Staring at the dreary ceiling was quickly becoming his equivalent to a pastime.
There was not much else to do in this place; only wait for the next interrogation and lay on the uncomfortable cot while allowing his mind to wander.
Wander back to Christmas Eve - and the hurt in her voice.
"I wish you wouldn't keep secrets from me... I've been with you long enough to know when you're not telling me things..."
Her voice echoes within his mind and brings forth a bittersweet tingle under his skin.
He had made the girl he loved worry, and he constantly suppressed himself from imagining her reaction to his incarceration...but when she said those words, he couldn't help but feel a little relief, and a little pride.
Futaba had made great strides in the short time he'd known her. It was something he admired in his girlfriend, really: how she'd keep on keeping on, little by little, moving ahead. Step by step, undeterred, unyielding. She would falter, she would hesitate, but she'd keep trying until she reached her goal.
This was worth it. Being held here, in juvenile hall, staring at a badly-plastered off-white ceiling overhead was worth it; for her sake and that of everyone he cherished. She would keep moving towards the future. If the price was his future in turn, he was more than willing to pay.
This is fine, he thought to himself as he let sleep claim him.
Tapping on the solid steel door to the cell tore him from his slumber. The grille hatch on the upper middle of the portal slid to the side, and a guard peeked through the spyhole. "Ya got a visitor," he said. "Come with me".
Groaning, the leader of the Phantom Thieves nodded his head in an attempt to shake off the remaining grogginess. The loud clanks and whirls of heavy metal latches coming undone rang in his ears and reverberated in his skull like a drum, filling him with something resembling nausea.
Rusty hinges protested as the hefty slab swung inwards, a tall warden with a sour face and lanky physique standing on the entryway. Wordlessly, he gestured the prisoner to follow him, dour gaze advising against any funny business the detainee may have in mind. Just as well, thought the Thieves' own Joker - he had no intention of being anything other than a model inmate.
Footsteps echoed through empty halls as Joker wondered what Sae Nijima had come to talk about. Perhaps she had need of more testimony, or maybe she brought news regarding the development of the case against Masayoshi Shido - if that were true, he certainly hoped they were good tidings.
When he walked into the visitor's room, the person on the other side of the bulletproof glass was not whom he expected.
She couldn't bear to look at him. She averted her vision, as if he was made of light and staring would blind her.
He froze. The fearless Phantom Thief couldn't will himself to move his legs. His breath was caught up in his throat. He, too, could not bring himself to look, and cast his head down guiltily.
He didn't want to crave freedom, but for all his staunch resolution, Futaba's presence made him afraid he'd waver.
"Ya got twenty minutes. I'll be back then".
Joker grunted a dismissive affirmation, eyes glued to the ground. Metal clamored once more, and he was alone with the beautiful ghost of the life left behind.
When he finally managed to muster the strength to raise his head, he noticed she had moved onto the chair, and was sitting normally for once. Her unreadable expression made him nervous, but...she always tried so hard to confront her demons, if little by little...
The least he could do is try and reciprocate a little.
As if possessed, he shambled towards his own seat and settled on the folding aluminium bench, avoiding eye contact all the while. They stayed like that, somber silence settling harshly in the bitingly cold air.
He tried to ignore her quivering shoulders. He really did.
The quiet was deafening.
"Hey..." he finally uttered, knowing they couldn't continue like this.
The stillness was punctured by a muted sob. Then another. His insides twisted and churned at being confronted with the truth he tried so hard to blind himself to.
He...he needed to say something. "How come you're here? As far as I know, only Nijima has visitation rights thanks to her status as prosecutor..."
"I-I..." the bespectacled girl spoke, her eyes shut tight in an attempt to prevent teardrops from escaping. "Makoto's sister. I...I asked her for help, and..."
"I see..."
The noiselessness overtook once more.
The boy stared at a single spot on the ceiling, much like he always did within his cell.
