Dear Diary, my luck has finally changed. I met a survivor. But I should leave him behind. He is too far gone.
It is warm. It is strangely warm when she wakes up. For a few seconds, she can't move. Her legs have gone into hibernation. Her hands are sticky against her face. She moves them away, knowing that they have probably left an embarrassing mark on her cheek.
Madison sprawls onto her back, feeling like she got the best night's sleep in probably a couple of years. She arches her back, stretching on the floor. Her coat has kept her warm for the entire night, which is kind of odd because she remembers shivering in the corner of the house, struggling to get to sleep.
Suddenly, the crackling of a fire answers all her questions. She jolts up, giving herself a head rush. There is a fire. There is a fire right beside her, neatly contained with a circle of rocks. It burns brightly, giving the impression somebody has been looking after it very well.
She glances up at the broken windows and sees daylight. Then, she remembers the man. Negan. She met him last night. He was a mess. Did he do this?
"Good mornin', Maddie," his smooth voice strides into the box. Immediately, she tucks her legs beneath her body, as if to hide the fact that she is in fact very comfortable and it is a good morning indeed.
She quirks an eyebrow, "What happened to Daisy?"
Negan smiles, his walk more confident and collected than yesterday. It is a little intimidating, "Don't worry, you can still be Daisy."
Madison rubs at her face and tucks the strands of fallen hair behind her ears. She needs a brush. She feels like a cavewoman.
"Did you do this?" she asks, but her question is "Why?" and "How?"
Negan scratches his beard, one of his arms supporting something new. She sits up, hoping it is food. He notices her interest and grabs the package, unwrapping it to reveal a cluster of berries. Madison's stomach twists.
"It's not much," he starts, leaning down to hand her the berries. She takes them eagerly, common curtesy flying out of the window. Negan does not seem to mind, "I already ate. They are all for you, honey."
Like she would share.
He watches her for a second before going back to her question, "I was worried you'd catch pneumonia. Shivering in the fucking corner like a leaf. And then I started to feel the fucking frost bite on my ass. So, I went out and did the sensible thing."
Madison glances up briefly, the berries cold in her mouth. They pop and explode the flavour all over her tongue. She bites back a moan. Any food in this life is a miracle.
"Did you sleep?" she asks, eager for him to talk.
"Mhmm," he hums. She looks up at him again. He is watching her.
She notices a few red marks on the front of his leather jacket. These berries came at a price.
Her mind races back to the gun she equipped yesterday. Her eyes glance down beside her. Not there. She spins around, searching every inch of her sleeping space. Not there. She grabs her back and rummages through it. The rest of the berries have spilled onto the floor, which has reminded her that when there is a choice between food and weapons, always pick the weapons. Always.
Negan chuckles in amusement, a hint of darkness in his voice, "Lookin' for this?"
Madison looks up to see him twirling the black gun in his hand. Thinking that it is not too late to act normal, she nods, "Yeah. Thought I lost it."
He grins at her, "I bet you're very fucking glad it is still here. Otherwise, you never know who could have gotten a hold of it."
She smiles weakly, feeling something gnawing at her heart. There is an escape but she is unable to seize it. That is the feeling.
She clutches one hand in the other to stop it from shaking. He is not a bad guy. He saved her life yesterday. Surely he won't kill her now? Unless he is a bad guy.
Madison mentally kicks herself for letting her guard down. What was she thinking?
Negan crosses the room at a leisurely pace, tucking the gun into the front of his pants in the process. He sighs, leaning against the wall opposite the girl. She watches him with wild eyes.
He gestures to the berries scattered around the floor, "Finished with your breakfast, darlin'?"
Madison starts to overthink. If she says yes, that means they are moving onto the next step of the day. She will have to get up. He will grab her and put his knife right through her eye. If she says no, he will allow her to have more time. Or maybe that will only make him mad and he will grab her anyway. This is the result of binge watching serial killer documentaries.
She nods.
Negan's teeth glisten from the shadows. He glances out of the broken window, surveying the surroundings, "All the dead pricks have disappeared. I think it's safe to move on."
"Do you remember our deal?" she cuts his thought process short. His grin does not falter. Bastard.
"Why, of course. I'm a man of my fucking word," he leans back slightly, reminding Madison of a little kid who is likely to stomp his foot in midst of a tantrum.
She recites their deal in her head. He keeps the gun and half of the bullets. Damn.
Feeling fairly confident that he will not lash out on her, she stands up and secures her backpack over her shoulders.
"We go our separate ways," she reminds him. He nods, grabbing his own backpack.
"We go our separate ways."
"And I get half of the bullets," she presses on, watching as he throws his head back in laughter.
"Three bullets and no gun? What is the fucking point in that?"
"We had a deal," she repeats, by this point knowing that there is a massive possibility of him walking away with all the goods.
Negan runs a hand down his face in expiration, "You think you will find another good-natured motherfucker who will be willing to share his empty pistol with you? Huh?" He waits for her response, even throwing his arms in the air to lift the answer out of her, "No, sweet pea. Those kinds of motherfuckers are extinct by now."
"And you're a safe bet?" she challenges, making him laugh again.
"Why don't you refer to the drool on your chin?" Automatically, she wipes at her face, "You slept like a baby and were well fed in the morning. Do I seem like a safe bet to you?"
