Home Is Where You Are
Trigger Warning - Self harm
Chapter Two - The World Is Full Of Bullshit
"This one is when I had a fight with my mom" he says, showing me his left wrist which had a couple of cuts down to his elbow. "And this one is from when my brother ran away from home" he says, pointing to the most deepest cut on his arm, placed perfectly in the centre of his arm. He had a strange smile on his face as he showed me, almost like he was proud of himself. I roll down one of my sleeves so we could compare, mine had a lot more scars dotted around, but his were deeper.
"This one is from yesterday"
"What happened yesterday?"
"I started my new school. Got into a fight with some bitch because I was smoking"
"See this is why I don't go to school anymore. The world is full of predictable ass holes who have to get their own way or they give everyone in there way the biggest pile of shit they can throw."
"I don't get why people can't mind there own business. Like, why should she care if I smoke or not, she didn't have to be a complete bitch about it."
"Maybe you should get some pay back? They say revenge is sweet"
"I don't know. I'm not in the mood to have her hypocritical zombie Barbie dolls making my life hell for the next year"
"Well, if you change your mind, I'll gladly help you. I got some pay back from the kids in my school once, it was strange but thrilling at the same time"
"What did you do?"
"I don't know really. Its kind of a blur whenever I try and think about it. I don't think I did anything too bad though" he says. We sit there for what feels like forever, swapping stories of hard times we've both had, some worse then others. Some petty arguments which caused us to loose it, some serious issues which left more mental scars which couldn't be erased so easily. We look at each others scars, which I had never shown anyone before, but I know he wont judge, since he's been through this shit as well.
Its 10:30 before my phone starts to ring. I pull it out of my pocket and wait before answering, checking to see who it was. My moms number appearing on the screen. I can see out of the corner of my eye, Austin peering over, looking curiously at the phone in my hand. I sigh before answering the phone, knowing I was going to hear some bull shit about me missing family dinner.
"Ally, where are you? I'm worried sick!" she says frantically down the phone.
"I'm out with a friend"
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I told dad, didn't he mention it to you?"
"No, he didn't" she sighs.
"Is this the part where you tell me I need to come home right now?"
"No. I'm just annoyed you missed our family dinner. I was looking forward to it"
"Sorry. I just didn't want to sit around a table awkwardly with you and dad all night"
"Ally!" she says shocked, even though she knows its true, she didn't expect me to actually say it. "Just make sure your back by eleven" which gave me about half an hour before I needed to be home. I tell her goodbye and hang up the phone even though I knew she probably had more to say. I knew that when I got home I would be questioned about who I was out with and where I went and what I did. I knew there would be questions and complaints about family dinner and how we'd have to do it tomorrow, which I would avoid once again like the plague.
"Who was that?"
"Just my mom. I don't know why she pretends to care. I know she doesn't and she's not very good at acting"
"I don't know, maybe she does care. Maybe you just don't realise it"
"No. I know she doesn't. If she cared about me then she wouldn't have made me move all the way here. She did that for herself"
"Well. If its any conciliation. I'm glad she decided to move you here"
"Why?"
"Because you're the only person I've talked to in months who actually makes sense, who understands all the bullshit that goes on in the world"
"You have no idea how much I'm dreading walking into that hell hole tomorrow" I sigh, messing with my feet, dragging the sand with them to build one big pile. Austin sits there for a second thinking.
"Then don't?" he asks. "Don't go to school. Sneak off, we can spend the day together"
"My parents would kill me if they found out" I reply, considering the idea since I didn't want to go. My mom was going out tomorrow for a couple of interviews, my dad had transferred his job and was staring tomorrow, I guess I could sneak back into the house and stay there for the day.
"They wont have to know. I wont tell"
"Okay" I reply, nodding my head. It couldn't go badly, I mean, my parents wouldn't be home and if they, for some reason, came back early, the house had so many doors leading outside I was sure me and Austin could escape without them knowing. "Come over to mine tomorrow"
"Okay great." he says with a crooked smile.
"I should get going"
"I'll walk you home"
"So why don't you go to school anymore? I'd need someone like you there to keep what's left of my sanity"
"I'm really not the best person to keep anyone sane. I lost it ages ago" he jokes as we walk through the streets, relying on the moonlight to see. "I dropped out a while ago. I hated being crowded around by fools who don't understand anything but how to be ass holes."
"I wish I could drop out. My parents would kill me and hate me even more then they do now, but at least then I could be free from it"
"Are you scared of your parents? Your always worried about what they think, what they'll do"
"No, I just hate how much control they have over me. I hate how if they say something, I have to do it. If I don't then we argue, and then, well, you know what happens when I argue with people"
"So if your not scared of your parents, then what are you scared of?"
"I'm not scared of anything"
"Really?" he asks suspiciously. "Everyone's got to be scared of something"
"Okay, then what are you scared of?"
"You know what I believe?" he asks, completely changing the subject. "I believe, that despite all the bullshit in the world, despite the manipulating self centred people, there are people out there who actually deserve a chance"
"Do you think your one of those people?"
"I don't know. But it cant all be shit, can it?"
"I hope not. I don't want to live in this world if its all disgusting. If it is I feel like I'll loose my mind. I feel like I'm loosing it already"
"Maybe we can keep each other sane for a while"
"Maybe" I smile as we reach my house. It was five minutes past eleven, five minutes late. I knew walking in, those five minutes would cause chaos. "I'll see you tomorrow then?" I ask, making sure he knew which house to go to, where to find me.
"If you want to see me tomorrow"
"Okay" I smile, walking over to my front door. I turn to see him stood at the bottom of my drive, smiling at me as I walk inside, closing the door behind me. Turning to face my mom, stood in her dressing gown, worried look on her face.
"What? I'm only five minutes late."
"No, its not that" she sighs, walking over to me and wrapping her arms around me tightly. "Did you have fun?"
"It was okay"
"I'm glad your making friends already. I didn't expect it to happen so quickly if I'm honest. Your dad told me about that fight you had with a girl at school"
"It was nothing"
"Where did you go then?"
"To the beach"
"With who" she asks, making me sigh, I knew I was going to be interrogated about this, but I didn't expect it to happen when I had just walked through the door.
"Just a friend"
"A boy… friend?" she asks, smiling to herself.
"Mom!" I shout seriously, unsure as why parents had to ask so many questions all the time.
"What?! I saw you stood outside with him."
"God" I sigh, messing with the sleeves of my shirt.
"Do you like him? What's his name?"
"Why do you ask so many questions" I complain, moving towards the steps.
"I don't know, there just seems to be something different about you"
"For gods sake mom. You see me with a guy once and your already planning a wedding" I shout, stomping up the stairs and into my room. I hated how she had to pry into my business. I hated that I walked with Austin so close to my house, I knew she would be looking for me, watching as to who I was with. I hated the fact that I couldn't have anything to myself in this house.
The things I hated ran through my head as I reached the bathroom, grabbing my make up bag. Pulling out the silver blade I had put in there this morning, I had heard my dad asking about what happened to his razors not so long ago, I never admitted to anything, why would I? They didn't care, they just wanted to annoy me, I thought as I pulled the sharp blade across my skin. Red flowing over my skin, dripping on the sink, pooling together before running down to the pipes.
"Stop!" shouts a male voice, making me jump, the blade in my hand dropping on the floor. I turn around, thinking that my dad would be standing there, but there's no one. I pick up the blade, clean the sink and clean up my arm. I was sure that I had to be turning insane, I was hearing things. There was no one there.
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