The Shadow of Surrender
By iamgaki
Disclaimer: Standard Disclaimers Apply. No major character in the Naruto-verse died.
Heavily influenced by The Tomoeda Arcana by Arabidopsis.
Summary: How much more could she take before she had enough? In a world where chakra is the core of each life, Sakura has been forced to question her existence by the very energy the world manipulates. She found herself alone, fading, and embracing the truth that maybe, the world does not need her.
A/N: Follows events up to End of Fourth World War.
This was originally made to be a Harry Potter fanfic until my friend convinced me to do this instead.
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Chapter 1: The Beginning of the End
"Will somebody apply the Burning Bitterroot Balm!? And where is the draught of the Ice Lotus Extract?" Sakura Haruno shrilled to her fellow medic-nins as she stabilized the patient who was hit by a burning jutsu. It slowly burns from the inside and causes the skin to break out in burns and boils. If they can't heal him fast, he would burn.
Shit. She would need all the help she could get to heal this one.
With the amount of pain and yelling the patient was in, they had to force him to sleep in order to focus on healing him. They had to apply the burn-healing balm to the whole body and constantly apply the soothing balm.
"I'm on it Haruno-san," Somebody shouted from the group. "The serum is on its way," Another yelled from the door as one of the junior medic-nin carried a stack of bandages.
Sakura had to apply constant healing and cooling his blood without stopping to minimize the damage. Her left hand was doing the constant healing and without breaking concentration, she must siphon most of the potion with her right hand. She cannot wait until the Ice Elixir was done. The burns were already spreading and she cannot risk the internal damage when it reaches the heart.
"Mia-san," she addressed her attending team without looking, "get me 2 bowls of water and the ice mint solution, pronto. Kari-san, don't stop on the balm and infused it with a soothing solution. Yuki-san, run to the potions lab and force the Ice Elixir. Tell them it's an emergency and I will not have them dithering about. Also, get me a bottle of dittany."
As soon as the order left her mouth, every one of her team are set to doing her command. She had no time to lose, if she had to save this guy from internal damnation of burning, she needed to have all her wits and every ounce of concentration she could get.
Three hours from the time the man was rushed to the hospital, he was finally stabilized and healed and Sakura was wiping sweat on her forehead with a pleased smile on her face. The satisfaction was even evident on the faces of her team. It was truly a job well done.
With the patient chart filled and signed and a recommendation that he stayed for at least 5 days more, Sakura sauntered off to the medic station for a well-deserved cup of tea. Her day was already underway but she knew it wouldn't be the last ghastly case she'd have for the duration of her shift.
She barely finished her cup when one medic was running towards her with a chart on her hand. "Haruno-san! Yamada-san is looking for you. A man just rolled in with multiple cuts and severe knife wound in his side. He's been moved to the second floor at ward no.9."
And just like that, with no thought to her fatigue, the numbness of her feet or the stiffness on her back, she rushed to the second floor with only a small roll of dust billowing from her heels.
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Sakura was exhausted and she can't remember the last time she ate something other than biscuits and tea. After a full 20 hours shift, she knew her body couldn't handle any more stress. Why must it be that emergencies double during the spring time? She whined in her head and not just once. It wasn't in her plans to do an almost triple shift but one medic was on leave and another had a severe case of Flu and with the number of emergencies the hospital was currently experiencing, they needed to adjust and extend their working hours. But work was good. Being busy was good. It's not like she had any plans after work.
Two years after the war, she was the senior medic and assistant supervisor of Konoha Hospital. She run the hospital like a mission- with accuracy and precision. She made sure that all attending medics are competent in their craft. One mistake, one hesitation can mean life or death for the patient and she didn't want that to happen.
Sakura slumped down onto her seat in her mini office as she let out a tired sigh. Her exhaustion was seeped deep to her bone and she was sure she would sleep for at least a day the moment she closes her eyes. She cannot fault her body. She had been awake for more than 24 hours already and doing an almost triple shift without break. She wouldn't be this tired in a normal mission but constant drain of chakra without rest and it was enough to worn her.
