Jayne blinked as his view of the ceiling was obscured suddenly by Mal. There was a frown on the Captain's face and he wondered what he had done wrong now. He set the bar he was pumping back in the cradle, risking doing bench-pressing without a spotter but no one had been available, and sat up. "Yeah, Mal?" he asked, wiping sweat off his forehead.

"What do you think you're doing?"

He glanced around, as if this was some sort of joke, because Jayne thought it was obvious. "I'm liftin' weights. What are you doing?"

"No, Jayne, what are you doing with my doctor?"

Suddenly everything made sense and Jayne sighed heavily in annoyance. He had always been the type to show off his toys and yet not let anyone else play with them, so consequently, he had had no problem letting it be known that he was currently dating Simon. He tried to be considerate of Kaylee's feelings, he really did, but he couldn't help being affectionate when he wanted to be affectionate. To her credit, she smiled at him and seemed to be really trying to get through it.

"I'm fuckin' him, what else?" Seeing the fierce glare, the dangerous glint that appeared in Mal's eyes, Jayne quickly cut the sarcasm. "Seriously, Mal. We're datin'. Lovers. Goo-goo eyed idiots. That enough for you?"

Mal pursed his lips and frowned heavily, leaning over Jayne. Jayne couldn't help leaning back a bit. He really didn't like it when Mal got scary like this. He'd seen it a few times, like when he'd been nearly spaced after Ariel and the way he had acted on Haven when he asserted his authority to go to Miranda. While Jayne couldn't actually say he was afraid of Mal most of the time, it was these times he dreaded. He had no trouble standing up to authority, in fact he hated authority, and he'd gladly question Mal whenever he damn well felt like it, but not when he was like this. Even he knew that was one shitty idea.

"Enough."

"Enough what...?"

"Jayne, I don't like my crew messed up. I haven't even finished picking up the pieces yet. In case you ain't noticed, Zoe's still grievin' mighty fierce. Nobody's done grievin' yet. I don't need anymore problems."

He frowned heavily. "Whaddya mean, problems? What's the problem with me datin' Simon?"

"How many times you been shot or stabbed, Jayne? I'm talkin' about the fact that you, Zoe, and me are out there every time. Our jobs, as you've noticed, never really go that smoothly. So what happens when you don't make it, huh? My doctor ends up like Zoe? Can't do his job because he's so busy cryin' his gorram eyes out. Or he withdraws completely and starts dopin' hisself up to deal with the pain? Or what happens if the Alliance gets us, or we get into a scuffle and Simon don't make it. What happens to you, Jayne? Gonna fall apart on me? I've had enough of ship-board romances complicatin' things. It's bad enough when something like Miranda happens. I miss Wash and the preacher a helluva lot. Gets even worse when there's romance involved. End it."

Mal straightened up and Jayne didn't react for a long moment because he was so busy wrestling with his inner anger. Logically he could see where Mal was coming from. He knew Mal was just trying to protect his crew and his ship and his family. He knew that Mal was likely scared of something happening again. He knew that in his head.

Didn't mean he was gonna follow it!

"No."

Mal, almost to the stairs, froze. "What did you say, Jayne?"

Jayne stood up and fiercely locked their eyes. "I said no. I ain't breakin' up with Simon just 'cause you has a hissy fit over the gorram thing. Yeah, I'm out there with ya in the thick of it. Yeah, yer plans never go right, gorram it. Yeah, there's Alliance on our asses and Reavers out there waitin'. I get that. Don't mean I'm givin' up one of the few good things I ever found."

"What are you going to do, Jayne, if I order you to? Are you going to leave?"

"I just ain't gonna follow it. Ya can't make me."

"Really?" Mal gave a hollow, intimidating laugh that made Jayne want to run to his bunk, but he firmly stood his ground regardless. He watched cautiously as his captain slowly made his way to him and he could tell by the very way his arms were moving that he was going to throw a punch. The question was, did he let it happen or did risk dodging it? Instinct kicked in and he dodged just in time. He wasn't even really thinking about it when he brought his knee up right into Mal's gut. He stepped back once as Mal caught his breath, but the captain surprised him by shoving his shoulder into the mercenary's stomach and they landed hard on the ground.

Mal straddled him and forced his shoulders to the floor. "Never thought I'd be having to fight with you over you datin' Simon," Mal huffed.

