February 1st 1992
At Saint Marie's home for Orphaned children the twins were well taken care of, they were clothed, they were warm, they were fed, and they were safe. Ludwig became stronger and made up for lost time in developmental growth.
Gilbert didn't.
Ludwig took his first few steps.
Gilbert didn't.
Ludwig said his first few words.
Gilbert didn't.
The workers always stopped when walking past Ludwig's crib to hold him,
"Such a pretty baby" they would say "such a good boy".
Ludwig was held and played with at least five times a day
Gilbert was not
Ludwig was beautiful
Gilbert was not.
April 12th 1996
The four year old twins sat at the long table crowded with other children, bowls of porridge and slices of bread in front of them.
"Gilbert, eat your breakfast" Francis ordered. The child ignored him and continued to poke the meal with his plastic spoon
"Gilbert" Francis repeated his tone warning against further disobedience. Ludwig leaned over and whispered something in his brother's ear, reluctantly Gilbert's hand spooned the food into his mouth, but his eyes remained locked on Francis glaring as if to say, "are you happy now?" Francis responded with an exasperated smile. He still couldn't understand why Ludwig, who was the same age and therefore the peer of Gilbert, held more authority over his brother than himself or any of the other orderlies.
Tiny hands stacked colored wooden blocks on the floor, adjusting them carefully. A child's voice sang a wordless tune carefree and innocent . Clumsy fingers wrapped around broken crayons and dragged them across sheets of paper, in abstract patterns and whimsical shapes. In the room where the children played, the sent of sanitizer and Windex settled in the carpet, and clung to the tables. Sunshine seeped in through the curtain-less window like an uninvited guest.
"Children" a voice calm and clear demanded their attention accompanied by the sound of leather shoes on carpeted floor.
"It's time to get ready for bed" The phrase was met with soft disappointed groans and the sound of crayons being slipped back into their boxes, of blocks being hastily unstacked. Slowly, the children filtered out of the room until only one child remained stubbornly scribbling, the crayon in his fist reduced to a blue stub.
"Gilbert" Thin paper ripped beneath the crayon that was being so harshly pressed against it
"Did you hear me?" The boy did not look up
"I said it's time to put things away and go to bed" Francis sighed
"Now Gilbert" he ordered. Another child ran back into the room and whispered something in the boy's ear. Gilbert stood, his feet stabbed the floor with each step, not bothering to push his chair in or put the crayons away. Ludwig hastily cleaned up the surrounding area and fallowed his brother out the door. A hand on his shoulder stopped him from going through The owner of the hand leaned in the doorway
"Ludwig, what do you tell your brother to get him to behave?" Ludwig looked up at Francis and tilted his head to the side thoughtfully
"is there a magic word you have to say before he does as he is told? Francis smiled, only half joking
"yes" Ludwig replied his eyes not betraying the slightest hint of humor
"I see, and what might that word be?"
"please"
...
March 8th 1997
Breath rose like smoke in the midday air, it was one of those days when the sun shone brightly above the earth, not bothering to warm it, just hanging there, teasing like an advertisement of something you want but cannot have; A preview of summer. Small feet ran across the grass still wet with dew, laughter and singing filled the open spaces.
"Ludwig, Ludwig"
The children called from the play yard beckoning their solitary friend
"Ludwig come and play with us"
The boy smiled shyly back and started toward them, pulling his brother by the hand
"No, not Gilbert just you"
His steps halted
"If he isn't playing than neither am I"
The children stared for a moment saying nothing. Then one by one they turned away, continuing their game of chasing each other round the court.
Gilbert fallowed Ludwig to their place beneath the tree, laughter still ringing in his ears.
March 24th 1997
"Ludwig, Ludwig"
The children called in sing song voices from across the room
"Come and play with us".
Instinctively Gilbert took his brothers hand squeezing it till the knuckles were white, reminding Ludwig of the promise he made. Ludwig didn't need reminding though,
"Can Gilbert play to?" The children shook their heads in response. Ludwig sat back down, his back toward them.
At Saint Marie's Home for orphaned children the twins were well taken care of, they were fed, they were clothed, they were warm, and they were safe.
Ludwig learned quickly and soon surpassed the other children his age in their studies.
Gilbert didn't.
Ludwig had good manners and impressed the orderlies and older children.
Gilbert didn't
Ludwig won every race with the other children and got the highest scores in every physical test for his age group.
Gilbert didn't.
Ludwig was beautiful
Gilbert was not
December 15th 1998
"Guess what"
"What Antonio?"
"You didn't guess"
"You're moving to mars?"
