Parallel Parking
Chapter Two
The following morning at eight o'clock, Rossi met with Reid at the traffic course for beginners to begin the first day of basic learning. Spencer had memorized the handbook within three minutes yesterday and had already passed every quiz David had given gave him.
"What is the first thing you need to do?" Rossi asked, standing by the passenger door of the SUV.
"I need to check the maintenance of the vehicle," Reid replied promptly, walking around the automobile. "Everything checks…tires are weighed correctly, visibility out of the widow is clear and…"
"Fine, Reid, now what?" Rossi interrupted, knowing full well the young doctor would've made a long speech.
"I sit in the driver's seat to check instruments there."
Both men hopped into the SUV as Spencer checked everything… everything from the mirrors to the blinkers to the glove compartment latch. Before he could double check them, Rossi interrupted again, trying not to sound impatient. "Alright, looks good so start it and I want you to drive down to that fifth orange cone, stop and turn left, then come back around to that tenth cone." Rossi pointed as the younger man nodded.
"Did you know that seventy-seven percent of drivers involved in an accident were less than fifteen miles from home and more than half were less than five miles from home?" Reid stated. "In fact, eighty percent of crashes and sixty-five percent of near-crashes involved some form of driver distraction, according to a 2005 study by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration and the Virginia Tech Transportation Institute."
"Actually, Dr. Reid, I did know those facts, but why don't we concentrate on the course now?"
Spencer turned on the motor, then turned it off quickly. "Do you know that sixty-four percent of all accidents…"
"Reid…" David sighed, "Please, just drive down to the fifth cone and stop."
Spencer nodded, restarting the car and shifting the gear into 'drive'. He slightly pumped the gas pedal and the auto slightly jerked, causing him to slam on the brakes. "Sorry, I thought I lost control."
"Uh, we were barely going fifteen miles per hour."
"Oh, it seemed faster," Spencer nervously responded.
"It's okay; let's try it again."
The jittery young male faked a smile and started it again. When David motioned for him to go, Spencer cleared his throat and moved the gear to 'drive' again. The SUV pulled out of the parking space and began to cruise past the first orange cone at twenty-two miles per hour.
"You're doing good…now increase the speed to thirty." David suggested.
Gripping the steering wheel with all the might he had, Reid slightly pushed down the accelerator as it sped up. With it going faster, they soon passed the second, third and fourth cones.
"Now ease up and begin to pump the break since the fifth cone is a stop sign and you need to turn left." Rossi reminded, as he was pleasantly surprised on how well this was going.
With the fifth cone in sight, Spencer did what he was told. As he eased up off the accelerator, he began pumping the brake. However, the speed only decreased by 3 mph and he became concerned. With another pump, still not feeling secure about stopping in time, the driver vigorously slammed on the brakes, immediately causing the back end to slightly fishtail and then stop hard.
"What in the hell was that?!" Rossi barked, gripping the door handle so hard his knuckles were white.
Spencer jumped out of the vehicle and began coughing in the cloud of smoke from the tires and brakes. "I thought we were going to crash, so I stopped it."
Rossi exited the SUV and walked over to a hyperventilating Reid. "Bend over and breathe." Spencer did what he was told and stood like that for a few minutes as he tried regaining his composure.
David leaned on the hood while Spencer paced, "I don't think I can do this…we almost crashed!"
"We didn't almost crash… you panicked," the dark-haired male remarked. "We need to keep practicing or you will not be an agent anymore."
Reid nodded. "I know, but I can't stop thinking about all the statistics of everything pertaining to driving."
"Look, the only advice I can give…" Rossi paused to stare at the young man in the eye. "The only thing that makes a driver good is focus. And I know you would never be distracted by phones, computers, or music, but your mind needs to be clear. You can't be thinking about stats and stuff…just concentrate on your vehicle and its surroundings."
"It's easier said than done since I have an eidetic memory."
Rossi laughed and then motioned for Spencer to enter the driver's side. The younger man sat behind the steering wheel again, taking deep breaths. Rossi motioned for him to start and he did with a loud sigh.
Reid put the SVU into gear and was soon cruising along at twenty miles per hour. Upon passing the fourth cone, he began breathing heavily. Then the fifth cone was in sight.