Jayne glared fiercely. "Chur ni-duh! Wash died. Preacher died. I miss him, but I sure as hell ain't gonna stop livin' just 'cause of that. People die. You used to know that! An' you know what I figure? I figure it's you that has the problem, not Zoe or the rest of us. Ain't this a knee-jerk reaction?" His captain's eyes widened, as if this wasn't something that he'd been consciously aware of...or just in anger, he wasn't sure which. "I ain't leavin' Simon, an' I ain't leavin' this ship. So you'll just have to space me. An' if you even think about tellin' Simon to leave, I'll give you a broken jaw."

It felt like forever that he lay there with Mal on top of him, their wills fighting silently. "You're gonna hurt him, Jayne."

"Hell, I probably will, and you know what? I'm okay with that." Seeing the flash of anger, he explained with a frown, "That's what it's about. Thought you'd know that, you bein' so hot on Inara. You love someone, you hurt them. Fact o' life, Mal. Then you make up for it, which is great sex among other things, by the way. Can't love someone and never hurt 'im. Trick is, don't do it intentionally."

"You really want this enough that you'll fight me over it?"

"Hell yeah! Simon's better'n Vera. Well...just by a few bits, but still."

A faint smile touched Mal's mouth and without warning, Jayne felt pain explode in his jaw when he was hit. Then his captain was standing up. "Fine. If you think you can make this work, I'll let you have the time. If it looks like it's harmin' my crew, though, I will put an end to it."

Jayne wasn't sure he believed that, to be honest. There was just something about Mal's expression right there as he turned away, as if he had a lot to think about. Rubbing his jaw, Jayne sat up and then slowly got to his feet. Time to bug his Doc and get some painkillers.

~!~!~!~!~

There it was. It was sitting on his pillow, looking at him.

Simon looked around his room. Nothing else was out of place. His attention turned back to it and he approached cautiously, as if it would bite him. It was a stupid idea and he reached out to pick it up. It was a tiny umbrella that was usually put in some of the 'fancier' drinks. His mother had had one every once in awhile. It looked a bit...battered, but it was bright and colorful. Simon twirled it between his fingers. He had a good idea of where this came from. A faint smile touched his lips and he set it gently on his desk before changing and getting into bed, not noticing the eyes that gleamed and watched him.

Two days later, there was another something sitting on this pillow. This was definitely more what he would expect, but he didn't know why it was there. Was it a present for him? Simon picked up the small dagger, hardly bigger than his hand. It was gleaming and sharp enough that he wondered if it could cut a hair. Like the umbrella, there was no note, but this time Simon was sure it was from Jayne. Had he left it here by accident? If so, then why arrange it on his pillow like that? He set the dagger down next to the umbrella and curled into bed to sleep.

He wasn't surprised to see another thing waiting on his pillow five days later. It was...a book. There was no title, and he explored the pages only to find them empty. A journal? Had Jayne known he was getting close to the end of his current one? If he did, then that meant Jayne was reading it and he would have to have a talk with him about that.

When Simon left his room a few minutes later, fully intending on finding Jayne, arms wrapped around him from behind. "Lookin' fer me?"

That stupid, irrepressible smile came to Simon's face. "Yes, in fact. Are you my gift-giver, Jayne?"

"You like 'em?"

"Yes."

"Then yeah, I am."

Simon laughed. "What would have happened if I said no?"

"Then I woulda said no."

"What's the occasion?" he asked, wanting to know why he was suddenly getting all these gifts.

"None."

"So you just decided to give me stuff because you wanted to?" At Jayne's nod, Simon felt his cheeks turn a faint pink in pleasure. Much to his embarrassment, Simon let out a manly squeak when Jayne unexpectedly picked him up and carried him back inside his room. "I can walk on my own, you know."

Jayne dropped him on the bed and sat next to him. "Mebbe. I gotta talk to you, though."

Simon sat up and watched Jayne seriously. "What?"

"Cap'n don't like us together. Told me to break up with you." There was a space of seconds where it felt as if Simon's heart failed to beat. "Told him to gorram eat it."

He breathed again. "What did he say?"

"I think we're okay." Jayne let the silence fill for a minute. "Did you really think I'd leave ya, Simon, just 'cause Mal told me to?"

Simon shifted awkwardly. "I don't know, Jayne. Things are radically different now than they were before and...it bothers me a bit that he's not happy about this, but..."

"I ain't ever leavin' ya, Simon." He forced Simon to look at him. "I'll fight tooth and nail for ya, 'cause yer mine."

"Just don't let yourself get distracted because of me. I'd hate it if you were hurt because of that."

"Relax, I know my job. 'Course, right now..."

"Right now what?"

Jayne shifted and loomed over him, nudging Simon's legs apart. "My job right now is sexin' yer lights out."

Not really romantic, but Simon laughed and welcomed him all the same.

~!~!~!~!~

Jayne was not happy.

