Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing

A/N: Hey guys! Wow this story struck a chord with people, not even Lisbon has called Jane that many names LOL. But he's earned them and will continue to in flashbacks. Don't hate me. And it's my birthday today so of course I decided to celebrate by giving all of you a present!

I would like to note that yes, Jane is acting different then he would in most baby fics, nope he's not worshiping the ground Lisbon walks on but to be honest, don't tell me that he wouldn't be this mean. Jane is the person who locked a man in a coffin, disappeared for six months, planted evidence at a scene, and has no qualms with lying to and hurting Lisbon in a way to get his revenge, yes even pushing her away. I'm on the fence over how Jane would react in a situation like this, I even have an unpublished fic where he does act happy but I think this idea is a bit more compelling, it's more fun to watch him change then to suddenly have him accept this situation. All I can say is if you don't like the idea of Jane being a bastard and then being redeemed, don't read this fic.

Anonymous Reviews:

Sabrina: Thank you! I do think Jane could potentially act this way so I'm glad you approve

Guest: I love the name Alaina and the meaning behind it fits this fic as well. LOL rest assured, Lisbon isn't the only one who is going to punch Jane in the face during this fic, and yes he does deserve it. But he does come around, obviously the present day scenes prove that.

Jessica: Here it is!

Misfit 1-3: Awww thanks so much

Chapter 2: The Contract

It was unbelievable how little time Lisbon had to herself anymore. It seemed like the hours of the day flew by now that they were filled with diaper changes, feedings and moments spent trying to get her daughter to laugh. It was strange, a year ago her time at home was minimal at best because she knew she would spend that time trying to find something to do before she could go to work. She didn't feel alone anymore.

That didn't mean she was feeling good about herself now. In some ways she felt worse, there was enormous pressure and she no longer had the time to do simple tasks like laundry and indulging in a long hot bath. It was true that in those first few weeks she'd felt crippled by it all, even now she was still having those moments where she wondered if it really was all too much.

But now she felt at least somewhat confident that she was stronger than she knew. Apparently part of being a mom was learning how to multi-task and naptimes were the perfect times to do that.

Alaina was dozing in her bassinet for her morning nap and Lisbon was glad that it meant she finally had the time to finish doing laundry, which had piled up. Two days without Jane coming over to watch the baby meant two days without those hours to get some things done. She wondered over the wisdom of that, if Jane was willing to help why didn't she let him?

Lisbon rolled her eyes and threw another folded towel into the pile. She knew exactly why she didn't let him over as much as he claimed he wanted, she had no tangible proof that he would stick around this time. All she had was his word and coming from a notorious con artist, it was impossible for her to trust anything that came out of his mouth.

That didn't stop the guilt, even though everyone was telling her she had nothing to be guilty for. After the crap Jane pulled during her pregnancy she shouldn't have to question her motives.

She groaned and turned her attention back to the television, determined to stop thinking about her own messed up life and focus on the messed up life of make-believe characters. There was a Friends marathon on and while she had always found the characters annoying and shrill, Grace loved the show and Lisbon wouldn't admit it, but she found herself laughing occasionally too.

Okay maybe a lot.

The benefit was that having it on low seemed to keep Alaina content in her dream world; apparently she hadn't just inherited her long fingers and cheekbones from Jane but also inability to sleep in absolute quiet. So Lisbon settled in for some hushed half hours of implausible plotlines and repeated laugh tracks.

It took her a moment to figure out what was going on. Apparently this was the season where Rachel was pregnant, she vaguely remembered Grace explaining that she and Ross had a one-night stand before Monica and Chandler's wedding.

A part of her didn't know why Rachel and Ross were such a big deal, especially since Ross was easily her least favorite character. Chandler was the one who had the best lines after all. But she knew enough about pop culture to know that they were the big couple of the series and apparently had been "on a break" at one time or another.

Rachel waited outside of Ross's apartment to tell him about her pregnancy but as usual, things had a way of going awry. Ross thought that Rachel wanted to get back together and he didn't. Lisbon rolled her eyes at the screen when Ross said they could do it "one more time", yes Ross's ego was just that big.

Of course then Rachel decided to unleash her own bombshell, she was pregnant.

"I'm pregnant."

"No…No…No, you can't be."

Ross took the news better than Jane did, if standing there in stunned frozen silence was better than Jane's initial denial. Of course then he threw a temper tantrum and complained to the condom company, Lisbon couldn't blame Rachel for leaving after that.

But the part that had Lisbon upset was later when Ross showed up at Rachel's doctor's appointment declaring that he would be there for her every step of the way. That he wanted to be involved, that he wanted to have this baby with her…he even said they would get married.

She gaped at the screen for a moment while Ross and Rachel gazing lovingly at the ultrasound of their child. Then she hurled a folded towel at her TV.

"What a load of crap!" she said out loud. "You want to know how it would really happen? How about have Ross freak out and demand she have an abortion? Have him run away and hide, declaring that he doesn't want anything to do with her!

"Then she'll have to do it alone and she'll be terrified and try to talk to him but all he does is shut her out. Have her have to depend on her friends to help her out, to baby proof her apartment and build the nursery. Have her have to beg and plead for him to care even just a little bit and be stunned when all he does is walk away because that is real! Not running into the doctor's room to propose and then cry over the sonogram, not in this life."

Her chest heaved as she glared menacingly at the characters, now happily showing off the sonogram to their friends. The laugh track was playing as they all hugged and the credits rolled and Lisbon realized that she had just been shouting at her television.

She sank down on the couch and covered her face with her hands. When had she become so cynical? These were fictional characters; she shouldn't be upset by it. Especially when the truth was that she was wrong. She knew that most men didn't react that way; most men did jump into fatherhood. Some men did propose marriage to the women carrying their child…Rigsby did!