"Nope, but I talked to a couple who is interested in adopting twins"
"What? That's great"
" Yeah they want to come and interview them tomorrow if that's okay"
"that's fine, it's more than fine actually it's wonderful "
"Good everything else is in order"
December 16th 1998
"I'm afraid that we are not interested in, that we can not adopt a child like...Like that."
"I see"
"We apologize for the inconvenience"
"No, thank you for your time."
Francis sighed and ran his fingers through strands of wheat colored hair.
"Damn it" he whispered to no one
"So close".
Two boys walked through the hall hand in hand
"Gilbert, what did you do?" Francis asked. The couple had left as if the devil himself were chasing them, they had been so eager to meet the twins to. It was a shame it didn't work out.
"Ludwig what did Gilbert do?"
"He spit on them" Ludwig replied in the same 'matter of fact' tone he always seemed to use with adults. Francis hated that tone. It was impressively collected and detached, impersonal and polite everything children where not supposed to be. It infuriated him, and he wasn't sure why.
"Why did he spit on them?" Francis asked through gritted teeth fighting to keep his voice down and sanity intact.
"They looked at him funny"
"Did they now?
Ludwig nodded.
December 17th 1998
"That child will be the death of me"
"What did he do now?"
"He gave Michelle a haircut,"
"Oh really?"
"Yep with a pair of scissors , I don't even know where he got the scissors, He's not allowed to have scissors!"
"Why don't the other orderlies look after him?'
"They're afraid of him"
"of a six year old boy?"
"Don't laugh Antonio you don't know this kid"
"He can't be that bad"
"Well he is"
"Is he?"
"Yes" Francis insisted, "he bit Yao the other day"
"Did he?"
"Yes!" Francis exclaimed
"and the other day, I left him alone with the other kids for five minutes I came back and he was shoving jack's face in the ground trying to make him eat dirt."
"Oh, oh my"
"Exactly".
April 18th 1999
The children huddled, in a group like a flock of birds, exited voices blending together.
"We need another player for equal teams", Lukas always the reasonable one chided
"How about Ludwig?" Matthias offered
"But then we would have to led Gilbert play" Jack groaned . The others muttered in agreement
"Hold on, maybe we don't"
"What do you mean Lukas?"
"We could just ignore him; I mean it doesn't matter if he is on the court as long as he stays out of the way."
"You're right"
"Good idea".
"
"Ludwig, Ludwig" The children chanted waving at him from the field
"Come and play with us".
Ludwig turned his shoulder to meet his brother's eyes
"Can Gilbert play?" the children nodded eagerly.
"You be the captain Ludwig, Hercules you can be the other captain."
"I choose Kiku"
"I choose Jack"
Soon the two teams were even only the last two children stood in line before two captains, waiting for Ludwig to make up his mind.
Matthias or Gilbert?
Gilbert or Matthias?
Matthias was tall and strong and fast, Gilbert was his brother. Matthias was friendly and would pass the ball when was asked. Gilbert was his brother. Mathias always played fair and never got called out for fouling, Gilbert was his brother. Gilbert ran out of breath quickly, Mattias didn't, Gilbert always got fouled for playing to rough, Matthias didn't. Ludwig wanted to win this game the logical decision was,
"Matthias".
He said. The name falling off his lips on it's own accord, Mathias cheered and happily bounded over to join his teammates. Ludwig stood processing the information, had he really just said "Mathias" he didn't recall consciously making a final decision or even forming the word on his tongue but he had heard his own voice say it, loud and clear.
The team was complete, the children ran to take their places on the field, Gilbert didn't.
April 20th 1999
"Antonio I can't find Ludwig, Gilbert is missing to."
"Have you checked the yard?"
"I've checked everywhere"
"What about the other orderlies? Ask if they've seen him"
"They already think I can't do my job Antonio, I can't tell them I lost the children!"
"Alright, alright."
"Did you hear that?"
"What?"
"It came from upstairs"
"What did?"
"A scream, it's coming from the bathroom"
"Knock"
"I am Knocking"
"Gilbert, Ludwig, are you in there?" A muffled cry answered his question
"Antonio, something happening, someone's hurting"
"Stay calm"
"How can I stay calm?" Francis replied hysteria amplifying his voice
"Don't you have a key?"
"Of course there isn't a key Antonio, it's a bathroom!"
"Oh, right".
"Gilbert open that door right now!"
"Don't yell at him, you'll scare him"
"He's scaring me."
"Calm down Francis"
"Gilbert I said open the door!"
