a/n: wow! and I mean WOW! I never expected to get such a big turn out for my first chapter. I mean 7 reviews and as quick as they came... WOW! I'm so glad you all like the story so far. This chapter is sort of short, but the chapter lengths will vary from short to extremely long, so I guess that works out.

disclaimer: the Naruto characters are not mine! They are © to Masashi Kishimoto

um... I guess I will put a warning up here for this chapter...

warning: this chapter does contain mild rape. I'm not going to give anything away or that, but it is only like PG-13 stuff, but still, it is rape... so don't read if you don't like that, you have been warned.

SASORI POV

I look into the empty room contentedly. No one here but my thoughts… I look down and remember… no one here but my thoughts, AND my puppets. I pick up the silent companion that is lying in my lap and gently start to fix a shoulder gear. I sigh contentedly at the work, and prepare to put the finishing touches on it when suddenly the arm flexes.

I know I certainly didn't do that, and I check the arm for chakara strings. This wouldn't be the first time Kisame or one of the trainees had pulled this trick on me. I let my own chakara investigate the arm, only to find nothing there.

"What's wrong, Sasori?" a dark voice whispers… I know that voice… "Not good enough for you? Not alive enough for you?"

Orochimaru! I drop the puppet, throwing it across the room and scrambling away the best I can until I fall off of my bed. I watch as the body twists and writhes, slowly taking on pale skin, and other almost human qualities. I watch the fascinating and yet disturbing transformation of my puppets, as it turns into my ex-partner, Orochimaru.

He pounces at me, and then pins me down, hissing soft words into my ear, "This better?"

I feel his body pin mine to the cold, hard floor, and I start to wiggle, start to struggle, anything to get away. His hot breath whispers over my cheek as he repeats my name over and over… I feel him start to shake me… just shaking me and yelling my name…

I sit up suddenly, screaming still, but this time into a dark and otherwise quiet room. I look over when I register the hand on my shoulder, jumping away from it and then seeing Deidara, and stopping, settling back in. I feel sweat pour down my back, and I see Deidara next to me, shaking slightly. Soon I feel myself shake as well.

I gulp as he finally speaks, "Sasori-danna?" He takes one of my hands gently in his own, and I notice the fingerless glove that he's wearing. I look out the corner of my eye briefly to see a matching glove on the hand on my shoulder as well. Despite all of these anchors to the here and now, my dream… no… my nightmare, still burns fresh in my mind.

I can almost feel those long, violating hands on my hips, digging in. I want to scream again, to scrub my skin, to wash away this feeling and that man, to get rid of him altogether. I just want to crawl out of my body and start all over again. I don't even notice the nails scraping at my arms until Deidara takes my hand, stopping me.

I shift, forcing my hands into my lap, for a lack of better places. I flinch as the sensation of Orochimaru's fingers returns. My hands convulse, open, then closed, then open again, and I turn, grasping Deidara's hand once more.

"How could Leader tell them? How could he tell anyone?" even for me, my voice sounds weak, but I don't care anymore.

"I don't know," he murmurs, "I'm sorry, un."

I grasp onto the front of his shirt, or try to, but find his creamy skin bare, so I settle to fisting my hand and leaning into him. I whimper as I feel his hips shift, and yelp in surprise as he pulls me flush against him, but instantly relax in his arms. He holds me chastely, very unlike the snake's groping grip. It's a simple grasp that he has on me, settling me on his legs, which I realize are covered in by baggy pants.

I wrap my arms around his neck, and finally feel some of the tension ooze out of me. Deidara won't hurt me, I trust him not to, a trust I used to have with Orochimaru, but Orochimaru never made the promise Deidara has. I hold Deidara like a last lifeline, and I feel his lips against my neck as he gently holds me, rocking slightly from side to side.

"You know what this is like," a comment, not a question, coming out of me in a strangled whisper.

I feel his breath against my neck as he answers, "Yeah, un, I do…"

There's a significant pause, and he continues, "I don't know if it's the same, not exactly at least, un. It was," a pause, "It was my whole family, sort of. They saw me as strange, and insignificant, with my differences, and they believed in STRONG, and sometimes strange, punishment, including sexual punishment," a long pause, almost long enough to make me think he's not going to talk anymore, "like rape. I guess that was what sealed the deal to leave."

I nod, and gently run one of my hands over his back, hoping to comfort him as he is comforting me. I feel his smile against my neck; comfortably lounging against me, and letting me lounge against him. At the same time, though, I feel my eyes start to droop, and I have to stifle a yawn.

I feel him start to back away, and I instantly tighten my grip around his neck. Don't you leave me too, Deidara. Please, don't leave me.

"Sasori-danna…" he whispers, "you need rest, I know you do, I do too, un. Let's get back to sleep."

I feel my arms go limp, though they do not leave his neck. He pulls back and offers me his hand, which I don't take as I push myself up into my bed and settle back in under the covers. Despite the layers of fabric, I feel so cold without his body next to mine, and I curl in against myself as I force my eyes shut. I'm about to pull the covers up over my shoulders and head, when a hand on my shoulder stops me. I look up and see Deidara standing next to my bed. He nudges my shoulder, trying to get me to scoot over, which I do, and then I promptly watch him crawl into my bed beside me. I relax as he presses me against his chest, my cheek against his smooth, firm skin. Again, all his touches are chaste and comforting, no hidden meaning.

"Relax, danna," it's no more than a whisper. It's a command as well, and I only take commands from Sir Leader, usually, but for now I make an exception, as I scoot closer a little, flush against him, and let my muscles melt like butter. As I finally start to fall asleep once more, I think of who could find us, who could hate us for this, and I realize that I don't care.

a/n: PLEASE review!