Thanks for the review!! I would appreciate more, though...
Here's chapter 1. It was originally just called "Morning" but I was like, screw that, I'll have exciting chapter titles. This one is from "That Was Us" by Alexz Johnson ("I can't believe it's morning / I can't believe it's pouring / Should I leave you here and walk away?")
I hope you like it!
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Ultraviolet
Chapter 1: I Can't Believe it's Morning
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I hadn't slept well the night before. Edward was there, which helped significantly. I'd talked to him until midnight, before he finally insisted that I should go to sleep. I shook my head, telling him no. But he didn't say anything after that. I sighed and snuggled against his chest, but my eyes would not close. I tossed and turned all night, drifting off for minutes at a time, my eyes springing open as I remembered what would happen the next day.
I was so anxious. No doubt I would trip walking down the isle. I would do something wrong, I would screw up the vows. I couldn't let that happen. I wanted so badly for this to be perfect, for him.
When I finally couldn't stand lying in bed anymore, around 8:30, I threw off the covers. He smiled, amused. I glared at him. I paced the house, he followed. I walked up and down the stairs, wandering in circles. He watched me the whole time, laughing quietly to himself.
I didn't know what to do with myself for the 6 and a half hours before I would go to the Cullens'. I started off by cleaning. I made it through my room, then down the hall, the bathroom, the kitchen, the living room. We barely talked that whole time, but he understood. I was afraid of what would come out of my mouth. He just watched me clean, smiling softly.
I waited until I heard Charlie stumble sleepily into the shower, around 10, before I started the vacuum. It was loud, and distracting, and it kept me from thinking about what would happen at 8 p.m. today.
As we heard the shower turn off, it was time for him to leave. He wrapped his arms around me. I relaxed into his firm chest, breathing him in. "Will you come back?"
He shook his head. "Alice is having me set up all day. I won't see you until tonight." I sighed sadly. He leaned down and kissed to top of my head, burying his face in my hair. "I love you," he said, and disappeared.
"I love you, too." He was already gone, but I knew he could hear me.
I resumed cleaning, my thoughts wandering.
Alice had wanted to throw me a bachlorette party the night before, but I had straight up refused. She was pushing it already with this whole wedding planner role, she knew, but that didn't keep her from sneaking in more outrageous requests. She'd immediately given up on that idea, she'd seen that I wouldn't budge on it.
I wrapped the cord around the vacuum and returned it to its storage space in the hall closet.
What now?
I headed to the sparkling clean kitchen, and pulled out the carton of eggs. I would make breakfast for Charlie. I pulled a pan out of the cupboard, set it on the stove, and turned the heat on underneath. Once it was hot enough, I cracked two eggs in the pan and let them fry. I rummaged in the refrigerator until I found a package of bacon. I laid two strips in the pan next to the eggs. They sizzled and crackled, grease flying off. A giant splatter landed on my face.
"OW!" I cried, and ran to the sink, pressing a wet dish towel to the spot on my forehead where it had burned.
I sighed. Please let this be the worst of my bad luck today.
I heard Charlie's feet thudding down the stairs and into the kitchen.
"Morning, Bella." he said, giving me a quick but tight hug. It wasn't something he usually did, but I knew why today. He sat down at the table, grinning at me.
I pulled out a plate and slid the eggs and bacon onto it, then set it in the table in front of him. I poured orange juice into two glasses, then sat down next to him.
"You didn't have to make me breakfast!" he said. "Thanks, honey." He immediately dug into the food, shoveling it into his mouth.
I sat and watched, nervously sipping juice.
"You're not eating?" he asked, concerned.
I shook my head. "Too nervous. If I eat anything, I'll probably throw up."
He smiled at me again. "Listen, Bella."
Oh, no, he was going to get all sentimental.
"Don't worry so much. I may think you're too young to get married, but Edward loves you. And you love him. And there's no reason to be nervous." He sniffed a little.
I winced. Hold it in, Charlie, I prayed.
"It's just... you're my baby girl, and you're growing up so fast. And I don't want to lose you."
"You won't," I said quietly. "Thanks, Charlie."
He nodded, pleased he'd gotten this part over with.
"So, what are you up to today?" he asked casually.
"Well, aside from the obvious," I began, "I don't know. Alice is making me come over at two to get ready, but I don't know what to do until then."
He nodded, then even more casually, "Is Jake going to the wedding?"
I bit my lip, cringed. "...I don't know."
Charlie nodded again. "Hmm."
I sighed. I knew what that meant. I cleared Charlie's plate and our glasses, put them in the dishwasher, then headed upstairs. I pulled on jeans and a t-shirt, some sneakers, and grabbed a jacket. I brushed my hair back and twisted it into a bun.
"I'm heading down to La Push," I called to Charlie as I walked out the door.
I started my truck. It was as loud as ever and I backed it out of the driveway.
I was nervous the whole way to La Push. I drove slowly, afraid of what would happen when I got there.
