What We Used To Be
Alrighty… Chapter 2! Yeah… this one has a couple of disturbing things in it. Sephiroth's mind is a scary, scary place. Have to give Hojo some SERIOUS credit though. If Hojo had wanted Sephiroth to go insane, the best way to do that is to hurt the person in question, give them a brief glimpse of better life, and then rip it all away from them, revealing their entire lives were lies and having no one to turn to saying that it would be all right. Sephiroth's plight was hopeless from the beginning. But right now, he knows it but refuses to acknowledge that anything he does will be for nothing. Nope, he still has some hope locked up SOMEWHERE at the time. Oh, and this will carry through the events of Crisis Core, but not Final Fantasy VII or Advent Children. So, yeah.
In the end, Seph still goes insane, so don't get your hopes up for an alternate ending. I honestly think what happened- more or less- was that Sephiroth had his emotional barriers and small hopes ripped to shreds and tossed to the dogs when Genesis- one of his best friends- told him exactly what would hurt him the most. That he wasn't human, rather he was a monster. Then, the powerful, telekinetic Jenova got him in his weakened state, and put them up in a very different way.) Damn. That was one hell of a rant.
Oh well, on with the story.
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At the sound of his name, Sephiroth raised his head to look at Genesis. The silver haired teen's eyes were clouded by mako. 'Shit… Does he have mako poisoning?' Genesis thought desperately trying to diagnose the other teen's condition.
"Gene…." Sephiroth managed to say before he let out a terrible racking cough. 'Did whatever that hurt him get his lungs?' He thought, his chest tightening at the thought that Sephiroth could die. Right here, right now. And Genesis might not be able to do anything about it.
Running over to Sephiroth, it was obvious that he was in a very bad way.
But the sudden movement startled Sephiroth, and he tried to drag himself away from the coming threat, only to pass out from some odd combination of blood loss and exhaustion.
Now, Genesis was strong for a boy his age, 14. But even with his super human strength, he was nowhere near large enough to carry the other teen. Sephiroth was 5 foot 6. Genesis was a foot shorter than him. If not more, of course.
Genesis ran back to his room for a blanket to cover the teen with. It looked like he was wet, and well… President Shinra never paid for heating in the SOLDIER dorms. Never thought he would have to, because SOLDIER's have higher body temperatures than regular humans do.
When he came back, he delicately placed the grey wool blanket on the wounded teen, and ran off to go get Angeal-
In his plaid red boxers.
Fuck.
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Angeal woke up to the sound of his best friend shrieking.
"ANGEAL ANGEAL ANGEAL OPEN UP GODSDAMMIT!"
He sighed and got up from his bed. He was tempted to fall asleep again, but something about Genesis' shrieking was telling him that something was wrong. Very, very wrong.
Angeal got up and opened his door to find a panicking Genesis. Instead of calming him down like he should have, he asked sleepily.
"Why the hell are you in boxers?"
Genesis grabbed his arm and began to pull him into the hallway.
"Come on Angeal! I fucking need your help!"
So he allowed himself to be dragged to where ever his friend wished to bring him.
"I-found-Sephiroth-and-he-was-bleeding-to-death-but-I-didn't-know-what-the-hell-to-do-about-itso-I-came-and-grabbed-you-and and and…" Genesis managed to say this all in one go.
"Genesis. Calm. Down." He commanded as he shook his friend.
Taking in a deep breath, Genesis restarted his tale. "I said, I found Sephiroth, and he was hurt badly, and well…"
He stopped in the hallway with his room in it.
Angeal thought for a moment before answering. "If Sephiroth was hurt, than why didn't you get Hojo?" He answered logically.
Genesis walked over to a shivering mass of grey wool which Angeal assumed was Sephiroth.
"Angeal… I think Hojo did this…" Genesis unveiled the blanket, only to show a pale, bloody, weeping body that could only belong to the only other third class SOLDIER Genesis and Angeal knew.
"Oh… My… Gods…!" Angeal was shocked as he fully took in the appearance of the younger teen.
