Disclaimer: Don't own. Obviously. Song lyrics belong to "My Funeral" by Dope; "Lonely" by After Forever

Nada: Thank you Hurricane Irene for flooding most of New Jersey. I so do love it when you CUT OFF MY TOWN FROM LIFE! (-ahem-) anyway, now that Hurricane Irene is no longer battering the East Coast and the whole Earthquake business is done and over with, here's an update! College is starting up soon for me so lets hope it gives me inspiration to finish this story.

Also, congratulations to the reviewers who figured out the "poison" emotion Roxas was feeling was Envy and that Coinquinatus means the equivalent to tainted/corrupted/etc.
They don't call Envy a sin for nothing!

Warning: This fic is in the ANGST; HURT/COMFORT genre for a reason. Yes, things will get depressing really soon. And yes, Roxas will attempt to push his and Sora's relationship along (nothing explicit though), so word of warning readers!

Chapter Two

Damn it, I'm going to kill Cloud for infecting me with his gloom-germs the moment I see him. It was one thing to think to yourself, but it was a completely different thing to brood over absolutely nothing! Throughout the whole trip on the train, I did nothing but think. Think of what, I couldn't say, because my thoughts were a fragmented chain of utter bullshit.

Cloud will die by my hands, I swear it!

When we finally arrived at the beach, we weren't greeted by a sparkling beautiful sea, the gentle breeze of sea-salt scented air or sand hot enough to burn the bottom of your feet. We were greeted with scantily clad bikinis, topless men and a foul stench of booze in the air. Oh yeah, it looked like the whole population made entirely of college and high school students decided that today of all days would be perfect to visit the beach.

Every square inch of sand was covered in sandcastles, footprints, beach blankets, girls sunbathing and discarded beer bottles. Ugh. There are too many people here. Too many eyes. I am not comfortable with this.

The eight of us trailed in one line—Pence being leader since it was his idea for a beach party in the first place and me at back since my Gloom Cloud was really starting to distract me. He led us through the thicker crowds of beach bodies and further down the beach until we found a perfect spot big enough for all of us that wasn't too far from the ocean but not too close to the massive crowd of drunken idiots either.

The moment we claimed it as our own, everyone dropped their things: beach blankets, towels, umbrellas, the two coolers and the baskets of food.

The girls instantly stripped off their clothes—neither one of them meaning to make a show of it, it just turned out that way—and adjusted their bathing suits comfortably. Its times like this that I'm grateful Naminé took enough consideration when shopping for a bathing suit.

She wasn't dressed in a skimpy bikini like the other girls around here; instead she wore a one piece, designed completely black despite the massive amount of white clothes she always wore back home. The black had a sharp contrast against her pale skin. It made her look almost sickly, but the subtle curves of her body and the halo of blonde that was her hair kept her from looking anything but angelic. It was then I realized just how pretty my twin was. I couldn't help but feel my heart swell in pride.

Olette's swimsuit was just as modest but maybe less so. She wore a tankini; the upper half of her bathing suit was orange and decorated in white swirls. The bottom half of her bathing suit was a solid orange and hugged her lower body rather comfortably. I'm not surprised by her swimsuit choice. Olette's favorite color was orange after all and it complemented her in every way. (Hayner looks like he's about to have nosebleed.)

"Oh my god Hayner, your nose! Hold on, I'll get you a tissue." Heh thought so.

Kairi clamped her hand against her mouth, trying her best to stifle her giggles while Olette struggled to find a tissue in the basket for Hayner's gushing nose. Kairi was the only one in the group wearing a bikini and surprisingly enough it's not hot pink like I thought it would be. It's purple, completely solid purple. Her bikini wasn't as scandalous as the itty-bitty strings some of the other students were wearing, but it was enough to insinuate her lean, curvy figure. It wasn't demeaning, but it wasn't completely modest either. It kind of surprised me to be honest.

Okay I admit it; sometimes I don't give Kairi enough credit. She didn't exactly give me the greatest impression last year. (Especially after she tried to seduce Sora into falling in love with her and kissing Hayner.) But she wasn't a bad person; she was actually quite nice… until you get her angry…

The next set of clothes to go was the T-shirts from the guys. Riku stripped off his white T-shirt in a matter of seconds, showing off his muscular physique under the bright rays of sun.

I can already hear those fangirls squealing.

