Sadie Hawkins State of Mind

disclaimer: I still don't own Archie or any related indicia. Fancy that.

note: Thanks so much for the lovely reviews! This is an odd chapter in which little actually happens (I will post another very soon). My stories (and my postings) move a little slow. Sorry for that.

CHAPTER TWO - Perhaps You'll Die

Saturday

"Your problem is that you never think ahead, and when you do, it's only for the sake of evil."

Reggie'd had a good night's sleep; his dreams were of the dance, and all was well in his head. Since yesterday, he had been in a sort of pleasant Midge-induced, impenetrable cloud. Jughead, tiring of the raven-haired piece of dazed fluff sitting beside him at the fountain in Pop Tate's Chocklit Shoppe, couldn't help but speak up.

"If you want to know what I think--"

Reggie snapped somewhat out of his trance, glaring at Jughead. "Nobody asked you, Needle Nose."

"No, of course not," said Jughead. He waited a moment before declaring, "I'm gonna tell you anyway."

Reggie groaned. What right did Jughead have, anyway, invading his happy mood!

"Have you ever heard of the old lady who swallowed a fly?"

Reggie's eyes were intent on Jughead. He sneered. "What the...are you...huh?"

"See, there was this old lady who swallowed a fly. Nobody knows why she did it, but perhaps she'll die. And that wouldn't be very good at all, now would it? Consider Midge a fly--"

Reggie sneered even harder, his face dumb with confusion. "Why would I do that? What, am I gonna swallow Midge?"

Jughead paused, taking a hard sip of his strawberry milkshake. When he turned back to Reggie, he was met with the same confusion. "Okay," said Jughead, "consider this. If the old lady had thought ahead...if she'd said to herself, 'Maybe I won't swallow a fly today, because what if a spider comes in after it?' Then she could have saved herself the trouble of swallowing the bird, and the cat, and the--"

"Would you make your measly little point?"

"All I'm saying is, look at what you swallow. It may seem fine now to down a fly, but what next? A Moose, maybe?"

Reggie's confusion turned to annoyance. "You are...you're insane!" The confidence in his voice wavered slightly. "You're certifiably insane!"

Jughead nodded. "Yes, perhaps I am." He shrugged. "Then again, perhaps you'll die. Check, please!"

Pop Tate was quick to bring Jughead his check, to which he automatically replied, "Put it on my tab," and twirled off of his seat. He whistled pleasantly, knowing that he had most certainly gotten to Reggie, and feeling very good of himself for having done so.

And, indeed, Reggie's eyes had followed Jughead out the door. Boy, that dunce. Was he ever nuts. Bonkers. Insane, out of his puny little mind!

"Hey...hey, Pops?"

Pop Tate turned back to Reggie, who seemed suddenly racked with panic. He twitched uneasily, a visible presentation of his nerves. Pop took note. "Yeah, Reg?"

"Uh...say, Pop..." Reggie twitched. "Did you ever hear of an old lady who swallowed a fly?"

"Sure did!" he said with a smile. It was a strange question, not having overheard Jughead's speech, but at least it was one he could answer.

"Yeah, what...what ever happened to her?"

"Oh, she died."

Reggie's eyes grew in an almost horrified manner. He stood slowly from his stool, and in a rather comatose fashion, he exited Pop Tate's, neglecting his three dollar lunch bill.

Pop scratched his head, confused. "Boy, those kids get a little weirder every day." And with that, he set to putting down another three dollars on Reggie's tab.

----------

If there was one thing Jughead knew, it was this: girls were trouble. Oh, sure -- sometimes they were all right. Betty was good at baking, and Veronica always hired the best chefs. But mostly, girls were nothing but a big waste. Armed with this information, Jughead had vowed at age five to never give in to the womanly charms around him, no matter how nice or, heaven forbid, pretty he may have found them, deep, deep...deep down inside. Jughead Jones. He-man woman hater. Lone wolf. Master of his own domain.

Stupid Sadie Hawkins dance. Until now, Jughead had found himself very clever in avoiding the young miss Ethel Muggs, but he knew all too well that he was running out of time. She would ask him. He would hesitate. He would go with her, or risk hurting her feelings, perhaps once too often. He knew how it went and he swore that this time, he wouldn't give in.