She groaned as she tried to move her aching legs, an unfortunate aftermath of too much standing and running to and from. Just one more Sakura and you can go home. She convinced herself as she looked for the patient chart who has a scheduled lumbar spinal tenosis tomorrow. The percentage of neural recovery for the lumbar nerves is 75%. If she could just raise it to 80%, then the success rate would exponentially rise.
She knew she could sleep in one of the empty rooms in the hospital if she wanted to but she wouldn't get the much needed rest her body craves. The constant activities in corridors would be enough to keep her awake. Just a little bit more and she could go home, she chanted. It was a mantra in her head to keep her body from slumping on her seat.
Her eyes zoomed in on a photo partially hidden beneath the stacks of books on her table and she froze. She was so focused on her work, on her everyday duties at the hospital that she almost always forgot herself and that picture somehow brought the reality back to her.
She fingered the photo and the gently pulled it out from its hidden place. She was meant to keep it away but due to her work, she had honestly forgotten about it. It was picture of her team – her old team. A picture taken just after the war when Sasuke finally returned to the village. Naruto had said they needed a commemorative picture as a reminder that they were now complete. There was Kakashi sensei smiling gently at the camera, Naruto at the front with one arm on the shoulder of Sasuke grinning at the camera and Sasuke almost scowling at him, Sai at the side giving one of his gentle smiles, and her, just a little at the back, almost beside Kakashi smiling almost forcefully.
She wondered, as she looked at the photo, how she did not notice how fake her smile was. It was like she was looking at a shadow of herself. She figured she was just tired and wasn't too ecstatic to have Sasuke around. She didn't forgot the multiple times he tried to kill her, tried to kill Naruto and tried to decimate the village she loves. But for Naruto, to make him happy, she did the photo. Nobody said she will have to face the Uchiha everyday anyway. She'll do the photo and she'll never have to see him again. She hoped.
For days, weeks, months, Naruto always tried to get them together. Weekly dinners almost became a constant where he will fetch her from the Hospital to eat ramen at Ichiraku. It's not like she couldn't say no to Naruto anyway. He couldn't find Kakashi-sensei, he would say and she would just shake her head knowing fully well how reclusive their sensei was. Sasuke would be there already waiting for them. Sai would join occasionally, for the sake of Naruto and those times she would sit beside him and the two of them would go on tangent on some mundane topic just so she could avoid having to converse with the Uchiha. Sai made it pretty clear he didn't think much of Sasuke as well.
She'd grown to like Sai, with his bluntness and honesty, she knew he would never lie to her and would always say what he could perceived. He knew she couldn't stand to be with the company of Sasuke. it's why he always distracted her. For that she would always be grateful to him.
She may have forgiven Sasuke but it's not like she could forget what he did. For Naruto, she did but it would take time before she would be able to talk to him without wanting to bash his face in the nearest wall or the pavement.
Naruto, true to his obliviousness to things that doesn't concern him, does not noticed at all.
Eventually, the dinners lessened until it completely stopped once Sasuke has earned his status as a Shinobi of the Leaf again a year after his return. Missions after mission, escort mission, reconnaissance, occupied both his and Naruto's time under the supervision of their captain, Tenzou and with Sai. Kakashi-sensei, she later learned, opted for solo missions and has requested to be reinstated back to Anbu.
Then two years after the war, everything changed, beginning with the marriage of Naruto and the Hyuuga heiress. She always wondered how married life has treated Naruto, remembering the monumental occasion and one of the grandness weddings Konoha has ever hosted. Was he treating Hinata well? Was Hinata already pregnant? Since she hasn't visited the hospital for checkup, she figured Hinata hasn't conceived yet. But it will be soon, she thought.