"KYAAAAAAHHH~! RIKU MORIKAWA! WE LOOOOOVE YOU RIKUUUUUU!"

Oh wait, that's real.

The silveret ignored his fan base. He flicked some of his silvery locks of hair away from his face and grabbed the suntan lotion Naminé passed around. (Did I say 'ignored'? I meant 'enticed'.)

Hayner's shirt joined Riku's on the floor, followed by Pence—who was not all bothered by his chubby figure—and then came Sora's.

Unlike Riku's muscular body or Pence's chubster figure or Hayner's thin physique, Sora's body was toned, tanned, lean and completely mouth watering. And I'm not just saying that because he's my boyfriend. He might not have been completely fit like Riku, but his body was hot enough to have those fangirls squealing like banshees.

And then there was me, the only one still wearing a shirt and blue swim trunks. I don't plan on taking this shirt off for the life of me, even if it's been a year since the incident—this shirt stays on.

My scars were my business, no one elses.

. . . Tainted . . .

The moment Hayner got his bleeding nose under control he rushed off into the water with Sora, Riku, Pence, Kairi and Naminé. I stayed under the shadow of the umbrella, smearing suntan lotion all over my arms and legs in case of sunburn.

Unlike Sora, who tans nicely in the sun, I burned like bacon. I don't plan on burning red and peeling for weeks because I was too forgetful with the suntan lotion.

Olette was the same. She rubbed lotion all along her bare skin, even smearing a thin layer against the apples of her cheeks before she leant back against the beach chair we brought and opened her romance novel.

Since it didn't look like Olette planned on resurfacing from her trashy love novel, I pulled out the ear buds to my MP3 player, turned up the volume and watched the fun pass me by like the brooding teenager I inherited from Cloud.

You're so dead nii-san. So dead. Dead. Dead!

Just as I thought it, something bright, blonde and spiky danced in the corner of my eye. To my (pleasant?) surprise, I spotted my brother's group of friends further down the beach. It looked like Cloud's friends thought some sunshine would benefit him too. Cloud sat under the umbrella, shirtless, his own well toned body glistened beneath a layer of recently applied suntan lotion and his hand clutched what looked like a beverage—probably alcoholic. Then again, I wasn't sure if my stiff ass brother was ballsy enough to cut back and relax with a little alcohol.

Still, I'm a little jealous. I don't think its fair how Cloud and his friends can drink while we can't.

Sitting beside him was the longhaired brunette Tifa, dressed in a revealing white bikini, sheen of suntan lotion glistening just like Cloud's against her flawless skin. I could only imagine the various bystanders that would stop and stare at them as if they were celebrities. Those two always managed to keep their bodies fit for moments like this. They weren't alone either; Aerith sat beside Tifa. In her hands, she held a magazine and underneath the bright rays of sun, she looked more beautiful than usual. Off in the water was Leon, who apparently was trying to win a splash war with Rinoa Heartily—his girlfriend.

What would happen if I couldn't take it?

Just break without any signs up front

Would someone pick it up?

Would someone help me out?

What the heck is playing on my MP3 player?

Thanks to the completely random song I had no idea was on my player to begin with, my train of thought derailed the second time that day. Glancing down at the device in my hand, I swirled through the library hoping to pick out a song that fit the mood. Someone's finger curled around the white wire of my ear buds and pulled a lot harder than they needed to. The connection snapped between the ear buds and the MP3 player, letting the music play loudly:

It's my funeral

Welcome you all

This is the end of the line

So thank you for coming along

My time has come

I don't wanna leave you behind

But this one I'll do on my own

Of all the songs on my playlist, it has to be this one that plays! Ugh, someone up there really doesn't like me. Even as dense as Hayner could be, there was no possible way he could ignore a song like that.

And just as I expected, Hayner's expression told me everything I needed to know. He was confused, but something else lingered behind his eyes. Something akin to suspicion. I stopped the song, re-connected the ear buds to prevent anymore weird songs from playing then turned my attention to Hayner, whose eyebrows were scrunched together.

"Wow Roxas," Hayner began. "That's a depressing song."

"Yeah well…" My voice died halfway. There wasn't much to say about that.

"Anyway, you guys seen Tidus yet?"

I shook my head in reply; my eyes focused intently on shuffling through my playlist while Olette beside me remained silent. By her silence, I figured she hadn't seen the blonde either. Hayner sighed in defeat then turned on his heel and returned back to the ocean where the others waited for him.

