I sat there next to him on the couch. The heat emanating from him was nearly enough to kill me dead. I wanted to just kinda do this flying leap thing I kept seeing me do in my head, and pounce on him, but that would blow my cover. I have worked very hard today in inching closer and closer to Jacob that if I make any sudden movements, he'll just run off home through the woods.
"Jake," I whispered to him, trying not to interrupt him from the baseball game on tv. He immediately turned away and looked at me, questioningly. "Uhmm, could you pass me that magazine?" I asked pointing across his chest, as close as I could get to touching it, to the end table on the other side of the couch.
He grabbed it then before handing it to me he read the cover. "Cosmo? That's a little too mature for you…I mean, I guess you know, but Nessie, you're six, you should not b…" That just put me a little over the edge.
"I am not. I'm sixteen. You know it."
"No, Nessie, you're six, I remember, I was there when you…" He stopped and looked at me. I scowled and turned away from him. He tried to mutter something like sorry and hand me the magazine, but I just got up and left. I walked out the door, slammed it behind me and ran off the porch into the woods.
I ran as fast as I could trying to divert anything on my trail, especially him. I knew he would find me eventually, it was part of this imprinting thing, but I didn't want him to, so I booked ass. Faster than my father had probably ever run in his life, keeping to the woods near an ocean. After a couple hours, when I was almost to Canada, I stopped and walked out of the woods to the beach. I was somewhere by this town called Custer. I'd been here before too. I tended to come here to get away, cause Jacob never followed me this far. I got on a bus and traveled south to Bellingham, then took a ferry to Brant island.
Walking along the beach always calmed me down a little bit. Maybe I over-reacted. Maybe I really hurt Jake this time…What the hell am I saying? He's the one rejecting me! Ok, walking is just not helping me right now. I started jogging. That wasn't helping either. Maybe if I…swam? The only time I ever swam was either in the stream in the woods or that time I jumped off the cliffs like my mom had once, but that had set dad off like a rogue firecracker. But now, I'm older. I think I can handle myself, and anyway what is it water? Couple rocks? Sand? Yeah definitely not a threat. I started to take off my sweatshirt, Then I picked up a sound in the background.
"Nessie? What do you think you're doing?"
"Dylan!" I giggled, turning around to face him directly in the chest. Goddamn why was I so short and he so tall? I blame mom. Dylan is what Jake isn't. He actually thought I was 16. "I came out to get peace and quiet, what are you doing out here in bumblefuck?" I scowled. He tried to hand me my sweatshirt. I took it and tossed it to the side, before turning around and walking towards the water, removing my shirt as I went.
"Nessie! What the hell are you doing? There are people here you know!" He ran after me and grabbed my shoulder. I shook it off without even looking at him, and just kept walking smirking as I went.
Eventually I was at the water's edge in panties and a bra with Dylan running around trying to pick up the clothes and make me put them on. I walked in.
"Wait! You don't now how to swim in water like this! There are rip tides and waves, and rocks…Nessie hold up! Wait!" He chased after me, but I was already in, and loving the water. Dylan was in a the bathing suit he practically lived in. He grabbed my waist and rested his head on my shoulder. Alright I know what you're thinking. I love Jake, I really do, but Dylan…well, he hugs me, and touches my hair, and kisses me, and he is just so loving. I mean, I could never actually love anyone as much as I love Jacob. I could not live without Jacob, I'd be an empty shell. But with Dylan, I actually felt like a whole person. He makes me feel like I am sixteen. Cause physically I'm sixteen. Mentally I'm about thirty. Jacob treated me like I was the god-awful number. If Dylan knew the truth, I don't think I could function.
After spending my afternoon with Dylan, we just kinda let the sun roll by into a beautiful summer night on the beach. If I wasn't home in a couple hours I think people will start to worry. I was literally the baby in my family, and if I was gone for more than ten hours at a time, usually people got worried. Jake usually was the worst, he didn't like to be away from me for too long. Ever since I was born he basically lived at our house, actually even staying the night a couple times. Grandpa was considering adding an addition to the house to make a room for him, but dad and my uncles were against it.
I missed Jake a little when I was with Dylan, and I felt really bad, but I'm a teenager - sorta - and I need to feel needed and loved. At home I felt love, but it was not desire, it was family. I love that Dylan needs me, and always is touching me somehow, or playing with my hair, or letting me just sit on his lap, and curl up into him. If only Jake would…I heard movement.
"Ness?" Shit! I turned around to see Jake standing there, looking very hurt, with his hands limp at his sides, and head hung.
"Jake what the hell are you…" Dylan cut me off.
"Ness? Is that what he calls you? Who the hell is this guy? I thought only your family and I called you Nessie…" Dylan looked at me, with a glare as pathetic as Jake's. Damn I fucked this up!
"Excuse me? I should be asking who the hell you are! Ness, what are you doing?" Jacob hissed at me.
"Hey, don't yell at my girlfriend! Who do you think you are?" Dylan growled at Jake. Oh damn…Jake looked at me then stepped up to Dylan, and shoved him back.
"Your girlfriend? Ha! Right! That's why we're getting married someday right? Because she's your's?" Jake said straight to his face, not even 3 inches from it.
"Jake, who said I ever want to marry you? And Dylan, this is Jake, he was my boyfriend until three minutes ago. I'm sorry I really should have told you but I didn't want to lose the only person who has romantic feelings for me at all…" I looked at Jake. "You know that? He actually loves…loved… me. He hugged me, held me. He let me get close to him and snuggle up to him. And did you? No, you'd rather sit at the other end of the couch and watch baseball than ever touch me."
