The six of us have a regular routine. It's not like we ever planned our days out, but it was just our unspoken rule. Every morning starts with Andre meeting me in front of the school after Trina leaves and we walk in together. Jade and Beck always show up side-by-side, unless of course they were on one of their countless 'breaks'. Cat and Robbie are a little less predictable. Cat comes and goes as she pleases, no one ever knows when or where she'll show up. But, without fail, Robbie is always at her side. Despite the six of us each coming separately, we all make sure to meet up a few minutes before the morning bell rings and split to go to our respective classes.
And today is no different, as it shouldn't be. It's just this time I have to make a conscious effort to keep my eyes away from the tall beauty as she walks towards us with her boyfriend close at hand. I shift uncomfortably on my feet and grip the strap of my bag tightly, needing to express the tension that my face doesn't allow. It sounds crazy, but I can feel her gaze on my face, burning at me, daring me to look at her. It's begging me take a glance. My smile falters when I catch her in the act. I quickly look away.
Jade West, an enigma of her own. She had always pushed me in so many ways. Physically, mentally, metaphorically, any way that should could possibly think of. I could never figure out what it was that she wanted from me but I knew I couldn't disappoint. Her strict approval meant acceptance, and how I had longed for her acceptance from day one.
In the beginning, I thought she was just being the usual gank that she had earned a reputation for and that she just wanted to piss me off. She was always in my face and pushing my buttons to irk me in the most infuriating ways, but I always felt so relieved after I vented things out. Without fail, she would provoke a response out of me. It was usually a harsh one and almost always directed at her. Yet, even as she was at the end of my venting, she had this eerie smirk on her face and I couldn't help but think she purposely coaxed that reaction out of me. It was almost as if she was proud of the fact that I let loose and exploded.
She always seemed to have me where she wanted me.
I hate to admit it, but she had changed me. I didn't want anyone to change me, I am who I am, but sometimes couldn't help but feel like it was for the better. People always seemed to take advantage of me and at first Jade did a lot as well, but when she started this little game of hers, people didn't seem to ask me to do the impossible anymore. Classmates I've never talked to before had stopped using me for projects and no one asked to copy my homework anymore. I felt so liberated and powerful. This freedom let me actually enjoy school and be myself without the added pressure that it had when I had started. I had ceased being a pushover. I wasn't afraid to say no and I know Jade's constant antics had something to do with this metamorphosis. It was almost like she was trying to protect me.
"Jade." I was frozen in my spot and looked at the other girl in surprise. I wasn't expecting her to show up at my door. She hardly ever came to my house, even when the whole gang was here, so I definitely didn't think she'd ever show up on her own.
The thing with Jade was, I could never know what to expect from her. So, to save me the trouble, I just usually avoided any extra contact with her. Completely silent, the raven-haired devil spawn stepped past me.
"Sure, you can come in." I said to the empty doorframe that she walked through. I shut the door and followed the somber girl into the living room.
I couldn't help but admire Jade's unconcerned attitude towards everything. She had an extreme confidence in everything she did and in everything she said. She had no reason or right to be here, but still, from the way she carried herself it felt like it was the most natural thing ever. She commanded the room.
I was stunned and I cocked my head to the side when Jade sat down on the red couch with a slight slump. Her blank eyes stared at the blank screen of the TV, transfixed on the nothingness. That was new.
"Can I help you?" I asked as I approached her as a kitten would approach a dog, completely on guard but genuinely and impossibly curious. Her look of defeat was a first for me.
She stayed quiet for a full five minutes and her eyes never left the screen. She didn't move from her spot and her hands were clamped together, resting on her knees. The snarky goth was uncharacteristically passive. She would blink occasionally and I watched her slight movements carefully, getting ready to run and scream if she tried anything funny. From what I could tell, she was chewing at the inside of her lip, deep in thought. Every so often she would take a deep breath as if trying to compose herself, as if she was readying herself to speak but never said a word. I knew she was a ticking time bomb and I let her take control of the situation. I meekly waited for an explanation.
I didn't approach her with any words but I did eventually resign and brought her a cup of warm coffee. I had to microwave the leftovers from the batch this morning and I handed it to her with cream and sugar. She wordlessly added two teaspoons of sugar and made a fierce face of disgust at the staleness. She stayed in the exact same position, the only extra movements was to force the expired coffee down her throat. I wasn't aware of time passing but when the cup was completely empty, the grim girl walked out of the house in the same fashion that she came in.