Madison keeps quiet, still very wary however of his character.
"Coulda killed you," he smirks, "I could have taken your backpack and stripped you of your clothes while you were out. But I didn't. In addition, I could have taken your fucking porn novel and-"
"It's a diary!"
Negan raises both of his hands, "To me, it's a porno. Helps me cope," he points to his temple.
Now he has something against her diary? She sighs, rejecting all his valid points.
"You were wasted yesterday. That guy from before," she points behind her shoulder, "is not somebody I would want to trust my life with."
"Nobody is asking you to trust me with your life," he groans, "I want you to realise that there is safety in numbers. And three fucking bullets and no fucking gun is not going to keep you alive for long, sweetheart."
Her boot crushes a couple of berries on the floor, leaving a sticky residue.
She knows that he is right. Even if he is a flight risk, he did save her life… maybe twice now. She would have been an icicle this morning if it wasn't for him.
Negan crosses the room and points to her bag, "May I see your map, doll?"
Madison sighs and brings her backpack down her shoulder, pulling out the tattered map from her diary. Negan wiggles his fingers playfully, beckoning the map into his hand. Maddie rolls her eyes.
She watches as he scans through it, following a thick red line that represents the road she intended to take before it all kicked off yesterday. He glances at her with uncertainty.
"Washington?"
She nods, "Yeah, I haven't been there yet. Maybe I could find a sanctuary."
Negan's eyes glaze over, as if an unpleasant memory has hijacked his entire body. His lips twitch and he folds the map before shoving it back into her hands.
"Don't bother."
"Excuse me?" she unfolds it and starts looking through, eager to find the spot he has been looking at. Has he been there before? Does he know anything about other people?
"I've been there," he answers, reading her mind. Madison raises a brow in anticipation.
"And?"
"And don't bother," his mouth sets into a firm line, "It's all gone."
She feels her heart dip with the next breath, but for some reason it does not plummet into the pits of her stomach. She does not fully trust him. He could be lying. There could still be hope. There could still be people.
"You've…" she watches him, "You've been, and… what? It's all gone? What do you mean by that?"
Negan raises a hand to scratch the base of his chin. His eyes are somewhere else.
"Yeah," he sighs, "Sorry for raining on your fucking parade."
Madison shakes her head, "But I've been everywhere else. This can't be it," she starts looking through the map again, "There must be something in Washington. Or at least around it."
"There is nothing there," he repeats, now glaring down at her, "Don't waste your time."
Madison watches him, feeling tears starting to sting behind her eyes. She blinks, making them disappear.
Two years on foot, looking for a community. A safe place. And for what? For it to not exist?
There has to be a place.
She looks up at Negan who looks like he just tasted something sour.
He could be lying. He is lying.
"I don't believe you," her voice is shaky, wary of how he will take her attitude. He laughs dryly, fingers itching at the belt where his gun is tucked in.
"Darlin', you have better luck of going to the coast. Finding a boat."
Madison stares up at him in shock, "I guess you better hurry and catch the last boat. Because I am not going with you. I am going to Washington."
Something snaps. Madison was known to push people in her other life, and sometimes they did not handle it very well. As much as she tried, she could not bottle that trait up. She was always stubborn. Evidently, Negan is more of an ass than she is.
He grabs the map out of her hands and sends it flying, ripping it in the process, "What the hell are you doing?!"
"There is NOTHING in Washington! Nothing!" he roars. The animal inside him comes out, painting his eyes black.
Madison backs up against the wall when he lunges at her, clutching the material of her coat around her shoulder. His breath is hot, holding the scent of yesterday's alcohol.
"You won't fucking find any type of sanctuary there, you hear me, sweetheart?" her hands go to his chest to hold him back from ripping her head off, "Fuck! It's all gone! It's all fucking gone!"
He slams her against the wall once, a pain spreading at the back of her head. Madison holds her breath, wondering if she exchanged one monster for another.
He holds her gaze, eyes softening after a few seconds. His grip does not disappear. He holds her in place, her feet barely touching the ground. He takes a deep breath, exhaling against her neck. Madison whimpers, pushing gently at his chest.
He sets her down, but does not step away.
"Do me a fucking favour and stop wasting your time," he murmurs .
She nods frantically, feeling unconvinced but certain that she must get on his good side. At least while she is still within his reach.
Finally, he backs away, casting a sheepish glance at the map on the floor. Minutes pass and nobody tries to pick it up.
She watches as Negan pinches the bridge of his nose, taking slow breaths until his eyes are brave enough to look back up. At that point, she allows her heart to slow down. He is back.
"Fuck," he breathes, "I'm sorry, alright?"
Madison glances out of the window where a light spray of rain has started to come down. She thinks about her hair and how it will turn into a frizzy mess. She starts to wonder where she will go today, and what she will have for dinner. Her stomach churns, reminding her of its ever-shrinking size.
Negan takes the gun out of his trousers, fiddling with it before reaching out to Maddie.
"Take it, honey," his eyes have come back to normal. Fully normal. Whatever normal is for him.
She follows his orders, briefly thinking of shooting him and running away. She tucks the gun into her belt and sighs, nodding, "Thank you."