Father of Mine

Chapter Two Shock and Anger

Alannah stared in flabbergasted shock and anger at her father. He hadn't changed much; she thought-apart from a few gray hairs, and slightly faded eyes, he looked the same as he had when she had last seen him when she was eight years old. He also had a few more wrinkles, and Alannah realized that he must be in his sixties. She couldn't speak for shock, and Lord Sullivan finally broke the awkward silence.

"Alannah, I…I don't know what to say. All I ask is that you at least let me try to present my case to you." He smiled softly. "You look so like your mother did at this age. It's like looking back into the past."

Alannah gawped at him. "Present your case? You want to present your reasons for abandoning your only daughter? You want to give excuses for driving Momma into Madness? You want to try and justify the years of pain and heartache that you put both of us through? You are unbelievable! You show up here after years of my not knowing if you are dead or alive, and quite frankly not giving a damn either way! You guddlers scut, slurking urpal slackush scrum, barlom muck egg brimni!" She screamed at him, then turned and ran out of the throne room, slamming the door hard behind her.

Lord Sullivan smiled sadly. "I expected that. Majesty, perhaps it would be better if I returned to my ship. My daughter clearly has no interest in reconciling with me."

Mirana shook her head. "She needs time to process your return. Give her time, Lord Sullivan. In the mean time, I will have one of my servants show you a room where you can rest."

Lord Sullivan bowed. "Thank you, Majesty."

Stayne was sitting on the couch when the cottage door slammed open and Alannah came storming in, eyes red with rage. She was cursing a blue streak, and in the jumble of Outlandish Stayne caught the occasional snarl of English.

"That slurking bastard guddlers scut damnable cowardly urpal arse!" She slammed the cottage door, and Stayne watched in bemusement as she paced up and down, cursing and snarling.

"Alannah, what in Time is the matter with you?" Stayne asked, startled, and she took a deep breath and answered in a voice dripping with barely suppressed rage.

"Guess who the mysterious visitor was?" Stayne shrugged, and Alannah replied acidly, "My father. Isn't that unbelievable? After years of abandonment, years of heartache, years of watching Momma fall deeper into Madness because of what he did, years of feeling as though I did something wrong to make him leave us all alone, he has the audacity to come here and expect me to just accept him back into my life! He even tried to give me some pathetic excuse as to why he has suddenly returned. I can't believe him!"

Stayne sighed in shock. "Love, I don't blame you for being furious, but did you let him tell you the reason why he's here, or did you just storm out of the throne room?" She turned and glared at him, and he nodded. "That's what I thought. Alannah, I love you, but there are times you let your temper get the better of you. Now, I'm not going to tell you to go seek him out right away. Give yourself some time to calm down and think-and if after a day or so you're still unwilling to at least listen to him, then I'm sure Mirana can send him away. If you like, I could go and speak to him now."

She sank down onto the couch, sighing deeply. "No, that's alright. Its just-it's a lot to take in. The last time I saw him I was eight. He would sometimes write letters after he left us, but they tapered off, and by the time I was twenty, they had stopped all together. I knew long before that he was never coming back, that whatever he was doing was more important than his wife and daughter, and I began to view the letters as being from a stranger, someone that Momma and I had met a long time ago. I thought that if I did that, it would make his abandonment ache less. But it didn't. Nothing did. Finally, I just stopped giving a damn about him. I cast him out of my thoughts completely, thinking that I had finally rid myself of him! But now!" She looked over at Stayne, a hopeless expression on her face. "What am I supposed to do? Say, 'Oh, Daidi, that's perfectly acceptable that you left all those years ago. I forgive you for leaving a gap in my life that has not ever truly been filled. I'm sure that whatever reasons you had are justified and understandable. Please allow me to welcome you back into my life with open arms." She snorted. "Not a bloody chance in Hell. I can't forgive what he did to me, and I want nothing to do with him!"

Stayne pulled her into her arms, and she shuddered against him, tears close to the surface. He stroked her back, and she gulped, and then began sobbing in rage and confusion. "Alannah, I wish I could tell you what to do. But as I said before, give yourself a day to think about what you truly want to do. Alright?"