She missed Naruto, with his joviant laughter and constant positivity. She missed having to laugh at his mundane stories, his excursion with Jiraiya, his exuberant retelling of his missions and his bear crushing hugs. He may have been an active Jounin of the village, but he may as well be not to her for she hadn't seen even a hair of her friend for almost two years now.
Does he even remember me?
She couldn't even wait for his return from mission because she had no idea of his return. Tsunade-sama couldn't even tell her. It's Naruto, she would say. When she does learn that he was back, he would be busy with Hinata, or out of the village again for another mission.
She seriously considered not bothering now.
And it's not like Naruto was the only one she missed. She missed Sai. She missed having long philosophical talks with him and enjoyed watching as he struggled with being married to her best friend, Ino. She missed the quirky humor of Tenzou and the way he always strived in trying to control Naruto and his vivacious nature. She missed Kakashi-sensei and his gentle assurance that everything would be alright.
She missed all of them. Hell, she'd even say she missed Sasuke just so she could be with them even for just one night, having dinner, and basking in their presence. She'd tolerate his presence just so she could have one of Naruto's hug that said we're fine. We're alright.
She sighed again for the umpteenth time. She hoped their friendship would still mean something to them. Apparently, no one could be bothered anymore and she was just a memory that once belonged to a team.
Do they even know that for the last two years she yearned for their presence? That maybe, even if she berated herself for thinking about it, one of them may get injured just so she could treat them herself and finally get to hold their hand.
Even if she was one of the best medics the hospital ever had, she believed herself to be so weak that they could easily leave her behind. They even agreed to form a team without her. What happened to nobody gets left behind?
Her heart clenched as she remembered Tsunade informing her of the new team standing and that she would be excluded from it. She didn't protest. She can't. Not when the team has already left for a mission and that they made no objection on her behalf. Numbly, she nodded and gave her affirmation as her shisou assigned her as the lead medic at the hospital alongside Shizune.
It wasn't until she had asked to be excused and escaped to one of the remote training grounds that she cried out until her voice was hoarse and the tears fell uncontrollably with only the wind as company as it gently whisper its coldness to her face.
A face wet with broken tears.
It was a wonder she hadn't decimated the surrounding area then.
She was surprised by a lone tear that escaped her eye and traversed the length of her cheek. She caught it in her finger and marveled at how glittered in the afternoon sun. She was done moping. She was done crying. She was done hoping that somewhere in between forgotten days, they would still remember she existed.
She sighed at the thought.
She knew they had responsibilities especially Naruto and Sai, with their growing family and that she didn't dare imposed. For every mission finished, she understood why they couldn't see her. She understood that some things have priorities just like she has. They have their family waiting for them. And what was she but an old teammate.
It'd be her birthday in a few days as she momentarily glimpsed the calendar desk by the side with the red mark encircling the number 28. Maybe they'd come to her then. But she dispelled that thought immediately. They didn't for the last few years. This year was no different.
She shook her head of melancholy thoughts. It was no use dwelling on things that cannot be. Fervently, she dumped the photo on her bottom drawer and topped it with random books and papers. That by burying it, she was hoping to bury as well the complications that came with it. There are other things worth worrying and thinking about than the drama her life has unfolded.
She stopped with her studying when her vision was already doubling. A few hours of sleep would do her good as the surgery for tomorrow was scheduled in the afternoon. She could already hear her pillow calling her.
With a stretch of her limbs and an audible crack from her spine, she gathered her belongings and swiftly exited her office, said goodbye to the medics on the station and the rest on the emergency section before going home to an empty house.
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Sakura cannot remember ever having celebrated her birthday grandly. There were no gifts, no wishes, no cakes. It was why she was so happy to receive even a ribbon from Ino. Her parents doesn't believe in indulging her and strongly encouraged her to be independent. She remembered before she entered the academy, her parents strongly discouraged her in pursuing to be a shinobi of the hidden village. They would tell her that all those who join would find themselves eventually killed. They had one of their biggest fight exactly on her birthday, just three days before the start of classes. In the end, her parents could do nothing, not when Sakura aced the entranced exam and achieved the highest grade out of all her peers. It was one of the best birthday gifts she ever had.
