Title: Fractured Dreams, Part 2/?

Author: LoVefan4ever

Rating: PG-13

Characters/Pairings: Veronica/Duncan now, Veronica/Logan eventually.

Spoilers: Probably up to 2.22, but nothing specific. This is a future fic.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Veronica Mars, although I desperately wished I did.

A/N: I'm really sorry I have taken this long to update. I won't bore you with all the excuses but I will tell you I promise not to take that long with the next update. And I know I originally said it would only be 2 parts but things have changed and I'm thinking it will be more like four. I hope you guys don't hate me too much. Thank you to everyone who still cares enough about this to read and review. You all are awesome!!

Oh, and no beta, so all mistakes are mine and I'm sure there are quite a few.

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"I just don't understand it. I mean with little Lilly all it took was that one time," Duncan stated, looking at his wife, confusion gracing his features.

"Are you saying that I'm at fault?" Veronica queried defensively.

"No, no... I'm sorry Veronica. You know I don't think it's your fault. It's just that we've been trying now for four years. The doctors say we're both fine... I just don't understand."

Veronica would have been more angry with the way this conversation was going if it wasn't for her own culpability. She even let him slide with the reference to he and Meg's sex life. Under normal circumstances she would have been appalled at the fact the he would have the nerve to bring that up in a conversation of such a personal matter. That alone should qualify him as an insensitive jerk but he was Duncan and there was never any malice intended, only naivety.

Some days she almost longed for a few good insults thrown her direction, one's that were meant to really sting. She missed a good verbal sparring or a even a knock down drag out or two. Sighing, she forced herself to admit, at least inwardly, that it wasn't what she missed... it was who she missed. She missed Logan.

But as it were, she had no leg to stand on. Her crimes were far worse than simple blandness and on most days Duncan's impassiveness mirrored her own. She really should feel worse about the whole situation, but she didn't. Not really.

"I don't know, Duncan. If it's meant to be it will happen," she said with a resigned sigh.

Pushing the covers off of her, Veronica made her way to her dressing room. They had been having this same conversation a lot lately and she wasn't any more comfortable with it.

Just to the right of the entrance to their en suite master bath was her own dressing room, complete with a huge walk in closet and dressing area. Veronica had found a gorgeous shabby chic dresser with matching mirror at a thrift store and had brought it home with her. Duncan had nearly had a coronary. He really was becoming a lot like his mother, arguing that it just wouldn't match the decor anywhere in the house. Later he'd apologized, telling her she could put it wherever she wanted, but Veronica liked it just where it stood. Her dressing room was her haven, the one place in the house that truly was all hers and hers alone.

Of course, Duncan never knew what really drew her to the late 20's piece. The top right hand drawer of the dresser had a false bottom, probably used to hide an otherwise fine lady's secret stash during prohibition. Veronica opened the drawer, removing the false bottom and looked upon her own cache... the ring Logan had given her, his letters from the past four meetings, a yellow telegram, all well worn around the edges and her birth control pills. She really wasn't sure which she felt more guilty about or if she was honest with herself, if she really felt guilty at all.

She reached in and grabbed a pill, swallowing it dry, while she pulled the ring out of its black velvet home. Slipping off the set that currently resided on her left ring finger, she replaced them with the single band. Something about tempting fate came to mind, but fate had never been especially good to her so maybe it was about time it was tempted. Besides, she was seeing Logan tomorrow for their annual clandestine meeting and there was no time like the present to be batting a thousand in the guilt department.

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They had both been so careful in the past, taking great pains to avoid any paparazzi following or lurking nearby. Veronica always wore a different wig to conceal her identity even if Logan hadn't been able to ditch any unwanted company. But today she had been in a hurry, rushing to drop Lilly's soccer uniform off at her school since she'd forgotten it that morning, before heading to their annual meeting spot. It was only after stopping a gas station halfway to Redemption Point that she realized she had forgotten her wig.

Veronica frantically searched the entire car for anything that she could use to hide a least a little bit. It had been a year since she'd seen Logan, save magazines and red carpet interviews and she needed to see her Logan, not the Logan the media portrayed him as. As a rule she tried to avoid any media about him but sometimes it was just too much of a struggle. Not finding anything of use in the car, she made the decision that sunglasses would just have to do. She couldn't, or rather, wouldn't turn around now.