That get-together shortly became a routine that happened every Saturday night for a long time to come. Sometimes she stayed for a few moments, as if she only came to see if I were home, and other times she'd stay for three or four cups of coffee. She never brought these visits up at school and neither did I. It was interesting side of Jade I felt that only I got to see and it was as if she was a different person. She didn't hide behind her sharp tongue and stern face in those moments, and if she wanted to keep it a secret, so would I. She was as harsh and brash with me at school as ever, but these short occasions, even if it were only once a week, weren't something I wanted to lose.
After the first month or so of her visits, I started to realize that it was becoming a regular occurrence. I had been expecting her so I made fresh pot of her potent caffeine instead or the usual old stuff. I could tell she was pleasantly surprised by the way she tried oh-so-hard to hide a smile that refused to be beat. Score one for Tori.
Unfortunately, my smile quickly faded when I heard her voice.
"He's cheating on me." Cold and detached, the words didn't seem like they were even spoken. The first thing that had ever been said by her during these little sessions caught me by surprise.
Her words sat in the air for a moment as I tried to register what she had just said. I was thrown completely off guard. This couldn't be the same Beck that I saw at school. The sweet, kind, understanding Canadian that everyone knew and loved. The Beck I knew was crazy about her, right?
"I'm sure he's not…" I tried to reassure her as I took a seat one cushion away from her. This was the closest we've ever got to each other and the most we've ever said; a whole bunch of firsts for us.
She glared at me, trying to intimidate me from seeing the hurt in her eyes but she couldn't hide it. I reached my arm out a little and it fell just short of her shoulder, landing in the empty space between us. I wasn't about to push my luck with her.
"Why would you say that?" I asked softly.
"I know he is." She stated and took a small pause before continuing. "Every Saturday he meets her and every call and text I send will be ignored. He'll just pretend that nothing happened the next time we meet and he never answers any questions."
I was just about to open my mouth to say that it doesn't mean anything but she wasn't done. "I went to his trailer once." She added softly. My mouth instantly shut and I gave her a sympathetic glance. "They were inside."
The way she shifted her jaw and chewed at her lip, I knew it was more than what she initially wanted to admit out loud and she already regretted saying it. It was as if that because it was in the open, it was suddenly more real than it was before. She could no longer deny it anymore.
At least to me, Beck genuinely seemed like a nice guy, though he was a bit flirty. I would never forget quip he made about sleeping in the same room when we did our impromptu skit on my second day. Or the fact that he had no problem kissing someone his girlfriend hated in front of the whole class, even if it was just a stage kiss. Beck could get anyone he wanted and he definitely knew it. His good looks and incredible talent made him insanely popular, but I never had I thought he would be the kind of person to use that to his advantage. Apparently he did.
"Jade-" I moved a bit closer, dipping into uncharted territory.
"Don't." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Her delicate hands gripped at the warm mug in her hands, the smell of sweet vanilla did nothing to comfort her.
She left without another word.
I had just put in The Notebook and settled into the couch when Jade came in one Thursday. It wasn't our usual schedule and it threw me off a bit. Jade expertly walked in and I could see that her eyes were red and her makeup was a bit smudged. She must've been crying and tried to fix it up a bit before she came over. Moving back to my usual spot, I reached for the remote to turn it off. The rebel didn't seem the type to be too into tearjerkers but before I could push the button, she took the remote from my hands gently and placed it on the other side of her. Wordlessly, she curled herself around her knees in the spot next to me. As the movie chugged along, the both of us enjoyed the popcorn that was settled in my lap. Our hands would brush occasionally if we both reached in at the same time but our eyes and attention stayed focused on the TV.
Well, I think at least hers was. I couldn't help the tingling sensation that jolted through my body with each touch. I couldn't concentrate on the movie and eventually I tried to time it so that every so often our hands would meet, just so I could feel her soft skin against mine. I had realized that it was creepy, sure, but it didn't stop me. Luckily, she didn't seem to notice.
I nearly choked on a kernel when I felt her lean against my body as the movie dragged on. She was probably bored out of her mind but she pretended to stay interested so she wouldn't have to explain why she was there. It had become a faux distraction but that was enough for both of us. Her head eventually nodded to rest on my shoulder and I could feel her soft breathing against my skin. I shuffled a bit in my seat to get comfortable and put my arm behind her. It awkwardly floated at her side when I didn't know what to do with it but eventually decided to rest it against her so it wouldn't go numb. With the sudden stiffness of her body, I could tell that it made her uncomfortable at first but it wasn't long until her body relaxed and steady breathing returned.