She didn't know then that the Sandaime visited her parents' home when she was officially a genin. He reassured them that she will have one of the best sensei, one of the best jounins the village has.
Every year she tried to celebrate it with her friends but she doesn't tell them it's her birthday just so they wouldn't feel obligated to get her something. When she and Ino patched their friendship up, she would always try to help on the flowershop on that day. When Naruto is at the village, she would treat him at Ichiraku as she tried to dissuade him that it wasn't a date and it was just because she missed him. She would join Sai at his studio and pester him until he joined her for tea. If she comes across Kakashi, she would treat him to his favorite meal on the guise that she just missed his company.
They didn't know any better and Sakura would like to keep it that way but the last few years have been so different.
She once tried to confess to the Uchiha, on her birthday no less and was promptly dismissed to her face. She wasn't in a hurry to have a repeat of that scenario again and she cringed when she even remembered that particular incident.
She would always wish to visit her parents, but seeing as she was estranged to them, she never tried to. The door had been slammed on her face far too many times already that she just gave up on them.
Now, she almost forgot it was her birthday until she saw the marked date on her calendar. She blinked, and rose her eyebrows as the significance of the date dawn on her. She shrugged and promptly plopped down on her seat. It's not like she could celebrate anyway.
For her it was the same as every other day.
Two cups of coffee later, an almost spilled cup of tea, a man with almost his whole arm broken that was rushed to surgery, a stab wound on the abdominal area, dog bites on the leg and she was ready to go home. She supposed her earlier than normal departure could be considered a birthday gift. She would be able to relax for tonight.
A cup of green tea on her side, a book on hand, legs curled beneath her as she sat on the far corner of her couch and she was prepared to enjoy her night. It wasn't until a few pages later that a voice startled her out of her quiet reading.
"Don't you have anything else to do?"
"Wha-?" Startled she snapped her head and immediately moved behind the couch, a kunai at her hand and pointed it at the intruder.
He was sitting on her single sofa, leaning back with legs crossed and holding a copy of the ever so famous book Icha Icha Paradise. His brows were furrowed on what he was reading, silver hair that defied gravity was plastered on his head and a mask that still conceal the bottom half of his face.
"Kakashi-sensei?" She asked disbelievingly.
There was a snap and the book he was holding was tossed on her coffee table before both his dark eyes met hers. "Quite," he said, "But not exactly." He smiled at her then stood up and stretched in the confines of her furniture.
Still at the defensive position and kunai still pointed at the not-exactly-kakashi-sensei person, she managed to get a good look at her unexpected visitor. His similarities to her sensei was uncanny, from the untidy silver hair, eye-crinkling smile, his lanky and laid-back form and his ever-famous mask but there ends the resemblance. He seemed to be wearing some sort of dark green tattered yukata with patches of colors, an equally tattered hakama in black and plain geta with red straps that may have seen better days. He had, from what Sakura could discern, a golden bell strapped to his waist that tinkled every time he moved. Every piece of clothing was peculiar and unreal to her, like watching someone from a play whose era was lost to her.
"Who are you?" she asked again now with wariness in her voice. This wasn't her sensei. Her sensei may have the habit of coming unannounced and a penchant of using the window as a door but he doesn't suppress his chakra for her to know that he was there. She couldn't sense any chakra from him. And she knew kakashi-sensei would rather than be caught dead than wear those type of clothes. She didn't believe he even owned a single pair of yukata.
This person was dangerous. Not only was he brave and confident enough to impersonate Kakashi. But was bold enough to enter her apartment. But she had to take the fight elsewhere, she couldn't risk bringing down the whole complex unit.
She eyed her windows, a good 3 meters from her and noted the door behind her. They were all possible escape routes should things go awry.
