A/N: Yay! The second half to the story! I hope that this isn't to sappy or cheesey for ya. And you should really hear the song that this story is based on. It is beautiful and for a while I was obsessed with it! You can find it here: .com/playlist/17594525195
"And then we eloped that very next week." Ellie concluded the memory.
"I am just glad that you didn't think I went off my meds when I suddenly asked you to marry me."
"I always knew that it would happen spontaneously."
Craig lingered his eyes over her face again and was happy to see that that story had put a little color into her cheeks. Her eyes always looked so heavy in their sockets and her skin looked a cold fleshy white that it was wonderful to see that she had a tad bit of life in her face when she was on her deathbed. She would need that so she could talk to her loved ones that way she wanted too, without seeing the fear they were struck with.
Just like magic, as if someone knew what he was afraid of, they turned their heads to the sound of a light knock on the door. Then in came Marco with two young children at his sides and a toddler in his arms. The girl with red hair as bright as her mother's once was ran to the bed to see her. "Mommy, mommy! Are you sick again?"
Craig stood up off the bed and place a hand on his daughter's shoulder. "Yes, mommy is very sick and very tired. That means that you have to be quieter."
"Is it the Canner again?" She asked with the common five-year-old use of mispronounced words.
"It's not Canner, it's Cancer." The boy said as he and Marco and his little brother walked closer.
"That's what I said." She claimed as she crawled up onto the bed with Ellie and cuddled up to her. "When are you going to get better? Soon is Vally-tines-day and I want you to make my hair pretty like last year."
"Abbey, sweetie. I don't think I am going to be better by then, so why don't I do it now and then later you can show Auntie Angela so she can do the same thing next week?" Ellie didn't know what she should do. How was she supposed to tell her children that she wasn't going to be around anymore? The thought that any of them would have to suffer that kind of heartbreak, especially so early in life brought more tears to her eyes.
"Why are you crying? You don't have to do my hair if you don't want to."
"It's not that. I am just very tired, like daddy said." She wiped her eyes.
Craig saw how much more stress this was putting on her. He couldn't stand here and force her to find answers to their daughter's questions, so he would answer them himself. He could also allow Ellie have a chance to spend alone with her best friend at the same time. "Hey Abbs, why don't you and your brothers come with me and we can leave mommy to talk to Uncle Marco?"
"Do I have to?"
"Yes. Now come on, off the bed." He said as he took one year old Zach from Marco's arms and headed toward the door with Abbey following closely behind. When he noticed that one of his kids wasn't with him he turned around and saw his other son standing with a blank expression on his face. "Connor? Let's go, bud."
Connor took another second and then he did as he was told with the door closing behind. As soon as they exited the room they saw someone walk toward them from down the hall. "Grandpa Joey! Auntie Angie!" Abbey giggled with glee as she flung herself into Angela's arms.
"Abbey! How's my little Punkin' Belly!" She said tickling the pudge of her stomach.
"I hate it here. Daddy won't let me in to see mommy right now because she is talking to Uncle Marco."
She continued to talk as Joey pulled Craig aside and spoke in a whisper. "Hey, how is she doing?"
Craig ran his free hand through his hair and said sorrowfully "Not good. And she is just going to get worse. They say that she only has tonight left."
"Oh Craig, I am so sorry." Joey put a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"Thanks, but I can't think about how this is affecting me right now or I will lose my mind. I have to focus on her and the kids."
"Of course, is there anything that you need me to do?"
"Yeah, take Zach. He's getting a little tired and I need to talk to Abbey and Connor."
"Sure." He said as Craig passed the little boy over leaving a kiss on the top of his head.
Craig turned to see Abbey and Angie still having a tickle war and noticed how happy she was when she didn't have any idea what was going on. He didn't have the slightest idea of how to tell her because there was no way to make it right. There was no other outcome than seeing her and Connor receive one of the biggest emotional blows they will have in a lifetime. Craig has been through a lot in his life, but the memory of losing his own mother still vividly stuck out like a thorn. But he had to do this because the sooner he did the sooner they could get to the stage of just spending their last moments with Ellie without so many tears.
"Abbey, Connor? Could you come over here to talk to me for a second." Abbey broke away from Angie and ran towards him while Connor calmly strolled over. "Okay, so you know how your mother has been sick for a long time?" They nodded and Abbey climbed up onto her dad's lap to hear him better. "Well, now she is getting worse."
