Disclaimer: Gintama belongs to Hideaki Sorachi. Let's leave it at that

Messing With A Rotten Bond Will Mess With Your Rotten Heart

Chapter 2: Mayora's Blood Does Not Run Cold

Recently Hijikata could not but digress. Digress, digress, digress. Slowly, subtly, unwillingly. His brain just wandered off to dream land and it wasn't even because of his dark, secret otaku personality or Lala-chii's neglect during episode 8. It was all that stupid natural perm's fault. Every hazing away, every sudden twitch of annoyance was utterly his to blame and Hijkata hated to acknowledge that. It made him feel weak, vulnerable and irritating. He was angry at himself. His pride was eroding in a most disturbing manner. Fortunately, he had found ways, very effective ways to suppress such annoyance. First, he had indulged more viciously than ever in torturing his subordinates at the barracks, secondly, he had avoided any patrolling outside so as not to meet any unexpected passersby, thirdly he began accepting more and more paperwork in order to keep his mind focused, completely concentrated on work.

However, all those measures seemed to have the exact opposite effect on him. The more Hijikata evaded the Edo streets the more he craved them. He could almost hear the sheathed sword on his waist whisper painful pleas to him, begging to please cut someone down. But Hijikata refused. He was not going to succumb to his bloody urges, he was not going to step outside and allow that stupid Yorozuya to dig deeper into his brain. He was not. Just remembering his face, his stupid blank stare, his voice, his moans- The Vice Captain could not handle it. Behind his cold, devilish demeanor he was only human after all.

"Vice Commander!" Yamazaki's voice chimed in the corridor outside Hijikata's room.

"What do you want?" the latter replied harshly.

"I have the reports on those Justaway rapists you requested" he said sliding the door open and peeking inside. Hijkata gestured to his desk and lit a cigarette.

"Leave them there" he said shortly. Yamazaki did as he was told and walked away. Although, before closing the door he turned towards the Vice Captain with a curious, honest look on his face.

"By the way Vice Commander, are you feeling better?"

Hijikata's eyebrow twitched.

"What?" he inquired angrily. Some part of his brain anxiously wondered if the random question had anything to do with his terrible display of drunkenness the previous weekend, though he hastily rejected any recollections possible.

Yamazaki gulped down an incredible amount of fear. Poking his nose into the Vice Captain's private affairs was clearly a bad idea, totally unacceptable.

"I-I m-mean sir, I helped you back to your room after I found you lying on the floor w-with Yorozuya's Danna s-so-"

Hijikata spit the cigarette out of his mouth in horror. He and the natural perm what? The gasp sent the cigarette flying to the floor in a loop. Hijikata coughed roughly while trying to make his brain cope with the shock. An urge to unsheathe his sword and cut Yamazaki down to small sushi bits was consuming his will.

"What?" the question came roaring from his lips again and followed an intense death glare that pierced Yamazaki to the bone. The latter, barely able to deal with the amount of rage swarming around the room at the moment, averted his eyes from the Vice Captain's beastly stare. Why on Earth had he brought up such a stupid subject?

"Yamazaki" the name sounded like venom "Sit"

Yamazaki's body might as well have been a robot's. He sat in front of Hijikata with limbs so tight and constricted there was no opportunity for blood to freely run through his veins.

"Explain that again" the Vice Captain echoed dryly. His whisper could almost attain the corporeal form of a weapon. Hijikata couldn't quite grasp why he needed to ascertain so much about the incident, but it worried him that more events accounting the white haired bastard and himself had taken place. Who knew what could have happened to him in that state of absolute drunkenness, and, considering the natural perm haired creep… what could have happened indeed!

"S-so when I l-left the party to go look f-for my badminton racket I s-saw Danna on the floor with you half unconscious on t-top of him. I helped you to y-your room afterwards" Yamazaki stammered, fidgeting nervously with his fingers. Hijikata mustered all the self-control he could so as not to lash out his temper in front of his subordinate. Such matter as this could not be simply dismissed with a shrug. He had to deal with it as casually as possible. This event had to be measured with everything else of inferior importance, dealt with the minimum care so as not to rise up any suspicions. Not that there was any reason for that, it was just in case. Just in case.

"Is that all?"

Yamazaki nodded with his head.

"Good. Now go disembowel yourself in the yard, you maggot!" Hijikata ordered. Yamazaki pleaded a few prayers and then ran for his life. Hijikata was left terrifyingly alone with his thoughts, much to his personal displeasure.