Alannah sighed in resignation. "Fine. But don't expect me to suddenly forgive him for everything he's done."

Stayne shook his head. "I wouldn't expect that, and I have the feeling your father wouldn't either. But I think if you just agree to listen to him that will be enough. After all, if he had truly wanted to be out of your life forever, he would not have come here searching for you."

She sighed. "True, but why now? He could have come back at any time. Why come back now? He doesn't even know that Momma is dead."

Stayne frowned. "Who knows, love? Who knows? Alannah, what sort of father was he?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, puzzled.

"Before he…left, what sort of father was he? Was he good, bad, absent?"

Alannah gave a half smile. "He was….adequate. He paid attention to me and Momma, and he could tell the most marvelous stories, but he never really showed either of us much affection. He wasn't cold, just…distant. But he was a good provider, and he never would hesitate to tell me a story when I asked for one. He loved both of us, I know he did, but he never wore his emotions on his sleeve. But he loved the sea and his ships even more, and eventually they became more important. I still remember the letter that Momma received from him telling her that he was never returning…"

Lady Sullivan stared at the letter in her hands, trembling in shock and grief. A messenger had delivered it minutes ago, and she had been thrilled upon recognizing her husband's seal. Eagerly she had torn it open, only to be confronted with the most heart breaking letter she had ever read in her life.

My dear Jessicah:

It is very difficult for me to write this letter, but I cannot in good conscience leave without some attempt at explanations. I now realize that I would be most unhappy if I did not write and tell you my reasons for leaving. But believe me when I say that it has nothing to do with either you or our daughter.

As you know, a few years ago I crossed the Crimson Sea to trade with the inhabitants in the Outlands. While on the voyage, I fell in love with the freedom that the sea offered me. I came to realize that being forced to return to a normal, stagnant life on land would be the equivalent of being imprisoned. I love you, my darling, but even you would not be able to match the siren song of the sea that calls and compels me. I would be most miserable at home, and I feel the best thing I can do is simply excise myself from that life completely.

I do not want you to pine for me, and if the opportunity comes for you to remarry, know that you have my full blessing. It may be wise to tell our friends that I have been lost at sea. That way, you will not invite any scandal should you find someone new.

Tell Alannah that I will always have a place in my heart for her, and that I hope she can someday forgive me for what I have done.

Love (Now and always),

Elias.

Lady Sullivan collapsed to the floor, sobbing loudly. Alannah heard her, and came running.

"Momma, what's the matter?"

She looked up at her eight year old daughter, and smiled bravely through her tears. "Nothing, lovey. I just got a letter from your Daddy, that's all. He's….he's going to be away for a bit longer than I expected, that's all. It's nothing for you to be worried about. Now, why don't we go and have tea?"

Alannah frowned. "Are you sure, Momma?" Lady Sullivan nodded, and Alannah smiled. "Alright."

Alannah sighed, leaning against Stayne. "I found the letter two days later. I remember crying, and Momma trying her best to explain why Daidi had decided to abandon us so callously. But she couldn't, and shortly after she began to descend into Madness. I cursed my father for that." She laughed harshly. "And now he's back in my life. This is the last thing I expected when I woke up this morning."

Stayne chuckled. "I can imagine."

Alannah huffed a strand of hair out of her face, and sighed in resignation. "I think maybe tomorrow I'll go and talk to him. Right now, my emotions are a bit too turbulent. I'm still in shock, and I'm also rather angry at him. Also, it's pouring down rain."

Stayne looked out the window, and laughed. Sure enough, rain was cascading down. "I agree, wait until morning. You'll be a bit calmer, and you won't have to worry about catching a cold."

In his room in Marmoreal, Elias Sullivan watched the rain pouring down, and frowned in thought.

'I hope my daughter is willing to listen to me, and I hope I can at least mend the large hole I left in her life.'

He walked over to his trunk, and pulled out a wrapped object, turning it over in his hands. He hoped she would enjoy the gift he had made for her.

But more than that, he hoped she would be willing to reconcile with him.