But she hadn't gotten any of that. The father of her child never gave her flowers, held her hand when she was afraid or went to a doctor's appointment to see their baby. No, she hadn't received any kindness at all until Alaina was born.

Lisbon softened and looked down at her sleeping daughter. Memories of the day she was born welled forth, a truly terrible day that did not deserve to be the birthday of someone so precious as her daughter. But it had been a turning point too and she couldn't help but remember Jane's apologies and pleas.

She hadn't seen the bastard that told her to get an abortion since Alaina was born.

"Then answer me this; can you find fault with what I've done with her now?"

"You've been doing well these past few weeks,"

"That's not going to change."

"We'll see."

That was the truth. She couldn't believe him and she really had no reason to. Her brothers thought that she shouldn't let Jane near Alaina, Grace agreed with them, Rigsby was on the fence and who the hell knew what Cho was thinking? Still, she could see why she shouldn't let him see her.

So why was she?

Alaina let out a small whimper and then a sharper cry. Lisbon reached into the bassinet to pick her up, cradling her against her chest. "Shhh, sweetheart, shhhh."

The baby calmed down, blinking her eyes sleepily once more. Lisbon hummed lightly under her breath and kissed her head, lulling her daughter back to sleep. She remembered watching Jane do the very same thing the week before.

As much as she hated him…she loved seeing him like that.

Perhaps that was the reason why she was letting Jane see Alaina now, even after everything he'd done to her. Because if she didn't then he would never have the opportunity to prove he would stay.

It was a start…but nothing would erase what he did.

Lisbon was sure that Jane would change his mind; he would just need a little time. It was frightening to suddenly find out that a baby was on the way and he'd overreacted. He was afraid, so was she and she could understand that reaction. Her first thoughts when she found out she was having a baby was to find a way to solve the problem, it wasn't until a little later that she realized she wanted to have it.

Jane would want this baby once the panic wore off, she'd been certain of that in those early days.

But the days stretched to weeks and he never said a word.

She woke up to her phone ringing around her eighth week. "Lisbon," she mumbled, still groggy since it was early and being pregnant also meant being constantly tired.

Lisbon listened as the dispatch officer rattled on about a case in the Sacramento area; SACPD was overworked and needed help. Her team was on call.

But she was barely hearing her because now she was feeling very sick. "Mhmmm," Lisbon said, trying very hard not to open her mouth. But the nausea refused to leave, in fact, it got worse.

She stood up quickly and all but ran to the bathroom while still keeping the phone pressed to her ear.

"Are you able to accept the—?"

"Yes, we'll do it," Lisbon told her quickly, she'd never spoken his fast in her life, "just call the other members of my team."

Then she hung up the phone and vomited into her toilet. She heaved for a long time until she felt like her insides were all rung out and there was nothing left in her. Then she leaned down and rested her forehead against the cool porcelain. So much for thinking that she would just coast past the morning sickness.

Lisbon sighed and looked down at her still flat stomach. "Okay kid, you better be really, really cute when you come out."

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An hour later she learned that morning sickness didn't go away just because she'd already thrown up that morning. She'd tried eating some dry toast and sipping some Sprite she'd had in the fridge but so far she still felt like her stomach wanted to make a return appearance.

Somehow she managed to make it to the crime scene without getting sick again but her stomach lurched as soon as she stepped foot on the ground. The first thing she noticed was that Jane had beaten her to the scene, for a brief moment their eyes met but then he looked away. Her heart cracked at the obvious snub, he still wasn't talking to her.

"You look like hell," Cho was quick to point out as she made her way to the body.

"Thank you, Cho," she remarked dryly. She knew he was right, she felt like hell too.

The body was in the wooded area and the coroner was already at work, examining the body and determining the time of death. Lisbon was feeling like she could actually do this until she saw and smelt the blood. Then her stomach did another somersault.

"Looks like a stabbing," the coroner explained, "Assailant hit his carotid artery which is why there is such a mess."

"This should be quick," Rigsby pointed out, "The guy had to have been covered in blood."

"It wasn't planned," Lisbon agreed, now she was trying desperate to hold her breath

Jane was doing what he normally did, poking around in the bushes and trees. "Except he waited right here for the victim to come." He pointed to the heavy packed dirt and two cigarettes that were by the tree.

The forensic guys immediately rushed over to bag the evidence while Lisbon's team figured out what it meant. "So it was premeditated, why the mess?" Cho asked.

Jane shrugged. "Excitement, opportunity, or maybe we are watching a budding killer emerge."

"Not a very smart one if he left his DNA behind."

"No one said he was."

Lisbon nodded her head. "We still need to I.D. the body and canvas the are, Rigsby, Cho why don't you…" she could finish the sentence as her pitiful breakfast made it's ascent. "Oh God," she said before hurrying as fast as she could. She barely made it outside the taped off area before she vomited behind one of the trees.

"Boss, you all right?" Rigsby asked, he and Cho came over quickly to check up on her.

She nodded but heaved a couple of more times until she could stand straight again. "I'm okay."

"You have the flu or something?"

"I'll be fine," Lisbon said, dodging the question, "just not feeling so great today."

Cho gave her a careful look. "You should head to the office, stay there and rest up."

"Good idea," she murmured, she was all too happy to get away from the embarrassment of throwing up at crime scene and maybe finding some rest on the white couch in her office.

She turned to see that Jane was still standing several feet away, not looking at her. He knew the real reason for her stomach troubles, heck he was responsible for it…but he didn't say a word.

That was the first time Lisbon wondered if maybe Jane would never come around.