She had always been faithful to Duncan, at least physically. One could argue that being emotional invested in someone else besides your husband made you even less faithful but they didn't know her, didn't know them. It wasn't as easy as loving one or the other. When there was Lilly, they were equal, each having a corner of their own, but without her, their points were defined by the sharp slopes that connected them all. It was beyond impossible to keep the equilibrium of happiness they so desperately fought for. One of them always found themselves on the opposite end of the triangle.

Veronica had made her choice, to death do us part, but she had a hard time reminding her heart. So she gave herself this one day a year. It was the only time she allowed herself to wallow in what-could-have-beens and the mundaneness that had been her life of late was screaming for the escape it could provide. This one day she allowed herself to feel the love she had for another man.

As she drove along the coast she couldn't help but to be pulled in by the memories that arose from the familiar drive. The salty breeze assaulted her senses reminding her of days past. Each turn held anticipation, each curve, longing. The butterflies in her stomach shifted up and down along each straight-away serving as a constant reminder of who she was about to see.

It wasn't always that way, though. Their first meeting didn't happen; fear, anger and a true desire to make her marriage work, preventing her from seeing him. And of course she'd thought about Duncan and what it would do to him if he ever found out. It didn't matter that they were just two old friends meeting up, it was Logan, and he represented every thing that Duncan could never be, everything Veronica always wanted, needed. And she was pretty sure, despite desperately trying to hide it, she wasn't the only one who knew that very fact.

After she didn't show up that first year she thought that would be the end but she should have known better. About two weeks before the date he had originally requested they meet, she received a telegram from Spain. She idly wondered who in the heck sent telegrams anymore but the back of her mind tickled with remembrance of something she'd read earlier about a film Logan was doing over there. She couldn't stop the flip-flop her stomach did with the thought that it might be from him. She had opened it in private, silently reading the words over and over.

I hear Redemption Point is beautiful this time of year- stop

Please- stop

That last word had tugged on her heartstrings. That one word from that one man had overpowered all her sense and sensibilities and she had decided to meet him.

Veronica wasn't sure at what point it became more about Logan and less about Duncan but she had a pretty good idea about where it started. And with each passing year she was becoming more and more sure of one thing. A marriage certificate couldn't change her heart, not the way she wanted it to. Logan and the past five years had shown her that.

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Flashback

Pulling up to the rocky strip of land that jetted out into the ocean, Veronica guessed that she was indeed at Redemption Point. She parked her white Ford Taurus which she had rented earlier in the day in the nearly deserted parking lot and thanked god it was a Monday. Off to her right the curve of the beach only held a minimal amount of surfers, a fact that Veronica guessed wouldn't be so if it was a weekend.

The point itself was separated from the parking lot by a wooden fence with an opening at the center, revealing a well worn path. Beyond that she could see a few intricately placed palms and the ground was covered in low lying shrubs.

Veronica followed the path through the ragged underbrush to the point where she found Logan. Even with his back turned towards her she couldn't help but to take a moment and relish the view that he provided. His shoulders were back, his lean muscular form still apparent despite the blue striped button up and jeans that he sported. His hands were tucked familiarly in his pockets and he looked so very statuesque against the blues of the ocean and sky. He was beautiful.

Even from her distance she could tell that he looked like he was truly in his element, so carefree, like he fit here. She remembered that he'd once told her that he belonged in the ocean, that it's swells soothed even the most troubled soul and that the only thing he loved more than its deep blue depths, was her. She wondered if he ever thought of that now.

Stay on task, Veronica. You re here just as friends, no, just old acquaintances. Nothing more.

Turning around suddenly, he caught her off guard and she blushed furiously. She had been preparing herself for this meeting for weeks, telling herself that she wouldn't let him affect her this way and all it had taken was just one look. But preparing for and actually experiencing the flood of emotions that slammed into her were two totally different things. She realized with certain clarity that one could just not prepare for a face to face with Logan Echolls, especially when your name was Veronica Mars. And much to her chagrin, regardless if that name had a Kane tacked onto it now, the rush of just being near him hadn't subsided in the least. As he made his way towards her, her knees began to get weak she thought for the millionth time that this was definitely a bad idea.

Despite the red wig and baseball cap she was wearing he knew exactly who she was, or at least if the piercing gaze that was currently burning a hole in her soul was any indication he did.