Sephiroth's skin was pallid; the blood looked almost fake against it, his normally sharp eyes clouded by mako. Sephiroth's silver hair was dulled by dust and blood and the fact it was soaking wet wasn't helping it. The cut running along his chest was still spewing large amounts of blood. He could count at least nine punctures from the needles filled to the brim with mako. There was a slight depression on her cheek, and a mark from the machine hanging tangled from his hair.
If Angeal was a betting man, then he would have to guess that the machine was for eliminating senses from the poor teen. The fact that the teen was wet from gods knows what and the air in the building was frigid was only hurting the teen additionally.
"Well, don't just stand there! Help me pick him up!" Genesis snapped him out of whatever mental state he had fallen into.
Angeal tentatively walked over and picked Sephiroth up. Aforementioned teen unconsciously snuggled-Snuggled! - Into Angeal's warmth. He guessed that Sephiroth was freezing, if the shivering and chattering of teeth wasn't already a dead giveaway. His skin was still soaking wet- Angeal was really starting to wonder how the hell that happened to Sephiroth- and cold to the touch.
"So where are we bringing him?" Angeal asked once the much taller Sephiroth was settled in Angeal's grip.
"My room- It's probably the closest and I don't want to bring him to Hojo." Genesis deadpanned.
"Right." The pair began the trek back to Genesis' room.
"What do you think happened to him, Angeal?" Genesis asked to break the worried silence that was falling over the duo.
Angeal decided to unleash a sarcastic explanation. "I think that Professor Psycho decided to give Sephiroth one hell of a mako injection. Afterwards, I think Hojo made Sephiroth fight something without his basic senses. You know, sight, hearing, smell…. No wonder the guy is so screwed up, when he has such a wonderful example to follow."
"When I found him, the guy was still walking!" Genesis exclaimed.
Angeal gave Genesis his 'bullshit' face.
"Alright, alright- trying to walk. It was only when I showed up that he freaked out, and passed out."
"No… Ou…" Sephiroth muttered, his eyes fluttering open. Genesis and Angeal looked at the teen, amazed that he was even breathing, much less that he was still fully conscious if not coherent.
Sephiroth noticed that he was in Angeal's hold, and struggled against it. Of course, he couldn't do much.
"Sephiroth, if you don't stop struggling, than you are going to hurt yourself." Angeal scolded the wounded teen. Eventually, Sephiroth listened, if only because he did not have the energy to keep it up.
His eyes slowly closing, Sephiroth asked, "Goin…. Wher?"
"My room" Genesis answered quickly.
And with the question answered, Sephiroth promptly passed out again.
The silence reinstated itself into the pair's walk. Angeal was okay with that, when his talkative friend decided to end it.
"We need to get that thing out of his hair."
Angeal scoffed at that. "We have more pressing matters, like… I dunno, that cut in his chest? Oh, and of course the fact that he is soaking wet."
"But it has to be painful! It weighs the same as a human head, and it is tangled in his unusually long hair!" Genesis protested.
Of course, before Angeal could voice his disapproval of Genesis' vanity, they arrived at the red haired teen's dorm. Genesis unlocked it for Angeal, he walked in and put Sephiroth down on Genesis' bed while Genesis himself grabbed the first aid supplies that he had in his room.
"I am going to get a needle and some thread for that wound. Bandage the lesser cuts on his arms and legs. Disinfect the gash so it will not get infected." Angeal of course took command of the desperate situation as Genesis began following orders.
Certain that everything in the room was under control, he snuck off into the science department to grab the necessary supplies to sew up the wound.
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Angeal walked back into Genesis' room. At the bedside chair was Genesis himself, but lying on the bed was the matter at hand. Sephiroth, lying on his friend's bed, he lay broken, battered, bleeding, bruised, and of course, unconscious. He was barely holding on to life at this point in time. Angeal had to stitch up the wound or the younger teen would die. That was a lot on Angeal's chest. But- if he didn't start now… then Sephiroth would die anyways.