The morning air was crisp and clear, just chilly enough to make running the path around the park feel pretty damn good. Still Lisbon had Alaina bundled up in a small coat and little pink hat while she happily sat in her stroller as her mother ignored the ache in her side.

Grace didn't even seem winded and Lisbon hated her for that. But she wasn't the one who was out of shape after being pregnant either. "This doesn't seem fair," Lisbon said in between her heavy breaths.

"What isn't fair?"

"I celebrate every pound Alaina gains," Lisbon explained, "But I have to lose weight."

Grace grinned. "She's a baby, they are supposed to be chubby and cute."

"Lucky kid."

Her friend laugh and shook her head, her long red hair tied back in a loose ponytail. Wearing stretchy pants and a sports bra with no makeup she still looked like a knockout. Lisbon was wearing a t-shirt to hide the extra pounds around her waist.

"Doesn't breast feeding burn like five hundred calories a day?"

Lisbon nodded. "Yeah, but you really think that's enough?" She stopped in her tracks and took a quick breather, groaning a little. "Ugh, it sucks. My sister-in-law was bragging that she lost all of her pregnancy weight six weeks after she had Daniel."

"Yeah," Grace said, running in place, "but that's not a fair comparison, she was younger than you."

Lisbon looked up and glared at her friend. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Now the other agent looked a little afraid. "Well…wasn't she?"

"I'm not twenty five," Lisbon pointed out, "but I'm not old."

"No one said you were," Grace reminded her, "But things change after you hit thirty."

Lisbon grunted and resumed running. For a moment they both remained silent except for their heavy breathing and the sound of Alaina's stroller rolling over the pavement. "You know, I can't be that old. Not if my dusty old uterus still managed to pop out one kid."

Grace laughed and shook her head. "Especially with Jane. What are the odds? One time, it's like a fluke."

"Yeah," Lisbon agreed, "But not so much, we weren't exactly protected."

Grace stopped in her tracks. "You didn't have protection?"

"Jane is basically a monk unless he's seducing someone to get to Red John," Lisbon pointed out, "and I wasn't planning to have sex with him. I didn't have anything and if he did, he didn't bring it out."

"You guys didn't even have a condom and you still had sex with him?"

Lisbon blushed a little. "You know Jane, he can convince you to do anything."

Grace gave her a smug look as they resumed their running. Lisbon knew she was still looking at her and tried to ignore it but then the inevitable happened. "How was it?"

She stumbled in her step but stayed upright. "Oh God, tell me you did not just ask me that."

"What?"

"Oh my God, Grace!"

"Like you have never thought about the guys like that?"

"There is a baby present, remember?"

Grace giggled. "She's too young and you know it. Come on, admit it, you've thought about it."

"No," Lisbon told her quickly, "I've never thought about it with Cho or Rigsby, and don't tell me about Rigsby! I don't want to know!"

Grace raised an eyebrow, noting Lisbon's omission. "What about Jane?" Lisbon didn't say anything but kept on running. Grace grinned. "You did think about Jane! Ha!"

"So what if I have!" Lisbon defended herself, "I actually did sleep with him, it went somewhere."

"What does that even mean?"

"I don't know," Lisbon admitted sheepishly, "especially since sleeping with him was probably the biggest mistake of my life."

"Maybe," Grace agreed, "but you got Alaina, so it couldn't have been that bad."

"No," Lisbon said smiling softly now, "I can't argue with that."

Grace got that smug smile on her face again. "And it sounds like it was pretty good on it's own."

"We are not going to talk about it," Lisbon declared.

"Oh come on, I just want a few details, I won't tell anyone."

"You seriously want details about me having sex with Jane?"

"I'm just curious."

Lisbon rolled her eyes and shook her head. She was never happier to hear her cell phone ring. "Lisbon," she said as soon as she stopped running and answered. Sure enough it was a dispatch officer droning on about a new case. "Okay… all right…thanks." She hung up her phone and sighed. "Body was found in the city park. We're the ones on call, shit!" She declared and then immediately regretted it. "Sorry, Alaina."

They both quickly turned around to head back to their cars. "You have a change of clothes don't you?"

"Yes," Lisbon told her, "but daycare is closed on Saturday, I was hoping that this wouldn't happen until I figured out what do with Alaina if a case came up on a weekend, but look what good that did me."

Grace nodded. "You should get a nanny, didn't Rigsby give you several names?"

"Yes but Ben's mother is a lawyer who makes good money from a good firm," Lisbon reminded her, "I can't afford a nanny, at least not one that doesn't need to be drug tested on a weekly basis."

Grace was quiet for a moment and then offered. "If you're serious about letting Jane get involved, you could split the costs."

"I'm not asking Jane for money," Lisbon told her firmly, "Especially since I can't trust him to stick around."

They both made it to the car and Lisbon pulled out a bottle of water, taking a deep gulp of it and sighing once more. Grace took a sip of her own water before giving Lisbon a smile. "Hey, let me take Alaina. I'll watch her at the CBI while you go to the crime scene."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course, just call it a part of my godparent duties."

Lisbon actually smiled and gave her a shallow hug. "You are the best, Grace."

It took a few minutes for them to switch Alaina's car seat to Grace's car, put the stroller in the trunk and load up the diaper back full of her toys. But Lisbon leaned down to kiss her daughter. "I'll see you in a couple of hours sweetie, be good with Aunt Grace."

"Say goodbye to mommy," Grace said sweetly, raising Alaina's little arm so she waved back.

Lisbon felt the familiar sadness as she loaded up into her car, even though she knew it was only for a couple of hours and she would be able to reclaim her again soon…she still hated to leave her child behind.

Lisbon kept her pregnancy a secret for another two months, until she was two weeks past the first trimester. She would have continued to go on with the ruse but she knew that the team needed a distraction or they might get to the root of the problem. They hadn't said anything but she wasn't a fool either, she knew they were all wondering what was going on between her and Jane.