"Did the doctors give her med-sin?"
"Yes they did, but I am afraid it isn't going to work."
"So, what's going to happen to her?"
"She's gonna die." Connor said harshly.
"Connor..." Obviously, he wanted to break it to them a little more gently then that.
"Well, it's true isn't it? You told us that this might happen a long time ago."
Abbey looked up at him in hopes that her brother was just going crazy, but she started to understand when Craig didn't answer quickly enough. "Yes. Your mother is going to die."
Within seconds she twisted her face as she began to cry loudly. "But Mommy can't die!" Craig held onto her tight as she bawled and he put an arm around Connor who's strong stare was weakened by tears after hearing his suspicions confirmed.
"I know, honey. It's hard to believe. But it's true. And I need the two of you to do me a favor."Abbey tried to maintain her crying, but it was a hard struggle to quiet herself enough to hear what he was saying. "I need you guys to let her say goodbye to people like Uncle Marco and Granny Nash before we go in there again. Then that will give you time to think of what you are going to say. Are you all right with that?" They both nodded. "Good, thank you."
They sat there for hours, letting everyone get their turn ahead of them. Family and friends shifted in and out of her room and all leaving in tears. Ellie's parents flew from their new home in the states and arrived an hour ago. They had been in there ever since. Others who had come to see her were her cousin Katy, Jimmy and his wife Trina, Spinner, and Ashley who had finally moved back to Toronto two months ago.
Craig constantly tried to imagine what was going on the other side of that door. It wasn't to be nosey, he just wanted to see how she was holding up. Out here everyone was still either sobbing into tissues or deathly silent and it all happened after they came out of that room. He was worried if this was too much for her. How was she supposed to say goodbye to so many people in so little time.
He then looked to his left and saw Connor remain as quiet as he had been ever since they found out that Ellie was sick and she had little to no chance of survival. "How are you doing, buddy?"
"Fine"
Craig sighed. "You don't have to be, you know. You can let yourself be sad."
"I can't yet."
"And why is that?" He asked, genuinely curious.
"I don't know. I mean, I am sad. I just can't think about her not being around anymore."
"I can't either. I remember that I also felt that way when I lost my mom too."
"How bad did it get after Grandma Julia died?"
Craig wasn't sure of how to answer the question, but he did know that he should avoid going in to detail. "It got pretty bad, but after I realized that there were people out there who I could rely on I was able to make the best of what I had and be happy again."
"Will I remember her?"
"You will more than your brother and sister. I would be surprised if Zach remembers her at all." He didn't even realize that until now. Zach was just barely one year old and he would have to be told that it was his mother when he would see a picture of her with no recognition. Abbey would have some blurry images, but nothing real enough. At least Connor had a better chance. "I think that as long as you have a picture and remind yourself of who she was then you will be able to remember."
"Is that what you are going to do to remember her?"
"It's a little different for me. I wouldn't be able to forget her, not even if I tried. She was too much apart of my life. She gave me you three. Your life hasn't even really begun yet, so that's why you have to have her in mind when something big happens. Like your first day of middle school, high school, collage, your wedding, and when you have your own children. Just remember that she wanted to be there."
"My friend Jenny said that when people die they go to heaven and become angels. Is Mommy going to become a angel Daddy?" Abbey asked wide-eyed as she jumped off of Angela's lap.
Ellie and Craig were never very religious. They never really believed in the concept of a god and where you go after you die, so they didn't pass the idea off on their children. Now one of them was asking a question about it in hopes that her mother would be safe somewhere and not just fade into nonexistence, so he decided to give her something that could help her. "Yes, your mother will be an angel."
Connor had already talked to them about this before Ellie had gotten sick. He wanted to know why there was such a thing called Christmas and they explained Christianity and told him that he could have the freedom to believe in whatever he wanted. He didn't have to have the same beliefs that his parents or his friends had. To this day he hasn't really decided for himself what was true and what wasn't and he had no idea what was going to become of his mother. "Hey dad?"
"Yeah?"
"Why aren't you playing your guitar? Didn't you ask Uncle Marco to bring it?" Connor pointed to the guitar leaning against the wall of the hallway.
"Yes I did. I was thinking of playing a little something for your mother. Why? Did you want me to play something now?"