The more he thought about that night and the more he tried to swallow Yamazaki's words, the more fragments of his memory assembled together. The fog of grogginess that had clouded his thoughts that night began lifting up and vivid almost tangible images haunted his entire being. Sensitive details came rushing to his mind with a jolt, allowing him to discern the white haired samurai's words ringing outside his room babbling about sake. Hijikata remembered, he remembered walking up towards the door to shut the freak up, to make him go away but to pathetically losing his footing in the process and falling over the lanky man. Immediately, Yorozuya's smell came dancing at his nostrils, intoxicating his brain with that strawberry sweetness and sugar infused stupidity, not to mention the strange scent that exuded from the man's own skin. A scent such that sent shrills up Hijikata's spine. A scent he felt he had known all his life.

"Damn it" he inhaled a large amount of smoke and put down his cigarette. What in the world was happening to him? These absurd disturbing memories were infuriating. How could they do this to him even lacking any kind of deeper meaning? Bitter as they were, Hijikata could only comply in the sense that they were alluring, suggestive to a certain point where they were a nice escape from the cold harsh reality surrounding the Shinsengumi. But that was it. No more, no less. Going against his principles though was a whole different thing. It troubled his conscience to great extents. His ego felt damaged beyond comprehension. He was Hijikata Toushiro, the standard of seriousness, the cold hearted Demon Vice Captain who did not allow Jump to enter the realm of the barracks. Yet, all these solid characteristics of his character seemed to crumble to shambles as recollections of that shameful night stuck to him like natto beans. For as much as he wanted to shake them away, to destroy and erase them, the unscrupulous part of his being stubbornly held onto them and robbed him of his coolness by dangling said memories in his face. Proving how stupid and light-hearted he was, how easily he could be toyed with.

Getting drunk that night had been the most foolish thing Hijikata had ever done. His regret was enormous. It wore him down and dented a comfortable spot on his shoulders which every time he massaged made him remember. Hijikata remembered the sudden pause amidst his vomiting, the irregularity in the stillness of the bathroom that gave place to loud moaning, ridiculously happy moaning that could not belong to anyone except him. That empty headed, simple minded creep Sakata Gintoki. And then, somehow, intercalating all that satisfaction weird mumbles followed. Mumbles that now haunted Hijikata in his dreams. Mumbles that every night made him sweat severely and arch his back.

"Oogushi-kun…"

He didn't know if such words were illusions or memories anymore. The fact was they were indeed embarrassing, just remembering them brought a nasty shade of red to his face. The maddening blush was nevertheless the tip of the iceberg. Hijikata's irregular breaths would already have given away all his emotional uproar. What the fuck was happening to him? Where had all his self-control and restraint gone to? Yorozuya was a fucking guy! Who cared if he masturbated loudly? They all did!

"Oh but you don't Hijikata-san. You only do it silently in the middle of the night while you're dreaming" said a calm voice which slashed the heavy ambiance of the room with ease. Hijikata automatically reverted to his confident self, full of hate and contempt and perhaps even a little humiliation towards Sougo's horrible ability to read his mind.

"Damn you Sougo! Get the hell outta here!"

"Sorry Hijikata-san but I sensed this was a perfect time to kill you, seeing you're very vulnerable"

"W-What?" Hijikata could not believe he had been so easily read.

"Come on Hijikata-san, you could make this a little more difficult"

"Die Sougo!"

"You die Hijikata-san"

Hijikata lit another cigarette and sighed. He had to dismiss Sougo as soon as possible before the annoying brat noticed any further strange inner turmoil

"What do you want?" he grunted.

"You. Dead"

"Tsk. Go watch your drama reruns and leave me. I have work to do"

"Yeah sure. I bet it is Yorozuya-related work, right?"

A deadly silence followed the witty remark. Hijikata wanted to slice Okita Sougo through and through for being the clever cynical bastard he was. However he knew he had to act normal and thrust his weirdness aside.

"What makes you say that?" Hijikata replied as dryly as he could, locking eyes with Sougo. The latter seemed surprised at the steady cool attitude but his smirk did not waver. Hijikata's insides growled in rage.

"That's something only Hijikata-san can answer"

"Really?"

"Aww, come on Hijikata-san, I already know that funny story Yamazaki told the entire troops"

Hijikata was positively sure an arrow had just pierced his heart at that comment.

"HE WHAT?"

"Hahaha, joking, joking, I was just joking" Sougo said amused. Hijikata sent his ashtray flying over to Okita's head.