They hadn't spoken much at all after she hit him in the attic. They carried on with the job but they barely looked at each other anymore. Lisbon didn't know if Jane was feeling ashamed of himself or not, but she refused to speak to him mostly because she was afraid that he would tell her to have an abortion again.

The day before she'd overheard Rigsby talking to Cho about how things were weird between them, he thought that maybe Jane had gotten her in trouble again. A distraction was needed and she knew for sure that she wouldn't be able to hide it much longer anyways.

So she decided to just rip the band-aid off. She walked into the bullpen late in the evening, before they would all start trickling out of there. Jane was lying on his couch but she ignored him, she was getting pretty good at that.

"Hey boss," Rigsby said cheerfully, "We were thinking about getting a couple of beers in a minute, you want in?"

She'd love to but she couldn't really drink alcohol at the moment, which sucked because if there was any time she wanted to be drunk it was now.

"Uh, no but thanks," she said clearing her throat and wiping her sweaty palms on her pant legs. "I…I actually have something important to tell you guys." The three of them looked up at her with blank expressions, waiting to here whatever the news was, maybe something as mundane as she wanted them to switch to blue ink when signing reports.

"I…I'm…I'm pregnant," the words tumbled from her lips clumsily but they still were out there.

And three identical expressions of shock appeared on their faces.

For a very long moment there was nothing but silence as they all gaped up at her. She wondered who would break composure first. She won that bet when Grace stood up and pulled her in for a hug. "Oh my God, that's so great! Congratulations!"

Lisbon wasn't entirely comfortable in the hug but she was glad that finally someone was happy to know she was going to have a baby. "Yeah, congratulations," Rigsby said smiling up at her and Cho nodded his head in agreement.

"Thank you," she told them honestly, "I really need your support." She didn't divulge why. "Obviously things are going to change, I'll have to stop going out in the field so much which means you guys will have to step up," she turned and smiled at Grace. "And you'll be getting more field work."

The redhead's eyes sparkled. "I'm okay with that."

"I thought so."

The rest of them laughed lightly and Rigsby shook his head. "When are you due?"

"Oh not for another six months, I'm at fourteen weeks now so I guess things will be getting interesting."

He nodded and smiled. "Actually it makes sense now, all the hormones."

She gave him a dirty look. "I haven't been acting differently…have I?" Suddenly three pairs of eyes looked anywhere but at her. She did a quick run through of the last few weeks and some of the more odd encounters she'd had at crime scenes. "So I cried once…"

Rigsby started coughing while Grace hid a smile behind a folder. Lisbon grimaced, "This is going to get a lot worse isn't it?"

"Yep," Cho said simply.

"Great," Lisbon muttered and sighed heavily. Then she gave them a big smile. "Thank you for supporting this, I…I haven't even told my brothers yet so it means a lot that you guys are happy for me."

"Anytime boss," Rigsby told her and she knew he meant every word.

She nodded her head and turned to go back to her office and finish some more paperwork before heading home and telling her brothers the big news. But it was an involuntary reaction as her eyes moved towards the couch where the father of her unborn child was lounging. She felt pain pierce her heart when she saw that he hadn't moved, he still didn't want to look at her.

Lisbon wondered if any of them would notice that Jane hadn't said a word about the baby yet. Maybe not…but she had and she felt another piece of her heart splinter and break away.

She didn't know if it could break anymore.

There was a crowd of women surrounding Grace's desk when the rest of the team returned from the crime scene. Jane wasn't surprised at all, the same thing had happened whenever Lisbon brought Alaina to the office. If there was a baby or a puppy it was guaranteed to trigger this response in the secretaries of the CBI.

Rigsby stopped in his tracks and stared at the crowd by Grace's office. "Why don't I ever bring Ben to the office?"

"Because you don't want to use your child to get a date," Lisbon remarked dryly.

"Speak for yourself."

Lisbon rolled her eyes and tried to fight through the throng to get to her daughter. Currently Abby from HR was cooing over Alaina, holding her close to her generous bosom. "Oh aren't you just the most precious little thing ever?" She caught Lisbon's eye and smiled, "she looks just like you."

"Thank you," Lisbon said genuinely, "I think I'll keep her."

Jane shook his head at her little joke, smiling the whole time. Apparently she wasn't above making obvious puns.

"Well, we have work we have to do," Lisbon pointed out with a tight smile, "so uh, maybe you can come back and see her another time?"

There was a chorus of awwwws but Abby put on a bubbly expression on her face. "I guess you need to go back to mommy now." And she handed Alaina back to her mother. The baby let out a big yawn, which brought on another round of squeals from the ladies before they turned to leave.

That was when they caught sight of Jane. Then they were all reduced to giggling and whispering amongst themselves while sneaking looks back at Lisbon. The gossip had long since made the rounds that the special agent and her consultant had a child together now, but Jane knew that so many unanswered questions meant it was gossip that refused to die completely.

"Sorry about that," Grace told her, "they just kind of multiplied after awhile."

Lisbon smiled and shook her head. "I thought she was going to be kidnapped the first time I brought her here."

Jane walked over to the two women, even though Grace shot him a look that said he wasn't welcome. "Well you can't fault them for that," Jane said, gently holding Alaina's small fingers in his. "She's irresistible, which means we know she takes after at least one of her parents."

Lisbon gave him a look; she thought he'd been talking about himself. Alaina cooed a little and then grabbed his finger, wrapping her fist around it. He loved that, loved when she held on tight.

"I can watch after her," Jane offered. He had ulterior motives of course. He hadn't gotten to see Alaina in two days and that had just been for an hour before she fell asleep. He'd love it if Lisbon would let him cover on a weekend so he could spend more than a couple of hours with her but so far she'd always said no.

