A/N: Reminder, this is completely stupid. You have been forewarned, so no flames!

Chapter 2

Sure enough, a few minutes later Dr. Cuddy walked into the office. Dr. Cuddy was the Dean of Medicine at PPTH. House had once likened her to a Hollywood madam, showing off her assets to attract donors to the hospital. The rest of the gang thought of her more like the caretaker at an amusement park, always there to keep an eye on the craziness going on around her.

"Hey look, you guys, it's Cuddles," House said, his voice cracking slightly for some strange reason. (Is a crackling voice a symptom of Vicodin abuse?) The rest of the gang greeted the Dean with a chorus of 'Hi Dr. Cuddy', except Jimmy, who drooled and panted a little.

"Boy am I glad you guys are here," Dr. Cuddy said. "There have been some really strange and creepy things going on around here lately."

"Creepy?" Jimmy asked, quivering.

"What kinds of things?" Chase asked, eager for a mystery to solve.

"Well, something has been scaring the nurses about no more overtime," Dr. Cuddy explained. "And a few of the doctors have mentioned … drug trials."

"Drug trials?" asked House hopefully. "Like, you mean we get to try out new drugs and stuff? Groovy."

"No, House," Foreman said. "Drug trials are when large pharmaceutical companies look for patients with specific diseases because they've developed investigational drugs for their treatment. The pharmaceutical companies then recruit doctors at various hospitals to seek out patients who meet the criteria and test the effectiveness of the drugs."

"Zoinks!" said House. "That sounds boring."

"It's not just boring," Dr. Cuddy told House. "It can also be dangerous for a hospital. If the drug trials are being pushed on the doctors, some patients might not get the treatment they need just because they don't qualify for a trial."

"Jinkies! That sounds awful," Foreman said.

"Oh Chase, we have to do something," Cameron cried.

"What do you think is responsible for this, Dr. Cuddy?" Chase asked.

"Well, I'm not sure if I believe it, but there's always been talk that these sorts of things can happen when there's … a new Chairman of the Board," Dr. Cuddy said dramatically.

"Ch-ch-ch-chairman of the Board?" House and Jimmy asked together, knees knocking in fear. A new chairman of the board meant budget cuts, which meant less nurses for Jimmy to drool over. It also meant wearing a lab coat and showing up at work before noon.

"Scary stuff, man," House said.

"If you guys could find the new chairman of the board, we might be able to get him voted out before it's too late," Dr. Cuddy said, pleading.

"Well gang, it looks like we have a mystery to solve," House said.

"Hey, that's supposed to be my line," Chase grumbled.

"Oh Chase," Cameron sighed.