"Ahhhh, a red-head..." Logan started with a smirk.

He walked several step closer to her and lowered his voice despite the absence of anyone but them.

"Do you know how many sexual fantasies are running around in my head right now?"

Veronica grew uncomfortable. She was supposed to keep this strictly platonic and things were quickly spiraling out of control.

"Logan, don't. I'm a married woman, now," she stated firmly. "I only came her because... well, I don't know why I came here. I should go."

She quickly turned to leave but he caught her upper arm.

"Veronica, wait... please... I'm sorry, I just wanted... just... you're right. You are a married woman and I intend to respect that. I promise. I won't make you uncomfortable again, just please don't leave. I've been looking forward to this for far too long," he said pleadingly.

Veronica knew she should turn around and run as fast as her legs would carry her. But sometimes it was too hard to refuse him, especially when he begged and looked at her liked every breath began and ended with her. She missed being looked at like that.

"Ok... I'll stay... but not too long."

When Logan was sure she wouldn't bolt he released her arm and Veronica silently mourned the loss of his touch. He then reached in his back pocket a produced a long rectangular envelope.

"Here... I wrote you a letter. I wasn't sure if you would come... so I thought I could mail it or something. Anyway, it's just some stuff about what's been going on with me over the last two years or so," he told her, shrugging his shoulders.

She reached out for it, grasping it between her fingers, grateful to have something to keep her hands from fidgeting.

"Well, I don't need a letter for that. All I need is the latest People magazine," she informed him smirking, feeling a little at ease for the first time since she'd gotten here.

"Ah, checking up on me, are you Mars?"

Veronica knew she should correct him, remind him that she was a Kane and not a Mars, that he'd lost the right to call her that long ago, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. It felt nice and the easy smile gracing his face was just too beautiful to shoot down.

"Don't flatter yourself, Logan. Despite my having married into inherited wealth, I have to stand in the checkout line like the rest of the women in America."

"Yes, but I do believe I was on page eighteen which would require definite perusal. Maybe next year I'll make the cover and you won't even have to open the magazine to find me," he teased, winking at her.

The blush that crept up her cheeks did not escape him and Veronica decided it was time to change the subject.

"It's beautiful out here. Do you come here surfing or something?" she asked, looking out over the ocean.

"No, actually my grandfather Lester asked my grandmother to marry him here. I come here sometimes to get away from it all, you know."

Veronica smiled as he seemingly recalled a happier time. She had never met his mother's parents but he'd always talked about them with such fondness. But then she had a thought.

"Why September 7th?"

For a moment she thought she saw hurt in his eyes but if it was there he quickly masked it.

"No reason in particular. It just sounded like a nice day... not too hot..."

Logan had always been a terrible liar when one really looked. All too often she had skimmed over his emotions, either too wrapped up in her own game of charades or too scared to dig deeper, afraid of what she might have dug up for them both. But if there was one thing being a Kane for the last year and three months had taught her it was glassing over things never got you anywhere. And apparently being Veronica Mars had kept her ripe and ready for the role. She was just eternally sorry that Logan was the one who'd gotten the bad end of the deal. She felt the sudden need to apologize for everything.

"Logan, I'm sorry... I"

"Forget it Veronica, I told you, it's just a date..."

"No, not that…I'm sorry for everything," she looked at him, the unshed tears clearly sparkling in the sun, imploring him to understand. "I'm sorry."

Veronica didn't know how he did it but suddenly she was crying into his chest, his broad, safe arms wrapped securely around her, hands stroking her hair lovingly. She should move, she knew, but being in his arms, if only for a moment, allowed her to forget the cross that was always hers to bear. She wondered idly when she would have to stop paying for the sins of her mother. It seemed as if the Mars, Kane and Echolls' households would always be held in the triangular prison that had started so long ago.

Ever cautious of being swept away to easily in the wind that was Logan, she pulled back and hastily wiped her tears away.

"Thanks... but I should really go."

Logan only nodded, keeping his eyes intently on her.

She turned to leave but he once again kept her from going, this time by gently grabbing her hand.

"Veronica... tell me your happy. Please, I need to know you're happy. I need to know that everything was for the better… that giving you up was the right thing."

She looked up at him and forced a broad smile, choking back the tears that so easily threatened.