There was a snort behind him and he met Mal's almost-amused eyes. "What?" he snapped, not seeing what was so funny.

"Never thought I'd see the day that Jayne would be in a whorehouse and not only hasn't touched one whore, but indeed, looks fit to be tied."

He leaned back in the chair that he was sitting in and visibly bristling when someone made a mistake again and approached his lover. Simon politely, once again, sent them on their way before continuing his conversation with Kaylee and Inara at a separate table. Maybe it was the fact that half of the people were drunk and they couldn't tell an obvious whore from someone who wasn't, but it was starting to bother him. His hand clenched around his beer, but he didn't drink. He didn't think he'd even taken three sips.

Mal plopped down next to him and crossed his arms. "How many times so far?"

"Four."

"Hm. Must be the day for it, Kaylee's had at least two passes."

Jayne forced his eyes to move from Simon's figure when his baobei felt his gaze and turned to look at him. He hadn't given it much thought, their latest job. It hadn't been a lot of work and the whorehouse had been willing to pay actual money for their legitimate services as temporary guards from rowdy drunks and puritanical jerks until their actual guards arrived. The building had been growing in prominence for the last few years, but after several 'pranks' and fights with drunken customers, they had decided they needed a bit of muscle.

"I hate this," he growled.

"I can tell," Mal replied with a laugh.

Zoe joined them with a beer, seeming surprisingly a bit better the past few weeks. He couldn't really say what was different, it just was. He wasn't very good with words or describing things, that was more Simon's area. "Something the matter, Jayne?"

"It appears," Mal answered for him, "that Jayne is upset that some drunken shagua have been trying to hire Simon."

Jayne let fly a slew of curses under his breath. "Can't they see he ain't a whore?! He don't look like one, dress like one, or act like one!"

"They're drunk, Jayne," Zoe told him.

"So?!"

"So? When you're drunk, you put the moves on anything that moves," Mal told him.

A hand fluttered in Simon's hair, the last person that Simon had politely told him to shove off, and Jayne was already standing in fuming anger. Mal's hand yanked on his elbow hard, pulling him back into his seat as his lover pulled away from the hand and once again, politely sent them on their way.

"Didn't think you'd be so protective with someone you love," Zoe muttered, staring at him as if he'd just sprouted two more heads. "Or is it possessive?"

"It ain't right!" Jayne hissed under his breath. "Why didn't ya let me go over there?!"

"Because I don't think we really need you getting into a fight when we're trying to relax in our well-earned reward." Mal took a gulp of his own beer, seeming completely at ease. His eyes, along with Simon's, always kept a lookout on River, who seemed to enjoy wandering the room, but she had been silent the entire night and no trouble had come from that area.

By the time they returned to the ship three hours later, Jayne was fit to be tied and he stalked to his bunk without so much as a word to anyone. He could feel the curious eyes from Inara, Kaylee, and Simon over the fact that he was angry, but that he wasn't drunk. He'd been too busy glowering at the fact that Mal wouldn't let him intervene. Given his attitude, it wasn't a surprise to him that Simon showed up in his bunk less than twenty minutes later.

"Jayne? What's wrong?"

He turned and swept Simon up into his arms, holding him tight. He couldn't stand still though, so he let go and started to pace, as much as he could in his bunk. "It ain't right!"

"What?"

"Them drunks always comin' on to you and even darin' to touch you! I wanted to break their skulls! I wanted to stand up and shout 'hands off, he's mine!'"

Simon smiled at him. "I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm glad you didn't."

He gave Simon an evil eye. "Why?"

"Because it means as much as you wanted to, you trusted me to handle it on my own. If I couldn't, if I wasn't able to, I know you would have helped me, but otherwise, you let me do it on my own, and I appreciate that."

Well...it had been more of Mal forcibly stopping him than any self-control on his part. "I hate it, Simon."

"Hate what?"

"I don't mind people lookin', but I don't want anyone touchin' ya but me."

For a moment, Simon didn't say anything and he felt his heart jump a little in nerves. He was aware that he could be a bit possessive, but that was because he'd so rarely had anything of his own. He loved Simon, as hard as that was to really believe at times, and he didn't want to lose him. The problem was, if he went overboard, what would Simon do?

"You know that I would never cheat on you?"

"Aww, hell, I know that, Simon!"

"Then you don't have to worry so much."

That was pretty much impossible, but Jayne would try, for Simon. He flopped back on his bed and stared at the ceiling. His attention shifted when he felt his lover straddle his hips. With a grin, his hands lifted and they slipped beneath the loose shirt that Simon wore. "What's this all about?"

"You can't guess?"