So Angeal took out his needle and thread and shakily began his work.
As soon as the needle pierced Sephiroth's skin, he was pulled from peaceful slumber to a fitful sleep. The layer of liquid covering the teen's skin had been slowly warming over the last few minutes, but Angeal had thought nothing of it. Now he was having second opinions, because Sephiroth had started mumbling in his sleep. "No… No…. I don't… I don't want… I… Why?... Did you…. leave…. Did you not…. Do you…care?... But…. You…don't…. Exist…."
It occurred to Angeal that Sephiroth was calling out for someone. Perhaps his real father, rather than Hojo? Was Sephiroth hoping that someone existed out there who cared for him?
Sephiroth fell silent for a few moments as Angeal continued to stitch.
Then the situation took a turn for the worse when Sephiroth began to scream. Word formed after a couple of unintelligible screeches of pain.
"I'm… Not…. An experiment!...Am I? … I just… I Can't… I don't have anyone else… You gave me a purpose!" His voice quieted as Sephiroth asked the worst question ever.
"I… I'm human…. Aren't I?...Not like… those monsters… you… make me… kill…."
Tears flowed freely from the teen's eyes. "I… just hope…. that girl… and her mother… escaped…. Even if… Even if it meant more pain later!... She didn't… deserve…..my fate…"
Genesis was shocked at what Sephiroth was revealing in his delirium.
Tentatively reaching out a hand to feel Sephiroth's forehead, he wasn't especially surprised to find that the other teen's temperature had gone from ice cold to burning hot. It added salt to the already lemon juice filled wound.
"Hurry up Angeal. He can't keep this up for long."
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Sephiroth was dreaming. His most unpleasant memories were on display, so he supposed that he could coin the term 'Nightmares'.
It began with his 4 year old self finding a picture of his mother. He only knew because the back read 'Jenova and Vincent' There was a third name, but someone had made it illegible. He could tell it began with an 'L', though. His mother had long brown hair that was tied up in a large yellow ribbon. Her eyes were similar to his, though they were not cat like and lacked the mako glow. They had a certain 'kindness' about them, one that no one had ever shown him. Her hair also had his gravity defying bangs.
The other was a man with black hair that partially covered one of his eyes, which were red, and had on a suit common for a Turk uniform.
Oh how his younger self had cherished the photo. After experiments and tests and injections, he could cry his soul out to his mother and he could almost hear a voice that was comforting him. He had even begun to think of this 'Vincent' as his father. It was possible considering how many facial features the two shared now.
But it had ended when Hojo had discovered his prized possession only day. He had snatched it from Sephiroth's tiny grip. He sneered at the child and had told him-
"Love is for the weak. It got Valentine here killed." He had pointed to Vincent.
Vincent Valentine.
Someday, he could adopt a last name.
His brief joy was ended as Hojo had grabbed his long hair and dragged him over to the fire place.
Hojo grinned at Sephiroth's wish to get the picture back, beginning to hand him it, before tossing it into the fire.
Sephiroth crawled over, unable to voice his grief at losing the photo. He watched as the photo was consumed by fire, and as his mother's smiling face disappeared, a single tear rolled down his cheek.
….
The scenery changed. The Sephiroth in his memories was now 5 years old. The first time he had ever been given a weapon to fight with. The katana had been out of balance and as Hojo unleashed monsters and men alike- the men literally being 5 times his age. Of course, he had to keep going until one of the two was dead.
That was the first time he had taken a human life.
He cried a lot that night. He was beaten to a pulp, and a murderer and five years old.
But if all that was true, then why did it feel so wrong to cry?
….
The scenery changed again. Sephiroth was a six year old, and his caretaker had grown tired of him. So of course, Sephiroth was locked inside some abandoned hall closet. All that he had been given was a lantern, a juice box, and a protein bar. Deciding to get some sleep, Sephiroth didn't hear the muffled gunshot coming from the elevator. The first day he was fine, saving power in his lantern, half his protein bar, and the juice box. On the second day, he assumed it was a weekend. Finishing off his Protein bar and drinking most of the juice.
