Righteyo, just a little warning, we're jumping to present tense for the rest of the story. Oh, and there will be little gorram mistakes because I've re-written stuff about a hundred times and this story is un-beta'd.
A/N: Hell yeah I own Castle! Wait no not TV Castle, I meant a dollhouse that's actually a dollcastle. Whatever, I was six and Princess Barbie didn't like suburban houses okay!
Kate is unconscious for a week.
One whole week. 7 days. 168 hours. 10080 minutes. 604800 seconds. Actually it's more like 7 days, 173 hours, 10380 minutes, 622800 seconds because she spends almost 5 hours in surgery to repair the damage done by the piece of hot metal that tore its way through her chest.
To Richard Castle, it feels like an eternity. The fear, the uncertainty, the helplessness and the goddamn waiting, is killing him.
The waiting is killing him.
Huh. Never in his whole literary career had he used such a clichéd cliché. But now, only now, does he understand it. He is a living, breathing literary cliché. And he hates it.
He barely remembers what happened after Kate was taken into surgery. All he remembers is running behind the stretcher until he could run no more, watching her disappear into the bowels of the hospital. Did he go home to change his clothes that were soaked with her blood or did someone bring him a change of clothes? Has he eaten? Slept? Rick can't remember anything. He is numb. All he can think of, all he can see is that moment, the moment when Kate Beckett, his Kate, his muse, slipped into oblivion.
Now all he wants is for her to wake up.
Two days after her operation Kate is wheeled out of the ICU and into a private room.
And Richard Castle continues to wait.
The others come and go but he stays. Holding her hand, talking to her about the weather, Alexis, and how much she needs to wake up because her father is waiting for her and that Lanie is going to smack her if she doesn't. He tells her stories of princess and dragons, of superheroes and villains, making sure the bad guys get it every time and the hero always saves the damsel in distress. It helps. Sort of.
He's been home once to see Alexis and sleep. And to throw away the suit. The suit stained with her blood. He's had blood on his suits before – we won't even mention the bar fight he got into once – but this is different. Much different. He won't even wear that suit again.
On the fifth day, whilst in the middle of explaining to her the rules of home laser tag, Rick feels a hand on his shoulder.
"Hey kiddo, how is she?" Martha's voice is soft and gentle. Rick feels about thirteen again.
He rubs a hand over his chin, surprised to find it prickly. Very, very prickly. "Same as before. She's stable but unconscious and the doctor says she should…will…wake up. When she's ready."
"Kate Beckett never did anything on anyone else's schedule that's for sure." Martha says with a hollow laugh. When Rick doesn't respond she tries again. "She'll be fine kiddo. Beckett is one tough woman."
This time Rick looks at her and Martha can see just how much he is hurting. "You don't know that. I should have…been faster…should have seen it…should have done something."
Martha changes her tone abruptly, "Richard Alexander Rodgers you stop that right now. No one, not even you could have seen this coming. Now you are going to go home and get some sleep, eat something other than what the vending machine spits out, spend some time with your daughter; who by the way is home by herself with one scary protective detail outside. And then you are going to shave."
Yup, he definitely feels thirteen again. Except this time he has facial hair and is even less willing to listen to his mother. He opens his mouth to reply but Martha is quicker.
"Don't even try." She softens her voice again. "What's it going to look like when she wakes up and you look like a mess? It's going to be hard for her Richard. Don't make it any harder by making her worry about you."
Rick wants to argue but his mother has a point and he is just too tired. Unwillingly he stands up, gently places a kiss on Kate's knuckles and promises her he will be back soon.
"You'll…" he begins but falters.
Martha understands, "We'll call the second anything happens. Now go."
On his way out he sees Esposito, Lanie, Ryan and Jenny sitting with Jim Beckett outside Kate's room. They've barely left the hospital themselves but don't look half as bad as Rick does. Lanie is half-heartedly munching on a bag of something from the vending machine as she rests her head on Esposito's shoulder. The owner of the vending machines at the hospital is making a fortune off all of them.
"I'm just…I'll be back. Soon."
They nod. It's almost like someone broke the television remote and their whole world is stuck in slow motion. Tragedy does that to a family.
