Poptart Notes: Wow! The reception this time around was great! Thanks, guys, and all others.
Spongey444: Go, man, go! *shoves you right out the door*
Lancelot Varianter: Psh! So many bigger wins in the world. Like the original MST3K. Or the original Phineas and Ferb.
Kissy Fishy: Thanks! Just don't get too excited, please.
Maya Serena: It'll probably take him a while. He's no good with German.
The movie parts of the story will be bolded.
End of the World as We Know it ©R.E.M.
Here's some more~Enjoy, read, and review if you like!
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Chapter Two: The Menacing Eye (Part One)
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In silence, the large credits scrolled across the screen; red on a black background.
Gangrene Pictures Presents…
"Gangrene Pictures?" Candace snorted. "Seriously?"
"Warning: Side effects of this movie include Gangrene, nausea, loss of appetite, strange gain of hair in places that you didn't know you had…" Irving added.
In association with Luxury Blood International…
Antoine Mesgearré
"Ah, the French." Buford stated. "Always making drinks I can't have, cheeses I can't pronounce, and movies that I can't like. I swear, these guys have it in for us."
Roxana Belgier
Burkuki Nagstikitawi
Everyone stared at the credit for a moment.
"Was that a name or a glitch?" Phineas asked.
And Rosella Lubeaux…
Screenplay written by Jude Nulorum, Isadora Shomswelle, and David Blueburg…
"None of whom ever consulted each other once during the whole writing process," Irving declared.
"Isn't 'nulorum' some sort of element?" Isabella asked.
Produced by Mitsuru Kanosaki, Napoleon Dureé, Pierre Smith, Jonathon Daley, and Kurt Kulder…
"Kurt Kulder, Kulder Kulder, Kurt Kulder, Kulder and Kulder and Kulder…" Isabella sang softly. Ferb promptly began to drum out a slow beat to go with it, and Phineas began to sing with her at about the third "Kulder".
"You just can't make this easy, can you?" Candace muttered.
"We're sorry, Candace, but it's just too Kuld." Phineas replied.
Directed by Lulu J. Morganson…
"Hey! Why is she the only one who gets to have a middle initial?" Buford demanded.
Musical Compositions by Wilson Purnell…
In the background, total silence remained.
"Who, in hindsight, was probably overpaid." Baljeet said.
Hello.
"And now, for something completely different!" Candace exclaimed.
"Hi!" Irving spoke cheerfully, as though the screen could hear him.
Do you believe in the dances of death?
"Well, I do know that your friends don't dance, and if they don't dance then they're no friends of mine." Phineas answered.
We will all die, and our ashes to the wind will be carried into the stars…and nights will pump the blood through the miserable souls…and the sun will smile down and burn the newborn grasses to death…and all that we ever knew will cease to exist…
"Dr. Seuss couldn't have been perkier!" Buford commented.
And the eye will be opened…and it will be the end of the world…
"It's-the-end of the world as we know it! It's-the-end of the world as we know it!" Irving sang.
"And I feel reasonably apathetic." Baljeet finished.
And it will ravage the souls that it was initially to protect…and it will be displeased.
"So, the eye goes on a killing spree, and then it gets mad?" Candace raised an eyebrow.
"Don't judge it! It's bipolar, it can't help it!" Buford exclaimed.
And it will be our fault…
"It really feels like it's just going to cap it all off with a 'save the humpbacks' message." Baljeet said.
And it…
Will be…
The Menacing Eye.
"What was the title again?" Isabella asked.
"Uh, 'Directed by Lulu', or something like that." Candace replied.
The screen remained black, slowly panning upward to reveal a pair of blue eyes, the face they sat on silhouetted. A single arm came out of the darkness, throwing a small object on the ground. A close-up came upon the object as it smashed into the ground, which was revealed to be a shot glass, which had written across its surface, "Greetings from The World!".
"You fool! I specifically said that I wanted a shot glass from Jupiter!" Phineas cried.
"You should all suffer for what you've done to me…" A low, hoarse, female voice murmured. "This monstrosity…what you've done to me…how dare you…"
"You made me play a role in 'The Menacing Eye'!" Candace yelled.
The image of a pocket watch then flashed across the screen, quickly alternating with shots of the woman's eyes, almost like a strobe light.
"We're late! We're late!" Irving exclaimed. "We're very, very late!"
"I'll make this right…" the woman muttered. "Be ever so careful…one mistake until you die."
"The first guy to step on a crack breaks their back." Buford said.
The camera quickly returned to the shot glass, which had suddenly caught flames. It then came back up to the woman's eyes, where they held a reflection of the fire. A low, muddled chanting began in the background, slowly growing in volume as a close-up was given to the woman's eyes.
"This movie is terr-i-ble, it is quite likely you paid too much…may they have mercy on your soul…because this is probably gonna kill you…" Irving went along with the chant.
The woman's eyes then merged together as one.
"What? WHAT?" Baljeet cried, standing up from his chair. "That's an impossibility!"
"Baljeet, it's an art-house flick." Candace explained.
"But they did not even offer any sort of explanation!"
"Shut up, fuzzhead." Buford reprimanded.
