"Lily, wait up!" It had been four long weeks since his conversation with Mary and he hadn't spoken a word about it to anyone. Instead, he'd spent the time getting to know Lily and becoming friends with her.

"What do you want, Potter?"

"So, we're back to Potter, are we?" He was disappointed. She'd just recently started to call him "James" and he was beginning to feel so sure of himself, but she just had to go and ruin it again.

"Was it ever different?"

"It was," he paused, "It is, isn't it?"

She didn't answer him and walked quickly away.

Discouraged, but not defeated, he quietly followed her towards the opposite side of the castle, the side facing the lake and the Forest at the same time. Once he realized she was heading towards the Astronomy tower, he pulled his Invisibility Cloak out and swung it around himself. He quietly stepped on the first of the winding stone steps and walked after her upwards. He'd never appreciated the sheer warmth of the castle until he'd reached the frigid, open rooftop of the Astronomy tower.

Cold wind blew from all directions at the body that looked so incredibly small against the giant stone barriers that blocked whoever was standing there from falling. He heard a sniffle and hastily tore the Cloak off of him. Somehow, she must have heard him above the howling wind she suddenly whipped around to face him.

"You weren't supposed to follow me here," she scolded him, wiping her eyes.

"Why are you crying?" he asked, stepping up to her and completely ignoring her question.

"I'm not crying," she said, but she looked at the floor.

"You are," he whispered, but she heard him.

"Don't tell Mary," she said, suddenly alert.

"Mary knows, Lily. Mary knows everything."

"She knows that I'm crying?" Lily asked in confusion.

"What? No, the other thing," James shook his head.

"What other thing?" She asked him, but then a look of pure horror covered her beautiful face. She gulped and took a deep breath. He saw her eyes start to water before she even realized she'd started crying again.

"Oh my, that's not what you meant, was it?" James asked, very embarrassed suddenly. He didn't know what to do, because she was crying suddenly and she was crying hard and he was afraid she'd push him away if he approached her.

"You weren't supposed to know about those!" she screamed. "No one was supposed to know!"

"Lily, its fine, sex dreams are perfectly normal,"

"Sex dreams?" she screeched, her face a bright shade of pink, "They aren't sex dreams! I simply have dreams where you and I are kissing."

"Did you think I'd think less of you? Because I don't,"

"No? And why would you? You're just happy I've been having dreams about snogging you!" Lily snapped.

"No, no, of course not," he said, finally stepping close enough to touch her. He placed his hands on her shoulders to keep her facing him, but she looked out towards the dark, cloudy sky, the wind whipping brutally against her face. "I'm happy because I might have a chance with you now. It's a great deal of difference to what used to be."

"Really?" she turned to face him.

"Truly."

"Really?" she repeated and he nodded, his eyes on hers. She smiled a little and looked back out towards the open grounds.

They both watched the dark, shadowy rain clouds break open from the heavens and pour upon the land beneath. The Black Lake was one giant ripple consisting of thousands of circles where water droplets had hit. Mud formed almost instantly and the two Head students were soaked through to the bone within minutes.

"Are you cold?" James asked Lily after a few minutes of watching the rain.

"A little," she replied.

"Come on, let's go inside. I'd give you my cloak, but it won't do much good if it's already soaked."

She nodded and they quickly ran towards the staircase. For a fleeting instant, James had the horrid feeling that perhaps the door was locked and they wouldn't be able to get back inside to the warmth and dryness of Gryffindor Tower, but he pushed the door open with ease and rushed down the spiraling steps after Lily. Half way down, she stopped suddenly, and he nearly toppled into her had it not been for his holding the railings against which he was leaning.

"What's wrong?" he asked hurriedly.

"I just," she began as she turned to face him, "I just want to get this thing out of my system. I was thinking 'what if we just do something and I won't have these dreams anymore?' and I wanted to ask you. Because it's a little embarrassing waking up in the middle of the night all covered in sweat, James. It really is."

"So you want, like, pity sex?" he asked her with an eyebrow raised.

"Oh, goodness no! No, I'm not shagging you, James Potter. Oh, I shouldn't have mentioned it. I'm sorry. Let's keep going," she said hurriedly and began back down the steps.

"Wait Lily!" James called after her, "What exactly is it that you were thinking?"

"I don't know what I was thinking," she muttered, "I guess I figured you'd want a quick snog, and Mary once said to Priya Patil that it was one of those things you had to do and it'd be out of your system, but she might have just said that because she'd just had a quick snog with Priya's brother. I don't know what I was thinking," she said all this very fast and with a very pained look on her face.

"You're afraid," he said simply in response to her short rant.

"What? No, I'm not!" she said back.

"You are, and that might also be the reason you're asking me to do this with you,"

"Do what? I don't even know what I'm talking about!" Lily exclaimed.