The moment the blonde left and silence fell between us, Olette took it to her advantage. She dropped the romance novel on her lap and pulled the wire of my ear buds again, this time popping the right side out of my ear just when I had managed to slip them back in. I glared at her in a show of annoyance, but the brunette brushed it off without a care. Her green eyes flashed with the same emotion Naminé's eyes had: worry.

Oh great, another one.

"Are you okay?"

I snorted. "You know, you're the second person to ask me that today. First Naminé, now you." I smiled, still as small as last time but a lot more convincing than when I just woke up. Unlike Naminé, Olette can't read me very well. "I'm fine."

The brunette's eyebrows furrowed for a moment, as if she were mulling over the possibility that I was lying. Then, ironically, she smiled. Her eyes grew more sympathetic by the second.

"Fine, huh?" She gave a quick laugh, as if brushing off the possibility that I could be anything other than fine. "Do you know what that means? Fine: Fucked up. Insecure. Neurotic. Emotional. So you're "fine", Roxas?"

I was speechless. Not because Olette broke down the meaning of "fine" but because… she cursed. She cursed and she smiled when she cursed. Olette? Cursing?

No. Way.

"Huh?" I replied ever so eloquently.

She smiled again, but her sympathy never once left her eyes. "I read it somewhere once when I was sad. It made me laugh a little, but it opened my eyes a bit." She suddenly sighed, her leafy green eyes quickly glancing back to the ocean where the rest of our gang awaited. "Roxas, if there's anything wrong—anything at all—you know you always have someone to talk to. If you can't talk to Sora or Naminé, know that I'm only a phone call away."

"I won't pretend to understand the terror you went through, but I do understand what it feels like to be sad," she continued, her eyes never once turned my way. "You have people that care about you very much. Please, please don't think that you're alone. We're all here for you, okay?" She finally turned my way, her green eyes strangely glassy and sorrowful.

I don't think I've ever seen Olette cry before…

I don't like it. I don't like what she's insinuating either.

"I'm not going to kill myself Olette. Honest."

She gave a careless shrug, her smile never once faltering and her tears never falling. I guess Olette is like Kairi too, she would never cry in front of anyone.

-x-X-x-

That little talk with Olette made me paranoid, more so than usual.

We've been at the beach for more than two hours. The sun already made its way through the blue sky and the beach party had only just begun. The music of the DJ sounded through the air, the beats of music pulsating against the breeze and fighting to drown out the sounds of waves splashing against the rocks.

Most of the college and high school students had already started dancing, the girls in their too-skimpy-for-comfort bikinis moved about, skin grinding against skin with any guy willing to participate while the other half of male college population started handing out the real fun: the alcohol. They brought bottles of liquor and vodka, some sake, some rum and regular beer cans that majority of the third years decided to drink rather than the harder drinks. Red and blue plastic cups were passed around, silver metallic kegs rolled right out of various trucks and soon, the real party was going to start.

And when it did, that was our cue to leave.

None of my friends were really up to the whole drinking. Naminé absolutely refused to get anywhere near an alcoholic beverage. She would always scrunch up her nose at the smell and flat out smack the offending drink away if it got too close for comfort. Olette was the same and Kairi's excuse was that alcohol wasn't really her thing.

I agreed with her. A drunken Kairi would be too scary to deal with.

Pence didn't seem to mind the alcohol that was passed around, but rejected offers of the drink more than once. He didn't have a problem with drinking like the girls did; he just didn't like the way it settled into his stomach. Ironically, Riku refused any drinks too. You'd think a guy as popular as him would end up partying like all the other third years, but nope! Not Riku Morikawa, he had to be a saint. His excuse?

"I'm a third year now, I don't want potential universities looking at me and finding pictures of me drunk on the beach because I had too many bottles of beer to drink."

Well gee, I had no idea he cared so much about his academic career.

"Hey look! They're already starting the drinking games." Sora commented, pointing out to a specific group of jocks holding up one of the kegs of beer.

That was our cue to leave.

Olette and Naminé started rolling up the beach blankets while Hayner and Pence took down the umbrellas. Sora, who had waited long enough, began to pass out sea-salt ice cream as a means of celebration. (Celebration for what, I still had no idea). He handed them out, Riku first—because he was the one nearest to Sora at the time —Then down the list of friends until he was left with only two.