No date with Ethel Muggs! No dancing! No good night kiss! No nothin'!

"Hello, Juggy."

Jughead turned, producing a low yipe. He looked at Ethel, who smiled softly at him. She shoved several strands of dark hair from her face, and unintentionally batted her eyes in that...disgusting female way of hers. And yet Jughead never thought to excuse himself from her, for he had suddenly felt quite comfortable, if slightly unnerved, in her presence.

"Um...hi, Ethel." Jughead returned Ethel's smile in the form of a half-formed, crooked smirk.

Ethel smiled a little stronger, nodding. "How are you?"

"Uh...fine." Jughead squirmed very gently, uneasily. "And uh...and yourself?"

"Oh, I'm fine," said Ethel. "I'm just fine."

"That's good. Uh-huh." Here it comes, boy. She's gonna pop the big question. Avoid eye contact!

Jughead gazed around his feet, momentarily following an ant along the sidewalk as a diversion of sorts. He was very surprised when he didn't hear Ethel's voice again, and looked to her curiously.

"Well?" he asked. Ethel looked slightly confused, and didn't reply. "Aren't you gonna ask me to the dance? Aren't we going to play ring around the rose bush until you finally drag me to the gym all gussied up and force me to have a good time?"

Ethel batted her eyes again, this time more rapidly, nervously, and she laughed a little. "Oh, that."

Oh, that? Jughead was stunned in place. Oh, that? That's it? Oh--

She was obviously playing coy, decided Jughead.

"You know," continued Ethel, "I...thought about that." She bit her lip, looking to the ground and finding Jughead's ant. "I decided that maybe I would...well, you know...invite a different boy."

Jughead, his eyes abnormally wide and straining to keep back his shock, could think of little to say. When Ethel met his eyes again he produced in a sub-par cheery tone, "Oh, that's great. That's really great, I'm sure you'll have a great time."

Ethel tried to decipher Jughead's reaction, but found herself rather lost. She certainly hadn't expected quite this mellow a reaction -- she had expected somersaults, handstands, backsprings. She had hoped vaguely for a sudden burst of jealousy, or a realization of true love. But she certainly hadn't expected such a mundane response from Jughead.

In Jughead's silence Ethel offered, "Will you be at the dance? I'm, um...I'm going with Dilton. Dilton Doiley."

"D-D-..." Jughead licked his lips to quiet himself. Dilton? She was going to the dance? With Dilton? "I may show up. You know. By myself." He paused. "Lone wolf."

Ethel smiled again. "Maybe I'll see you there. Maybe we can have a dance together." Jughead was silent again. Ethel's voice grew ever-so-slightly hopeful. "Would that be all right? A dance together? Just one?" She quickly added, "If I have time away from Dilton, I mean."

Jughead nodded. "Yeah. Time away."

Ethel, satisfied with the conversation as was, remained momentarily still; then, she leaned in towards Jughead, giving him a light kiss on the cheek, to which he didn't object. She slipped past him, and headed down the sidewalk.

Alone, Jughead was immobile for a very long time. He wasn't sure why, but he felt quite sick to his stomach; but he knew, of course, that this was a good thing. He had gotten out of his usual dance date with Ethel, and he didn't have to lift a finger. Oh happy day! Oh happy...oh...hm.

"What do you mean, perhaps I'll die?!"

Jughead shook his head, exiting his daze, and looked into Reggie's eager, concerned face. Jughead heaved a heavy sigh. "Oh, c'mon, Reg, what do you want from me? Don't you have some other friends to go freak out at for awhile?"

Reggie scrunched up his face in annoyance. "I'm not the one telling people that they're gonna die."

"You take everything so literally!" said Jughead. "You'd be really clever if you weren't so stupid."

Reggie opened his mouth to rebut, but thought against it. He took a breath in an effort to remain cool. "Listen. Just because I take Midge out, that doesn't mean that something bad'll happen to me." His voice became softer. "Like all the other times." When he recieved no reply from Jughead, Reggie felt the need to defend himself further. "Well, it doesn't! I'm within my rights! Midge can date whoever she wants! If she wants to date me then so be it! I don't have anything to worry about!"