Lisbon looked at Grace and then back at her daughter. "Actually she needs to be changed."

"I can do it."

"No, that's all right," Lisbon told him politely. "I'll have to feed her afterwards anyways." She grabbed the diaper bag and threw it over her shoulder before giving Grace a big smile. "Thanks for watching her while I was at the scene."

"Anytime," Grace replied happily. It was true, Grace was more than willing to pitch in and help Lisbon just like Jane was. The difference is that Lisbon would accept her help.

Lisbon nodded and made her way out of the bullpen but Jane followed her. "I'm serious, I'd love to watch her today if you need me to."

"I'm fine, Jane," Lisbon told him. Alaina let out one small cry and Lisbon bounced her up and down to quiet her down a bit.

"Lisbon…"

"Look, Jane, she needs to be changed. We can talk about this later." She stepped around him and hurried to her office where she could privately take care of their child…alone.

Jane watched her go feeling empty and sad. He hadn't held his daughter in two days. That wasn't right…but he didn't have any right to say otherwise, not to Lisbon. He thought about letting it go, just swallowing his mistake and remaining patient but he hated being the one who didn't know everything.

He made his way over to Grace who did her best to ignore him completely, well he wasn't going to take that. "Lisbon is doing okay, right?"

"What?" Grace asked, sounding more than a little annoyed.

"I just want to make sure she's not overwhelmed."

Grace gave him a look and then pointedly turned her attention back to her paperwork. "She's doing fine."

"She talks to you," Jane reminded her, "if she's having problems, she'd tell you."

"She's not having problems," Grace told him, exasperated, "and if she was I sure as hell wouldn't tell you."

"I'm Alaina's father," Jane stated, "I should know what is going on."

"Then ask Lisbon."

"She wouldn't tell me."

"With good reason," Grace muttered and went back to filling out forms.

Jane watched her for several moments, trying to see if there was any way he could get her to at least understand his feelings on all of this. "Grace…I haven't seen my daughter in two days. I only get snatches of time with her when Lisbon lets me…I just…I want to know, I want to help."

The woman turned her eyes to him but there was no warmth there. "You think I should feel sorry for you? I don't. I'm not even sure if you should be allowed to see her but it isn't my call. You told her you wanted no time, as far as I'm concerned, be grateful that you even get to see her, it's a lot more than you deserve."

He was quiet and didn't hide the pain of her words. He had no arguments, no excuses for his behavior. "I love her, Grace."

"You love her, now or so you claim. What I want to know is why you couldn't love her nine months ago?"

Jane shook his head. "I don't know."

It was the truth. He remembered saying and doing those terrible things, he remembered ignoring Lisbon and turning to alcohol more and more as her belly grew. He knew he'd done them but he couldn't explain why. They were the memories of a stranger.

And he was still paying for them.

It took a few days for her team to start getting around to the true question on their minds. Who had fathered the child she was carrying? None of them wanted to come right out and ask who he was so they contented themselves on throwing out possibilities around when she was out of earshot. Jane was the only one who refused to have a part in it; they still didn't know why he didn't want to talk about Lisbon or her baby at all.

Lisbon knew it was coming, she just didn't know which one would finally work up the courage to ask first.

She got her answer when she was driving back from an interview with a victim's employer with Grace in the passenger seat. Grace was talking about the baby, what else? She was trying to talk about names, wondering if Lisbon wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl when she said absentmindedly. "But I'm sure you'll have talked it over with the father."

Lisbon couldn't hide her wince, and she clutched the steering wheel in a bone-crushing grip. Grace noticed. "Boss…is everything okay?"

"No," she admitted, unwilling to lie in this area, there wasn't much of a point anyways. "I…I haven't talked to him about finding out the sex."

Grace didn't miss the sad edge in her voice. "You have told him about the baby haven't you?"

Oh she wanted to smile at Grace's naivety, the woman thought that it was simply a matter of telling him.

Lisbon nodded. "I told him a couple of months ago." She took in a deep breath and let it out before explaining further. "He doesn't want to be involved."

Grace gasped and looked down at her hands, obviously feeling guilty for bringing this up at all. "I…I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Lisbon told her in a casual voice that she wasn't feeling at all. "I gave him the chance and he turned it down, it just means I'll have to do this by myself. It's okay, really."

Grace nodded and then finally looked up again. "Maybe he'll change his mind."

Lisbon did smile now, a bitter smile of pain. "No, he won't." She sighed again. "They aren't all like Rigsby, some guys just can't handle it."

There was a long moment of silence as Grace struggled to think of what to say. She settled on poor humor. "Well, if you give me his name I'm sure Cho and Rigsby would be happy to have a talk with him."

She almost laughed. Her brothers had said nearly the same thing but in that case she actually did tell them who the father was. They wanted to come down here and kill him and she'd spent half the night convincing them not to do that. It was the reaction somebody was supposed to have when someone they cared about was being hurt.

She couldn't help but wonder what Grace would say if she knew that the man they were talking about was actually Jane.

But Lisbon held her tongue; she was going to keep this secret.

She didn't want them to know how stupid she had been.

Jane quietly knocked on the door to Lisbon's office, which was unusual in and of itself, before peaking inside. She was sitting at her desk looking through reports on her computer, her chin resting on her hand. She glanced at the door for a second before looking away. "Something you want?"

"Cho and Rigsby are bringing in Timothy White."

"I know, they told me." She looked up at him again. "You think he did it?"

Jane shook his head. "He hated our victim but this was a crime of real passion, not maliciousness."

"And that means…?"

"I think we need to talk to Jessica Hale again, she's hiding something and I want to figure it out."