The peasant looking Kakashi was amused and chose to ignore her question as he sauntered over to her bookshelf and perused her collection. But she wasn't fooled, not when he could go charging on her the moment she gave an opening.
"Who are you?" she asked again seriously. "What do you want?" she gritted her teeth as she asked and attempted to calm her nerves. A shinobi must always stay calm and analyze the situation before engaging into combat. She channeled her chakra into her fist as she readied her stance. She would take no chances, especially when this person, she figured, was highly skilled in infiltration.
Peasant Kakashi looked at her and it was enough for her to careen to him with a chakra laden punch to his face. Her mind already did the calculations as her fist charged forward and made sure that the intended target would be shooting out her window. Before her fist could slammed into his face, he disappeared. Sakura wasn't phased by this. In the actuality of the situation, she already expected it. But she didn't earned the rank of Jounin for no reason. One slight move to her left and she was already angling her body and raised her feet to deliver a kick but was met with nothing.
"I'm not here to fight," Peasant looking Kakashi said as he appeared just beyond the kitchen.
What?
Sakura threw a barrage of kunais and shuriken to his direction, already knowing he will evade it and positioned herself for the offensive. A kick here, a punch here, a twist of her leg there and a swift jab of elbow, still mindful of the area she was fighting in else she mutilates her living space. He wasn't fighting her but that doesn't mean he wouldn't if she gave him a chance to retaliate.
Peasant looking Kakashi sighed again as he appeared just in front of her and through hell raising survival instinct, she automatically enhanced her strength to punch him, her furniture be damned. To her shock, Peasant Kakashi caught her hand mid-air and dispelled her chakra.
What the hell? How was that possible?
Sakura levered her right leg to strike him to his side but he moved to catch her foot and broke her chakra strength in them. She was perplexed and a little bit horrified. Shit! His grip tightened as a warning not to do anything. "I'm not here to fight," he said again with a clear calm voice that made her want to believe it. "I'm only here to talk."
Talk? Seriously?
He dropped his hold on her fist and leg before moving to one of her accent chairs and sitting as if she didn't just tried to break his face. The scary thing was, she didn't even feel his chakra throughout all his evasion or even when he disarmed her.
She didn't dropped her hold on her kunai. She couldn't, not when she knew what he capable of. She only knew a handful of shinobi capable of absorbing and cancelling chakra and except Sasuke, the rest were already dead. Sasuke uses his rinnegan for that type of technique and she was pretty sure peasant kakashi's eyes were normal. Unless Sasuke can henge his Sharingan, which she doubted. What puzzled her was the fact that this person has no chakra signature, which was impossible if he could do ninjutsu.
Who is he? What is he?
Peasant Kakashi just looked at her, his eyes shaped in a crinkling smile like the way Kakashi-sensei usually does and her insides dropped. How she wished to see that smile on her sensei for so long and here a stranger was giving it to her.
"I promise I'm only here to talk," Peasant Kakashi said gently as he made himself comfortable on her chair. She didn't answer and just stood there and faced him, frozen in place as she contemplated her next move. "I promise," Peasant Kakashi stressed again his intention.
Promises meant nothing to her when faced with the unknown but in a completely irrational decision, she lowered her kunai a little. Something must be seriously wrong with her if she was willing to indulge him. But in her defense, if he would talk, she would learn of his intentions. it's not like she would be dropping her guard around him.
Peasant Kakashi gave her yet again his smile as she slightly dropped her kunai and with a snap of his fingers, a steaming cup of tea was on his hand, cautiously sipped the liquid and indicated with his other hand that she should take a sit.
Where the hell did that tea came from? She thought as she sat. On the far end of the couch on the opposite side of the room and still taking into account her escape routes and she knew Peasant Kakashi had noticed it.
"Now what are you doing on this fine night?" he asked as he placed his cup down on the table.
