Thank you to everyone who has read this so far. It means a lot to me!
The next morning we head down for breakfast hand in hand.
"You know, I could get used to this, working together. It makes me happy." Tobias says, swinging our enjoined arms as we walk.
"Get a room!" Zeke says, passing us in the hallway.
"When's the last time you got laid, Zeke?" Tobias calls.
"You know what, Four? I was gonna invite you to my party this Friday! Sucks for you, mister! Hey Tris, do you wanna come to my party?"
"Sure!" I say, playing along.
"Good . But you're still not invited, bro." Zeke says
Tobias rolls his eyes. "How many people are going, anyways? Six people?"
Zeke smirks, cockily "Actually, Tris makes eleven. And you're making me late for work so I'm gonna go, but have fun training the losers today. Maybe this year you won't marry an initiate, Four."
Tobias shakes his head "First of all, why does everyone keep saying that? And second of all, Tris and I are leaving now, bye." He says, then leads me into a different hallway far away from Zeke.
The way Tobias takes to get to the dorms, tacks on another five minutes to get there, making us out of breath to get there on time.
I peek into the dark room, they're all still asleep. Sucks for them.
"Initiates! Get your lazy asses up and down to the Pit in three minutes!" I call into the dorm.
Most groan and reluctantly get out of bed. One girl still remains fast asleep though, completely unaffected by my yelling.
How could she not hear me? Everyone else could! I swear between yesterday and today, I could already tell, this girl was going to be a piece to work. "Lillian, get up" I say as I try and shake her awake. She still lays still.
"C'mon, stop fooling around. You're losing points for every minute you lay there." Tobias says.
After a few seconds more of shaking her, I realize she's not breathing. "Holy shit, get her to the infirmary!" I yell.
Tobias picks her up like a baby and we sprint out of the dorms.
What in the world happened to her?
There's not blood on her shirt or anything, could it be a strange food allergy that doesn't kick in until hours after you're done eating? Asthma attack? Does she have a strange version of the flu?
I bite my lip as I worry about our conversation yesterday. Did someone overhear it? Is this my fault? She is part Candor, did she tell someone without thinking?
If someone overheard the conversation, then I practically condemned Tobias and I as well. Even though I didn't outwardly say we were divergent, it could probably be assumed. I said something like "You can only trust Four and I." Oh, shit. What the hell did I do?
Four and I sit quietly in the waiting room, hands pressed together. He has no idea that I'm probably the reason for all of this.
A nurse comes by with the results, a grim look on her face.
"She's been dead for about an hour. The apparent cause looks to be poison. We aren't sure if it was suicidal or homicide. We're sorry."
I bury my face in Tobias's chest and he buries his in my hair. It's my fault. I practically killed her. She was a human being with friends, and family and hopes and dream and thoughts and I destroyed her.
"Oh, Tris. I was so mean to her yesterday. I was so mean." Tobias sobs into my hair.
I take a deep breath, a small attempt to try and stop me from losing my mind and going insane.
Just focus on Tobias I tell myself over and over. "Hey, It's ok. It's not your fault. I told her that you were really nice outside of training. She didn't think you were a bad person, ok? I promise you. What we really need to do is ask the other initiates about last night so we can get to the bottom what really happened." I say to try and comfort him.
"If it was homicide, then you're right Tris, it's probably not my fault. But suicide? Could I have made her so miserable yesterday that she didn't want to spend the rest of her life here?"
He could be right, so I don't try to argue with him.
"Exactly." He says, clutching me like I'm his only hope of surviving.
Great. So either I'm to blame or he is. After a while though, I realize I wish that it was my fault. If it is. Tobias may never speak with me again, he'd be so angry that I'd do something that stupid and put our lives in danger.
But on the other hand, if it's his fault, he would probably die. His whole life has been dedicated to not end up like Marcus and if it turns out that she killed herself, Tobias would never forgive himself. Chances are, he'd get depressed and just lope around all day. And the Chasm is so close to our apartment that it would make me worried that he might decide to jump.
"We should go tell the other initiates." I say after a while.
Tobias nods against me "Yeah we should, let's go."
The other initiates are still in their dorm, worried for Lillian.
One girl is praying. Another crying. Others are trying to ask around and figure out what happened.
Tobias and I step into the dorm, holding hands.
"Hey, are you guys like dating or something?" One Candor boy- Bruce, I think – asks.
We ignore him and reluctantly tell them the horrible news.
People that knew her start sobbing, people that didn't know her look sad, and the Candor boy that just made the blunt remark immediately apologizes to which we accept.
"Did anyone hear anything last night? Did she seem unhappy or anything? Does anyone know anything?" Tobias asks everyone.
"The doctors know she died of some sort of poison but they aren't sure if it was suicidal or homicide." I explain.
"I don't think it was suicide." One girl pipes up. "She was telling us how exciting it was to be Dauntless and how much she was looking forward to learning how to fight."
I feel Tobias relax slightly beside me. It was my fault then. I can't stand it anymore. I need to tell Tobias.
"Thanks for telling us. And if you need to talk or something, we're here. Just take today off. We'll start training tomorrow, instead." I say, then pull Tobias out of the dorm.
"Why are we leaving?" He asks.
"Because I need to talk to you, that's why." I keep walking till we reach the Chasm so no one will hear us.
"It's my fault. Yesterday I figured out she was divergent and I told her not to tell anyone." I admit once we get there.
He looks confused, "When did that happen?"
"Yesterday, when I took her to the bathroom. Tobias, I don't know what to do! I'm so scared, and it's my fault and what if they kill me too?" I'm ranting but I can't stop, I need to tell someone.
"Shh, it's ok. Was there anyone around?" He asks softly.
I shake my head. "I don't think so, I checked, but maybe someone was there and I didn't realize it."
He wraps his strong arms around me. "It's not your fault, it's not. You didn't know, it's ok."
But it's not ok. It's not. Lillian is dead and Tobias and I are in danger.
Ok this was depressing, I know. It'll get better, though. And remember to review, review, review please!