Me, being the ever so anti-social brooding teenager at the moment, stood far away from the group, eyes locked to the group of jocks chugging down the gallons of alcohol that spilled from their mouths. If my friends hadn't been here, and Naminé and Cloud weren't so damn close, I think I would have joined in their drinking games. I know it's bad to think that I wanted to get piss drunk, but anything was better than feeling the way I do now.

Being completely numb and fuzzy and giddy sounded so much better than the barrage of emotions swirling within my chest.

Paranoid, confused, antsy, weird, left out, lonely…

. . . Tainted . . .
I sighed; long, heavy—so full of conflicting emotions I hadn't felt since . . . last summer.

I shouldn't feel lonely. I have the greatest boyfriend in the world by my side who smiled at me every day, practically glows whenever he sees me smile and always worries about my well being whenever I'm sick. Sora's a good person to love, he's affectionate, optimistic, and energetic… he's a piece of Heaven on Earth. Anyone would kill to have him as a boyfriend! And yet…

. . . Tainted . . .

"Roxas!"

"Huh?" Snapping back to reality, I realized my view of the jocks were obscured by a pair of bright crystalline blue eyes, tanned skin and a shock of cinnamon colored hair. I blinked for a moment, the train of my thoughts derailing dramatically in my head the moment I realized that Sora was only inches away. In his grip, I noticed, were two sticks of ice cream melting all over his hands.

He stared into my eyes intently, a ghost of a pout still visible on his face as if he were deciding whether or not he should pout for my frequent dazing or if he should pout because his ice cream is thirty seconds away from falling off the Popsicle stick.

"Are you okay?" He furrowed his brows in concern. Third time today. "I called you seven times already and you didn't notice. Your ice cream is gonna melt, you know." He handed me the melting treat; his fingers coated with the sticky liquid as it ran down the stick he held.

I wasn't hungry and staring at the melting treat only made my stomach twist uncomfortably. But not eating my favorite ice cream in the world would tell him that something was seriously wrong. I couldn't risk that, not when Naminé and Olette were suspicious enough.

I smiled lightly, taking the treat into my hand. He mirrored my smile happily, except his was wider and brighter and a lot happier than my own. The poison from my stomach stirred. This time it was in my heart of all places, but its influence was still as strong as it was that morning. It bit into me, forcing the hurricane of conflicting emotions swimming through my blood into a frenzy of chaos, but I pushed it all aside frantically and acted on impulse.

Sora was about to wipe the blue liquid on his swim trunks when my free hand grabbed his wrist. He jumped at the unexpected contact, his blue eyes widened in curiosity, but I kept silent and brought his fingers toward my face. They brushed against my lips, a faint scent of seawater tickling my senses lightly. Before he could make the connection, I brought one of his fingers into my mouth and ran my tongue along in a slow, sensual manner, lapping up whatever sticky ice cream that coated his beautiful tanned skin.

Tainted. Tainted!

Instantly, Sora's cheeks flared bright red, no doubt the back of his neck burning in embarrassment from the public display of affection but the sudden hint of lust flashing in his eyes was enough to tell me that he was enjoying this. I slipped his index finger into my mouth; suggestively sucking up whatever left over ice cream I could find—my tongue purposely caressed the skin on his finger with slow little flicks before I pulled away completely.

This was as far I could ever go. This display of seductive affection was all I could muster the courage for before the screaming of my subconscious drowned away all my courage and desire. They were hopeless, empty promises of a future that might never come. It was a future that I wanted desperately. It didn't matter if it was just a dream that might never come true; it didn't matter if Sora and I were destined to fail sometime soon, at least I could say that I did this with him, that there was once upon a time an us and not just him and me.

My train of thought derailed unexpectedly, snuffing away the hurricane of insanity that escaped for a brief moment.

"Thanks for the ice cream." I managed with a smiled. My tongue sensually licked across the frozen surface of my ice cream-more empty promises. Sea-salt ice cream tasted better when it was on Sora.

His cheeks burned darker than his tan, his own tongue subconsciously licked his lips hungrily. "Ye-ye-yeah." He stammered, his ice cream threatening to fall right of out his fingers if his grip didn't tighten soon. This little fact made me bloat mentally…

…Until my moment of pride was shot, stabbed and ripped to shreds by the continuing echo of tainted and Riku's obnoxious voice.

