For the second time that night Sara found herself in the bathroom of the CSI's lab, her body trembling as she looked at her pale figure in the mirror. She tired to calm herself, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. But it was to no avail. She could feel the tears she had spent hours repressing finally burning in her eyes. It felt like an age before the bathroom door burst open, but in reality it was only a matter of seconds. Sara didn't even need to turn around to know whom it was standing in the doorway.
"What the hell is going on with you Sara?" Catherine boomed as the door swung shut behind her with a loud band. Her fragile nerves made her jump at the sudden noise but she didn't answer, didn't even look up. "If you aren't going to do as I ask you on this case then I'll have to get Grissom to pull you off it."
"Fine." She mumbled as she finally moved to push past Catherine and out into the hallway.
"Fine? What you think I won't actually go through with it?" Catherine continued to shout as she followed the brunette down the corridor, ignoring the attention she was drawing from those working around them. "You know Sara, I have had enough of your attitude. You are acting like such a child!" Sara pushed open the door of the locker room, not bothering to turn on the light. Still remaining silent, she pushed her key abruptly into the lock of her locker and pulled open the door. "Answer me Sara." She shouted. "What is going on?" It was only then she realised what Sara was doing. "Where do you think your going?" Catherine asked from her position in the doorway.
"Home." Sara replied simply, bending down to pick up her bag.
"Well if you are going to continue acting in this way, maybe that's the best place for you." Catherine snapped as Sara slammed her locker shut and stormed towards the door. "What, I don't even get an explanation?" Catherine said, stepping into Sara's path.
"No you don't." Sara said. "I have to go." For the first time, her voice began to betray her, cracking as she spoke. When Catherine didn't move, she spoke again. "Please Catherine, I have to go."
"Not until you tell me what this is about."
"It's none of your business Catherine, now let me go." She said, raising her voice again in desperation.
"Excuse me Sara, but when it's effecting your work, then it is my business." Catherine persisted. "I am your superior…"
"Ok then Catherine, you want to know what's wrong?" Sara said, looking up to meet her eyes for the first time. "Your missing girl. I'm her." Catherine looked confused. "Our serial rapist." She continued, taking a step back and dropping her bag to the floor beside her. "I'm last nights victim." There was a stunned silence as Sara tried to gulp back the threatening tears. "So there you go 'Miss superior' why don't you go and stick my little dots on your dam map and let me go home." Tears were spilling onto her cheeks now as she stood numbly in the middle of the darken locker room, a heavy silence surrounding the two women. Catherine couldn't speak, Sara's words ringing in her ears. She swallowed hard and took a step closer to the girl who was trying to fight back her tears, wiping the moisture from her cheek with the back of her hand.
"Sara…" She spoke quietly, holding out a hand as a gesture of peace.
"What, you want to be my friend now? You want to try and make the victim feel better?" She snapped.
"No Sara…"
"Then let me go." She gathered her bag and headed for the door only to be stopped again by Catherine taking hold of both her arms. "Don't touch me!" She shouted, shaking off Catherine's hands and stepping back, her heart suddenly pounding hard in her chest.
"Sara please," Catherine begged, knowing that she couldn't let her leave now. "Talk to me." She stared at the blond for a moment, her breathing ragged and shallow. Catherine always seemed so strong, so determined. She had come to Sara when she had needed help despite their differences. Maybe Catherine could understand, having thought that she too had been a victim of sexual assault. But things had ended better for Catherine. She bit her bottom lip, closing her eyes for a moment to try and compose herself before she spoke, all the time Catherine patiently watching her with a concerned expression on her face.
"What do you want me to say? I can't tell you anything." She cried.
"Try Sara, please. Tell me what happened. Just, just talk to me..." Catherine said again.
"But I don't know what happened Catherine." She shouted waving her hands in a gesture of frustration. Then her voice lowered as she continued. "I remember leaving the lab and then… nothing." She shrugged, shaking her head as another tear escaped from her dark eyes. "I just don't know what happened." And then she broke. The tears fell freely and her shoulder shook, her legs threatening to give way beneath her. Catherine rushed forward, close to tears herself upon seeing her friends anguish. She took Sara's bag from her hand and dropped it to the floor before taking Sara in her arms and holding her close to her body, wanting to protect her from the pain.
"Sara, I'm so sorry." Catherine whispered. "I'm so, so sorry."
"I wanted to say something." She sobbed. "I wanted to tell you but it was too hard. I thought I was stronger than this but when I got here, saw you all, I couldn't do it. I'm sorry."
"Hey it's ok." Catherine soothed.
"I didn't want you to treat me differently."
"Why would we do that?" Catherine asked, pulling away to look at Sara's tear stained face.
"Because I'm just another victim now." She mumbled, embarrassment evident in her shaking voice.
