Hello hello. How is everyone tonight. I hope you all doing well. Any who I am back with another chapter. I hope you like and I hope it raises some question for you guys that I will gladly answer in later chapters.

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Chapter 2 Dean

"Found it" My girlfriend of three months Anna yells as she comes out her closet. Yes I have a girlfriend. I know what you are thinking but before you make your comments let me explain. Just hear me out and then you are free to make your comments and judge.

Okay so I haven't seen or talked to Cas in eleven months. At first I was a wreck. Breaking up with him will always be one of the hardest things I ever have to do. I didn't want to end things with him. I wanted to love him for as long as he would let me, but I ended things with him because I love him.

He was willing to give up his hopes and dreams just to be with me. Now Cas giving up an Ivy League school might not seem like a big deal but it is. From the time I met up until about we were sixteen that is all he talked about. He talked about going there like his mother, majoring in something amazing and making her proud. He would bean whenever he talked about it. It was the one thing he was sure he wanted to do in life. How can I let him give that up.

Yes Gabriel bought it to my attention and yes I tried to find a way around but when it came down to it there was only one option. I had to let him go alone. I thought about going with him but I wouldn't have been happy. If I had gone with him I wouldn't have been able to attend college. It might not seem like it but going to college is important to me too. I always wanted to live on campus and take part in the new experiences. If I had gone to New York with him it would have been like that. Cornell isn't in New York City it's more like upstate New York.

If I moved with him I would have to give up school while he is there. I know if I really love him then it would be worth it, but again it's not that easy. Giving up going to college would mean I could end resenting him one day. I never want to feel that way about him. So logically I did the only I could. I had to let him go.

Now you must be wondering why I did it the way I did. Look leaving him a letter wasn't what I wanted to do. I wanted to do it face to face. Actually I hand a like two speeches planned out in my head. One was me telling the truth. I was going to tell him that I love him but I couldn't let him give up everything for me. I was going to tell him that he needed to go away to school and we couldn't be together because long distance relationships never work out. Yes there are some of you who might think different but let's face it nine times out of ten they don't. Plus with our history one of us might have messed up somewhere in the future ruining my relationship.

I thought about telling him that and I even thought about what he would say to me. I know what he would have said to me He would have said what he has told be before. He loves me and if it's good enough for me then it's good enough for him. Okay does he even know what he is saying to me. Does he not realize he is too good for me? I mean come on, why can't he see it? He is so much better than me in so many ways. Me knowing that made my decision a little easier. Let me make it clear what I did and how I came to the conclusion wasn't easy but knowing he deserves better than me helped me sleep at night.

Okay so I knew telling him the truth wouldn't work so I came up with my second speech. I came up with the idea of making him hate me. I didn't want him to hate me forever so I came up with the idea of me not ready for the type of relationship we would have. What I mean by type is a homosexual kind. Yes I was prepared to be strong for him but he didn't need to know that. I hoped by telling him I wasn't ready he would be mad but after a while he come around. I have to believe that. I have to believe our love is strong enough that we will find our way back to each other.

Now I know what you must be thinking. If I love him so much and I am want to grow old and die with him. Okay if I haven't said that yet that is how I feel. Okay if I feel that way then why would I break up with him in a letter? Look you should know I wrote that letter like twenty times before I got it right.

Before I tell you more about the letter I should tell you how I ended up leaving it seconds after the mail man dropped off the mail. After I broke up with Bella and Jo hung up with me my first thought was to go to Cas. On my way to him I thought about all the things that had happen between us and I came to one conclusion. It's all my fault. He has loved me for so long and I was so stupid not to see it. I have always loved him. I just didn't want to admit it.

I drove around thinking about us until I realized I was a block away from his house. I parked my car up the street from him staring at his house. That is when I came up with my speeches. I was all prepared to go in there and tell him my second one until I saw him come to door. I watch him stand on the step and look for my car. Luckily I parked far away enough where he couldn't see me., but I could see him. God I wished I didn't see him. Soon as I saw him I knew I wouldn't be able to do it. I would go in there all tough but soon as I laid eyes on him I would fold. I would fold right into his arms and push any thought of being away from him out of my mind.