"No, I wanted to practice what you showed me. I though that maybe I could show it to mom."
"Sure, go right ahead."
Connor took the guitar and started strumming, looking so much like him when he first started learning to play. He was in every way their son. A perfect mixture of the two of them with his curly brown hair, green eyes, her words, and his voice. It comforted him to know that these kids who were so much a part of her would be there as evidence that she once was. He loved his family so much and he thought that the kids were the only thing that were going to get him through this.
Fifteen minutes later the hospital room door finally opened again and out walked Ellie's parents. Her dad was holding her mom close to him as she wiped off the watered down mascara off her face. "Ellie is asleep. She nodded off a few minutes ago." Mr. Nash said. "Are we the last ones?"
Craig looked around and saw that that everyone who had come to see her had already been in her room. "Yeah, I think you are." Craig got up and went over to take the baby from Joey. "Thank you everyone, for coming down. You guys should all go home and get some sleep. I can call you in the morning." He said before him and his children went into her room.
"Can I lie down with her?" Ellie looked frailer then ever. Her skin whitening before his eyes and breathing becoming quieter yet more labored. He could see her health deteriorating her body for the last few months like the grains of an hour glass, but now it was like the glass was shattered and the sand spilt all over the floor. The beautiful glow she always had was now practically gone and it was horrifying. How Abbey and Connor kept themselves from shrieking he didn't know.
"Yes you can, but be very gentle." Abbey was careful not to make too much noise as she walked over and climbed up next to Ellie and, surprisingly enough, Conner did the same on the other side. Craig just sat in the chair beside the three of them with the baby asleep against his chest.
He sat there and watched as Abbey and Conner fell asleep and then everything went very quiet. The silence merged with the darkness of the room and seemed to wrap them all together. It made him very aware that there were exactly five living beings in the room at this moment and then it occurred to him. How could it ever be different if they all remained in the same place? How can every thought she has and everything she is just vanish into thin air? They say that you can't make something out of nothing, so than how can you make nothing out of something? There was so much in her brain and personality that it seemed impossible for it to just disappear. Craig then decided to just make an acception to the no heaven and not believing in religion and know that she will be out there somewhere waiting for him to follow her.
Sure it was a little cliche, but Craig could not give up on how incredibly unfair this was. They were happy, despite their troubles with their parents, cutting, illnesses, addictions, and the heartache they caused each other in the past they were truly happy. They had gotten past all the horrible periods of their lives and found a way to fix the other. He knew that there was no way that he would be put back together so well if it hadn't been for her. She had succeeded in saving him and now it was his turn to do the same for her again, but he couldn't. It was out of his control and he felt so utterly helpless. He didn't have any idea of how to fix what was broken this time.
"Craig?" His eyes broke away from staring at the inside of his eyelids and he saw Ellie waking up, still alive yet barely.
"Good morning." He whispered.
"Morning? What time is it?"
Craig was careful to keep his torso perfectly still, so he could not wake the child sleeping on him as he checked his watch. He was almost afraid to read the numbers on it's face because it just seemed like time was running out so quickly. "6:03"
Ellie let a little smile appear on her face while saying "I made it through the night." She looked at her sides to smile wider when she saw Abbey and Connor sleeping next to her. Ellie weakly lifted her hand to brush a red curl away from her daughter's mouth and left a kiss on her cheek before doing the same to her son.
"Do you trust me with them?" Craig asked with sudden worry that just occurred to him of how stable he was to raise them on his own.
"What do you mean?"
"You know what happened to my dad when my mom left him. And then she died and I wasn't safe with him anymore."
"You weren't safe with him ever, not even before she left. You haven't laid a hand on our kids."
"But I could change. I know that I love our kids and that I have never thought of hurting them, but what if when you leave I turn into some completely different person?"
"Craig, look at me." she said harshly, if not a little bit angrily. "I trust you with the kids. You are not your father and you won't become him. You may be bi-polar like he was, but you wouldn't beat our children." She got a bit annoyed when Craig didn't seem to be buying it. "Hey, I have seen you when you are so-called 'crazy' and I have seen the way you are when you keep taking care of yourself and there isn't a doubt in my mind that you four will be fine. I wouldn't let myself die like this if I thought that my kids were in danger. The thought of it is just ridiculous."