"I'm happy, Logan."

They both knew it was a lie.

Logan could only watch as she left, wondering what the next year would bring for them both, wondering if fate would ever see things their way, if lives would ever be done ruining, and hoping there would never have to be any more bloodshed.

Two miles down the road she realized what had happened on September 7th. It was the day he had promised her that no matter what, he would make sure nothing ever came between them again. It was the beginning of their junior year at Hearst and surprisingly they had managed to stay friends for over a year following the cafeteria incident. They were on his boat, finally getting their long overdue trip to Catalina when he'd told her that he thought they were ready, ready to move beyond just friends. And right then she couldn't have agreed more. It was then that he made his promise.

Veronica's thoughts had moved from longing to bitterness in a matter of seconds. It was he who made that promise and then he was the one who broke it. Maybe she married Duncan for more reasons than she'd originally thought. Maybe deep down she was more hurt than she would ever admit and in her own twisted way had decided to punish Logan out of spite. The only problem was that with his happiness, so went hers too. But no matter, she decided that would have to be the last time she would see Logan Echolls.

End Flashback

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She had thought she was safe. Eleven months had went by after that first meeting, allowing to go on pretending with her picture perfect life. It wasn't all bad. She did love Duncan in her own way and Lilly... well Lilly was Lilly. She had started develop some characteristics of her namesake which endeared her to Veronica even more, but she highly doubted she could ever be a true mother to the child.

But then, out of the blue she'd gotten another telegram. This time it had come from New York where she knew Logan was filming, and if she didn't know already, she only had to read the four simple words on the inside to know exactly who it came from.

Same time, same place?- stop

She had felt a familiar flutter in her chest, confirming the fact that as far as her heart was concerned, there would never be any ignoring Logan Echolls. And so she had met with him year after year in the same place leaving any guilt behind as she passed through the opening in the fence. That day alone was reserved for him.

As she pulled into the now familiar parking lot, she jumped out of the car, anxious to see him. Passing along the fence to the opening she noticed something new. The wooden fence had long been used as a canvas for carved declarations of love, but it was one in particular that caught her eye. There, nearest to where she always parked her car were the initials LE+VM branded into the rough wood. She ran her fingers over the inscription, feeling the curve of the moderately worn letters between their tips. It was a move that would probably entice a splinter or two but she didn't care. It was obvious that they had been there a while and she'd wondered when he'd done it. Making her way to the point, she couldn't wait to ask him.

Veronica stepped through the gateway of her own reality and made her way along the path that was stamped forever on her heart. This was only the fifth time she'd met Logan here but it had secretly become the place of her own solace, finding her way here on many occasions. She mentally counted the steps to the point, each one bringing her closer to the pinnacle of a year's waiting. Closer to Logan.

He was waiting for her as usual, a beacon in an ever changing sky.

He sensed her presence and quickly turned, taking in her appearance. His breath caught, seeing her no longer hidden from hair that was not her own, for the first time seeing all of her, his Veronica. Her beautiful long blond hair whipped around in the wind and he wished he could freeze that moment for all eternity. This time she had come to him without disguises or pretexts and maybe that meant something. Maybe she was ready to tell him and the world how she really felt, that mistakes were made and now it was time to correct them. He rushed to hug her, eager to experience this new, unbidden Veronica.

"Veronica… it's been too long. I've missed you."

She didn't say anything, only pressed her face harder into his chest, leaned further into his embrace. It was hard to speak, every emotion inside her was running wild, threatening to spill her secrets and betray her dignity.

He pulled away slightly, a question on his mind.

"Veronica… Is everything alright?"

"When did you carve our initials?" she asked, ignoring his question.

"After the last time we were here. I'm sorry… I couldn't help it. I needed… I needed something."

"I just noticed it."

"What do you mean… just noticed it?" Logan asked, confused.

"I… ," Veronica started pulling out of his embrace, unsure of how much she should reveal. "I come here sometimes."

"You do?"

"Yes… I guess… I guess it's the closest thing I have to you."

"Oh god… Veronica," he said reaching out, only to have her slip out of his grasp. He continued despite her obvious discomfort. She had revealed more to him in that one sentence than she had in all the years before. Any hope he could hold onto, he was going to with both hands. "What are we going to do? We can't go on like this."