"Of course you do," Lisbon replied. She pushed away from her desk with a small sigh. "Let's see what White has to say before I let you off your leash."

He raised an eyebrow at her comment. "That implies you have me on one in the first place."

She glared at him before turning her attention back to her computer. "I wish I did have a leash, it would be easier to keep an eye on you."

Jane grinned and walked over to her desk. Alaina was resting in her carrier; dozing softly He reached down to gently caress one hand. "Don't wake her up," Lisbon warned him.

"I know," Jane replied but he didn't move away, he just kept letting his thumb stroke her soft baby skin. "How long has she been asleep?"

"A couple of hours," Lisbon explained, "She'll wake up hungry in a minute."

He finally stepped away from Alaina to take a seat across from Lisbon's desk. She glanced back at him, clearly surprised that he was sticking around. "What is it, Jane?"

He studied her for a moment before beginning. "I want you to know that you can come to me if you need help."

She raised an eyebrow. "What is this about?"

"You didn't have to ask Grace to watch Alaina, I would have done it."

"Grace was with me when I got the call and she was going back to the CBI anyways," Lisbon reminded him, "We needed you at the scene."

"Yes, but if you hadn't you still wouldn't have called me." Lisbon didn't say anything; he knew that she knew that he was right. There was no way she would have called him for help by any means. "I'm Alaina's father, I should be the first person you turn to for help, not Grace."

"I trust Grace," Lisbon pointed out.

He sighed. "I know, and I know that I have given you every reason to doubt me…I'm trying, Lisbon. But I can't prove it to you if you don't let me try."

"I am letting you try," Lisbon reminded him, "I'm letting you see her, my brothers think I'm crazy that I'm even talking to you. Do you have a problem with our arrangement?"

"To be honest…yes," Jane told her, "I don't get to see Alaina nearly as much as I want and you don't give me the opportunities I need to let you know I won't leave. Our deal has rather skewed terms that are in your favor."

"You told me that I was alone," Lisbon said, "I have to do what is best for my child, that means making sure that her father doesn't cut and run when he gets afraid again."

"I won't, I love her too much." She wasn't convinced and really there wasn't a way he could prove it now. "But I can't get you to see that if you continue to shut me out."

"I don't know what else to tell you," Lisbon told him, "I can't let you come over whenever you want and I can't just magically forget what you did to me."

"I'm not asking you to, and I'm not telling you that you have to let me see her every day."

"Then what is it?"

He was quiet for a minute and then met her eyes. "If I'm with you…let me hold her, let me help you if you need it. Don't be like this morning and walk away without letting me see her, please."

Lisbon looked more than a little surprised by that request. He knew it was simple but that it was a step in the right direction. She had to see that she was hurting him every time she walked away with their daughter in her arms. He watched as she thought back to that morning and he saw the slight veil of guilt cover her eyes, that was a good start, it meant she knew that he'd been hurt.

She slowly nodded her head. "Okay…okay, I won't just walk away again. You're her father, that entitles you to a few minutes with her at least."

Well it wasn't exactly what he was hoping for but he would take it.

Before he could thank her, Alaina began to whimper as she slowly roused from sleep. Lisbon sighed and stood up. "Now she's hungry." Jane nodded, he wanted to make sure he remembered that cry to distinguish it when he was finally able to spend more time with her.

Now he was a little surprised as Lisbon began digging through the diaper bag. "You aren't going to breastfeed?"

She shook her head. "I still have a bottle of milk that she should eat and I'm trying to wean her off the breast so it'll be easier when she's in daycare."

"Is she doing okay with it?"

Lisbon shrugged. "Not really, but she's still getting used to it."

She finally pulled out a bottle of milk from the diaper bag and set it on the desk. Jane eyed it and decided that maybe now was a good time to press his luck. "Can I feed her?"

Lisbon turned to look at him, again caught off guard by his question. "Are you serious?" He nodded and she looked back at Alaina, clearly torn at the moment. But obviously their little discussion had struck a chord because she slowly nodded her head. "All right."

Jane grinned and carefully lifted Alaina out of her carrier, she was still whimpering and thrashing a little, demanding to be fed. "It's okay, sweetheart, it's right here." Jane said, taking up the bottle of milk and guiding the nipple to her mouth.

Alaina turned her head away, Lisbon had been right; she wasn't as keen on the bottle yet. But he teased her lip with it again and she finally started to suck down the milk. She made soft little gasping sounds as she ate and Jane loved every second of it. It was only the second time he had ever had the chance to feed her like this.

Finally he looked up and met Lisbon's eyes. "Thank you." She smiled softly at him and sat back down at her desk to resume her work. For a minute there was just the clacking of computer keys and Alaina's gentle breathing. Jane decided to push his luck one last time.

"May I see her tonight?"

Lisbon paused in her work and was completely still. Then she nodded her head. "Okay, you can see her tonight."

Jane smiled and resumed gazing at their daughter while she went back to work. It wasn't much but it was a step…that was all he'd asked for.

Lisbon watched the image on the black and white screen, it was difficult for her to make out at first but then she saw it, something that looked like a big grey grapefruit. Then she could make out the shape of a hand and the spinal cord. "Oh my God, there it is!"

Her doctor grinned and nodded. "Yes, there's your baby." She kept on hand on the monitor and then pointed at the screen. "There's the heart…and the brainstem…and that's an arm."

"Is everything okay?"

"Everything looks beautiful," she explained, "good strong heartbeat. No developmental problems as far as I can see. But an amnio would tell us more."

"No," Lisbon told her quickly, "no amnio. I don't want to risk a miscarriage."

"The risk is minimal and it could tell us a lot."

"I know…but I don't want to take any chances."

Her doctor nodded. "That's your prerogative and I don't see any indications that you have anything to worry about."

