I pry my eyes open as I feel Jacob tugging on my hand. "Come on, Mommy," he whispers as I rub the back of my free hand over my face. I turn to look at him and chuckle as I notice he is wearing only his Spiderman underwear and his hair is all messed up.

"Where are your pajamas, Jake?" I ask quietly as I sit up and get out of bed. He grins up at me and says, "They fell off." I shake my head as I giggle and tell him to go get dressed. I look over at Derek and sigh when I can tell he's not going to be awake anytime soon. "Late night," I say to myself when I realize I didn't hear Derek come home from work last night. I walk down the hall and open the door to Emma's room and can see that she's awake.

"Hey, Em," I say softly as I turn the lamp on next to her crib. I smile as she rolls over onto her back and reaches up for me. "Uh, yuck. You're wet this morning," I mumble as I pick her up and kiss her cheek. I carry her over to her changing table and take off her soaked pajamas.

I feel Jacob wrap his arms around my leg and I look down at him and smile. "Nice outfit," I say as I notice he is once again wearing his favorite blue Batman t-shirt that is a size too small. He laughs and starts to climb up the side of Emma's changing table.

"Can you pick Emma out some clothes for me?" I ask him as I fumble with the tabs on Emma's clean diaper. Jacob doesn't answer, but runs to the closet and grabs an outfit for his sister. He runs back to me and tosses the outfit on top of Emma's face. We both laugh as Emma pulls it off of her head and it makes her hair stick up like a porcupine.

"Who's hungry?" I ask as I pick Emma up and head downstairs for breakfast. Jacob smiles and hops down the stairs two at a time in front of me before shouting, "I win!" as he reaches the bottom. I roll my eyes and say, "You didn't tell me we were racing, Jake. No fair."

I buckle Emma into her highchair and begin mashing up a banana for her. I smile at her as she tries to pick up a Cheerio from her tray but it falls out of her chubby little fingers. Jacob laughs and says, "Like this, Emmy," as he expertly picks up a piece of cereal off of her tray and shoves it in his mouth. Emma's eyes watch him, and then she frowns when she realizes that her big brother stole her breakfast. She slams her hand down onto her tray and makes Cheerios fly onto the floor, making both of them giggle.

I shake my head and place a plate of blueberry Eggos in front of Jacob. He smiles up at me and shoves a forkful of waffle into his mouth.

"Hurry up!" Jacob shouts at me in frustration as he stomps to the front door.

I roll my eyes and say, "Hold your horses, I can't get this thing on." I reach around my back to grab the strap on the hiking baby carrier and finally manage to buckle it on the fourth attempt. I wonder to myself if Houdini invented this stupid thing that is now strapped to my back. I walk over to the kitchen table and scribble a note for Derek telling him we are 'exploring the wilderness'. I shove my pager and cell phone in my jeans pocket.

"Ready, Em?" I ask as I try to see her face behind me. She pulls on my ponytail and I can feel that she has stuck my hair in her mouth. "Gross, Emma," I mutter as I open the front door and Jacob runs out in front of me.

"Which trail today, Jake?" I yell to him as I take a hop to adjust the carrier on my back. He stops running and turns to look at me. "The one that goes by the lake," he says with a grin. I smile back at him because I know that's the path he always picks.

"Eat your sandwich," Derek says as he tries to get Jacob to sit still in his chair long enough to eat lunch. I sit down in the chair across the table from Derek and smile at him as he shoves a spoonful of strained peas into Emma's mouth. He glances over at me and catches me watching him. He grins at me and says, "What?"

I can't keep my smile from growing as my heart starts to speed up when he gives me 'the look'. "Nothing," I say dismissively with a wink. I groan as I hear my pager going off in my pocket. "Crap," I mutter under my breath as I stand up to call the hospital. I notice Jacob puts his head down onto his folded arms on the table when I say, "Prep the OR. I'm on my way," into the phone.