"I know," she admitted looking up at him through her lashes. "Just… just give me a little more time. I need time."

Logan placed his hand on her shoulder, cognizant of her need for space.

"Veronica… I'll wait. I know you don't want to hear it, but I love you and if you think there's a chance, I'll wait a thousand years."

The tears that wanted to fall since she had gotten there finally made an appearance. They flowed freely, bringing the weight of everything they represented with them.

"Logan… I… I have to go… but I promise…"

She didn't know what she was promising. Perhaps it was that she would leave Duncan, or maybe that she loved him, too. Or maybe she was repeated his promise that he'd made years earlier, that no matter what, nothing would come between them again. Those were large promises to make and she knew she would have to find the strength from somewhere to keep them.

She held his eyes, telling him more through them than she could ever articulate through her voice. His own shown with understanding and love and for the first time in a really long time, Veronica had a feeling of hope That even though her universe was about to shift in a very powerful direction, she could have hope that everything would be as it should. That just maybe, this time, true love would conquer all.

Veronica turned her back to leave the man who made the fire in her heart ignite. If she didn't leave now, she'd do something she'd infinitely regret, no matter how much she wanted it. She was still married to Duncan and he had never treated her with anything but respect. She would do the same for him. But someday, somehow she would find a way to right the mistakes she'd made. Someday, she'd be with Logan.

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Veronica awoke with a smile on her face. She loved Duncan, she did, but the annual clandestine rendezvous with Logan lifted the weight on her usual heavy heart. The phone rang and only rang once before she could roll over an answer it. Looking at the alarm clock she realized it was awfully early for Duncan to be fielding business calls and the lack coffee aroma wafting through the air was an anomaly. Feeling something was amiss, Veronica grabbed her robe and went out into the hallway.

It wasn't the first time she'd seen Duncan's publicist, Joyce McEnroe, at their home so early in the morning but it was the first time she'd seen her in their private quarters. Duncan only conducted the affairs of Kane Software at the house when absolutely necessary and even then he had a very strict rule about sticking to the wing that housed his office and a small conference room. So to see Joyce in their hallway, quietly chatting with Duncan, unnerved her. After all she had been a P.I. once.

Duncan must have sensed they were no longer alone, because he turned and saw Veronica watching them. His expression was stoic; Veronica recognized it as his business face. She'd seen him use it dozens of times when the opportunity arose for her to be privy to his Kane Software dealings, but he'd never used it with her. He had always been so open and unguarded since they got married and his soft expressions had reflected that.

He told Joyce something that Veronica couldn't quite hear before she turned to leave. Duncan's face was still guarded as he beckoned for her to follow him down into the kitchen. When she stepped down the last stair, her heart dropped.

There lying across the kitchen island were about seven or so tabloids and newspapers all with photos of her and Logan gracing the front page. The magazines stood out against the black granite of the counter like flashing neon signs and the headlines ranged from "Hollywood's Favorite Son Has Secret Affair with Billionaire's Wife," to "Billionaire's Wife Gets Caught in Revolving Love Triangle."

"How long, Veronica?" Duncan asked, eerily calm.

"Please Duncan... it's not what you think," Veronica pleaded.

"How long?"

"Once a year for the past five years."

"Did you... have you..."

"I promise you Duncan, nothing has ever happened. I just meet him once a year to catch up, that's it... I swear. I would never cheat on you."

"Then why keep it a secret?"

"Because I didn't think you would understand. He was part of my life for so long Duncan... just like you. I couldn't cut him out of it completely no matter how much I wanted to. Please try to understand."

Duncan nodded, his eyes not meeting hers.

"I have to go. The board of directors has called an emergency board meeting. This has been a major embarrassment to the company and it's only likely to get worse."

"How could... I mean we're just talking in the picture... and it's the tabloids for christ's sake."

"I doesn't matter... it's you and it's him, together, and given your past history... you should know as well as anyone that people will always draw the wrong conclusions."

"What about you Duncan... what is your conclusion?" she asked.

"I... I have to go Veronica... we can talk about this when we get home."

This time it was Veronica who was unable to meet his eyes, keeping her head down while she nodded.

"Oh and Veronica..."

"Yes, Duncan?" she asked timidly.

"I don't want you to see him anymore... ever."

Before she had time to process his demand he had grabbed his briefcase and was out the door.

To be continued…

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