"Slow down and put the blinker on to turn left."
Spencer nodded, hearing every word.
The SUV gently stopped at the fifth cone and then turned left. Reid maneuvered the vehicle safely around each remaining cone before stopping at the tenth one.
"You did it!" David shrieked, patting him on the shoulder. "Well, done! Like a professional."
"Yeah, yeah, it was," the driver stated, grinning giddily. "I actually did it and never panicked."
"How about we take two laps around the course?" the instructor said. "Only stop at cones five and ten, but you need to manage a speed of thirty-five miles per hour at all times."
"Yes, Sir, I think I can manage that," Spencer positively replied with a big smile now that he felt secure behind the wheel.
The first lap went very well but on the second lap after passing the fifth cone, Reid became too confident behind the wheel. He was going ten miles too fast, thus ignoring the speed limit.
"Spencer, you need to slow down a bit," Rossi suggested.
"Nah, we're fine," Reid replied, briefly taking his eyes off the road to state his case and not seeing the food service cart driving on the side of the road towards the main building.
"Spencer, look out!" David yelled, pointing to the danger ahead.
The driver fiercely slammed on the braked as the vehicle once again fish-tailed. However, it ended up smacking into the cart and food went flying everywhere.
"Oh no, what have I done?" Spencer shouted, turning off the motor. "I killed people…there's blood everywhere!"
"No! No, it's not blood its tomato sauce…you hit a food cart," Rossi explained, managing to remain calm as usual. "I'll go and check on everyone, but you stay here and... just breathe okay?"
Upon discovering the man driving the cart was only mad and not hurt, David immediately felt relieved.
Security was at the scene within minutes but unfortunately, so was Mr. Lippincott, with broken eye glasses. Spencer gave his statement about the accident while Rossi spoke with the new Human Resources Specialist.
"That man is a menace to everyone on or near the road!" Duane shouted, waving his busted eye glasses. "He'll never be an agent since he will most definitely flunk that driving exam!"
"Sir, it was an accident."
"Mr. Rossi, I was hit by a flying potato… that was not an accident; it was attempted murder and I want him arrested!"
"Sir, you're upset," David calmly replied. "Have a seat and relax… you'll feel better."
"I want him arrested!"
"Who's being arrested and what in the hell happened here?" Erin Strauss, BAU Section Chief, asked.
"Well, Ma'am, one of your suspended agents tried to murder me with a potato because I refused to let him work without a driver's license."
"Who in the hell are you?" she demanded.
"Duane R. Lippincott, the new Human Resources Specialist."
"Well, which agent did this?"
"Erin, it was Spencer Reid," David answered.
"Dr. Reid, what happened here?" The BAU Section Chief inquired.
Spencer explained the entire situation before a small panic attacked occurred.
"I think I see the whole picture and I have decided that both Rossi and Lippincott will assist the doctor in prepping for the vehicle exam." Strauss said, earning glares from Duane. "Is there a problem?"
"No, Ma'am," the Human Resources Specialist replied, then she left.
"How about we call it a day and resume all of this at eight o'clock tomorrow morning?" David asked as the other two men nodded.
~ CM ~ CM ~ CM ~ CM ~ CM ~
The next morning, Emily had arranged for everyone, including Duane, to meet in the BAU conference room.
"Thanks everyone for coming here so early, and I just have one thing to say. Mr. Lippincott, what's it going to take for you to drop this witch hunt?"
"Are you bribing me, Ms. Prentiss?" he questioned.
"Yes…what do you want?" She stood in front of him. "Do you want to do me?"
Everyone gasped, including Duane. "What?" she stated. "Don't act all surprised since we're all thinking it. I've had bad sex before, so I'll take one for the team."
"I'm appalled!" the HR Specialist shrieked, standing up to leave.
"Sit down, shorty!" she barked. "I'll fuck you right here and now if that's what needs to be done to get you off of our backs!"
"Ms. Prentiss, I'm still appalled but need to state for the record that you are definitely not my type!"
"Oh…how about a cute, perky blonde then," Emily said, pushing JJ into the man's personal space.