"Francis, calm down"
"I'm breaking down the door"
"Francis wait"
The hinges moaned loudly as the Structure they were attached to was bluntly forced apart from them. Wood splintered, the door gave way. Francis stumbled into the room as it fell underneath him. The first thing he heard was Ludwig cry. The first thing he saw was the blood, all over the floor, all over the sharp stick clasped in a small white fist, dripping from an open wound across Ludwig's face. Gilbert sat on his brother's chest, legs pinning Ludwig's arms down, one hand struggling to hold his head still.
"Gilbert let him go right now"
The child did nothing, said nothing only moved his pupils to look back and forth from one end of the room to the other like a wild animal in a trap, searching for an escape that didn't exist. Strong hands roughly grabbed his arms and lifted him off the other boy.
"I said get off him"
Francis turned his attention to Ludwig who covered his eyes with bloodied hands and sobbed.
"Here, let me see, you're okay, you're just fine". His voice quivered and stumbled over the words he didn't believe. He gently "turned Ludwig's head to get a better look at the wound.
"Oh God"
"Francis, are you still there?"
"Oh God!"
"Francis?"
"There's so much blood"
"I'm coming over"
"Call nine-one –one"
"Alright, put pressure on the wound...Francis? Francis are you still there?" "
"Oh God".
A small finger tapped on his still sore shoulder, a voice, unfamiliar to his ears spoke, a child's voice. Raspy and slightly nasal in quality,
"Not so pretty now is he?"
Screaming, that's all Francis heard after that and he couldn't tell if it was Gilbert, Ludwig, or himself.
Then the sound of an orderlies' footsteps thundered through the hallway.
April 20th 1999
Antonio placed a comforting hand on his friends shoulder
"Hey Francis" tired blue eyes looked up at him
"Ludwig?"
Francis's voice, hoarse from shouting cracked
"He'll be fine, it wasn't deep, head wounds just bleed a lot. It will barley even leave a scar."
Antonio smiled reassuringly
"I, I told them it was an accident."
Francis looked away from him as if ashamed,
"I lied".
He looked up, confessing to the ceiling and shook his head back and forth
"Why did I do that?"
"Maybe because you don't know what would happen to Gilbert if you told them the truth?"
"Gilbert" Francis repeated thoughtfully and frowned,
"He spoke".
"Really? What did he say?"
"He said Ludwig isn't so 'pretty' anymore, what do you think he meant by that?"
"I have an idea but I'm not sure, let me try and talk to him."
"Alright"
April 21st 1999
"So Gilbert" Antonio began, taking a seat as he did so
"You cut your brother, with a stick?"
Gilbert nodded
"Why?" Gilbert remained silent; Antonio could almost see him slipping back behind the barrier he kept between himself and the world. His eyes hardened, his expression changed no longer remorseful, or angry just, apathetic.
"Were you jealous?" Antonio asked, returning to the safety blanket of yes or no questions. Gilbert was still for what seemed like hours, then he shook his head.
"Do you want to tell me why?" Another pause, Antonio leaned forward as if to tell a secret
"I won't tell anyone, you're not in trouble, I just want to understand"
Gilbert spoke, in a voice just above a whisper
"He was going to leave me"
"Why would think that?"
"They were going to take him away from me"
"Why?" Gilbert wiped his hands on his shorts, his whole frame shook, his lower lip trembled
"Because...Because he's beautiful" Gilbert spat the last word as if it were the most profane of curses.
"He is Beautiful, and they want him"
"Who are 'they' Gilbert?"
"Everyone, everyone wants to take him away from me. If he wasn't so pretty no one would want him and we could stay together, forever."
"But he is so they are going to take him away from me" Tears began to find their way out of those red eyes and slid down swollen cheeks. Gasping and sputtering as if trying to swallow all the oxygen in the room at once Gilbert stood and continued
"They'll take him away, but not me"
His voice as if exhausted by speaking audibly had returned to whispering
"and I'll be all alone"
April 22nd 1999
"Did you find out why he attacked Ludwig?"
Antonio nodded and recounted Gilbert's words to Francis.
"Yao said he should be institutionalized, I'm beginning to agree"
"You would eliminate his only chance at being adopted by a loving family?"
"What chance Antonio? He has never had a chance at being chosen or adopted by anyone. It's because of the way he looks."
"Don't say that"
"Why not? It's true. Why do you think, the other children refuse to play with him? Why do you think that couple changed their minds about adopting him? Why do you think the orderlies never wanted to hold him? Why do you think Ludwig was named by their mother and Gilbert was not?"
"Why? Why Francis?"
"Because Ludwig is beautiful"
"Because Gilbert is not."