"Good," Lisbon said, leaning back against the exam table, happy and content just to look at her baby. She didn't understand how anyone could not be happy when seeing something so beautiful.

And that was when she began to hope.

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Lisbon waited until everyone else was gone, it was just Jane sitting on his couch. She fingered the sonogram photo in her pocket and really hoped that it would be enough. Then she took in a deep breath and adjusted her top one last time, her bump was beginning to show, just enough for people to wonder about.

Then she entered the bullpen and ignored her shaking hands. "Jane…I wanted to talk to you." She began carefully, faltering a little when she saw his cold eyes.

"About what?"

"You know what we need to talk about," she told him.

He shook his head. "I already told you, nothing more needs to be said."

"You cannot be serious."

"I don't know how else to prove it to you."

Lisbon stood there stunned for a minute, her heart pounding a mile a minute. She had to get him to see that something beautiful was happening. "Jane, I had a sonogram…just take a look at it."

"No, Lisbon. I don't want to."

"But Jane…"

"No!" He exclaimed standing up from the couch. "I told you what I wanted months ago."

"I'm not having an abortion."

"Well that's you prerogative," Jane replied matter-of-factly, "If you think that you can do this, that you can keep this child safe, then good for you. But if you are going to do this then it's going to be alone."

She gaped at him. "What?"

"I don't want anything to do with this," he repeated firmly.

A tear slipped from her eye and then another. "Why?" she asked, wincing at how her voice cracked.

He took in one breath and let it out. "I already had a family, Lisbon. I don't want another. Especially not this way."

"But…this is your child."

"I don't want it," Jane told her, "not now, not with Red John out there."

"You can't put your life on hold for him," Lisbon replied, "I'm not going to kill this baby because of some monster out there that you can't stop obsessing over."

"Then don't," Jane said simply, "but don't expect me to support you." Then he picked up his jacket and book and began to walk away.

Lisbon turned to watch and before she could stop herself, one word slipped from her lips. "Please."

But he didn't even turn around.

Lisbon was happy as she hummed lightly under her breath while Alaina sucked on her breast She knew that it was important to wean Alaina off the breast to make it easier now that she was back at work but sometimes this was the only way to get her to eat. Besides, Lisbon liked breastfeeding; it made her feel even more connected to her child.

Her daughter let out a small cough and turned her head away. Lisbon picked her up and set her against her shoulder, which was covered with a rag. She lightly rubbed her baby's back until she heard the tiny burp before setting her back down in her arms, pulling her shirt back down so that she was decent again.

Lisbon grinned at her baby. "Hello, pretty girl. Can I see your pretty smile? Will you smile for Mommy?" Her voice was high and soft and in a moment she was rewarded with Alaina's wide and beautiful grin. "That's the smile I was looking for." She leaned down and kissed Alaina's head. "I love you, baby girl."

A knock on her door interrupted the mother-daughter time. Lisbon knew who it was before she even sat up to answer it. Jane had asked her earlier and asked if he could stop by, she'd considered telling him no but she knew that he hadn't seen Alaina in a couple of days, respecting her wishes. So she'd decided to let him come over now, mostly because she felt guilty every time she said no.

She balanced Alaina in her arms as she awkwardly unlocked and opened the door. Jane smiled as soon as he saw his daughter. "Hello, Alaina," Jane reached over to take his daughter into his arms and Lisbon didn't fight him for control this time. She was beginning to really like the sight of him holding their child.

Jane kissed her head and held her close. "I missed you," he said sweetly and Lisbon almost believed it. But her walls were too tall to believe in this completely, not yet at least. She stepped aside and let him into her apartment. He turned to look at Lisbon and gave her a grateful smile. "Thank you for letting me come over."

"It's nothing," she told him even though that wasn't the case. They'd set the terms after Alaina's birth…actually she'd set the terms and Jane had admitted that he had no right to fight her on it, not after everything he had put her through. Still, she sometimes felt guilty that Jane had to have her permission to see his child, but all she needed to do was remember that it wouldn't have been this way to begin with if Jane had accepted all of this when she gave him the chance.

Jane took Alaina with him into the living room, sitting down in the very spot she had been sitting in just a few moments before. "I fed her just a minute ago," Lisbon told him, "she'll probably go to sleep soon."

"That's okay," he said, his voice cute and soft. "Even babies need their beauty sleep."

Lisbon bit back a smile; sometimes Jane's jokes were just so bad they were funny. That was something she had missed after she'd gotten pregnant, he hadn't been in any kind of mood to be funny and she hadn't wanted to hear it. They weren't back to the banter that they'd had before their one-night-stand but at least he was being himself again.

Since Jane was here and preoccupied with the baby, she took this opportunity to get a few things done. There was a stack of laundry that needed to be folded and more paperwork that needed to be done, it seemed like the world hadn't stopped when she was on maternity leave after all. She was in and out of the room but she caught glimpses of Jane gently talking to Alaina, lulling her in his arms until she was finally asleep. He let her sleep in his arms for a few minutes before placing her in the bassinet by the sofa.

Lisbon knew he wouldn't leave, not until she told him to. Right now she didn't see the need to make him go yet, he'd only just arrived. Let him spend a few more minutes with his daughter while she finished her chores.

To her surprise, the next time she walked into the living room she saw him rummaging around in the drawers of the end table. "What are you doing?" she asked, not really angry that he was rifling through her things, she actually expected that of him.

"I'm looking for that CD I got for you."

Lisbon grimaced. "I hated that thing."

"It's supposed to help Alaina sleep, the music mimics your heartbeat."

"Well it gave me a headache."

He looked up at her with an amused expression on his face. "But she did stay asleep longer when you had it on didn't she?"