"Emily!" JJ shouted, sidestepping out of her fellow-agent's grasp. "Let me go!"
"Ms. Prentiss, she's definitely not my type and way too skinny!"
"Oh…oh!" Emily then pushed Penelope into the man's personal space. "How about a full-figured wannabe blonde?"
"Emily!" JJ and Garcia both shouted, alarmed.
"Emily…stop it!" Hotch yelled. "They're not his type…he's gay."
"What?"
"And you call yourself a profiler?" Duane huffed, sitting down. "Ms. Prentiss, I am at a loss of how to punish you."
"Well, Morgan here is really good at punishing people… especially naughty men like yourself," she remarked, earning a glare from Derek.
"Jeez, Em… stop already!" JJ warned.
"And for the record, Mr. Morgan isn't my type," Duane remarked.
"Thank god," Derek said, in relieved tone.
"I am more into European ethnic men… like Italians," the short man stated, as all glanced to Rossi.
"Great… you and David will wine and dine tonight and tomorrow we will be back to normal," Emily said, earning a glare from Rossi and a smile from Duane. "C'mon, Dave, you gotta take one for the team every now and then. I would've done this jerk, although it probably would have been horrible."
"I am in the room, you know," Duane commented.
"Seriously, David, it's not like we're asking you to take a bullet or anything."
"Actually Emily, I would rather get shot than date a man," Rossi replied, looking at the HR Specialist, "Uh, sorry, but I'm into women."
"Well Duane, how about Hotch or Reid?"
"Emily!" Aaron shouted, as she smirked.
Duane looked disgusted at the sight of both men and stood up to leave. Emily took a hold of his sleeve, "Please don't leave… we can find someone for you."
"Emily, stop it!"
"No, Hotch, at least I'm doing something."
Everyone was now yelling at Emily, including Duane.
"I am not sure if I'm gay or not, but I will have sex with Mr. Lippincott," Spencer blurted out as the room became silent. "I've been thinking about this for a while and I decided that this year I want to lose my virginity… either to a male or female."
Everyone sat in silence, until Garcia asked what they were all thinking. "You're a virgin?"
"Yes, I am," he replied. "I am not sure if I want to be with men or women though since it's still confusing to me."
The room fell to silence once again until Duane cleared his throat, "Uh…Mr. Reid, I uh, have a proposition for you to consider… I think I know how you might decide on how to lose your virginity and how to gain your license." He paused, searching for the right words to say in the crowded room. "My sister used to teach driver's education and is now a professor at the university, but she too is a virgin and is gender confused, so it might be a good idea to talk it over with someone like yourself."
"I don't know…a blind date?" Spencer replied.
"Well, it wouldn't be if you could go on a double date with someone," he suggested, glancing at David.
"Lippincott, I already told you that I am not gay," Rossi replied.
"I'm not asking you to sleep with me; I thought it would be a good idea for them to feel relaxed around friends." Duane stated, with a smile. "We could just talk since we already have a great deal in common and this way Doreen and Mr. Reid would feel at ease."
Everyone's eyes at the table put pressure on David, who eventually gave in. Emily was ecstatic and made all the reservations while the others went to finish their duties to make the new Human Resources Specialist happy by completing their unfinished files.
Rossi and Reid walked back to the driving course to get started, "David, do you think I am ready to lose my virginity?"
"Look, Spencer, you should only do what feels right in your heart. If meeting this woman is meant for you to be together sexually, then follow your heart. Don't worry about Duane, me or statistics… just do what you want to do."
Reid nodded, climbing into the SUV. "Do you think I am ready to get my license yet?"
"With more practice…yes, you should be ready," he said, motioning for them to start.
The day went much better as Spencer actually made three complete laps at 35 mph; however, it took almost four hours to do so as they stopped and started many times.
At the end of the day, both walked back to the BAU to find Emily had bought flowers for Spencer to give to Doreen and a new tie for him to wear. Reid gave a nervous smile as others patted him on the back and wished him well.
Duane motioned for the duo to follow him to the restaurant where his sister would meet them. Rossi looked over to see Spencer squirming in the passenger seat and gave him a warm smile as assurance to hopefully a good night ahead.
TBC…