"Think for a moment if you really want to do this," James told her calmly. After a few moments, she nodded slightly and sniffed as tear fell down her face.

"Yeah," she whispered so quietly, he barely heard her.

"Okay, now don't think, just act," and he kissed her long and hard with a passion he'd never felt before. He'd been with girls before, but he'd never wanted one so much as he wanted Lily Evans. He tried to take his own advice and act, not think, but thoughts of doing everything wrong kept running through his head.

Reassurance came, however, in a pleasant form when Lily began kissing back. Soon, his hands were traveling her body, and she had somehow unbuttoned his wet shirt to allow her hands to roam his smooth, muscular chest.

For a fleeting second, he wondered what would happen if somebody were to wander up the stairs to the Astronomy Tower, and his pleasure vanished. But just as quickly as they vanished, they returned when he thought of leading them up the few stairs they'd descended back up the Astronomy Tower. Didn't girls always think it was romantic in the Tower, anyway? And Sirius said they always wanted a good snog in the rain, and it was pouring outside. It would be perfect. He led her up the stairs, kissing her the whole way.

How long they stood, kissing, at the top of the Astronomy Tower in the pouring rain, they didn't know, but their kissing soon grew much more intimate than originally intended. It seemed like hours, but it seemed like a few seconds at the same time before Lily's shirt was off, her bra hanging by one strap in the crook of her arm. His trousers were undone and he didn't know how Lily managed to do so without him noticing. There, in the highest Tower of the greatest school of Witchcraft and Wizardry in the world, he took her, body and soul, and vowed to never give her back.

~-*-~

They returned to the Gryffindor common room nearly two hours later with a few library books in their hands. They'd gone into the Prefect's bathroom on the fifth floor under the cover of James' Invisibility Cloak so that they could clean themselves up. Lily had groaned about how her hair looked like a bird's nest, but James said his hair always looked likes a bird's nest. They ran to the library to get a few books and create their alibi that they were working on Head duties throughout the castle and then stopped at the library to get a few books.

Their friends were either all spectacular actors or they truly believed their alibi. Lily and James preferred to believe the second one. They had walked into the common room arguing about scheduling for Prefect patrols.

"Do you think they believed us?" Lily asked once they'd gone to sit at a separate table to actually work on Head duties.

"I hope so, or we'll have a lot of explaining to do," James grumbled. Gulping nervously, Lily went to work.

Hours later when Lily and the majority of Gryffindor Tower had gone to sleep, James sat on the couch staring into the fire. Sirius plopped down next to him.

"I saw you earlier on the map," he said casually, the same way one might greet a friend in the hallway, but his words meant much more.

Alas, the moment of truth, James thought sarcastically, but he didn't say so. "Did you really?" James asked instead in the same casual voice, playing along with Sirius' tone.

"I did. And I was ever so surprised to find you in the Astronomy Tower accompanied by a very close Lily Evans. I let my imagination wander, and I believe I've come to the conclusion of what the two of you were doing in Tower than nobody goes up to on rainy nights, with barely any room between you for more than an hour," Sirius said, but James knew he was trying hard not to laugh.

"Oh, yeah? And what do you suspect we were doing?" he asked, grinning.

"I suspect you were brewing illegal potions to turn the Slytherins green, and you were huddling for warmth." Sirius said. James snorted.

"How could you have guessed?!" James exclaimed in melodramatic tones.

"I have a knack for guessing things," Sirius shrugged, the grin on his face slowly expanding, "But how could you not tell me about this spectacular prank?"

"I apologize, my dear friend," James laughed and Sirius started laughing finally, too.

"So, how far did you two go?" Sirius asked quietly, his face suddenly somber. James simply raised his eyebrows and shrugged, a satisfied grin on his face. Sirius let out a bark of laughter. "You animal!" Sirius said between breaths of laughter.

"Well, I don't know what will happen now," James furrowed his eyebrows, "It's almost like it's all up to her. It wasn't supposed to happen. We were just supposed to snog some, and now I don't know what's happened."

"Yeah, but whatever she decides, it's your decision if you stick to it."

~-*-~

She was avoiding him. He was sure of it. She never looked him in the eye and never spoke to him unless it was absolutely necessary. He heard her telling her friends that she was avoiding another fight because she saving her voice to practice for NEWTS. He saw right through that lie. He knew he should follow Sirius' advice and make his own choice on what they should do, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. She was embarrassed and he knew it. She was probably drowning herself in mortification for letting him take something that was so precious to her.

Of course, it might be simpler to just keep shagging without emotion, but he was sure it wouldn't work for him. Did he really want to shag Lily in private for the rest of the school year? No, he most certainly did not. He wanted her to trust him. Not just trust him not to tell people that they shagged, but to trust him with herself.