"We're all gonna sit with her for awhile bro." Esposito says, lightly clapping Rick on the arm. The 'bro' sounds more obligatory than a term of endearment.
He's about to leave when someone calling his name spins him around on the spot. It's Jim Beckett.
"Sir." Rick says tentatively. He has been sort of avoiding Jim for awhile considering the last time they talked Jim had almost pleaded with Rick to help Kate stop her hunt for her mother's killer.
"It's not your fault you know."
Well. So not what he was expecting. A slap or maybe some angry words. But not this.
"Katie's tough you know? Always has to see eveything through 'til the end. Sometimes I wish she wasn't like that. Then maybe she wouldn't be...I don't know what's going to happen after all this. Believe me I wish I did. But...at least she doesn't have to do this alone. She's got someone to stand by her now and I'm glad it's you." The pain in the older man's eyes is almost unbearable to look at.
Rick nods. He doesn't know what to say. Jim's words make him feel reassured and guilty all at the same time. It's confusing as hell.
The sunlight outside is harsh against his eyes and he puts a hand up to shield them. It's been far too long since he's been outside. After hailing a taxi – because he cannot, for the life of him, remember if he parked a car anywhere or not – he arrive homes, gives a nod to the security detail outside his building, opens his front door and is promptly squished in a hug.
"You're home." Alexis mumbles into his chest. She's been at the hospital far too much; surrounded by too much death and Rick feels exorbitantly guilty. Hell, he's feeling guilty for everything at the moment. On the way home he sees a small child drop their ice cream scoop onto the sidewalk. It would have been funny some other time. But Rick somehow feels responsible for the child's tears.
Rick wraps his arms around her and holds her tight. "I'm home."
They eat lunch together, talking, but not really saying anything; both avoiding the huge elephant in the room. The phone.
The one time it does ring, Alexis reaches it first. It's Ken's Double Glazing Company and they are having a sale on all bathroom glazing until the end of next week. Alexis, although relieved it's not the hospital, rips into them and Ken hangs up first. Rick begins to smirk but it falls off completely when sees a tear roll down his daughter's cheek. He jumps up off the couch and envelopes her in another hug. It's going to be one of those days.
"It's not fair dad." Alexis sobs.
Rick holds her tighter than before. "I know. I know."
"It could have been you."
Rick can't answer that because part of him wishes it was him. Then he feels ever more guilty for wishing that because what would that do to Alexis?
They stay wrapped in a hug for a long time.
A few hours later and Rick is restless. He and Alexis are curled up on the couch looking through old photo albums. They both feel they need to look on happier times and Rick has saved every photo of Alexis since the day she born. Of course, she always makes him skip over the first few pages of the first album because Rick was a little too excited for the arrival of his daughter and took far too many photos of the actual birth. It may be beautiful to him but to Alexis it's gross and slightly weird.
Laughing at the photos and sharing memories makes Rick feel a little better. Restless, but better. He's shaved, eaten and even slept for a few hours. Okay, one hour, but it's still better than sleeping in a hospital chair from hell. He wants to go back to the hospital but he can't bring himself to leave Alexis.
"Dad?'
"Hmm?"
"Go."
"What?"
"Go. Back to the hospital."
"But…"
"You're starting to fidget. Go. I'll be fine. Honest. Ashley said he's gonna come over. Besides," she adds with a sly grin, "you'll just be a third wheel."
Rick pretends to be serious, but is secretly glad his daughter is cracking jokes and not bursting into tears any more. He hugs her again. "Don't do anything I would do," he says, only half joking.
Alexis kisses him on the forehead. "Of course. One of us still has to be the responsible parent. And we both know it's not you."
Rick gives her one last hug and leaves, wondering how on earth Alexis turned out so well with him as her father and Martha as her grandmother.
The air has turned cold since Rick was last outside. Much colder. He pulls his coat tighter around him and sticks his arm out for a taxi. Miraculously one stops within two minutes and Rick dives in, thankful that the driver has enough sense to put on the heater.
"Where to sir?"
Rick opens his mouth and is about to tell the driver to go to the hospital. Instead he tells the driver Kate Beckett's address.
Weird.
Oooh...