She was surprised at the way he asked. It was polite and refined. She supposed he was cultured somewhat as she noticed how finely he held his tea and the elegant way he sits as averse to his clothing. It was another contrast to Kakashi-sensei who was, by default, lazy and bored in his stance. Though the contrast of his appearance made her smile just a little. Him sitting like a daimyo in his palace yet wearing clothes fit for a peasant.
She did not answer him right away, preferring to hear him talk but he looked at her expectantly with eyes she was so familiar with that she couldn't help but give in. Deciding to humor him, She answered, "Some light reading before bed."
He frowned at her. "Just Reading?"
"Yes." She was confused as to why he was asking this sort of questions at her. What was he trying to gain? Why does he want to know?
"Isn't that a bit boring. Don't you have anything to do?" Peasant Kakashi sighed at her as if disappointed that she didn't have any plans that evening.
Sakura just shrugged. Not wanting to explain that her friends were busy and had a life of their own that they couldn't be bothered about anything else aside from missions.
"Hmmm," Peasant Kakashi wondered rather loudly. They lapsed into an uncomfortable silence with Sakura tearing into an edge of anxiousness. But she wouldn't be the one to break the silence even if her temper was beginning to flare.
"I suppose it doesn't matter anyway," he finally said after a few terse minutes as he whipped his book and she wondered what the hell he meant by that. Will he try to kill her after this? She tensed at the thought and unconsciously gripped her kunai harder.
"Who are you?" She gritted her teeth as she asked the question for the third time. When all she got was a smile as if to mocked her, she couldn't help but explode that she stood up and pointed with her kunai. "Who the fuck do you think you are? Do you think you can get away with copying Kakashi-sensei?" Blood was ringing in her chest as she heaved her breath.
"Oh? Is that how I look like?" he mused, not minding her flaring temper.
What in the world-? Is he serious?
"How the hell couldn't you know what you look like you imbecile?" Her ire was growing by the minute and one more callous remark and she'll make sure her fist meets his face no matter what happened to her unit. She was pretty sure Konoha would reimburse the damages once proven that this was an enemy nin.
Was he even a Konoha-nin? She wondered as she noticed that there was no distinguishing hitai-ate anywhere on him.
"It's alright. Everything will be fine," he said with a small smile using the voice she had heard for countless of times, assuring her that everything indeed will be fine.
What the fuck was he talking about? It's official. This person is insane.
But his statement froze her. Her mind couldn't helped the fact that an image of Kakashi sensei seemed to overlap with Peasant Kakashi as he once voiced the exact same statement so long ago. The days when all she seemed to do was cry and be saved by everyone else around her. The days when she was a pathetic little girl who doesn't understand what it means to be a shinobi.
Everything will be alright, Sakura-Chan.
She heard his voice clear in her head that she had to gasp for breath. She blinked as the image disappeared and slightly shook her head to clear her sudden hallucination. It was a testament to how much she missed her sensei, where his presence alone made her feel safe. She knew how much kakashi-sensei preferred to be alone, not comfortable enough with the company of others, even if they somehow grew with him. It was why she never sought him out. If he needed her, he would come to her, that was what she believed in. Yet he never does.
Shit! Maybe she had lost her mind if she was seeing an image of kakashi-sensei. She couldn't helped but bristle at the thought that she had survived days with little to no rest in a mission and yet she never had an illusion like that. Just what the hell is wrong with her?
"I'm beginning to get bored of this," he gestured to the book he was holding in front of him and the books on her wall, "Let's do something else." He shut his book and place it inside his yukata before facing Sakura with an expectant expression on his face.
"Like what? You wanted to talk. So Talk." she finally said rather rigidly as she glanced at her collection of books and scrolls. "Besides, I don't have anything else." And her collection wasn't even massive. Most of the scrolls were gifts and the books she bought on a whim when she was having a particular slow week with nothing to do. She doesn't even own a set of television or a telephone, opting for only the basic necessities she needed to survive. What would be the point in buying when she knew she would never be able to use them. She basically lived in the hospital and only use her own home for sleeping.