I wanted Jake to be at the wedding, but I knew that would hurt him. I couldn't stand hurting him anymore than I had already, anymore than I would be hurting him when I became one of them, his enemy.
I knew I was making the right choice by marrying Edward. I was absolutely sure. But that didn't stop me from loving Jake, from wishing I could be so absolutely selfish and have them both. I wished Jake had only thought of me as a friend, that he had never loved me as more.
I parked the truck and knocked on the door. "Come in!" yelled Billy from inside. I pushed open the door. Billy sat, watching TV and eating cereal.
"Hi," I said nervously. "Is Jacob around?"
Billy shrugged. "I don't know. He was pretty upset when he woke up this morning. He took off, I haven't seen him since." That tore at my heart. I felt my stomach drop.
"Billy..." I said slowly. "I'm really sorry. I just want you to know that. I really love you guys a lot. And I hate that I'm hurting all of you."
Billy shrugged again. "It's your choice- I'm not going to be mad at you for that. I hate how it's hurting Jake, too. Just be careful." He sighed. "Look, he might be at the beach."
"Thanks, Billy," I turned towards the door, but then looked back. "It would mean so much to me if you came today," I said sincerely.
"We'll see," he said. I smiled, and left. I made my way down to the beach.
I scanned it quickly before running down. Jacob Black sat on a log, his face in his hands, his silky hair, hanging around his face. It was shorter now, but still long enough to fall past his ears.
I knew he heard me coming, but he didn't turn to look. I walked forward, slower now. When I was next to him, I sat down. He didn't respond.
"Hey," I said quietly.
"What?" he asked, looking up suddenly, furiously. "Why are you here?"
I stared at him, shocked. I understood what he felt. It couldn't possibly hurt him as much as it had hurt me when Edward left, but I could guess that it was close. I could see anger burning in his eyes, but at the same time, unmistakable sadness.
"Jake." I brushed hair out of my eyes. I wanted desperately to hug him, to brush my fingers along his arm, but I couldn't touch him. I didn't want to make it harder for him.
"I'm surprised the bloodsucker let you come here," he bit at me. "Or, let me guess, he doesn't know?" He laughed shortly, but there was no happiness in the sound. "He should have kept better tabs on you. Who knows what I could do? I might lose control, I might just kidnap you."
Fear brewed in my stomach, but I pushed it away. Jake wouldn't do that. Would he?
He snarled quietly, turned away.
"Jake, please. Stop it."
He cursed under his breath, and whipped his head around again. "Damnit, Bella, I can't! Why should I? Do you know what this is doing to me? Can you even imagine it?"
I could. But I didn't answer.
I reached out tentatively, I couldn't help myself. He grabbed my wrist, squeezing hard. "Don't. Touch. Me," he spit. He dropped my arm, saw the charm bracelet. The bracelet he'd given me for my graduation birthday, with the little wolf charm he'd made himself. "You're still wearing this?" he asked. "Why? Do you feel guilty?"
"That's not why I wear it! I love this bracelet! I love that you made this for me, Jake. I think of you every time I wear it. It makes me miss you less."
He scoffed. "Right." He grabbed my wrist again, staring at the sparkling heart charm on the opposite side of the wooden wolf. "And why is this on here, too?" he asked.
"He gave it to me... so I could think of him, too," I said quietly.
"You already think of him constantly! Give it a rest. Bella, I can't even begin to tell you how much I can't stand you right now! You're so damn selfish."
I winced, tears pooling in the corners of my eyes. "I know."
"You can't just have part of me, or part of him. You have to have us both." He threw my arm down disgustedly. I didn't react. My arm bounced off of my thigh and hung limply at my side.
We sat in silence for awhile. I started at my lap. Jake stared out at the water.
Finally, he spoke, quietly now. "Why did you pick him, Bella? I beat myself up about this every day... why him and not me?"
I didn't know what to say.
He shook his head.
"I'm sorry," I said, my voice breaking. It didn't make anything better. But he should know that I was. "And, I know you hate me, but you don't have an idea how much it would mean to me to have you there... at the wedding."
"How can you ask me that, Bella?" he asked incredulously.
"I don't know." My voice was too small, too weak. "I'm sorry. I love you."
"But not enough."
I stood up. "Goodbye, Jake." I wanted to hug him, but I held it in as I walked away. I held in my tears until I was safely in my truck. I cried for a long time, I wasn't sure how long I sat in their driveway with tears pouring down my face.
This struck me as odd. Would this be the last time I would ever cry? My last crying experience, and it was over Jake.
Suddenly, I was mad. It was hard for me, too. Not just him. Why couldn't he understand? I never asked him to love me, I made it absolutely clear that we were only friends. I rolled my eyes. I hoped I would cry out of happiness at this damn wedding.
I took a deep breath, remembering that today might be the last time I would need to do that, too.
I checked my watch. 1 o clock. I couldn't stand waiting around anymore. I turned the keys in the ignition and backed out of the driveway. I would just go to the Cullens' now.
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Lame chapter ending, but whatever. Haha. I'll update soon, hopefully!