So the next time there was a Heads meeting, he decided he'd speak to her and force her to bring up the marvelous sex they'd had in the Astronomy Tower.

"Hello," Lily said quietly.

"Hi, Lily," James replied in a voice he certainly didn't recognize. He sounded distant and emotionless, like the only reason he'd ever care about Lily is for professional duties. It hurt him to speak to her that way, but he knew it had to be done.

"Shall we get working, then?" she asked him awkwardly as she purposely avoided talking about "the event", her eyes looking anywhere but at him.

"Of course," he said, "I made a list of what needs to be done today. We'll have to start in the Kitchens and then the library might be good for Prefect schedules," James went on to explain what else had to be done while Lily sat nervously playing with her hands. The two set off in the direction of the school Kitchens. The silence between them was forced and awkward. On James' part, it was determined and stubborn. On Lily's it was shy and scared.

"Why are you being so cold?" he asked her suddenly.

"What are you talking about, James?" she asked, feigning ignorance.

"You've been so goddamn cold the entire time since it happened!" he exclaimed with wide eyes.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I'm sorry, is this a bad time?" a voice interrupted their conversation timidly. They both whipped their heads around to see a scared looking young boy in a Hufflepuff uniform.

"Yes, sorry. Very busy, sorry. Please go talk to your Head of House. We'll just continue this perfectly friendly conversation in there," James said with a bright, fake smile on her face. He pointed to a door with no idea what was behind it. The boy nodded and ran towards the end of the hallway and to what James knew to be the Hufflepuff common rooms.

"Is that a secret passageway?" Lily wanted to know.

"Well, it's not so secret anymore, now, is it?" he asked her harshly as his temper began to get the better of him.

"Fine, whatever," she said nonchalantly. "Where does it lead to?" she asked after a minute of walking.

"Somewhere around the fourth floor," he said.

"Do a lot of people know about it?" she asked. He was still leading the way, one arm lazily touching the stones on the side of her as he walked.

"Not really, it's pretty long to be a shortcut,"

"Why were you being so tense?" she asked him in abrupt change of subject.

"I was not being tense. I was simply agreeing to your form of conduct," he replied smartly.

"What form of conduct?"

"To ignore me and everything that has to do with the name of Potter,"

"Well, that's stupid!"

"Are you calling me stupid?"

"No, I'm calling your pattern of thought stupid."

"That's calling me stupid, Lily. I'm not stupid,"

"See? We're already fighting!"

"What are you talking about?"

"This is exactly what I was afraid of," she muttered to herself.

"What were you afraid of?"

"I was afraid that we'd shag and you'd ignore me and everything would go back to how it was back in fifth year, except you'd hate me back. I was afraid that I'd lost my bloody virginity to an immature, pompous ass! Now look! It's happening!" she flailed her arms in dangerous proximity to the jagged stone walls.

"I don't hate you, I'm trying to respect your absurd wishes and you get mad at me for doing so. What is it that I'm doing wrong? Didn't I help you get me 'out of your system' like you said? Aren't I doing everything to help you despite what I want?" James asked her furiously.

"WELL, MAYBE YOU AREN'T OUT OF MY SYSTEM LIKE I HOPED!" she screamed at him, but he didn't even so much as flinch. Instead, his eyes grew to an abnormal size.

"What?" he simply looked amazed.

"You heard me," she hissed.

"I thought you were avoiding me because you didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore," he was confused.

"No, it was because I didn't want to be in the situation we are currently in," she explained, but then her cheeks turned bright red as she quietly muttered the next part, "And I didn't want to get you angry, because when you're angry…" she trailed off, blushing even more, but James figured out what she was implying.

"Lily, I need you to like me for me, not for the insane amounts of hot sex we have," They both looked up at each other and smiled shyly.

"I don't want to keep shagging you, Potter," she said with a hint of malice in her voice, "I'm embarrassed to have done that. I was the kind of girl who wanted to wait until marriage to make love. This isn't how it was supposed to happen!"

"Well it did, and I'm sorry if that doesn't fit in with your perfectly written book about your perfect life," he replied as he abruptly turned to keep walking.

"My life is perfect? Is that what you think? My life is a mess! My sister hates me, I'm scared out of my wits that someone will find out what we did, there is a mountain the size of Mount Everest of homework piling up on me, I have hours of Head Duties each night, I can't even tell my best friend all that's going on, and to top it all off I just went and accidentally shagged the guy I'm supposed to hate!" She exploded.

"Doesn't sound too happy," James muttered sarcastically under his breath and Lily glared at him. "I'm sorry I got mad at you," he reluctantly said a few moments later.

"I'm sorry I blew up at you," she said quietly, looking at the floor.

"And I'm also sorry that you were deflowered unintentionally,"

"But not that you're the guy who deflowered me?" She raised her eyebrow at him with a menacing glare.