After seeing how much this was straining her voice he jumped with his own voice to stop her. "I'm sorry. I guess you're right. I am probably just letting all my worries hit me at once."
"Please don't let them bug you now. I just want things to be peaceful right now and for us to just talk like we normally do. No sadness, just us. Okay?"
"What about bittersweet?"
"That I could deal with. We have had a lot of bittersweet in our life and I think it does us good."
"Alright, then do you think that you are strong enough to let Zach sleep on you for a few minutes?"
"Are you kidding? I am strong enough to hold him all day." She said out stretching her arms to accept the child into her arms. "What are you going to do?"
"I am going to play you a song." He said grabbing the guitar Connor left in the corner.
"You have your guitar here?"
"Yeah, I had Marco bring it."
"So what are you going to play?"
"Something that fits the moment. Like I said, bittersweet." Craig sat down again and rested the guitar on his knee. The fact that this was probably the last song he would ever play for her was mind boggling. After so many times of watching her light up as he struck his first chord, he wanted to make this last time more perfect than any other. "It isn't any of my songs, but it is something that I know we both love."
"Then by all means, play."
"Alright, here we go...
Love of mine some day you will die,
But I'll be a close behind,
I'll follow you into the dark.
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white.
Just our hands clasped so tight,
Waiting for the hint of a spark.
If heaven and hell decide,
That they both are satisfied,
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs.
If there's no one beside you,
When your soul embarks,
Then I'll follow you into the dark.
In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule,
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black.
And I held my toungue as she told me,
'Son fear is the heart of love',
So I never went back.
If heaven and hell decide,
That they both are satisfied,
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs.
If there's no one beside you,
When your soul embarks,
Then I'll follow you into the dark.
You and me have seen everything to see,
From Bangkok to Calgary,
And the soles of your shoes...
Are all worn down.
The time for sleep is now.
It's nothing to cry about,
Cause we'll hold each other soon,
In the blackest of rooms.
If heaven and hell decide,
That they both are satisfied,
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs.
If there's no one beside you,
When your soul embarks,
Then I'll follow you into the dark.
Then I'll follow you into the dark. "
There were no tears when the song was finished, just her smiling just as she always had, from the first chord to the last. "'I'll follow you into the dark'. Hey, you aren't actually planning on following me into the dark, are you?"
"No, not yet. Not until fate takes me, I guess you could say. So, that means you will have to wait for me again."
"I always have before when I needed to." She sighed in relief after hearing that he wasn't planning on doing anything stupid. "Wow, I have always loved that song. It was actually one of my favorites for a while."
"What tore you away from the Death Cab classic?"
"Anything by you, basically."
"You want me to play something else?"
"Nothing specific, I just want to hear you strum."
"What ever you want." he obliged by just playing a simple yet beautiful tune.
He sat there for a while as he watched her close her eyes to take in every note he played so she could keep it with her. As time went by things mysteriously seemed to become quieter and quieter until he suddenly heard the loudest noise in the world being a stringing high pitch beep of Ellie's heart monitor.
...
Craig walked out of her room with the kids, Abbey crying into his jeans. He didn't really know who to expect to be out there waiting for them in the hallway, honestly he expected there to be no one, but he was corrected when he saw Ellie's parents and Marco sitting in the chairs cross from him. They stood up at the sight of them. "She's gone." He managed to choke out before him and everyone else sobbed the way Abbey did.
###
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark
###
And so, after spending years without his Ellie, Craig outlived his life and caught up with the girl that always walked ahead of him and he followed her into the dark.
~*~*~*~*~*~
A/N: Ended a bit abruptly, I know, but it's late and I wanted to finish this tonight. I might adjust it later.
Hope this didn't put you in too much of a downer. I seriously think that the reason that it took me months to get going on this story was because I wanted to avoid writing Ellie's death. Finally I realized that I needed to get a move on with this thing, or I would never get around to it.
Well, I have another Crellie fanfic in the works, but I want to get a few more chapters actually finished before I post the first one. I won't spoil the surprise of what it is about, but I will give you a hint. The thought came to me after hearing one of Stacey Farber's podcast on and I think that it was her latest one.
Hope you enjoyed this sad little story and I hope to see you readers follow my next story! Review because it makes my day, and when I am depressed I don't write.
Thanks!