But his caretaker didn't come back the third day. His lantern went out that night. He was hungry and thirsty and now was worried that the man had forgotten about him entirely.
On the fourth day, he was screaming and crying and begging for anyone to hear him. For someone to let him out. It was that night the janitor had decided to listen to the child's pleas.
No one acted like they had noticed the child was missing in the first place.
"No one cares for you, Boy."
Hojo's voice still rung in his head.
….
Years passed. His mind skipped experiments and tests only because of their familiarity.
Then they refocused his thoughts, centering on one girl whom he had met in Hojo's lab.
Sephiroth was thirteen years old now. He was in the labs, as per usual, when a little girl with flouncy brown hair and eyes that radiated kindness walked in, a scientist quickly followed in pursuit.
The girl saw him, and unleashed a smile like no other. It was as if seeing him had made her day perfect. She skipped over to Sephiroth, humming a tuneless song, yet it managed to be pretty.
"Hello! I'm Aerith!" She chirped at him. "What's your name?" Her eyes closed in a smile.
"….." Sephiroth was taken aback by the way she spoke to him.
"Well?" She glanced up curiously.
"I am known as Sephiroth."
"Your name is really pretty but really long! So how old are you Seph-nii-san?" Her Wutaian was off, but he appreciated the effort. And…. Big brother?
"I am thirteen years old."
"I am four! Mommy and I were brought here by the coats, how long have you been here? Where is your Mommy? Hey, how did you get your hair so long and pretty Seph-nii-san? Is it natural? Silver is an interesting color. Do you think my hair could be that pretty and long?"
Aerith's mouth managed to come up with the most mundane questions, but Sephiroth was glad for the companionship.
But three days later, her mother, Ilfana, came to Sephiroth and told him that she needed to get Aerith out of there. Sephiroth was unhappy that he would have to say goodbye to the girl, but agreed to help. Aerith would only end up another him. She shouldn't have to deal with his fate.
He had made a good diversion, causing problems with his sword, Masamune, in the labs. Oh, Hojo was unhappy that he had lost a valuable subject, and Sephiroth had been in a mako induced coma from that visit for about a week.
Hopefully they both got out okay. Aerith would be 5 years old now.
He endured the fire and the pain for a long while, until he thought he heard Aerith's voice calling out to him.
"Seph…."
"Seph-nii-san…."
Wake up
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Sephiroth's eyes opened to find Genesis and Angeal in his face. It had taken a light smack from the former to wake him up.
"Why, good morning sleeping beauty!" Genesis chirped.
Aerith had coined the term 'happy' for how Genesis looked.
So Genesis was 'happy' that Sephiroth had woken up. Interesting.
Angeal let out a long sigh, "Sephiroth, what happened? You nearly died last night."
"….Died?" He questioned before looking down. "Oh." There was a large number of stitches running across his chest. "I have had worse." He shrugged. But he was very confused as to why the people who had yelled at him not a day earlier were helping him.
"No one cares about you, Boy." Hojo's voice echoed in Sephiroth's ears.
"Why did you help me? No one has before." He voiced the last part to himself, though Angeal and Genesis could almost certainly hear him.
"Wa-wa-why?" Genesis spluttered in obvious disbelief. "Sephiroth- You. Were. Dying!"
"It has happened before."
Angeal stepped in so that Genesis would not start yelling at the confused teen.
"Can we at least know what the heck happened so that if it happens again, you won't scare us half to death in the middle of the night."
"I'll tell you if you explain why."
Genesis butted into the conversation. "Fine, if you really don't understand that friends don't let friends die in ice cold, abandoned hallways in the middle of the night."
Sephiroth then let surprise run freely across his face.
"We're…. Friends?"
"Yeah Sephiroth- SOLDIER buddies." Genesis told the confused teen.
And for the first time in gods know how long, Sephiroth let hope shine through his cat-like eyes.