He seemed to consider her answer before staring back at her again with a peculiar expression she couldn't comprehend. Damn that mask, she thought. "Where are your friends?" he finally asked after some contemplation. He doesn't seemed to mind that she continued standing with kunai ready at her hands.
"I'll ask again for the last time, who are you? What do you want?"
"I am here to talk to you. What do you do after work? Where are your friends? Do they visit you?"
Sakura suddenly had this rather strong suspicion that she was being subjected to an evaluation. But for what purpose? Who sent him-or her? She had an inkling that maybe, Tsunade noticed that she was working harder than usual and decided to assessed her. But, why didn't she just call her herself? And all these questions he was throwing at her was making her feel uneasy and nervous. Those same questions she asked herself and she never knew how to answer them.
She calmed herself and just put her faith in the guards that patrolled the borders that no one can cross the village without proper clearance. She was already tired from her shift earlier that she decided to wrapped this up so she could finally sleep and forget the whole debacle until she could see her shisou and ask her about it.
Drained from the outburst of emotion from her, she sat down again and tiredly look at Peasant Kakashi. He seemed inordinately please that she was calm once again. "I read. I sleep," she said to answer his question. "My friends are busy. So am I."
He stopped and looked at her, then looked at the collection of her books then looked at her again but didn't say anything else. But he didn't to. Sakura knew what he was thinking even if his face was covered. He looked at her as though she had suddenly started sprouting feathers.
"There's nothing wrong with it," she said, her annoyance flared as she defended her nightly habits, "You try spending almost an entire day in the hospital. There isn't anything wrong with having to relax before going to sleep."
"Yes there is," he exclaimed and his arms flailed on his side. "If you do nothing but read, something is seriously wrong with you." He puffed and fell back on the couch with a loud thud and summoned his book. "I guess we're stuck here then."
"What the hell are you suggesting? That I find another hobby?" She said sarcastically. She didn't need somebody to tell her how to live her life. Hell, she wasn't concern on the lives of other people, why should they take interest in hers. It sure as hell doesn't affect her performance when on duty.
"What about your training?"
"I do it every morning before going to work," she answered. Her idea that this was an evaluation was cementing on her.
"By yourself?"
"Yes. What does that have to do with anything?"
"It means, Sakura-san, that nobody cares about you to try and visit you, be it from home or for training."
"Wha-" She was stunned at his response that she didn't know how to continue. The statement caused her insides to freeze up that she momentarily lost her breath. it's not like it wasn't true. For a long time nobody could be bothered with her. Everyone else seemed to have a life of their own. Except hers.
She really doesn't do much but go home and sleep after her shift ends. But it's not like she had much of a choice. She would always be bone tired after her shift that all she wanted to do was crawl on her bed that smell like cherry blossoms and burrow herself under her pillows. The cycle would continue the next day. She barely had time for herself, how could she include others. Besides, she didn't think anyone could be bothered to train with her, she thought bitterly.
"Exactly," he said as if to answer her thoughts when the silence stretched.
She didn't dignify his statement with a response and just chose to mull in silence. His questions were already unnerving her. But she wouldn't give to a stranger her sentiments. She couldn't even accept them herself.
Five uncomfortable minutes ticked by and Peasant Kakashi had enough. He closed the book for the second time looked at her with a piercing stare that strongly reminded her of how kakashi-sensei used to do that when he was serious. "How could you stand this silence?" he demanded of her. "It's maddening!"
"Is it?" She asked as she looked at him. "I never noticed. Maybe I just got used to it." And she did. For her, the silence was a reprieved from the hustle and bustle at the hospital. Silence was a commodity she barely can afford and her home was a sweet haven full of it that she welcomed it with open arms.
"You are so weird." Peasant Kakashi said with barely concealed disbelief. "Why don't you visit your friends?"