Jayne sat up and held Simon close. All he did was stare into the doctor's eyes for several minutes, before he murmured, "...I love you, baobei."

Simon stared at him and he had the unique pleasure of watching a cherry-red color come to his lover's cheeks in a blush. "I think you're a closet romantic." Before Jayne could be disappointed in that answer, Simon leaned forward and pressed his lips lightly to the mercenary's ear. "I love you too."

That night, Jayne pampered Simon until the doctor was ready to scream. He took it slower, touching every bit of skin that he got his hands on and wanting nothing more than to overload the man's senses until he didn't even know who he was anymore. When they were both done, when they could barely move, Jayne gathered Simon up in his arms and held him tight. His fingers drew half-aware patterns on his lover's spine and idly watched as Simon slowly drifted off to sleep.

He looked much sexier when he was relaxed.

It was a few hours later when Simon woke up and Jayne was still studying him. "Something the matter?"

"Why'd you pick Serenity?"

His lover tilted his head. "On Persephone?" Seeing Jayne nod, Simon shifted on his back and stared up at the ceiling. Jayne's hand couldn't help flattening out and caressing that taut stomach that was before him. "If you want me to be brutally honest, it was because it seemed decrepit on the outside. Well, perhaps decrepit is a harsh word. She didn't look respectable at all. I was thinking through adrenaline and nerves at the time, so it seemed like a good idea at the time. I figured that a small ship would escape notice, particularly one that didn't look in good repair. That meant, at the time, that there wouldn't be a lot of people or traffic. The less people, the more safe that I felt we would be." Simon shifted his head to look at him. "Why do you ask?"

"Curious. You ain't the type to normally be on a ship like this."

"I consider myself to be very lucky. We have a safe place, safe as can be, to call a home and, well..."

"Well what?"

"I found you." Jayne shifted and sat up, feeling the curious eyes of his baobei following him. "Is something wrong?"

"Nah, not really. Jus' thinkin' about what I done."

"Ariel?"

"Yeah. Ain't somethin' I'm proud of, Simon. Wish I'd never done it. Never hated myself before the way I hated myself then an' it only got worse when you'd look at me like that."

Simon sat up and brushed his hands over Jayne's strong back, placing a few soft kisses on his shoulderblades. "Like what?"

"Like I was somethin' special, before you knew. I was like a hero to you, and I wasn't nothin' of the sort. You said you trust me and forgive me an' all, but I don't know if I forgive myself yet." Jayne looked into the eyes of his lover. "I'm really sorry 'bout that, Simon."

"I know. I know you're sorry about Ariel, like I'm sorry about Miranda."

"What about Miranda is yer fault?"

"If I hadn't brought River here, Miranda wouldn't have happened. Wash and Shepherd Book would still be alive. It's not something that's easy to stomach."

Jayne shifted, bracing his back against the wall and watching as Simon shifted to straddle his lap. His hands stroked the doctor's sides, staring into blue eyes. They were both still naked, but sex didn't even come into play right then. "You ever regret it? Comin' here to Serenity?"

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't occasionally," Simon told him honestly. "It's times when I think of the lives that have been lost and the suffering that I begin to regret. Then I remember Mal, Zoe, Kaylee, Wash... I remember the crew and I don't regret it. Then I remember you and I feel glad." Simon's hands ran through Jayne's goatee and then up through his hair. "I forgive you for Ariel, Jayne. Just try to forgive yourself, okay?"

He wasn't sure if he could do that completely, but he would try. He would try his best for Simon, because he could see hidden in those eyes mild distress that he was still upset over it. Or that's what Jayne thought it was anyway. "You know I'll probably end up hurtin' you some, right? I ain't good with words. We're gonna fight."

"I know, but I'm not about to let that stop me from being with you."

Jayne gave Simon a winning smile and kissed him. "Glad to hear that, 'cause I ain't about to let you go easy."

There was a flash of a smile just before Simon leaned in and Jayne grew lost in their kissing. There was something addicting about Simon's soft, pale lips. He had gained some tan, but he was still fairly pale. There was no denying that he liked the fact that Simon had some muscles on him. He could feel them in Simon's back. They weren't like his own, but they were there nonetheless. In contrast to his appearance, Simon had some strength to him.

"Hey," Jayne muttered, managing to pull himself away from those lips for a moment.

"What?"

"You ever get yesself kidnapped by hillbillies again, I'll get angry."

Simon laughed. "It was hardly my fault."

"Jus' be more careful! Worry me sick, with your luck."

"It wasn't an everyday occurrence!"

