Fail, Fowl, fail.

Note that almost everything Artemis says is a joke between a friend and I. Deal with it.

Chapter One

Fowl Manor, Ireland

A young boy around the age of fourteen sat in a large oak wood desk, typing diligently on the computer. Artemis Fowl the II had been searching a new project – A far more taxing and far more dangerous project. Taxing because of the effort it took to get the information he needed, and dangerous because of the contents of this information. The youth had already met fairies and pixies and dwarfs and goblins… But it was all too normal for him. He already felt like he could write a textbook on the subject… It was like it was something he'd been around his whole life.

Besides, he had a desperate and constant need for distraction.

Artemis had been researching something called a Dryud – A powerful being that is a mixture between two things: A Dryad (A forest or tree nymph) and a Druid (A powerful sorcerer who is closely linked to the earth and animals that inhabit it). He figured that, if he could track one of these things down, he could help the People or even just have comfort knowing he had powerful backup when he needed it. But, first and foremost, he needed the Dryuds' help. He's heard a little piece of gossip and needs to know that he has the Dryuds on his side when he needs them.

"How goes it?" Butler, Artemis' bodyguard and long-time friend, asked as he walked into the room, holding a plate containing a single mangled sandwich. He set it down on the table for the boy.

The young Fowl saved all the information he'd gathered onto a highly advanced memory stick before closing his laptop and sighing. "There isn't much information on Dryuds. It seems they've almost been erased from all records, sadly…"

"But I'm guessing you've managed to find some information anyways?"

"Of course. Who do you think I am?"

"Are you going to tell me how?"

"Why would I do that? It would ruin the mystery."

"Can I guess?"

"Of course, old friend."

Butler looked thoughtful as Artemis smiled smugly. Eventually, the bodyguard spoke. "Maybe… you've found someone with access to a vat of information on the Dryuds? Someone like Foaly, perhaps?"

"…" Artemis sat in the cushioned chair, staring blankly at his old friend. His facial expression suddenly became irritated. "It's not as easy as it sounds," He declared stubbornly, glaring at Butler. "A lot of time and energy went into it."

"Sorry to steal your thunder,"

"You should be," Artemis scoffed before glancing at his closed laptop. "Even though there isn't much information on Dryuds, well… anywhere… I have managed to find something called a 'Sanctuary'. There should be more information there. Unfortunately, the people who run the Sanctuaries are the ones keen on keeping the humans and innocents as uninvolved in magic as they can. So it really won't be as easy to gain access to this information as I had initially hoped. It's certainly easier that getting to the Lower Elements, grant you, but my point is still valid."

Butler's only facial reaction to this was the raise of his left eyebrow. "So… we're not going underground again?"

"No, old friend. The Sanctuary entrances are mainly above ground… From what I've read, there aren't many that are completely located underground, let alone beneath the Earth's Crust." Artemis reassured his friend.

"And no one's noticed that there are unusually short people with pointy ears walking around in these buildings?"

"I assume you're talking about fairies – I know, it's unusual to hear about someone with magic that is taller than four feet." Artemis leaned back in his chair and tented his fingers under his nose. "The people that run the Sanctuaries are not, in fact, fairies. But they aren't mortal, either. They look like everyday people – Like you or me." He glanced Butler up and down, frowning. "Well, maybe not you and me. But you get my point." Butler nodded, towering far above the extremely pale Artemis. "Anyways, they look normal, so they can blend in with human society quite well. That's why they weren't banished along the People so long ago."

"So these people are like… wizards?" Butler looked at Artemis skeptically.

"Nothing out of Harry Potter, I assure you. And they're sorcerers, to be a bit more precise." Artemis corrected automatically. He was used to correcting most adults on a daily basis. "I've found out there used to be a Sanctuary in a town here in Ireland called Haggard. You should know where that is," Artemis got to his feet, glanced at the sandwich on the table, and preceded to leave the room. "The Sanctuary was destroyed not too long ago, with no information on how. Now there's one in a small town called Roarhaven."