"Sara, you will never be just another victim. Don't think that, don't ever think that." She nodded, wiping away her tears. Catherine silently led her to the bench that ran the length of the room and encouraged her to sit, hoping to stop her trembling. She sat close, keeping her hand on the girls back.
"Did you go to the hospital?" She asked tentatively when Sara seemed to have calmed a little.
"No." She admitted quietly. Catherine nodded but didn't say anything more, knowing how hard it could be for some people. If this job had taught her anything, it was that people reacted to violence in all sorts of ways. It had also taught her that at times like this, people needed support, not orders to go to the police or to the hospital.
"Does everyone have to know?" Sara asked quietly.
"Sara sweetie, it's going to be hard to keep this from the team. At the very least Warrick is going to need to know. This is his case too." She said apologetically. She nodded, subconsciously biting down on her lower lip.
"Does Grissom have to know?" She asked after a moment. Catherine's expression gave her the answer.
"I'm sorry Sara. He'll need to know why you're not on the case anymore and you'll need a phsyc. evaluation and…"
"Ok, ok. I get it." She sighed, cutting her off. They sat silently for a while. Sara played nervously her fingers, her gazed fixed to the floor. Catherine thought for a moment, she wanted to make this as easy for Sara as she could. She had already been hurt so much. ,
"Sara," Catherine began, waiting until she looked up before she continued. "If you want us to pass this case over to days…"
"No." She said quickly, turning to face the older woman, a sense of urgency in her voice. "No I want you to do it. I don't want them to know." She stopped for a second to take a deep breath, not wanting to cry again. "This is your case, I want… I want you to do it." She said more quietly.
"Ok." She said, moving her hand to squeeze Sara's shoulder, sensing her panic rising. "It's ok."
"So what now?" Sara asked after a short silence, her focus back on the floor.
"That's up to you sweetie."
"But I don't know what to do?" She said, her voice shaking again and her eyes refilling with salty tears.
"And that's alright Sara. Nobody is expecting you to know what to do." Catherine said, eager to prevent any further upset. "Ok?" Sara nodded, successfully keeping the tears at bay.
"Yeah." Catherine squeezed her shoulder again, giving her a smile that told her everything really would be ok.
"So do you want to go to the hospital? I can take you. Or I can take you home if you prefer?"
"I guess I should go to the hospital." She replied quietly.
"Ok." She paused, rubbing her hand up and down Sara's back. "They don't have to know yet. We can just say we are going to the hospital to do the interview for the case. I mean Warrick already thinks that's were we're going." She offered. Sara looked up and gave a weak smile.
"Thank you." Smiling, Catherine came to her feet and collected her bag from her locker. Sara sat silently, running her hand through her hair before letting it fall back down over her face, not having the energy to fight with it.
"Here." Catherine knelt in front of her, holding out a tissue.
"Thanks." Sara said, gratefully accepting it and wiping her eyes then proceeding to run the tissue through her fingers, gradually tearing it up as she did so. "I'm such a mess." She mumbled.
"Hey," Catherine said, covering Sara's hands with her own. "You're doing just fine."
"Really? Because I feel…" She hesitated and shook her head.
"No, go on." Encouraged Catherine. "How do you feel?"
"Vulnerable. And Scared." She admitted. "The worst part is not even remembering… I just know it happened." Silence fell between them again. Catherine tightened her hands around Sara's.
"Come on." She said standing up and encouraging Sara to follow. "Ok?" Sara nodded. Catherine's hand came to the taller woman's face, tucking her soft brown hair behind one ear. Placing a hand on Sara's back, Catherine led her to the door. They paused as Catherine's hand reached for the handle.
"I'll meet you at your car." Sara said quietly.
"You alright?" Catherine asked concerned.
"Yeah it's just… we go from screaming at each other to… this." She said, chuckling at how ridiculous she must sound. "People might be a little…" She couldn't think of the right word.
"Suspicious." Catherine offered.
"I just don't want people asking questions." She said sadly. "Not yet."
"Ok." Catherine smiled. "I'll see you out there in few minutes." Then she left, leaving Sara alone in the still dark room. She turned and leaned her back against the door. She pulled her bag to her chest, allowing her chin on rest on it. Closing her eyes she let out a deep sigh. She wasn't sure how long she stood there, just letting the darkness and the quiet surround und her and seep into her, making her feel oddly calm. She didn't want to move. She didn't want to face the world outside of that door. She knew it would be full of questions and sympathetic look and neither of those things had any appeal. But it was only right that she try and help catch this guy, after all that was her job. If she made this about the other girls and not about her, it seemed somehow less daunting, so that's what she would do.
First of all, thank you all for the reviews for the first chapter. I think most of you had a good idea of what was coming so the bulk of this chapter is probably of no great suprise, but I really hope you enjoyed it anyway. This is a difficult subject to deal with and I hope that I have so far handled in a way which causes no offence or upset to anyone!!!
Please let me know what you think of this latest chapter. The next one is already underway...