"Geez Hijikata-san, you're really scary today~" he teased after dodging the object.

"Get out! Out!"

"But you have air conditioning here~~"

"Do I look like I care obnoxious troglodyte? OUT!"

"Sure, sure, sure…" Okita strolled out of the room lazily with arms crossed over his head.

"Here have this Hijikata-san" he added.

Hijikata looked behind in frustration and caught a glimpse of a ticking voodoo doll.

"DAMN YOU SOUGO!"

BOOM!

Hijikata left the Shinsengumi quarters out of frustration. Putting his stubborn measures aside he decidedly left. He could not tolerate those mischievous looks and pointing gestures any longer given Yamazaki's stupid rumours. Besides, his encounter with Sougo had just deprived him of what was left of his patience and consequently ruined his entire evening. It just could not get any worse. Moreover, it was about time Hijkata returned to the Edo streets and wandered around town. His legs needed a stretch and so did his mind. The chance of meeting undesired people was also pretty slim at this hour anyway.

"Oi Toshi! Going out for a walk?" Kondo's voice greeted him enthusiastically from an unknown place. Hijikata looked around slightly annoyed.

"Kondo-san?"

"Up here Toshi!"

Hijikata looked up and met the crazy gorilla man on the rooftop of a dojo.

"What are you doing up there?"

"Spying on Otae-san!" the older man said proudly. Hijikata sighed.

"Right, I forgot you were a stalker when you're off duty…"

"No! No! No! I'm not a stalker! I'm just looking out for thieves! Panty thieves! I just have Otae-san's safety in my heart! Her underwear's safety- Oi Toshi! Are you listening to me, OI? Toshi!"

Hijikata had already disappeared from sight by the time Kondo ended his rambling. Nothing good could come out of socializing with a gorilla stalker, even if such pervert was the Captain of the Shinsengumi. Thus Hijikata kept going along with no destination in mind. His only objective was to air his head and let all worries fade away in the darkness of the night. If he could do that he didn't needed any actual destination.

However, Hijikata soon reached the Kabuki district and his bloodlust came crawling up his skin. The thought of dissecting some bastards and eat their hearts out while still bleeding was unbearable. He truly missed the action and gore the Vice Captain position provided him with. Fortunately, a few meters ahead, outside a famous host club, Hijikata caught a glimpse of a shady group of samurais. Most of them were mildly imprinted in his memory thanks to one of Yamazaki's reports. Hijikata seized the handle of his sword and grinned happily to himself. He could hardly believe he was going to end the day in such good manner.

He followed them discreetly through a few back alleys and kept his focus entirely on them. But, as fate would have it, amidst his little chase he crossed paths with an overly familiar silver head. His heart immediately tugged in his chest painfully and he was forced to scowl. What the hell is that guy doing here? Shit! Was that giggling I heard? Was he with someone? I didn't see shit! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Seconds trailed by in this fashion, with Hijikata muttering curses one after the other until his mind turned into a definite blur which made him loose track of the suspicious samurais.

"Shit!"

Where the fuck had that curly perm head gone to? He was going to slash the living hell out of the bastard for spoiling his fun. He was going to kill him over and over again for doing whatever it was he had done to him! Damn it! Hijikata could feel his pride bursting out of every pore with indignation. He felt so incredibly offended he didn't even know why Edo was still standing. He wanted to drown it all in a blood bath, make the awful strain in his heart go away. Unconsciously, his legs began moving by themselves, now with a true destination imbued in their core. He didn't care if he had to torn buildings apart, he didn't care if it took him all night, he was going to find the fucking Yorozuya and he was going to kill Sakata Gintoki so that his problems would finally vanish from the universe.

It did not take Hijikata long to catch sight of the abnormal, sparkling silver hair once again. The white coloured kimono the idiot could not even dress properly, the whole stupid lax appearance that just haunted and tainted Hijikata's thoughts to a new extreme were both quite helpful. Nevertheless, it had to get as worse as possible. As if looking at that apathetic face wasn't enough, Hijikata had to witness the poor display of skills some hostess girl was trying to pull on him.

"Gin-san, come on…" she teased cutely while clinging onto Gintoki's kimono.

