Kirk had just finished his shift on the bridge and took a shower the moment he entered his quarters. He was nervous, anxious, excited. As he entered the cubicle the hot water made him feel invigorated. He needed to get rid of all the cobwebs clouding his mind. He wanted to think clearly.
Spock had been on the same shift as him. It had been hard to look at him today. He'd wanted to tell him now how he felt or atleast ask to see him after their shift together. He decided against it and thought it would be better to just visit him on the spur of the moment.
He left the cubicle and grabbed a towel and began to dry himself, starting with his hair and working his way down. He couldn't believe how nervous he felt. He was shaking and his insides were tied up in knots. ' Relax, Jim' he said to himself. 'It won't be that bad. Stay calm.'
Moments later Kirk was dressed in a clean uniform. He brushed his teeth, and grabbed a mint. You never know, there could be kissing involved and he didn't want to have bad breath. 'God how stupid is this?' he said to himself. He brushed his hair and checked himself out in the mirror. He thought he looked good, then laughed at himself for thinking that. He was sure Spock didn't care what he looked like. 'Well, Jim,' he said to himself. 'it's now or never. Time to ask your best friend if he wants to go steady...'
He walked the familiar corridors, going slower than usual because he could see Spock's quarters coming up in the distance. Almost there. He willed himself to calm down. He was sweating like a nervous bridegroom on his wedding day. The familiar name and doors of Spock's quarters were right in front of him. This was it. He raised his hand and pressed the buzzer.
"Come," said Spock's voice from within the room. The door opened and Kirk entered. He felt the heat in the room. It was always warmer in here but he didn't mind. It was one of the ways in which Spock was different to him, and that was a good thing. He loved the fact that his friend was from another planet. It made life interesting and just added to his attraction to Spock. The Vulcan was intriguing, not to mention damn sexy.
"Am I bothering you?" he asked. I see you're meditating, Spock. Would you like me to come back later? I don't want to intrude."
"You are not intruding, Jim," the Vulcan answered. "I welcome your company. Please sit. Can I offer you something to drink?"
"Yes please," Kirk replied. "A brandy if you have one."
"I will only be one moment," Spock said. Jim looked at Spock as he went to get two glasses from his liquor cabinet. He then poured the desired contents in said glasses and handed one to his friend. Jim brought the glass to his lips and slowly took a sip of its contents. It felt good. He really needed this, it was going to help him unwind or make him tongue tied. He didn't know which.
"Thanks Spock, it's quite good." said Kirk fidgeting with his glass.
"Indeed. Is there something you wish to discuss?"
Jim shifted uneasily in his chair and downed the rest of his drink, before setting it on the table next to him. "As a matter of fact, yes. I don't really know where to start."
"Perhaps from the beginning."
Jim stood up and started to pace, laughing nervously at Spock's statement. Spock had a good sense of humor only he didn't know that he did, which made it even more hilarious. "I was wondering how you've been doing since Psi 2000?"
"It has been difficult. Even though time has passed since the incident, the effects of it still linger. I have problems sleeping and meditating and I have been suffering from nightmares."
"Have you spoken to McCoy about this?" said Kirk, visibly concerned.
"I had hoped I would be able to deal with the situation on my own. I do not seem able to concentrate. I hope my work is not compromised."
"No, I would have told you about it a long time ago if it was. But you should go to see Bones. He could help you out."
"I shall consider it."
Kirk looked around him and felt the room was beginning to get uncomfortably warm. He then continued their conversation looking at Spock with pensive eyes.
"I also came here to tell you something. Spock, you've been a great friend to me during this mission. I know we haven't known each other that long but in some ways it feels as though I've known you forever."
He took a deep breath and gathered his courage. It was now or never.
"What I'm trying to tell you is that I've discovered something in myself that I can't explain. I've never been much on relationships, I can't seem to make them stick. I don't know why I can't seem to settle down, not that it would be easy on a Starship. I believe the Enterprise has alot of pull on me. I need to protect her, and her crew. The only thing is that at end of the day I am pretty much by myself with my thoughts. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy playing chess with you, and all the time we spend together. But, sometimes I long for something more. I seem to have developed strong feelings for you. Friendship we have, but now I find that I need more," said Kirk trying not to sound like he was babbling but failing miserably.
"Do you understand what I just said Spock?"
Spock looked up at his friend, his face a mask. Jim couldn't tell what his friend was feeling. "You feel more for me than friendship alone?"
"Yes," said Kirk waiting for his friend's response.
Spock got up from his chair and paced across the room and Kirk watched him closely, hoping his body language would give something away. He wasn't sure whether to run from Spock's quarters or stay. The waiting was killing him , feeling like an eternity.
"I also have feelings for you," Spock admitted, and Kirk's heart soared.
"However," the Vulcan continued. "I regret my personal circumstances are somewhat complicated." Kirk looked at him questioningly. I belong to another." he added.
Kirk's heart sank as low as it had soared high a moment earlier.
"I don't understand," he said.
"Jim, I have a wife," Spock finished, the words cutting Kirk to the core.