He was a special prisoner. Solitary confinement, and kept from the rehabilitation programs juvenile hall is known for. Kept isolated from the other inmates, for the administration feared he might influence them through unknown means. Sae had clearly pulled a lifetime worth of strings to make this meeting happen. He wished she hadn't -Now he had to face the pain he'd inflicted on Futaba. Even if it was to protect her, and everyone else...he couldn't help but think the worst of himself for doing so. A more logical part of him screamed that this was the only course of action he could take, for everyone's sake...but rationality takes the back seat when the person you're in love with is on the other side of cold glass.
"...Sorry I didn't tell you anything," he begun weakly. "You saw right through me back then. Christmas Eve, I mean".
She merely nodded dispiritedly in return.
He closed his eyes and exhaled. He knew what he had to do, but that didn't make it any easier. He willed his eyelids to open once more after deep contemplation and turned to the crestfallen visitor, who much like him moments before still refused to steal even a glimpse of him.
"Hey...look at me. Please. Just for a moment".
Watery deep violet gems, juxtaposed behind thick-rimmed glasses, slowly came to greet him. God, he loved those.
He did not permit himself to fall into ruminations once more. "You've come a long way, you know? That's not something you could've done back when we first met. I'm proud".
The smallest hint of a smile twitched on the corner of her lip, making what he was about to do all the more difficult for the captive.
"Hey...you don't...you don't need me any more, you know? We should call it off..."
Time froze. Even if those words came from his own mouth, they were no less biting, as if he had plunged a knife deep into his belly and sliced across. Then, an odd disconnect, as if he were only a spectator watching distant events unfold. The person he was supposed to be kept mumbling arguments about how she had her own life to live and he would be kept behind bars for who knows how long. How someone as amazing as her could easily find someone else, someone better than him, someone who did not have to rot in a jail cell and had no future prospects with his criminal record looming over him, how-
The sheer hurt in the paralyzed girl's purple pools pulled his awareness back into his vessel, and he immediately stopped talking.
The moment paused once more, as he took in all of her sorrow.
Sorrow then gave way to indignation. Indignation gave way to anger.
Her hands slammed down on the table in front of him with such force, Joker leapt up a bit in his seat. "Don't you DARE give me that crap!"
It was the first time, Joker realized, she'd been legitimately angry at him.
"Someone better? I don't care if someone like that exists! I want to be with YOU!" she continued. "You think you are the only one who's supposed to make decisions around here?! Don't be so selfish!"
Her tense body, trembling with anger, slacked considerably. "I...I would be okay with it if...actually, I wouldn't be okay with it, it'd hurt me a lot, yet...I k-know you feel the same way I do," she shifted uncomfortably, shrinking, furious valor from before evaporating quickly. "What I'm trying to say is...if you s-stopped feeling the way you do about me, I'd eventually come to accept it. But I know that isn't what's going on here".
"Futaba..."
"I hate this. I hate that you're always so kind. Putting others before you...putting me before you. At the very least, I wish you would have confided in me...".
"You would've tried to stop me," Joker said sadly.
"Of course I would've! Why is it always you that has to take the fall! It's...It's not fair," she cried.
Joker shook his head. "The world isn't fair. You and I know this better than anyone".
"Still!" Futaba protested. "We might've found another way. A different way!"
"I'm sorry, but...this was the only thing that could be done, under those circumstances. You know this, Futaba...I just wanted to..."
"You don't...have to say it".
"..."
With a soft 'thud', Futaba's forehead pressed against the glass separating her from her love. "I..." Tears began to fall unhindered. "...I will wait for you. As long as it takes. I won't let you try to talk me into doing otherwise..."
He gave a wistful grin before flattening his own forehead against the barrier, level with hers. "Okay..."
Even through the transparent boundary, the closeness filled him with a strange tranquillity and vigor he hadn't know he'd needed. They remained like that for a couple of minutes, without a single word, just delighting in the only closeness allowed to them by their harsh reality.
Their moment came to a close as the spindly warden arrived. "Tick-tock," he said. "That's it, that's the clock".
It took a phenomenal effort to tear himself from the cool surface, but so the boy did. "Futaba..."
Her beautiful orbs were no longer overflowing with tears unshed. "Hm?"
"...Wait for me. I'll always be yours".
Her heartfelt smile could melt snow. "I know".