Ch. 2...Not What I Expected

I spent a pleasant evening drinking beer and mulling over the witty comments that would have really put Morris in his place if only I had happened to think of them earlier. Oh, well, it wasn't worth straining my brain over some guy I was never going to see again. Besides, come Monday morning my empty desk would say it all.

Turns out they run just one bus a week to Stardew Valley. The woman at the bus office glanced out the window.

"If you run you just might make it," she said. I ran but I could have strolled-the driver was swearing under his breath as he tried to get about a million boxes and crates loaded into the compartments under the bus. That was a weird amount of luggage considering that it was looking like I was the only passenger. Luckily all I had was my trusty backpack and I stuffed it under my seat. I hadn't even brought a magazine since I meant to do some serious thinking about my life and goals and plans but I fell asleep and I didn't wake up until the bus stopped.

"Stardew Valley," the driver said. I blinked and did a quick drool check before getting up. My back complained. I'm sure there are comfortable buses somewhere. In some other universe, perhaps. The driver was already outside opening the luggage compartments. I stretched and staggered off the bus. It was spring and the trees were bright and green and the air-so fresh and clean, like the first day of the world. Stardew Valley. There was no place like it.

We were parked in a wide spot in the road. I guess that was the bus station because there was another bus. It had been pushed into the grass, a sad, abandoned wreck with weeds growing around the tires. In the city it would have been covered with graffiti and every window broken long before that first weed had sprouted.

"Excuse me," I said. "I'm looking for a farm. Wayward Acres?"

The driver shrugged. "Town's that way," he said, pointing down a narrow dirt road. "Someone there can help you, I'm sure. In fact, if you wait a bit-" He peered down the lane. "Yep. Thought so. Yo, Robin!" A tall redhead raised her hand in a wave as she strode toward us. She gave me a quick curious look and then bent to peer under the bus.

"You got my stuff?" the woman asked.

"Ask my aching back," the driver said. "What's in these crates-bricks? You're killing me, Robin! Sign here."

"You need to start working out, Tom." She grabbed the clipboard and signed without counting or checking or anything. Trustful folks here, it seemed. She began to drag out crates. She was really strong. Tom let her do most of the lifting. "So who's this?" she asked, looking my way.

"Cathy," I said.

"She's looking for a farm," he said. "What was it?"

"Wayward Acres," I said.

Robin's brows rose in astonishment. "Wayward Acres? What do you want with that ramshackle old place?"

"What's wrong with it?"

"Oh, nothing that a can of kerosene and a match couldn't fix." I don't know what she saw on my face but she gave my shoulder a playful punch which actually hurt quite a bit. "Don't mind me, I've got a big mouth. Ask anyone." Beside her, Tom snorted. "But seriously, the place has been abandoned for years."

"Not anymore," I said. "It's my farm."

She stared and then slowly, she began to grin. "Is that so? Wait until I tell Lewis. He's going to flip. So have you come for a look or come to stay?"

"To stay."

"Lewis is really going to flip."

"I'm out of here," Tom said. "See ya later, Robin."

After the bus pulled out in a choking cloud of exhaust (I was already getting spoiled by the clean air) I asked," Who's Lewis?"

"Our illustrious mayor. He's meeting me here with his truck to help me get this veneer up to my place. I live up the hill there. I'm the town carpenter, you know. No job too big or too small." She smiled. "Mostly I do odd jobs but making furniture is my real love. The fancy veneer I have to order from the city."

"The mayor has a truck? So there are cars here?"

"Hmm. This your first trip to Stardew Valley?"

"I was here as a kid but I don't really remember much."

"Before I moved here, I probably heard a lot of the same stories about Stardew Valley you have-no cars, no power, a townful of barefoot hicks. A lot of us came here for a simpler kind of life. So you won't see cars. Lewis has his truck and we all use it when we need something hauled. But mostly we walk where we need to go. That's why we all wear shoes! Anyway, I hear the truck."

Mayor Lewis had a bit too much natural dignity to actually flip but he was clearly pleased at the prospect of having a new resident.

"Cathy, Wayward Acres was a fine farm in your grandpa's day," he said as we bounced over potholes and raised a fine cloud of dust behind us. I was squeezed between him and Robin. "It's at the end of this lane." As we rode over weeds and even small shrubs, it was clear no one had been this way in awhile. "Er, I'll rustle up a work party to clear away this brush. Should have been done last fall."

"A work party?" I asked.

"From time to time young scamps kick up a rumpus, end up owing me community service."

"Not my Sebastian, I hope," Robin said. "My son," she told me.

Lewis winked at me. "I'd have to check my book," the mayor said diplomatically. "Well, here we are."

We got out of the truck. We looked around.

"Very fertile land," Robin said dryly. I guess it must have been because the weeds grew up to my knees, the shrubs grew up to my chin and the trees were everywhere. So where was the farm? This was nothing like I remembered, nothing. Were we even in the right place?

"The farmhouse is over here," the mayor said. "Just push through these bushes." He gave me a worried look. "It's a good solid house." Robin coughed but said nothing. "I do swing by from time to time," he continued. "Look for roof leaks, make sure the kids aren't turning this into a hangout, check that nothing's nesting under the porch. That sort of thing."

"Is there, uh, wildlife out here?" I asked in faint alarm.

"Oh, nothing to worry about," Lewis said.

"My husband says there is quite a diverse ecosystem here-bats, rats, skunks, rabbits, all kinds of birds. And then there's your frogs and reptiles-"

"Robin," Lewis hissed.

"Oh, nothing to worry about," she said airily. "Just the usual critters, you know. Anyway, let's take a look at this good solid house of yours."

Lewis had to give the front door a hard shot with his fist to get it open. We looked around. It was so small! How did it get so small? It was musty and dusty with a faint odor of wood smoke and a peculiar smell I couldn't identify. I hoped it wasn't mice. It was dark, too. I fumbled for the light switch. There was no light switch. Lewis walked to a little table by the door and in a moment, lit a kerosene lamp.

"Where's the kitchen?" I asked. Lewis silently pointed to the fireplace. There was an old iron kettle hanging from a hook. It was like something out of a history book.

"Hope you've got a good axe," Robin said. "You'll be needing firewood if you want a hot meal."

"There's tools in the box over there," Lewis said.

"Okay," Robin said as she creaked back the lid. "Here's your axe. Watering can. No holes, that's good. Pickaxe, that's for getting rocks out of your garden. Hoe. That's for hoeing. What else? A sickle. You can use that on your weeds. You better sharpen that axe before you try to chop wood. Know how?"

"Nope."

"Tell you what. Come up to my place tomorrow and I'll sharpen that axe for you. Clint will do it-he's our blacksmith-but he'll have to charge you. I'll do it for free and show you how to use it too. Can't have our new resident cutting off her toes."

"I'm sure you'll settle in just fine," Lewis said. "Be sure to introduce yourself around town. There's a grocery store and if you don't feel like cooking, Gus serves up hot meals in the saloon. If you need anything, just ask."

"There is just one more thing," I said. "Where's the bathroom?"

"Oh. Er. It's this way."

There was a little shed around back. Except it wasn't exactly a shed.

"Oh, no," I said.

"I haven't seen an outhouse in years," Robin said with clear delight. "Well, the good news is that it hasn't been used in a really long time. It doesn't smell all that bad."

It didn't smell all that great either. "It's just a hole. How do I-"

"You'll get used to it in no time," the mayor said in a highly unconvincing voice as he edged away.

"Don't fall in, ha, ha," Robin said. "That would be bad." She waited until Lewis headed for the truck and then leaned in close. "Remember, I'm the carpenter," she whispered. "No job too small or too big."