Hijikata didn't know why he was silent, why he was standing there doing nothing. There were way too many emotions swirling inside his body to allow him to act accordingly at the moment. He didn't know what he wanted, what he was feeling or what needed to be done. The dark haired hostess began loosening the sash of Gintoki's kimono and then she slid her hand beneath his clothes playfully. Hijikata focused his gaze on Gintoki's face in panic. Why the fuck wasn't he doing anything? Why aren't you stopping her, you invertebrate? Hijikata suppressed a gasp at the sight of the Yorouya's face. His eyes were tightly shut and his head was leaned back in resignation. What was he thinking? Hijikata felt his feet rooted to the ground. Suddenly Gintoki brought his hands up and ran them on the hostess hair. She had short black hair that barely reached her shoulders.

"Gin-san…?" the girl looked at him in surprise. Even a fool could tell he was putting way too much effort into that caress, almost as if he didn't want to do it.

"Gin-san?" she called again softly.

"Don't…call me that" he said. Whatever feeling was attached to his tone of voice Hijikata could not understand. The whole show was becoming very tiring and he lost his short patience much sooner than he expected. Hijikata unsheathed his sword and lashed out at the nearest trash can within reach. The loud sound startled the couple and the petite hostess squealed in shock.

"Sorry to ruin your moment but I really need to have a word with you" Hijikata spit the words out with as much contempt as he could. However, the look on Gintoki's eyes struck him with something akin to relief. A bad kind of relief, a relief that should not exist, that was not supposed to exist. A relief that came attached with myriads of emotions that were not acceptable. Why was he eyeing him like that? Hijikata shove the thought away before it gave him goose flesh. Yet, that unwavering gaze did not falter and it was boring spikes throughout Hijikata's nerves.

"Don't look at me like that!" Hijikata burst out angrily. The childish command blazed his pride with embarrassment but he stood by it stubbornly.

"Look how? How am I looking?" Gintoki asked in all his nonchalant behaviour. His voice pierced Hijikata's heart in ways he did not want to describe.

"Don't play stupid with me!" he growled angrily.

"Tsk. You tax-robbers really don't have anything else to do besides disturbing people's peaceful lives" Gintoki mumbled bored.

"Disturbing? I'll tell you about disturbing you natural perm ass!"

"Oi, oi! Who do you think you're calling that, Mayora freak?"

"What did you say? I'll chop you to tofu bits!"

The hostess girl flinched with fear. She detached herself from Gintoki and ran away. The menacing sword swinging around loosely in Hijikata's hand was not particularly welcoming.

"Oi! Oi! Wait! He is leaving!" Gintoki called after her though to no avail. He scratched the back of his neck tiredly and turned to face the Vice Captain "Aah… you scared her away, you devil monster"

"Shut up bastard! Care to repeat that?" Hijikata roared. He lunged at Gintoki furiously, ready to cut him down mercilessly.

"You don't imagine the things I care to do" Gintoki muttered back at the offender, countering the attack with a swing of his own wooden sword. Both weapons clashed together and blocked the initial attack. The two men struggled to break contact, forcing the two swords fiercely against each other.

"So what was it you wanted to tell me Oogushi-kun?" Gintoki inquired amusingly.

"Who… are… you… calling… Oogushi..kun?" Hijikata yelled with frustration. He withdrew his sword from its locked position with a strong shove and stepped back.

"Phew, you're in a really bad mood today" Gintoki complained shrugging his shoulders lightly. Hijikata wanted to bite the idiot's head off for the slack attitude.

"Whose fault do you think that is?" Hijikata bellowed.

"I don't know. I don't mingle with the gorilla police squad" Gintoki replied honestly.

A vein throbbed painfully in Hijikata's forehead. He felt his mind exploding with anger. He could no longer control his actions, therefore it was no surprise when his sword fell from his tight grip and landed on the floor. He took a few steps forwards towards the Yorozuya.

Gintoki who could only look at him with dismay was battling to keep his calm attitude.

"Oi, oi, Oogushi-kun what do you think you're-"

Hijikata grabbed Gintoki's shirt collar and punched him straight in the face. He could barely understand what he was doing, though venting his frustration had to give him some sort of answer. Beating Gintoki had to change something. Confronting his problem had to solve it in some way.

"You sick bastard! What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Gintoki shouted outraged while caressing his numb cheek "It hurts you know? Gin-san's face can't be handled like this!"

"You stupid perm creep! Do you think I give a damn about your face? It's all I want to forget!" Hijikata growled in disbelief. It had been a mistake to blurt out this seemingly naïve truth. Hijikata had no idea how big an impact such words had just caused on poor Gintoki. Although, the renewed sight of the latter's unusual stare was enough to startle Hijikata's dense personality once more. It made him think twice about what he had said, but nothing conclusive or shocking came to mind.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that again?" Hijikata scowled. For the first time he was regretting the small space between them. He should never have gotten so close the silver haired samurai. Gintoki's scent was beginning to engulf him wholly and bringing up the nostalgic memories he dreaded so much. Damn it, not now!