I mindlessly ran my thumb over her side, trying to comfort her and not even realizing I was doing so. The small gesture must've worked because it wasn't long before she fell asleep like that, against me. I only noticed after the movie ended of the position that we were in. I refused to wake her, even long after the credits finished rolling.
Before this, I had never been so close to Jade before. I honestly don't think anyone but Beck has. I know that she would never consciously let someone see her so… vulnerable. Her eyes were shut tightly, causing a crease in her brow, yet her expression was still somehow light. Strands of her perfect-as-always hair fell in front of her face and would sway slightly with every gentle breath she took. Her skin was so fair that it was impossible to believe that it had ever seen the sun. But, the most alluring feature of all was her lips. Her bottom lip jutted out just slightly and her bold lipstick highlighted them in stark contrast to her porcelain skin.
My face grew tense when I saw her jaw clench. Her eyebrows furrowed closer together and my face mirrored hers. My heart tightened at the look of distress plagued her previously serene expression. I was pulled out of my reverie by Trina's obscenely loud entrance, nearly kicking the door in. Always on guard, Jade snapped awake, scrambling out of our previous position. My free hand had made it halfway to her and I snapped it back to my side as my head swung to see what the loud disturbance was. With a look of distaste and a roll of her eyes, Trina quickly dismissed herself, wanting nothing to do with either me or Jade. She was in one of her diva moods and wanted to make a big scene. She was probably expecting someone to chase after her.
What had my hand been doing before the interruption? Was I actually going to touch her? To cradle her face as if it would relax her? God and his pet dog knew that that would not have ended well. Yet, something drew me closer to her again.
Jade had been grabbing her jacket and rushing towards the door when I caught her arm as it swung back in her haste. "Do you want to talk?" I offer as softly and calmly as I could, covering the uncertainty in my voice.
For a brief moment, I had a small bubble of hope force its way up through my chest. Her expression softened for a moment but it was quickly disregarded and that feeling quickly dissipated. I dropped her arm at the threatening look she threw my way as she took a step closer to me. A familiar smirk crossed her face, proud of her intimidation tactics, and she left.
I was full of determination and even a bit of irritation when I approached Jade at school the next day. She was alone, for once.
"We need to talk." I gripped her arm again, this time a little more firmly so she would take me seriously. She had left me in the dark for over a month and a half now, and I just wanted some answers already.
"No, we don't." She replied and quickly tore her arm out of my grasp and slammed her locker shut. She walked back towards the entrance and I followed, confused.
"What happened between you and Beck?" I whispered, slightly under my breath.
"What about me?" A low and familiar voice responded instead of the melodic one I was expecting. My head swiveled around in surprise as the cool-headed Canadian made his way into the building.
"Nothing, babe." Jade grabbed the cup of JetBrew from his hand and he quickly wrapped his arm around her shoulders.
The look of "what the frack" must have been clear on my face as Jade glared at me, wordlessly telling me to shut the hell up.
With a small kiss on his lips, Jade smiled and I was quickly dismissed. A strange, unusual feeling arose in my gut. I felt hurt, afraid, and angry all at the same time. It was a feeling I would get familiar over the next few months; one that I had learned was often called jealously.
My eyes never leave Jade's seated form in front of me in Sikowitz's class. Beck's arm is draped over her shoulders, yet she doesn't seem to lean as close to him as usual. At least that's what I want to believe.
Jade always goes back to him. After the many nights of her hiding her tears, after countless cups of coffee, after long and sometimes sleepless nights together, she's with him and I'm alone. I know I should've expected it. I just didn't want to believe it.
I close my eyes and Sikowitz's lecture falls on deaf ears. In spite of all of this, lately I've been craving more of her. I miss her and everything about her. She was never really mine, but I miss the Jade I had grown to know. The Jade I had fell for.
I'm brought back to reality when she rests her hand on his thigh, leaning against his shoulder.
Maybe I should let you go.
A/N: Alright, so, this fic didn't get very many reviews or hits, but I decided to continue it anyway out of boredom. Writing is a great way to distract and to kill time. Review, comment, criticize, anything. Let me know. Thanks for reading, especially those who have followed this story from the first chapter. You guys the best! :]