The eye blinked a couple of times before finally closing. The black background slowly morphed in colors until it resembled the skyline at the hours of dawn. A faint line ran across the horizon where the eye had been. They then panned down from the sky to the ground below, which was blank and grey. Claymation buildings suddenly began to rise from the earth in a cityscape.
"Looks like they forgot to give credit to Art Clokey." Isabella commented. Irving pounded his fist on his armrest in mock dismay.
"How dare they!" He exclaimed.
Signs of life began to show in the city—to be more accurate, it was populated by cats, all of which walked upright and wore garish, old-style clothing, either fine suits for a male or a complicated dress for a female. Some of them even carried parasols.
"There is a pun to be made here, and whoever makes it will be promptly dragged out of this room. We will then wash out your mouth with soap until your tonsils sparkle." Candace announced.
"Nobody even thought about it, whatever it is." Phineas assured her.
"I did…" Baljeet admitted, though nobody seemed to hear him.
The screen slowly closed in on a small corner of the sidewalk, where a small bum/cat sat down, rattling a small cup of change.
"TUNA? YA GOT TUNA?" Irving suddenly yelled, shaking an imaginary cup. "COME ON, HELP A CAT OUT!"
"Your future! A dime for a psychic telling! Your future for a dime!" The bum-cat called in a slightly scratchy voice, which had a very thick British accent. "Your thoughts? Ideas and suggestions! A penny, a penny, a penny for your thoughts!"
"How about a boot to the head for free?" Buford suggested.
Presently, a little boy kitten, who seemed to be part of the upper class judging by his clothes, dropped a pair of dimes into the bum's cup.
"Tell me the whole future, sir. Tell me about the end." He begged. A far older cat happened to be walking behind him at the time, and he now snickered.
"Yes, Siskel, tell the dear lad about the end of the world." He said tauntingly.
"I'll tell you all that I think about it!" Baljeet exclaimed, in imitation of the bum. "Ebert, explain this with me."
The bum seemed shocked by the kitten's request.
"Why…why…I've seen the end. Several times, actually." He stammered. "It's so ridiculously simple…I don't know why any of us haven't ever done a thing to see that it is prevented…"
"Pollution?" Isabella suggested.
"Loss of resources?" Phineas proposed.
"Wrong! It's all gonna start with the Canadians…" Buford pounded his fist on the armrest.
"We're all fools for trying to live here in peace!" The bum's voice grew more frantic. "We can't even see that our own skies are going to kill us; that we will bring about a suicide! Gentlemen and ladies of the commons, the skies are waiting to strike! The Eye that protects us is the one that shall destroy us!" The bum's voice echoed through the city. The shot went skyward, and every horizon suddenly became pitch black. Slowly, fires arose from the bottom of the screen as the bum-cat's words still repeated at a set volume. The image of a building appeared, and it was then blown to pieces in an explosion. Random photographs, all of which seemed to fit into a human family's album, were shown, each being engulfed in flames. It then switched to a stuffed bear on what appeared to be a little girl's dresser. It, too, exploded. It cut again to what was supposedly a glass store, with thousands of fragile figurines and drinking cups lined up on delicate shelves of the same material. As the words kept repeating, every single article of glass exploded, one at a time.
After about three minutes of fire and explosions, Buford left.
"I'm taking a break." He announced.
"A break?" Candace repeated. "Are those allowed?"
"It couldn't hurt." Phineas replied. He stood up as well to leave the room, and the others followed suit.
/
"Okay!" Phineas announced. "So, what have we learned so far?"
Everybody was sitting down at the concessions area. Most people were sitting on the counter, and Buford was knocking back drinks right from the nozzle of the soda hose. Baljeet raised his hand.
"I have learned that it is legal to do nothing but air explosions for three minutes straight." He declared.
"Fair enough," Phineas replied, "But what do we know about the movie plot-wise?" Now Irving raised his hand. "What do you say, Irving?"
"Well, there's this one lady, and she's some sorta Cyclops-type-thing, and then there's a shot-glass that spontaneously combusts…" He counted the things off on his fingers. "And then there's this Gumby-City that's full of cats…and it's got this psychic hobo, and he's completely insane…and then there's this…thing…and…I think it explodes…and then this other thing exploded, and then…actually, that might've not exploded."
"Alright. Anybody else?"
"I'm just completely clueless." Candace stated.
"Okay then." Phineas then turned to his brother and asked, "What do you think, Ferb?"
Ferb shrugged his shoulders. Phineas was about to continue speaking, when there suddenly came a loud, piercing cry from inside the screening room.
"Oh, look, Albert's up." Irving noted with disinterest.
"And on a side-note, Perry's gone." Phineas added.
"Oh, for Pete's sake; we'll look for him later." Candace told him.
"Okay, but it now seems to be time for a commercial break." Phineas replied, quickly checking his watch.
"Commercial-wha?" Candace asked. Phineas seemed to ignore her, turning to his brother and saying, "Ferb?"
"We'll be right back." Ferb looked straight at you as he spoke.
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Up next, "The Menacing Eye" PART TWO*!
*Now with Albert!