As Hijikata struggled with his own inner battle a hand came to rest on his shoulder. The once icy grip on Gintoki's shirt collar loosened and fell to nothingness. It was the Yorozuya's turn to engage in motion. The light touch on the uniform immediately brought Hijikata back to reality. He glued his eyes to the relaxed, firm hand under his chin and then he ventured a little farther daring to look ahead at Gintoki's face. Needless to say, every nanosecond seemed eternal. Everything about this moment was wrong, wrong, wrong. Yet nothing stopped. The two samurais were like actors in a movie, playing their roles diligently until the end, though Hijikata doubted any character possessed the emotional madness he was feeling right now.

Gintoki was close. Gintoki was very close. Perhaps more than comfortably close. In fact, when it concerned Gintoki there wasn't actually any kind of closeness acceptable. Only distance was allowed. Thus, Hijikata felt extremely reluctant. He had implemented all those futile rules to himself to prevent anything like this from ever happening. So why? Why the hell was this happening? Who did he have to kill to avoid this? His soul was grimacing. Hijikata Toushiro was officially scared. Every aspect of this vague relationship, of this rotten bond, everything about Sakata Gintoki was utterly, completely out of his hands. There was absolutely nothing he could control. The white haired man was unpredictable to the utmost remote clue and that scared Hijikata more than he would like it to irritate him. The intangible things such fickle person aroused in him gave birth to a strange fear Hijikata could not even recognize as his own. Who was he? Who had he become?

Gintoki's free hand came to rest on Hijikata's face. There was nothing but silence reining the alley. Not even Hijikata's panic breaths were exhaling successfully. He was terrified. His horror and his heart were clustered anxiously in his throat. His heartbeat was hammering painfully just beneath Gintoki's fingers. Hijikata wanted to punch him to death, he wanted to slay that unreadable gaze, to avert it from his own, but he couldn't. There was not a single movement he could make because those hands were on him, those eyes were tying him down and that sweet breath was paralyzing him. His body had surrendered regardless of the distress in his mind.

"Hijikata…" Gintoki's voice peeled the layers of Hijikata's courage. He wanted to hold on to something but he wasn't capable. Gintoki approached his face slowly, almost in slow motion, blinding Hijikata's sight with silvery light. No, no, no…This bastard, he-

Just when he thought the touch would finally take place, Gintoki halted. The hand on Hijikata's shoulder tightened with a momentary spasm and then it quickly drifted away. Gintoki took a few steps back, re-establishing the safe distance between them. The Vice Captain could only look at the expressionless face with shock.

"Very interesting…" Gintoki stated, placing a hand underneath his chin "You didn't fight back, not even a little microscopic bit"

The obvious statement, or rather observation, instigated Hijikata's dormant anger and he replied discomposed.

"I-I didn't expect you to act like a pervert!"

"Me? A pervert? You're the one who spies on happy couples in the middle of the night" Gintoki retorted. A soft shade of red tinged Hijikata's elegant features.

"Ah! Are you blushing Oogushi-kun?"

"Who's blushing you idiot!"

"You're sooo shy…"

Hijikata turned his back to retrieve his sword and hide his embarrassment. He was done with this farce. The only thing he wanted was to vanish from sight, to return to his barracks where he could inflict pain to people and dilute his shame; submerge entirely in his Vice Captain seat and forget this absurd part of his existence that he could not deal with.

"Disinfest!" he growled furiously before walking away. Unfortunately to his never-ending bad luck Gintoki followed him.

"Oi, oi, are you leaving Gin-san alone in these dark streets?"

"What does it look like I am doing?"

"Do you want the honest truth Oogushi-kun?" Gintoki asked sternly. Hijikata stopped in his tracks to survey the other man. The sudden change of tone in his voice surprised him.

"What?"

"You're just running away from me"

AN: Well, this was a little inside on Hijikata's mind. I think I did a good job on that. He is just so vulnerable to Gin-chan… hehe. My pervert mind knows it. Anyway, thanks a million for all the fantastic reviews. They give me outstanding amounts of motivation. Next chapter we are back to Gintoki's crazy mind. Look forward to it! Thanks! R&R

Last edited on July2013.