"What is this bullshit? Nessie, if this is what's going on, I'm out of here. I want a real girlfriend, my own. Not this freak's." Dylan stated dryly, before muttering an apology to Jake giving some retarded explanation, and leaving Jake and I to duke it out on the beach.
"Great Jake good job. Now I'm never going to be touched again until I'm like…thirty." I turned away to go find a taxi back to Bellingham to go home. Jake grabbed my wrist and spun me around. "Let me the hell go Jake. Come on, I want to go home now."
"You don't think I love you?" He muttered looking at me with sad puppy eyes, all the while grasping my wrist like it was his life source.
"Jake, listen. Sorry I've been dating Dylan behind your back. I know that you're not as interested in me as I am in you. He just made me feel needed…wanted. Whatever. Can I go now?" I made a desperate fight for control of my arm, but Jake did not budge.
"Nessie, its not whatever. You really don't think I don't love you? You think I don't want you or need you? Why the hell do you think I came all the way up here to find you? I really do love you Nessie, I tell you all the time…"
I sighed. "Yeah sure Jake. That's why you don't touch my hair, or look in my eyes from any time longer than like…15 seconds. Because you love me so much right? You sure have a hell of a way of showing it Jake!"
"Nessie, you're six. Its not like…"
"Just shut up. I'm done with this. Dylan never treated me like I was six. He actually gave a damn about how I felt."
"He didn't know you are six Nessie. That's why. He could never have been able to tell."
"You just don't understand Jake! He couldn't tell because I'm actually not…you know. I am so sick and tired of this! Do six-year-olds speak 3 languages, and do trig? This is ridiculous. Just let me go home, to my 6-year-old world, and let me be undesired and alone in the world for the rest of my life, while you, my parents and the rest of my family live your properly grown, mature lives."
"Ness, you don't want to marry me? Ever?" He looked at me, very very hurt. Now I felt like the worst person in the world.
"Jake…just…I don't know Jake. If you're never gonna make me feel needed I really can't spend the rest of my life with you. You can't really love me like I love you if you never want to be close with me," I tried to explain.
"Nessie, I do love you. How many times tonight am I going to have to remind you? I adore you, you're my world, Ness. You don't think I want to be close to you?" My brain stopped. I couldn't process that last bit. I didn't say anything for a while. "Ness?"
I couldn't process this. Jake loved me, I knew that, but he actually wanted me? "If you want me so much why don't you ever show it?"
"Nessie, in that house? I think your dad would rip me apart, then your uncles would pick the bones out of my carcass, all after blondie takes a hatchet to me neck and buries it under a rock." I giggle a little but soon regained my serious face. It was true, about my family, but I still didn't want to hear Jacob out. "Nessie, I swear, if your family wasn't around…despite how old you may be…You would definitely not be treated like a six-year-old, I assure you that." He tried to pull me close to him. Oh, sure now get close to me, now that I called you out.
"Why would you be so afraid of my family? You know that if I make a big enough deal out of it, they'll give up eventually. Jake, you should never feel like you have to adhere to what they have to say. We're our own entity, Jake. We don't have to listen to anything anybody should say."
"Well, I agreed with them in the beginning. When you were born, I was 17. I thought of you as a little sister. But, Nessie, watching you grow and change, and mature. I thought I was good for at least another year. I thought I wouldn't have to worry about this discussion until you were seven, or eight. You have no idea what its been like for the past couple years. When you were around the 14 year stage I didn't know if I could hold out as long as your family wants us to. But you know what…your family's not here now," He hinted pulling my closer to him.
"You're not mad about Dylan? I thought you'd be pretty furious…" I said, laying my head on his chest and breathing in deeply, inhaling his scent really for the first time since the last time he picked me up…like…four years ago.
"Oh, no, I'm pretty mad, just not at you. At myself for not being able to see what me keeping away from you has done. I have completely alienated you. Nessie, know this. I love you. Okay? I hallelujah chorus, head over heels, happiness, cookies and puppies love you. Whatever you want from now on, you have it, ok? And I never want to hear mention of any other Dylan, or whoever. We'll just come out here, away from your family. We can be free of them here." Jake rested his chin on my head and kind of rocked me in his arms.
"So…my family is not here…" I said looking up to him, slowly wrapping my arms around his waist. This is all I needed really, this would have been enough, but if Jake was willing to do anything more, I would be more than willing to go along with it.
"Alright Nessie, whatever you want, I'm with you, but if I think its going to far in any direction, I plan on doing something about it. I love you but we're not going anything close to far today." He hugged me close. I felt like I had never been this close to anyone before in my life, and we were fully clothed, covered head to toe, and hugging.
"How about a first kiss?" I asked him, nudging my nose into the crook of his neck. He laughed, and it was the best sound I had ever heard in my life, like a soft, loving and playful laugh a little bit like a bark.
"I think I can handle that," Jake said craning his neck down and cupping my face in his hands. I felt absolutely on cloud nine. I could have been in the middle of nuclear warfare, and not notice anyone but Jake.
sWhen he touched his lips to mine…I can't even describe it. All I kept thinking was don't pull away, don't pull away. My life basically had his peak. No, this was just the beginning, there was so much more for Jake and I. So much love, so many sensations, so much to be felt. This was the man I was going to be with for the rest of my life. My Jacob.