"Sorry, Jake. I have to go for a little while," I say as I bend down and wrap my arms around his stomach. I sigh when he doesn't say anything or look up from the table. I walk over and sit down in Derek's lap. I cup his face with my hands and give him a soft kiss on the mouth. I giggle when Emma yells "DaDa" at me and scrunches up her nose.

"I can kiss Daddy, too," I tell her with a wink as I give Derek another quick kiss. I stand up and walk over to her highchair and kiss the top of her head. She grabs a strand of my hair and I say, "Thanks a lot, Em," as I notice the glob of green goo she leaves behind. "I'll be back soon," I say as I walk by Jacob and muss the top of his hair up. I shake my head and sigh as he still doesn't respond to me.

I sigh as I flop myself down next to Derek on the couch. "Emma sleeping?" I ask as I wrap my arms around his stomach and lay my head against his chest.

"Yeah, for about an hour now," he answers as he kisses the top of my head.

"Is Jacob still mad at me?" I ask as I look up at Derek's eyes. He smiles lightly and says, "He was when I laid him down. But we talked about it some more."

I exhale and shake my head as I say, "How do we make a four year old understand?"

Derek runs his hands up and down my back as I try to force away the tears that I can feel stinging my eyes. "We can't," he admits softly into my hair before leaving a kiss there.

I bury my face into his t-shirt and poorly try to hide my tears.

Derek sighs and says, "Mer, you're not your mom, ok?" I hate that he can read my mind sometimes.

"Hey big guy, want some ice cream?" I say softly as I peek into Jacob's room. He sits up in bed and smiles at me.

"Hi, Mommy," he says as I sit down in front of him on his bed. I hand him a spoon and I pop the lid off the pint of strawberry ice cream.

"Don't tell Daddy," I whisper with a mischievous smile as we both dig our spoons in.

"I'm sorry I had to leave today," I tell him before I shove the spoon in my mouth.

He looks at my face for a long moment and says, "Did you fix them?"

I swallow my ice cream and force a smile out. "Yeah," I manage to say as I watch him chew on a frozen strawberry. I reason with myself that lying to him is ok because he's too young to know about things like pain and death and loss.

I feel Derek's eyes watching me as I take off my bra and change into my pajama shirt. I look up quickly at him and giggle as he tries to pretend he wasn't looking at me.

"Whatever, Derek," I say as I climb on top of him and straddle his waist. "I know you were watching me," I tease as I poke him in the ribs with my fingers.

He puts his hands on my waist and grins. "I can't help it, Mer. You're so beautiful," he says with a smile, and it makes my heart start racing. I can feel myself blushing, and I lay down on top of him so that I can kiss him.

He presses his lips gently onto mine and runs his hands up and down the length of my back. "Everything ok with Jacob?" he says softly into my ear. I sigh and roll off of him onto my side of the bed. "I guess. Until the next time I get paged," I say flatly as I brush the hair out of my face with my hand.

Derek turns his body to face me and he puts his arm across my stomach. "How's your patient?" he asks. I groan and wish he would just stop talking.

I shake my head as I say, "Couldn't save her. Too much bleeding." I close my eyes and try to force the memory out of my head but it doesn't work. I sigh and admit, "It never gets easier. She was only eight, Derek. Her parents…just…" I stop my sentence and let out a deep sigh.

Derek places his hand on my cheek and turns my head so I will look at him. "Mer, you know you can't save everyone," he says softly as he wipes a tear from the corner of my eye.

"I know, but feel like I should. It's not fair, Derek," I say as I turn my body and press up against him.

He smiles lightly at me and says, "I know. It's not fair, Mer." He lifts my chin up and he presses his lips down onto mine.

I kiss him back and grab his t-shirt in my hands. I deepen the kiss and want him to hurry up and make love to me so I can clear my head.

He pulls away from my kiss and smiles. "I love you," he whispers with his face two inches from mine.

I smile back at him and say, "I love you, too."

A/N: Please be kind and review. Thanks!