I watched him for half an hour. He sat on his step looking for me. I had texted him that I need to talk to him. I can't tell you how many times I almost got out of that car. I am actually proud of myself for holding back. There were moments where I actually though my body was moving. I actually got as far as getting out of my car but I quickly got back inside before he noticed me. In my car he couldn't notice me but me being out of it he could have seen me.

So I watched him until he gave up and went back into the house. Once he was back in the house I decided it was time for me to go home and write him a letter. SO once I was in my room I started writing. First I started off by just breaking up with him. I came up with so many reasons I can't remember now but nothing felt right. Then I started off by telling him how much I loved him, but that only turned out to me making a vow I would be with him forever. So finally eight hours and a bunch of sheets from my notebook I came up with the perfect letter.

I never found out his reaction or how he was handling our break up. I did ask Jo and Gabriel but they wouldn't tell me. Jo would say I should call him and Gabriel would say its better I don't know. Gabriel thinks that helped but it only made things worse. I started imagine Cas heart break. If he was feeling half of what I was feeling then it must have hurt like hell.

No matter how I might make it seem but breaking up with him was horrible. For the first month I could barely breathe. The way I felt does sound like such a cliché but I don't care it's still the truth. Being away from him ripped my heart my heart out. I felt sick being apart from him and so on.

There were so many times when I almost ended up running to him I can't tell you how many times how I almost called him. I would call pull out my phone and stare at his number. I almost hit call like ten time a day. I even ended up at his house once. Yes I ended up at his house. I wanted him back. It was some time last July when I ended up there, but as my luck would have it Gabriel answered the door and he forced me away. I know how can Gabriel make me go away, since I barley listen to him but when it comes to Cas I can't help but open an ear.

I love him and want to give the best even if that means cursing me in the progress. Yes I said curse. Being cursed id the best way I can describe what I felt inside. What would you call it? What would you call being so inside your head that you are ready to scream but you can't because if you do then people will ask questions? They not only ask question but they ask too many question. I don't know if that makes sense. What I mean is people will ask me question that I don't know how to answer. I know I should answer them but I am just not ready.

I am not ready to relieve who I am just like I am not ready to relieve to Cas the truth about why I am broke up with him. It hurt me but it's for the best. Maybe the future will change but as if right now I have to break the curse.

So this brings me back to Anna. So after a couple months of being without him I found my self sick. I was sick of not talking to him, sick of not seeing him, sick of just not being near him. Since I broke up with him things have changed. I can't go over his house and pretend I am there for other reasons. I was so sick that when I started school I didn't think I could make it through the first semester.

I started doing so bad in my one math class that I almost flunked out. For the first couple weeks I was lost. When my first test came around I was lost but somehow I passed. I had no idea until my T.A. Came up to me a week later. My T.A. was Anna if you are wondering. She was the one who graded our test and she changed my answers so I would get an A. I thank god every day I used an pencil. If I didn't I don't know what would have happen.

I didn't know she changed my test at first. At first she would talk to me after class. You know small talk here and there. I thought she was pretty but I never saw her in any sexually way at first. Towards the end of the semester our talks started getting more interested. I can't remember what we talked about but I know we had to move it to the local coffee shop. Once we got sick of coffee, we moved it to lunch. This class was happen to take place in the convenient hours of lunch. Anyway after a few lunches we ended up having dinner and the rest is history.

Now don't get me wrong. It wasn't easy letting her in. I was just so desperate to take my mind off of Cas I need something. It just so happen that she fell into place. While it might have started out that way, it's not the same anymore. I actually like her. Yes it's not the same as it's with Cas but it's something.

It's something I know I don't have to put all my hopes in dreams in. It's something I know I can just enjoy without worrying about anybody changing my mind. Yes I still notice gus and there is this one guy I wouldn't getting my hands on but it's what I am feeling is starting to get more and more suppressed as the days go on. I call that a win. I knew all I had to do was find the right girl to get my mind off of everything.

"I don't understand why I have to wear a tie." I say as she pops her body up from underneath my bed.