"No, because I believe you should never regret what once made you genuinely happy,"

Lily didn't reply. She didn't even know what to say to that. It aggravated her that one moment, he was obnoxious, and the next moment, he was so sincere. There was a long silence as they stood there in the passage way, a few feet apart. James, starring at Lily, and Lily starring at the floor as her shoes scuffed the hardwood.

"Lily?" James asked timidly, ending the long silence.

"Hm?" she looked up.

"Why were you crying, that time, up in the Astronomy Tower?"

"Oh," she looked back down quickly and shook her head, "It was nothing. Nothing."

"It wasn't nothing," he stepped towards her. Lily flinched slightly.

"It doesn't matter," she growled, "alright? It doesn't matter!"

"Fine."

"Fine!"

"Bloody hell," James muttered under his breath, but he was sure Lily heard him when he heard her scoff at his remark.

"Let's go finish," Lily said and turned to walk back out of the passageway, James close on her heals.

~-*-~

"I don't get it," Lily told Mary later that night while they were sitting on her bed, sharing stories of the past few days. They'd reconciled when Mary had brought a peace-offering of Honeyduke's chocolate and Lily had pulled out a box of cauldron cakes.

"What?"

"Why would he like me?"

"Who? James?"

"Yes," Lily muttered, "I mean, I wouldn't like me if I were him. I'm nothing but rude to him, I'm not very pretty and I don't like him the way he wants me to, either."

"Oh, Lily," Mary sighed.

"It's true! I don't understand it at all," she groaned.

"Lily, I won't repeat again that you're gorgeous because you won't listen to me anyways, but you've got to know that he likes you for who you are, not exactly how you treat him," Mary patted Lily's hand. Lily frowned slightly and looked straight ahead, fixating on a spot on the wall.

"I shagged him," she said, almost as though she'd only just realized it.

"You WHAT?" Mary exclaimed as she jumped off the bed, "You what? And you didn't tell me? Oh, Merlin, bloody good friends I have!"

"I didn't mean to," Lily replied.

"You didn't mean to shag him or you didn't mean to not tell me?" Mary narrowed her eyes.

"Both! I meant to tell you, but I didn't know how. And I never meant to shag him. It was all awkward working with him for a weeks afterwards." Lily told her.

"Weeks?" Mary asked in surprise, "When exactly did this happen?"

"I don't know. I can't remember," Lily shrugged.

"You do to! You remember the exact date!" Mary accused and jumped back on the bed and leaned in to hear Lily's recount of the whole event.

"Fine," Lily sighed, "It's been two weeks and four days," she admitted.

"Wow," was all Mary said as she leaned back against the bedpost in surprise.

"And," Lily checked her watch, "three hours."

"Wow," Mary repeated.

"Is that all you can say?" Lily asked her.

"I don't know!" Mary huffed, "Maybe it'll take me two weeks and four days to let you know my reaction!"

"Mary, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. If you must know, it's been horrid keeping it in and trying to tell you but not knowing how,"

"Well, in the end, you just went out and said it!" Mary exclaimed, her face still evidently angry and deceived. They were quiet. "I'm your best mate, right?" she went on in a quieter tone as Lily nodded eagerly, "You should have told me."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"I forgive you," Mary said and they both smiled sadly, "This time."

Lily chuckled and bit into a cauldron cake. Mary just looked at her with an expectant look.

"What?" Lily asked.

"Well? Now tell me all about it! Was it everything you'd ever dreamed it would be?" Mary giggled.

"Oh," Lily blushed, "I suppose you've heard me then. While I was sleeping?" Mary nodded and shrugged in a 'what can you do?' way? "Well, I guess it would do to tell you it was both amazing and horrible at the same time?"

"Of course not! Tell me everything!" Mary hit Lily lightly on the leg.

"He was very gentle, but it wasn't very soft at all. I guess it was better than my dreams because it was real. But it's so much worse because now I have to live with it!"

"Why do you regret it so much?" Mary asked her quietly.

"Because I'm ashamed of what he'll think of me now," Lily replied shyly.

"I'm sure he doesn't think any less of you," Mary reassured her.

"That's what he said, but it still feels wrong," Lily sighed again, "I was supposed to be the kind of girl who waited to get married before making love. It wasn't supposed to happen in the Astronomy Tower!"

"The Astronomy Tower?" Mary asked with a laugh.

"Yes, I know, very kinky," Lily rolled her eyes, but she was smiling still. Mary chuckled.

"Lily?" she asked suddenly, "What do you think it was?"

"What do you mean?" Lily asked.

"Did you shag him, or did you make love to him?" Mary asked her seriously.

"Aren't they the same thing?"

"No, they're not. They're very different things,"

"Oh," Lily picked at a hole in her pillowcase with her finger.

"Lily? Which one?" Mary asked. Lily looked up.

"I have no idea."