She didn't want to give him the satisfaction of saying yes but she knew if she lied that he would know. So she simply said nothing but he still got a smug smile on his face and he continued his search.

"I think I put it over here," Lisbon said as she walked over to the bookcase where she had most of her CDs stacked.

But Jane was still preoccupied looking through her drawer, now finding a sheaf of papers she'd almost forgotten were in there. "What are these?"

"Oh just legal stuff I did before Alaina was born," she explained, "changing my will, setting up guardianship in case something happens." Lisbon assumed he would shrug it off like she did but to her surprise she watched as he read one paper intently.

Jane slowly rose to his feet, his eyes glued to the paper in his hand. "I, Patrick Jane, voluntarily and knowingly consent to the termination of my parental rights."

Lisbon stood there, suddenly feeling like she'd done something very, very wrong. Jane glanced up at her, his mouth slightly agape as he read some more. "I understand that I will no longer have the legal right to custody, guardianship or control of the child. I will have no legal right to care for the child or make decisions on behalf of the child." He turned the paper aside with a look of disgust. "What the hell is this?"

She couldn't help the wave of guilt and shame that washed over her. For a minute she considered asking him to forgive her but then she realized that there was no reason to. She'd been doing what he'd wanted after all; he wasn't really in any place to question her actions. "I had that drawn up before Alaina was born," she explained.

He raised an eyebrow. "It's dated a couple of weeks afterwards."

Lisbon shrugged. "You couldn't give up your rights until after she was born, I decided to keep it ready in case."

"In case of what?"

"In case you suddenly changed your mind again," she told him, trying to keep her voice low so that their daughter didn't wake up. "For God's sake, Jane, the entire time I was pregnant you wanted nothing to do with her. I thought I was doing what you wanted."

Jane nodded. "But after she was born? When I told you that I wanted to be in her life, you still decided to pursue this?"

"Like I said, I kept it just in case," she reminded him, "maybe you'll wake up tomorrow and decide that you want to sign that paper after all."

Jane gave her a serious look and she knew he was more than a little upset. He gave her a jerky nod but didn't take his eyes off her. "You want a decision? This is it." Then he took the paper and ripped it in half, and then fourths.

Lisbon gaped at him as he tossed the now worthless document onto the floor. "I am not going to go back to that," Jane told her firmly, "I will never turn my back on my child again. I swear to you."

She wanted to believe that, but months of emotional turmoil had hardened her hope into pure cynicism. "And I'm just supposed to take your word?"

Jane seemed to consider her question for a moment before shaking his head. "No." Then he walked over to the kitchen and began looking through her drawers there.

"What are you doing?" she asked accusingly but Jane didn't respond. She walked over and watched as he pulled out a blue pen and found a yellow legal pad resting on her counter; he took both objects with him to the kitchen table. "Jane?"

He quickly began to write on the first blank sheet of paper. He glanced up at her and continued writing. "I, Patrick Jane, solemnly swear that I will never abandon, ignore, or desert my child. I will never refer to her or any actions that led to her creation as a mistake…"

"Jane," Lisbon said stepping towards him, "what are you doing?"

But he merely gave her a glance and continued on with his writing. "I will provide for my child, not only with material means but with love, affection and devotion. I will strive to be the best father that I can possibly be, taking my role as caregiver and disciplinarian with all seriousness and genuine desire."

Now he paused in his writing and looked at her. At first she wondered if he was waiting for her to speak but then he began again. "I understand completely that my actions in the past towards Teresa Lisbon were reprehensible but I will endeavor to gain back her affections and trust by letting my actions with our child and her speak for me.

"To that end I will treat her with the respect that she deserves, not just as the mother of my child but as the person who has given me far too many chances. I will be available for her to assist in caring for and raising our child and any other help she requires."

Now Jane smiled and put pen to paper again. "I also relinquish my freedom to her, effectively becoming her slave in any desires she wishes as means of proving that that I have the most serious and best of intentions."

He kept his head bent over the table as he continued. "Finally I wish to express my sorrow and regret of my past transgressions, acknowledging the incredible pain and anguish I put Teresa Lisbon through. This contract is a means of admitting the debt I have and resolve to recompense even though I am fully aware that it is a debt that cannot ever be repaid."

Jane then signed his name with a flourish and tore the paper from the pad before handing it to her. "Take it."

Lisbon accepted the paper with silent awe, looking over the words he'd written down. The language varied from serious to playful but it all spelled out the truth. Jane had wronged her terribly for the past year and he wanted to prove that he was a changed man.

"Keep it," he told her, "frame it, draw it up with your lawyer, sew it onto a pillow, it doesn't really matter. But keep it and hold me to it because I mean every word."

She was still focused on the paper in her hand. "Even the part about you being my slave?" she asked, not able to hide her smile.

Jane grinned now and nodded his head. "I'll do anything, Teresa. Anything to prove that I'm serious about this."

Lisbon sighed and turned the paper aside. "It's going to take time."

"I know," Jane told her softly, "and I know that I do not deserve forgiveness in any way shape or form…but I'm not going anywhere."

Before she could say anything they both heard the soft whimper from the next room. Jane smiled and shook his head. "I'll do it," he said, before standing up and heading to the living room so he could lull his daughter back to sleep.

Lisbon turned the paper back over and looked over Jane's contract again. Words, that was all this was, just words. But maybe, just maybe Jane would follow through.

Maybe she still could hope.

A/N: That contract will come back more than once in this fic and Jane is definitely serious about it. But he is still a grade A bastard in the flashbacks huh? Well that's only going to get worse.

In the next chapter the team decides to help out Lisbon during her pregnancy..and start to find out who the father is while in the present Jane continues to try and get it through to Lisbon that he has changed.