"Nah, yer right. Not only do you get kidnapped, you also jump from the rafters onto a heavily armed lawman, get shot by bounty hunters, and almost died on Miranda." Jayne frowned heavily. "I ain't approvin' of those activities, Simon."

"You do them all the time!"

"That's different."

"How?"

He sighed. "I'm hired for that tzao gao. S'what I do."

Simon frowned at him. "So what exactly would you like me to do? Sit my room and chew my fingernails? I'm not some precious doll or priceless china."

Jayne didn't like where this was going one bit. "I ain't sayin' that, Simon, jus' that you need to be more careful! Yer gettin' some bad habits of bein' shot lately."

"So it's all right for you and not for me?"

He rubbed his face with his hands, growing tired of the argument. "Yer the doc, Simon. You get shot, who fixes you? Yeah, Zoe did it the first time, knowin' some doctorin' and all, but after Miranda, some Alliance docs had to patch you up, you was so bad."

Simon crossed his arms. "I'm not about to intentionally put myself in harms way to prove a point, but I won't sit back and hide if I'm needed either. That's the best that I can offer you."

He hadn't realized just how stubborn his lover could be. Jayne hadn't even brought up the fairly recent job where he'd had to take two bullets for Simon, otherwise he probably would have been severely injured. Jayne wasn't denying that they had a dangerous job and it was dangerous for everyone involved, but he really didn't like it when it started to impinge on something precious. Dimly he was starting to see why Mal had been so against it. It was a weakness, dividing attention and it was hard to think straight around the idea that Simon could be hurt.

"Let's just sleep," he muttered, pulling Simon down into the bed and resolutely closing his eyes.

He found Zoe alone in the cockpit the next day. She looked up at hearing Jayne's heavy footfalls from where she had been quietly contemplating Wash's dinosaurs on the dash. He shifted nervously. "Got a question."

She sat down in one of the chairs and leaned back. "What is it?"

"It's...personal. 'Bout you and Wash."

Zoe tensed and he could almost hear her thinking to herself in the stillness. This probably wasn't the best time, considering it wasn't even a year after Wash's death, but he needed some help from someone that had been in his situation before. "Ask."

Jayne sat down in the other chair. "So...how'd you deal with it? Bein' in love with Wash and the fact that this is a dangerous job?" She didn't answer so he elaborated out of nerves. "I mean, Simon's been shot an awful lot lately and he has this annoying thing where he stupidly does things like take on armed gunmen when he ain't got nothin' protectin' him and no weapons. I jus' want him to be more careful is all and, ya know, not get shot that often, but he gets mad when I tell 'im that. Tells me that I do it all the time. Well, it's different! That's my job, right? An' I know how to fight at least!"

He blinked in surprise when Zoe chuckled a little. "It's strange to hear you say the things that went through my mind. I know what you're going through, Jayne. Do you remember Niska? I was so scared when he was taken that I could barely see straight, but I had to keep it together. I told myself that there was no way I was going to let him die. It becomes one thing at a time."

"Yeah, but how do you explain to him to be more careful? That it's different in our job?"

"Well...you can't. Wash never stopped worrying when we were out on our deals. Everyone is going to get hurt, Jayne. It's inevitable, the work that we do. It comes down to the fact that you can't control them. You just have to let them be and just be grateful that things turn out good. Berating them after they get hurt won't accomplish anything because chances are, it's not their fault. I would have preferred to keep Wash here and never let him go on the deals. He wasn't like me. I went through the war, my parents were both military. I had better skills than him. I couldn't make him stay though. To do so is to an insult. I can't say it comes down to trust, because trust has nothing to do with it. It's just hope that things don't go badly. Hope is all you have, Jayne. It's the same everywhere. Hope that when a loved one leaves the house to go down to the store that they don't get shot and mugged, that they make it back the same as they left. It's a little more perilous out here, but the principle is the same."

"So...you're sayin' there ain't nothin' I can do."

"To make sure he's absolutely safe and won't ever get hurt again? No, there isn't. Just do the best you can to protect him and accept that things like that happen. To be there for him when it does and help him recover."

"That's gonna be...gorram difficult."

She laughed at him again. "Ain't it though."

Translations & Author's Notes

Chur ni-duh: Screw you
baobei: sweetheart
shagua: fool, damned fool, idiot
tzao gao: crap

(Chinese translations: )

I wanted to explore what happens after the initial start. Things aren't going to be easy and I can't help but feel that the argument Jayne and Simon had is probably one that Zoe and Wash had. Granted, it's a mild argument, but I can see it cropping up in the future. This was a little harder to write as there isn't much of an arcing idea to hold it together like the first part. It's pretty much just scenes that are loosely connected through timeline.