"Simon you have to stay alive for me. You just have to!" Jeanette said as she sat by his side.
Simon had been in the operating room for five hours before they finally wheeled him into the intensive care unit(ICU). The doctors were doubtful Simon would last the night and even if he did...there was little chance that he wouldn't be a vegetable for the rest of his life.
The ICU buzzed as nurses hustled to and fro trying to keep the dying alive. There was always some kind of emergency going on. But Jeanette just phased it all out. Her only focus was her beloved Simon...she had never known that she truly loved him before. It was the strangest feeling to her. After all she had given her heart to someone else...or so she thought. She was conflicted and torn apart by this turn of affairs. What is the matter with me? She kept thinking to herself.
Jeanette's pov.
How could I have missed it? It was right in front of my face the entire time and I missed it like the glasses right in front of my face. I felt some tears roll down my cheeks burning and stinging as they did so. Dave was also there by Simon's side and I am sure he felt just as bad as I did.
"Do you think Simon is going to make it?" I asked trying to hide my fear and sadness. But I didn't do a very good job of it.
"I...I don't know...I thought I knew Simon better...but it turns out I...didn't...I never saw this coming. I always thought he was strong and wouldn't ever consider doing this. All I know is that his life hangs in balance and no one can say either way what will happen. I know all we can do is pray and ask God to bring Simon back." Dave said in a glum tone.
"Well I am sure there is some thing deep inside him that is keeping him alive. I mean he shouldn't even be breathing on his own because of the damage to his brain. But something deep inside him is fighting to stay alive." I said as I placed my hand on Dave's hand.
With that said the room was plunged into silence once again. It was Friday night when Simon tried to take his own life so I was able to stay with him till Monday which is what I planned on doing. All through the night I stayed. There were a few times when it looked like he might not have survived but every time it looked like that...I would squeeze his hand and whisper "I am right here. Please don't die on me. I love you with all my heart...this I now know." And when I would say that he would begin to get better. I couldn't explain it. It was like I was the reason why he was fighting to live, but why me? Why now? I mean after all I was partly to blame for his condition. What is the point for him to fight for a girl who didn't even give a good damn about him? I should've seen what was happening to him. I mean I saw what was happening to him and how he was slipping away from reality. Pulling himself in and withdrawing himself from the world.
I kept dozing and blanking in and out as the hours crawled by. Each horrific hour, each miserable minute, each sorrowful second that passed in the silent night. How on earth could I stand this pain and torture that I was enduring right now.
The morning sun pierced the window and one sun beam landed on my face warming it up. I turned my head and squeezed my eyes shut as tight as I could. Then I felt a squeeze on my hand which was still wrapped around Simon's hand.
I was a little startled by the sudden pressure on my hand. I opened my eyes and looked at Simon's face and didn't see any change, at least not at first. After studying his face I saw a slight smile. It was nice to see a small smile on his face after not seeing it for many many long months.
I tried to unclasp my hand from his. But when I tried to do so gently his grip tightened on my hand. I didn't know what do. I didn't want to break his hold on my hand as this was a good sign in my opinion. It was then that I realized I needed to use the bathroom. Now I was in a spot.
"Simon. I need to go to the bathroom. I promise I will be back as soon as possible. I won't be gone long!" I said pleadingly.
He let my hand go after I told him that. I stood up and made my way to the bathroom. Once inside I went to the sink. I looked at myself in the mirror, my face was pale and my cheeks were tear stained from all the crying. My hands were shaking and I was trembling. My heart was pit-er pattering as I replayed all the events that had happened the day before.
I recalled what I did after I left Simon in the tree house. I went home and called my boyfriend telling him what was going on. I told him how concerned I was about Simon and how he was acting strange. That something didn't seem right with him. We talked for a while but my worry/concern got the better of me. So I hung up with my boy friend and headed over to Simon's house to see how he was. It was then that I saw the letters and read the one marked friends. Once I finished reading I rushed to Simon's room. Then all the rest happened.
I took one last look at myself in the mirror and tried to clean up my face. If Simon woke up I didn't want him to see me as a complete wreck! Because I am sure I look like one.
I left the restroom and made a b line to Simon's room. When I got there I noticed a group gathered around him and I was a little freaked out at first. Until I realized that it was only the rest of the family there. I wormed my way back to my spot and placed his hand in mine hoping that he would respond.
At first he didn't squeeze my hand and it made me wonder if it was only a hopeful
dream I had. But then he squeezed my hand tightly as if I were going to vanish into thin air. I squeezed back letting him know I wasn't going to let him go any where. I felt a tear trickle down my face, but this tear wasn't shed because I was sad. Rather I was happy, it was a tear of joy because I knew Simon was alive and was fighting to stay alive...for me.
Simon's pov.
The darkness was strong upon me as it sucked me in. I longed to be gone, to be rid of my limited useless and cursed body of pain. I wasn't going to miss anything back home, I thought it was the best thing that I had ever done. But something kept nagging at me. I couldn't explain it it was almost like I regretted killing myself...but I knew that I did the best thing. I mean who wants to see someone self destruct? Its more painful to see them die a little more each day then it is to seem them dead once and for all then slowly dying.
Suddenly the darkness stopped and was no longer coming towards me. I then felt tethered to an anchor, which must have been his body not failing him but rather being kept alive.
"DAMN!" I said as I realized that it was Jeanette that had saved my dying body. But again that feeling arose inside me...the very same one that had urged me not to do what I had just done. How come I was so torn? Why couldn't I just ignore it? What on earth was it that made me want to live? What purpose did I have? I mean I was a loser to most people, even Alvin considered me a loser when he was around his jock buddies.
But I knew he loved me. It was then that an epic battle broke out and I was in the fight of my life. Part of me wanted to die and the other part wanted to fight to stay alive. I was torn as I didn't want to see the sad disappointed faces that would be there when I came back. Plus I would have to face the reality that I was a failure in life...but maybe that wasn't such a bad thing as I am young and I could always make a come back.
But the other part that wanted to die was just the opposite. It told me that I was a loser and a failure, that no one really loved me, it held that dreadful day when I got my heart smashed as its anthem. It was making for a very convincing choice.
It was at that time that he heard a voice that sounded like it was coming from a million miles away and was very faint. I was able to make it out, I realized that it was a reason to live as it was disproving all the reasons why I should give up and die.
It was then that I made a decision. I am sure that it will be a long journey to get where I wanted to go but it was a journey I was going to make.
Simon opened his eyes and tossed his head limply to look at Jeanette, he was admiring her courage to stay by his side even after he had been so mean to her in his letter and let her watch as he took his life. Simon looked like he had been to hell and back, which had. But it was Jeanette that kept him fighting each time he was close to giving up.
Jeanette looked up and saw that Simon was looking at her, she shook her head thinking that she was dreaming or something.
"Its not a dream." Simon said.
Jeanette was dumbfounded that Simon had beaten the odds and was alive and well. "You scared you know. You have a long way to go before you will be back to normal. But I will be there with you every step of the way."
"I know you will."
With that Simon squeezed her hand and closed his eyes so that he could sleep and regain his strength.
And that is how this story ends, Simon is on the road to recovery and sees that just because he felt his life was going nowhere didn't mean that it was. So the moral of this little story is to realize that whatever you are struggling with will eventually go away.