"Roarhaven?" The bodyguard echoed as he accompanied his charge out of the room. "Never heard of it."

"Surprisingly enough… neither have I."

"So if this organization is as secretive as you say, how'd you get all this information?"

"Guess."

"Foaly…?"

"No."

"I'm guessing you won't just tell me…"

Artemis stopped and gave his bodyguard and exasperated glance. "It'll ruin the mystery, Butler." He gestured with his hands to emphasize and punctuate his words. He gave Butler a sad shake of the head that said 'Get with the program,' before continuing down the stairs.

Butler sighed as he followed Artemis down the grand staircase. "So now what?" He asked.

"Now we get into the Sanctuary and get more information on the Dryuds. This way, we can approach them knowing what we're getting ourselves into…"

"And how do we get this information? It's not like we can just up and walk in there, demanding they tell us…"

"Pick a name."

"… Excuse me?"

"Pick a name. Something humans wouldn't normally use – But nothing ridiculous. I won't let myself be seen accompanied with someone who has a silly name."

"If this is a joke, Artemis, I don't get it."

"Fine," Artemis stopped and looked at Butler thoughtfully. There was an odd silence before Artemis finally said "Andrew Wheatley."

"See, I'm having one of those moments where I doubt your sanity, again…" Butler cautiously followed Artemis towards the front door. "Are you going to explain this to me, Artemis?"

"No – Not Artemis. Michael Cohen…"

"Start explaining…"

"We need the sorcerers and such to believe we've already Sealed our names. Sealing a name prevents other powerful beings from using you like a tool. If they find our real names and discover we haven't Sealed them, our project will be brought to a complete halt." Artemis stood in front of the mirror that was beside the grandiose front doors. "Butler," He said as he smoothed out his collar and blazer. "We're going to Roarhaven."

"Wonderful, Artemis." Butler said sarcastically. "But you've forgotten something."

"I forget nothing. I'm completely prepared for this."

"You forgot the sandwich."

"I didn't forget it," Artemis gestured to the front door. "Body guards first."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I didn't forget it and then I casually tried to change the subject by letting you leave the building first."

"Are you insulting my culinary skills?"

"Actually, I was tactfully avoiding the subject. But, since you brought it up, yes. I'm insulting your culinary skills. Had you not insisted so much on the subject, you could have brushed it off." He gestured for Butler to leave the house. "Come on, we don't have all day."

Butler reluctantly exited the house to check for danger and starting the car to check for bombs and such.

"You should really get some tips from Holly or Mother. Mother would appreciate the company and I hear Holly makes a smashing tarantula burger." Artemis called from the doorway.

"That's disgusting," Butler called bluntly, gesturing that all was safe and for Artemis to come over.

"Strange. That was my exact thought when I took a glance at that sandwich…"

"You know, you're not exactly renowned for your cooking, either, Artemis."

Artemis thought back to the time he tried making a sandwich for a kleptomaniac dwarf named Mulch Diggums. The sandwich resembled the aftermath of an explosion, containing half a head of lettuce, two strangled pieces of bread and a piece of torn lunch ham that Artemis couldn't manage to get out of the bag, which refused to open against his will. "That's because I'm a child genius, not a child cook. And at least it was my first try – What's your excuse? My sandwich was edible was it not?" He entered the Bentley after Butler.

"You're saying this… on the word of a dwarf…"

"A critique, Butler. Not a very good one, but it was a critique nonetheless."

Butler shook his head and sighed, deciding it was probably a good idea to change the subject, right about now. "So what are you going to tell your parents?" He asked.

"I've sent a thoroughly convincing E-mail to Mother via my principal's account, explaining our sudden trip."

"What's the excuse?"

"A week of Community Service in Venezuela,"

"That's generous,"

"I have a big heart." Artemis leaned back in in his seat, closing his eyes. "Drive on, Butler – There's at least four hours in the very least worth of driving ahead of us and we have yet to infiltrate a Sanctuary."