"Because it's what you do when you go to a fancy restaurant." She says once she standing in front of me.

"Do I have too."

"Yes" she says with her sweet smile as she starts to a perfect knot. I'm glad she knows how to do this because I have trouble. Uncle Bobby showed me so many times and I still haven't gotten it just right.

"But why" I say whining.

"Oh stop."

"I don't want to go. Why do I have to go?" I really don't want to go. I hate that I have to dress in a monkey suit to go to some restaurant I can't afford. I don't understand why we couldn't go somewhere cheap. Now I am going to look like so kind of peace of crap because I can't afford this place. I do have a job but the bill will be my entire check. Gabriel of course agreed to pay for everything but how does that look. It doesn't look good.

Oh yeah I should tell you Anna and me are going to dinner with Jo and Gabriel to celebrate him buying a new house. How Gabriel can afford such a thing at twenty it beyond me. Come to thank about it him and Cas always had money but never told how they got it. I have asked before but they always said it was a story for another day. Of course that day never came. Jo might know but I don't want to ask her.

Things between us are only just getting back to normal. When I broke up with Cas she kind of got mad at me. It's more like she got full on mad at me. She refused to talk to me because she was ashamed of who I become. It hurt to hear her say that but I knew that someday she come around and eventually she did. She came around a couple months ago. We didn't just pick up where we left this time. No this time we had to take baby steps. We are almost there but I don't take she respects me yet.

"There." She says with a smile. Her fixing my tie brings me back to prom. I can't help but smile when I think of Cas fixing mine. There is actually a photo of that. Uncle Bobby accidentally took a photo of that. I'm glad he did. I might have went to prom with Bella but I don't consider that my real prom. My real prom started when she went home and I got to spend the night with Cas.

Man that was an amazing night. We did it for like five hours. It was nonstop too. We did it in every which way expect the one way I wanted to do it. He wouldn't let me top, but I don't care about that anymore. It was still amazing and I will never forget it.

See there I go again. I have to keep those thoughts out. If I just focus on Anna I might actually pull it off.

"What" She says looking at me.

"What?" I say looking at her.

"You just got this twinkle in your eyes. Dare I say it but you actually look like you were glowing." She says as her face turns red.

"Yeah I was but it because I was looking at you." I know what you might be thinking but come on. How can I tell her I was just remembering my ex-boyfriend? I can't tell her that.

"Oh well keep it up. I like it when you look at me like that." She says as she throws her arms around me and gives me a kiss. Of course she is standing on her tippy toes and I think it's kind of cute actually.

"Okay enough of that. I have to prepare myself for the night." She says walking away to look at her self in the mirror. As she fiddles with her curls I realize she is nervous.

"Why are you so nervous?" I ask as I walk up behind her.

"Because it's the first time I am meeting Jo and Gabriel. I mean what if they don't like me." She says as she turns to look at me.

"That's crazy how can they not like you." I say being careful not to say the L word. I refuse to say it if I don't mean it now.

"Well they might not. Yeah they loved your ex. Jo and her were best friends before she went away to Cornell. Gabriel was like a brother to her. I mean how can I fit in there." She says.

"You will. They will love you." I say looking into her eyes.

I should explain. When we first starting dating Anna asked me about my last relationship, I didn't know what to say? I didn't know how to explain it since my last relationship happen to be two relationships. I didn't want to lie to her so I started telling her about Cas since it was the one that was at the front of my mine. Everything went great I just avoided using pronouns but then she asked me my ex's name. I didn't know what to say or what to do? I just said the first thing to come to my mind. I told her my ex was Cas, but she assumed it was something short for a girl's name. I started to correct her but something in me took over and I told her that Cas was known as Cassie to family. It's not a lie though. Gabriel and Balthazar both call him Cassie.

"Are you sure?" she ask looking at me.

"I am sure." I say before we finish getting ready to go meet Jo and Gabriel for a night out on the town.

Next chapter will take place at dinner. Spoiler alert it's from Jo's pov. Don't worry Castiel's pov will come soon. I know some of you might be wondering what is going on with him.

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