I walked through the winding streets, my stomach empty, my hands empty.
My heart empty.
Two years and nothing had changed. I had woken up alone. I had walked the streets alone. I had eaten and cried for two years. Alone. And for two years, without fail, I knocked my knuckles on the door and listened for a response. And every time, without fail, I was met with silence. Just wind blowing through an empty house. Blowing through me.
It hurts just to think his name.
Every syllable pierces my heart. Each letter a scar that'll never heal. And with each passing day, I can feel myself grow more insane.
Insane with the sound of boyish laughter.
With the sound of a necklace rattling around in my pocket.
With the sound of a window opening. A scream cutting the air.
And at night, hauntingly, beautiful music dances through my dreams, sad and soft. Enchanting in a way words could never describe. It's the only time, buried in my dreams, that I can get a moment of peace, a moment of happiness. But, when I wake, it's always gone. Leaving me with the feeling that I'm missing something. Something other than the boy whose face I had all but forgotten.
In a few years it would be like he had never existed at all.
"Wes!" I screamed, sitting straight up in our bed.
My bed.
Two years later and I still wasn't able to break even the simplest of habits. I could feel my chest heaving, my heart pumping, my eyes scanning the room for glowing eyes and dark forms. Monsters and demons. Wes at the window, too far away to save. But, just close enough to hear him cry my name.
Nightmares.
Reality.
They were becoming one big blur, spinning out of control.
Glowing eyes in the corner.
Shadows everywhere.
I closed my eyes.
Blocking it all out.
Hoping that when I opened them, Wes would be there, a smile on his face, blue eyes bright.
Slowly, I opened them.
There was nothing.
Just an empty room, an empty house, an empty life.
My cheeks were wet, long before I realized I was crying
For awhile, I just let the tears drip down my face.
But then I leaned back, and closed my eyes, because time goes by, no matter what I wanted to believe.
Time ticks me farther and farther away from my brother, but there is nothing I can do.
But lie down, and wait.
Wait till I lose even the memory of him.
So I closed my eyes.
Imagined a place where time could stand still.
Where I could be with my brother, forever.
And fell back to sleep to the sound of the music I heard almost every night.
But for some reason, this time, the music seemed clearer.
Stronger.
Closer.
But of course that was nothing more than my imagination running wild.