"We've all been a little bit busy in our job." A little is an understatement, she knew. They were busy. Too busy to want to have anything to do with her but not with other things.
"Aren't you lonely?"
"I'm not," she said daring him to counter her. But she knew that she is. Extremely. And she could see that Peasant Kakashi did not believe the words she said.
"You sit here and wallow in silence," he indicated at her, "You spend your days inside the hospital for the rest of the day. You don't have much of a life Sakura-san."
She stared at him in disbelief at the bold words that sprouted out of him and couldn't helped but bristle. "Who the hell gave you the right to judge me. I have a life. I have a home and an outstanding job that I-" she cried out.
"Yes, Yes," he waved at her words dismissively, "you have all the things a normal person should have." He abandoned his chair and stood directly in front of her, the slight tinkling of the bell echoing around them. "But do you actually live your life?"
"Of course I do."
"How could you? You go home directly after your shift. What life is there to live?" He said with a mocking tone.
Sakura couldn't speak. She felt something lodged at the back of her throat that she could only gasped at his words. The noise of the bell seemed to freeze any reaction out of her. Those bells that reminded her of her sensei. And that the very same person was admonishing her. She felt like a little girl once again, one that doesn't know anything but believed she knew everything and was being scolded for it.
What does he want from me?
"And your friends?" he continued in his condescending tone of his voice. "Where are they? They've left you Sakura-san. Like the first time your sensei left you to your own when Naruto and Sasuke disappeared. Like how he trained Naruto when he returned to the village and yet chose to ignore you even though you were here the whole time. Because to him, you are worth nothing."
That stabbed Sakura more than anything else from all his words. It was a deep wound in her that never really healed and having it thrown in her, mocked her more than anything. And the fact it was coming from a person who looked like her sensei made her wish that this was a dream. She was finding it harder to breathe with each passing second. Pressure was building in her chest that she knew she would cry if she so much as breath. The air was already stifling and the room was caging her. She needed air. She needed to get out of there.
"Do you remember how he never even looked back to you when both your teammates left. You were still there and yet he chose to abandon you. What happened to teamwork?"
Shit! Her throat clogged and her eyes stung when she remembered a glimpse of that memory. She promised herself that she wouldn't think of that time in her life anymore. The time she realized she was hopeless, alone, with everyone else moving but her.
"You hide yourself in your home, in the hospital. You hide behind the pages of your books or between the binders of these scrolls." With every mocking word he said, he came a little closer to her. "Is that your life Sakura?"
"I-" She couldn't speak. She couldn't even hear herself think with the way the bell chimed all over the place and the way his words seemed to hit something within her that made her want to curl up beneath the covers of her bed to avoid his piercing stare and truthful words.
"And today of all days," he said as he stood even closer to her. "Your birthday. And no one even know. Do you even exist to them?"
She gasped as the words struck her. She already knew these but hearing them echoing all around her, her breath came out as a soft cry. All she wanted for her birthday was to be with the people she loved, and yet, she was here, alone with a stranger that bared her life open.
His mouth now inches from her ear, the mask almost touching her cheek when he said, "You need to get yourself a life Sakura-san," all serious and deadly calm, "because you don't have one."
There was a clanging sound and she was jerked out of her reverie. There was her kunai, laying lifeless on her floor as something cracked within her.
Immediately she noticed her mysterious visitor was gone. No trace can be even found that he even graced her room, not the book he was reading nor the tea he was drinking.
She slumped to the floor, confused and albeit a little bit relieved that he was gone. She was already on the verge of crying and the moment her control slipped, she knew the tears she was trying to contain will fall.
Stream of memories flooded her and all those she tried to bury within her came gushing out, all her suppressed feelings, emotions, memories and with every second that passed, so did her restraint. As one tear fell from her face, soon came another until she was sobbing by the floor, hugging a throw pillow and desperately wishing that she forget that that day ever existed.
Happy Birthday Sakura
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