"Hey you love birds! We'll miss the train if you guys don't hurry up!" Riku's voice sounded against the beating music, almost going unheard to Sora's ears if it hadn't been the known fact that it was Riku that called out to us and shattered the seductive atmosphere I had purposely created.

I'm being paranoid again.

He snapped out of his euphoric daydream, reality crashing down on him hard the moment he realized how exactly packed the beach had become. He shook his head briefly, cheeks still stained red. He linked his fingers in my hand and pulled me toward the others.

-x-X-x-

The train ride home felt a lot longer than the ride getting to the beach. My Gloom Cloud had settled on me again and despite my various thoughts and daydreams, the train ride felt like an eternity.

Maybe it was because of what Kairi said.

When we finally got on the train and settled down alone in one of the carts, Kairi suddenly smiled, her own blue eyes making contact with Sora's before she burst out into fits of giggles. Now Sora, the ever so curious one, wanted to know what was so funny.

"Do I have something on my face?" He frowned, natural concern worming its way into his voice that only made Kairi giggle harder.

"No silly, of course not." She smiled. (The way she smiled at him made my heart squeeze in pain and jealousy.) "What's funny is what today is. Do you remember?"

Childhood memories.

Jealousy turned to poison and poison turned to hatred. Again, I didn't know who it was directed toward, but I had a faint idea.

Sora frowned in confusion. "No?"

The wine haired girl giggled again, her cerulean eyes rolling playfully at him. "Gee thanks Sora. I'm happy you would remember such an important day as today. Maybe I shouldn't tell you since you don't remember."

"Hey no fair Kai! You don't just bring that up and not tell me when you know I wanna know." He pouted cutely at her.

My heart wrenched painfully in my chest just as another pain gripped my arm for a moment. The pain in my arm didn't compare to what I felt in my chest, it numbed out before I could even bother to check. I didn't mind it anyway, I didn't want to watch Sora and Kairi's interaction anymore, but like a bug attracted to light, I still didn't completely look away either. I must have made a face though, because both Olette and Riku were staring at me with concern in their eyes. Well, Olette had concern. Riku only looked at my hands as though they were the most fascinating things in the world.

"Today's the day we made that promise to each other back when we were kids. Remember?"

Suddenly, Sora's eyes lit up in recollection with memories of years ago. He smiled brightly, nodding his head enthusiastically: "Yeah, I remember! We promised we'd be together forever. So far so good right?"

She laughed, her right hand unconsciously coming to rest against the golden heart-shaped key necklace she always wore around her neck. "Yeah," She smiled. "So far so good."

I think Sora's definition of "together forever" was radically different than Kairi's definition. But, maybe that was just me being paranoid. Kairi was a nice girl; she would never turn her back against her friends for the sake of unrequited love. She knew where Sora's heart belonged and she knew nothing would change his mind.

Right?

The sharp pain in my heart intensified.

Riku suddenly cleared his throat, effectively grabbing everyone's attention on the train. "I don't know about you, but don't you think that is a little bit painful?" He made a gesture toward his arm as if trying to show us something. It only confused the rest of us. That is, until Sora looked toward me, his eyes widening for a split second. He gently pried my fingers away from my right arm, pain still absent from the crescent moon shapes my nails had tore into my flesh.

All eyes were on me in an instant, a mixture of confusion, curiosity and worry flashed through their numerous eyes.

"Whoa, you're bleeding." Hayner pointed out.

"You really didn't feel that?" Pence asked next. His brows were furrowed in disbelief.

"I'll get some disinfect from the basket." Olette said calmly, though her eyes spoke a different story.

I avoided Sora's worried gaze and focused on the small trails of blood that seeped down my arm. I couldn't feel it even when I knew logically it must sting. The echoes of pain lingering within my chest hurt more than my arm did even though I knew I wasn't hurt physically anywhere near my heart. So why…?

It hit me like a ton of pricks, the slow realization that both Olette and Naminé had already suspected, but I was too blind to notice it now: I'm not okay.

I was far from okay.

Nada: And so, Hell begins. There was a LOT Of foreshadowing in this chapter. Loads and loads. I have a pretty good idea how I want this story to end, however, I have NO IDEA how to get there. So, anyone have any suggestions/events/or something they want to see that will push this story along? Opinions would be awesome! :)

P.S. "Chubster" is not a real word. I made it up.

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