"Who are you trying to convince?"

Reggie's voice was growing ever louder in his nervous rage. "I'm no old lady! I'm not gonna swallow some dumb fly! I'm not stupid! Do you hear me? I'm no moron!"

Jughead chose to remain silent. Reggie stared at him, wanting a reply to provoke further need to spout off; he received nothing. He emitted a loud roar before turning and storming off down the sidewalk, ever muttering along his way, "I'm not an old lady, nothin'll happen to me...I'm within my rights!"

Jughead sighed again once Reggie's shape was small enough for comfort. "Note to self: philosophical analogies are lost on Reggie Mantle."

And, officially dropping the subject of Reggie from his mind, Jughead started his way down the sidewalk again, unsure of his destination. His mind slipped in and out of thoughts and finally landed once again on Ethel. Oh, yeah...Ethel...and Dilton. Of all people, why Dilton? Why not...

Jughead felt sick to his stomach again. The cure, he wagered, would be food, and thus he veered in the direction of Archie's house and more to the point, his fully loaded fridge.

----------

"Ethel and Dilton? Oh, yeah, I heard about that."

Jughead, seated across from Archie at the Andrews' dining room table, stopped munching his recently zapped day-old pizza to give Archie a peculiar look. Archie, unsure of what it meant, looked about himself as though he must appear different somehow; Jughead's next comment dismissed him of this idea.

"You knew? And you didn't tell me?"

Archie shrugged. "I figured you would know, already..."

There followed a strange silence, in which Jughead looked away from Archie, returned his pizza to his plate and chewed very slowly, swallowing with force. Archie tilted his head, trying to decipher his best friend's actions, and becoming annoyed with himself for not coming up with a suitable answer.

"You act like you're upset about it."

Jughead sighed softly. In the next moment, he was smiling up at Archie. "You kiddin' me? Upset about avoiding Ethel? You've gotta be kidding!"

Archie, unconvinced, gave a light chuckle. "Yeah, I...hey, Jug, you don't have to lie to me or anything. You know that."

Jughead thought a moment, and sighed yet again, tipping his crown to the side and leaning back with his chair. "Okay, so maybe I'm...not upset...but maybe I'm a little...surprised, that's all. I mean, it's weird. Ethel never even asked me."

This information was new to Archie. "You mean she asked Dilton...before she asked you?" He shook his head. "That's weird."

Jughead let his chair fall forward, back into place. "Yeah, exactly. I'm not upset. It's just that it's so weird, and all. You know."

"So you're not going to the dance, then, I take it."

"Ethel might let me have a dance." As soon he had said it, Jughead regretting the carelessness of his mouth. "I mean, I...there'll be a buffet, right, food? Free food. I'll probably go."

Archie's face was blank for some time, processing the sum of Jughead's comments. And finally, gradually, he smiled. "Yeah. Food. That's a good enough reason to go to a dance."

"Sure it is," said Jughead. "Sure..."

Archie, sensing Jughead's unease, drew the point of conversation to himself. "Well, I don't have a date, either, so at least we can hang out together."

"What do you mean, you don't have a date? Betty was gonna ask you. She was sky high about it."

"She did," said Archie. "But, uh...so did Ronnie. At the...same time. So what was I supposed to do, huh? I told them I had something else lined up."

"You lied, then."

Archie squirmed. "Yes. Basically. But I lied to keep their feelings from being hurt, shouldn't that count for something?"

"Depends. What do they do when they find out?"

Archie gave Jughead a look such as to indicate that the girls would not find out, least of all from him. Jughead silently agreed, but couldn't prevent himself from offering his thoughts.

"I never thought I'd say this, but you're a lot like Reggie."

Archie sneered sharply, the comment shocking him. "What the...what are you talking about? I'm like Reggie? How the heck am I like Reggie?"

Jughead picked up his pizza, taking a large bite. Between chewing he replied, "You both swallow a lot of flies." Archie's curious look forced Jughead to smile. "Never mind, Arch. Never mind."

Fini Chapter Two.

Chapter Three: A bit with Midge and Reggie; a bit with Betty and Veronica.

NOTE: The "philosophical analogy"? If it didn't work, I apologize...it snuck its way in here and refused to leave.