"How was your first week of class?"
Another week, another session with Dr. Shannon.
"Fine I guess. I'm glad it's the weekend though."
"Big plans?" Dr. Shannon asks without even looking up from her notepad.
"Nothing crazy. Emily and I are going to some party."
"So you two are getting along better?"
"We were never not getting along so..." Hanna trails off, picking her split ends, clearly bored with the conversation.
"Who's having the party?"
"Some of the swimmers on the club team. I think."
"I worry about your partying tendencies, Hanna," Dr. Shannon glances at Hanna's purse, as if she knows there is always a flask hidden in the bottom.
Hanna laughs, "It's more like a small get together. It's fine. I doubt anyone will even be drinking."
...
Hanna's in the kitchen of some beat up campus house, clinking her shot glass against two others, which belong to the guys that she has just befriended, Travis and Luke.
"Bottoms up!" Travis booms, before they all throw the shots back in unison. Hanna slams her glass back on the counter and looks at the time on her phone.
"Okay, as much as I appreciate you sharing with me, I promised Emily a new beer, like, thirty minutes ago."
"Emily?" Luke questions, raising his eyebrows with a hopeful smile.
Hanna rolls her eyes, "Yes, Emily, my best friend in the whole world. I'll be back."
She grabs two beers out of the fridge and makes her way back towards the front of the house, weaving her way through the crowd. She spots Emily across the room, talking to some random brunette. A ping of jealousy passes through Hanna but the alcohol from those shots start to take effect and the moment passes. Surprisingly, she thinks about Alison. Would she feel threatened if she were seeing this? Is Ali chatting up other people like this right now too? How long are her and Emily really going to be able to hold onto each other?
Hanna is snapped out of her thoughts when she see's that Emily has ditched the other chick and is making her way over to her. Emily's got a red cup half filled with something that resembles punch, but that doesn't prevent her from questioning Hanna.
"Where have you been? I was promised that beer a long time ago."
"My apologies. I met some friendly boys who were so kind as to share their vodka." Hanna cracks Emily's beer and pours it into the cup the girl is holding.
"Cheers."
"Who knew swimmers were so wild," Hanna observes, taking in the sweaty mess of people surrounding them, dancing.
"Well, it is the club team. They get to be more fun," Emily replies, before looking down at her phone, "Shit, it's almost two. We should get a cab soon."
"We? Are you trying to take me home, Fields?"
"You caught me. But seriously, since my mom is gone you should stay over. You know I hate being alone in that house."
Hanna chugs her drink, throws the can on the floor, and holds her hand out, "lead the way."
Emily takes her hand and leads her through the crowd, finding the front door and getting them out of the party. Hanna's missed this. She knows they are both drunk but she's missed this playful banter that her and Emily always had. She's missed just spending time with the other girl.
They get to Emily's house and stumble in, making their way upstairs. Hanna immediately ransacks the brunette's closet, looking for clothes to sleep in, and Emily changes into sweats before collapsing on her bed.
"I had fun tonight, Han. I missed you."
"Me too," Hanna pulls a 'Rosewood Swim Team' t-shirt over her head and turns around to face her friend.
"Did I do something to piss you off?" Emily continues, "You were kind of MIA there for awhile."
"No, you didn't do anything, Em. I just get caught up in my thoughts."
Emily lets out an exaggerated groan, "I hate not knowing what's going on in your pretty little head. It's the worst feeling."
Emily is slurring pretty hard now and Hanna knows she's about to pass out, so she doesn't reply. Instead she turns off the light and gets into the bed, throwing the covers over Emily and closes her eyes. Just before she passes out, Hanna realizes this is probably the first time ever that she's been a happy drunk. She knows it's because of Emily and she hates that.
...
When Hanna wakes up to the sun streaming into the room, she turns over and sees that Emily is awake, phone in hand, looking rough. She's still beautiful, but Hanna can tell she's hungover. Emily looks over at her when she senses her movement.
"Hey."
"Hey," Hanna mutters back, her headache now apparent.
Emily is looking at her intently, serious, and Hanna's stomach starts doing flips because, for a second, it looks like the girl is about to say something profound.
Instead, when she speaks, she says one word.
"Waffles?"
Hanna starts laughing, and then so does Emily, and soon the two of them are in an uncontrollable fit of giggles. God, Hanna has missed that sound. When they finally calm down Hanna responds simply.
"Waffles."
...
It's so easy to fall into a routine with Emily again and Hanna wonders if she will ever find someone else who it's this simple with.
They get lunch together on campus every Tuesday and Thursday, and they go out together on the weekends. Whoever Hanna's roommate was supposed to be never shows up, so Emily takes her place every Friday and Saturday night, and has some of her clothes moved into the one drawer that Hanna had left in the other dresser. Emily was quick to point out that if she had a real roommate she would have had to downsize her wardrobe, but Hanna just shrugs and ignores her.
The free time that Emily doesn't spend with Hanna, she spends with the club swim team, so Hanna decides she needs a hobby too. When she runs into Travis from the welcome weekend party, he persuades her to join him at film club every week. Hanna figures she is perfectly capable of watching a movie and listening to people talk about it, so she goes. It helps that Travis always brings some sort of liquor in a water bottle, and they sit in the back row drinking and whispering about whatever the screening is that week. Spencer would be proud, though, because Hanna doesn't steal pills from her mom anymore and she's not drinking everyday, or alone, so that has to count for something right?
It helps that Emily almost never mentions Ali, and while that's probably weird, Hanna just can't be the bigger person and ask if everything is okay between them, mostly because she doesn't want to know.
But one day when Emily is visibly upset after reading a text, probably from the blonde in Florida, Hanna knows she has to ask.
"Everything okay?"
"Just the same old shit, you know," Emily mumbles in response.
"Not really. Fill me in?"
Emily hesitates for a moment but Hanna's eyes urge her to continue.
"I thought I got over the trust issues I had with Alison, but every time she goes out to some frat party and doesn't text me back until the next morning, I just... I don't trust her. I sound like a psycho girlfriend don't I?" Emily sighs.
"No, you don't. It's hard being with someone that far away. Especially during college."
Hanna means what she says. It is hard. She remembers when she tried to do long distance with Caleb and how they didn't even last three months, but going their separate ways before they ended up hating each other was the best thing for both of them.
"It just makes me remember how she treated me, before she disappeared, and this makes me feel the same way. How am I supposed to be with someone I don't trust?" Emily continues.
As much as Hanna would love to completely side with Emily, encourage her to dump Ali in that moment, she knows it wouldn't be right.
"I'm not saying that you don't have your issues to work out, but she loves you, Em. We can all see it. She loves you the best way she knows how."
Emily nods slowly, considering her words.
"I know. But maybe that's not enough. Was it hard to let go of Caleb?"
Hanna considers this.
"Yes and no. He will always be in my heart, but it wasn't working. We just weren't compatible, you know, for the long haul. We couldn't be what the other needed anymore."
"And you're over it now? Like completely over him?" Emily questions, seemingly skeptical that it was so easy for the blonde.
"Yeah. I really, really am."
Hanna smiles when she says it because god, imagining a world where she was still hanging onto Caleb would be a world without these feelings for Emily, and even though they are one-sided, they make her feel alive.