. There was a tiny kitchen with a small lounge/dining area and one bedroom with a kind of en-suite as well.

Mai would love this place! Maybe I'll take a trip into town tomorrow... shit do I have anything to ride? Natsuki turned on her new mobile, spotting that she had a new voicemail message.

"Hey Princess, when you get into your new crib do me a favour and check out what's in the fridge- you'll see something I got for ya! Don't sweat it, I know... you owe me one and yes you are now my bitch. Have fun and be careful. Oh and your interview is at 5 tomorrow afternoon- I already booked you a taxi Ms Natsuki Kruger. You might wanna delete this afterwards. Can't be too careful Princess."

Natsuki smiled, promptly deleting the message and making her way to the fridge- Yamada certainly had his quirky ways! In the fridge door she found bottles of her favourite substance- Mayo...lots and lots of Mayo- and she also found a key with a note attached saying "You'll find me in the garage- your gear's in the closet. Enjoy."

She immediately ran back downstairs to the garage where she found the most gorgeous contraption known to man- a Ducati Blue and Silver Multistrada 1200! Natsuki's face lit up with joy and excitement over her new toy- she had read about the bike in a magazine and immediately fell in love with it but Yamada made her promise him not to go and buy one. Sneaky bastard!

Thinking of Yamada made her remember something else that the friend of her mother's had made her promise. I can read it now but... do I really want to? He's never looked that serious about anything before- whatever was in that letter rattled him up... fuck knows what it'll do to me. The only way to conquer fear is to become fear... did I just steal that from Batman or something?

Natsuki made her way upstairs again after promising her new baby that she would be back soon and after closing the door after her- she made her way to the bedroom with the letter in her hands. She could feel her heart pounding; her palms and her brow dampen with sweat.

"Kuga-san, my dearest Kuga-san.

I write this letter to you now in great anticipation for what will be the day where you undertake one of life's greatest transitions. I wish you many happy returns for your 18th Birthday. You have left the path of childhood and you are now on the long, twisting road of adult Kuga-san. You will no doubt encounter many twists and turns but I have every confidence that your mother's spirit and your strong will, will guide and protect you.

The person writing this letter to you is one whom you have never met- yet one who knows you Natsuki. For years I have had my spies watching and studying you. I see your mother in you, your strength, your determination and your courage- though some may decide to call it stubbornness! I can't express fully how much it saddens me to think of the various trials that you at such a young age have already had to encounter and deal with. Although you shall not receive this until you're 18, you have already experienced the lion's share of adult emotions. Anger, hate and grief. Something truly terrible happened to you which you will never forget.

And neither will I.

I am a man who foolishly but totally feel in love with a woman that I knew could never be mine. Her name was Saeko Kuga- your mother Natsuki- and I loved her... no I still love her to this day with all my heart. Saeko was the only daughter of Alexander Searrs III, who is more commonly known as the Leader. Her father, your grandfather forced us apart. However this only made us more determined to find and hold on to our love. Both of us were trapped in loveless arranged marriages- with only one child as a result of your parent's marriage... you Natsuki.

When you were 2 years old, your mother gave birth to another child. A girl called Nina. Nina's father is the person writing this letter to you now Natsuki. We made a child together out of love yet both of our families twisted it and made something so beautiful so wrong. Your mother was disavowed and you were made the heir to the Searrs Foundation. It was a fate she never wanted for you- who she loved so much- maybe even more than she loved me. In wanting desperately to try and save you from such a fate she took matters into her own hands and she asked for my help which I gave freely- despite me being in no position to do so.

I sent my most trusted man to collect you and your mother- he was a man who I had known all my life. However as I made my way to my house on the beach- my father awaited me to tell me the news that he had killed your mother. At the time he was utterly convinced you were dead too. I tried to find you but you had already been found by your father's people and out of revenge I killed my own father- assuming his role and my rightful place.

I have never forgiven myself for endangering you and your mother Natsuki. You both are in my prayers each night. I see her by my side in everything I do. She had so many hopes, dreams and ambitions Natsuki- one's where our two companies could combine and stop with the unnecessary killing (for which I am mostly to blame for).

I write only to tell you the truth Natsuki- you who I love and care for as a father would his daughter.

All my love and best wishes.

Sergey Viola."

Shit.