Ok, here it is. A certain Aussie convinced me to post...so I am. Thanks for all the support everyone!
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A guy has only so many great days in his life. And Elliot was pretty sure he'd used up the last one the day he met Olivia. Not that he'd realized it at the time.
He was less than enthusiastic the day he found out he was getting a female partner. A rookie, at that. When Cragen had delivered that gem, he'd headed straight to his gym to beat the shit outta the bag.
Pounding his taped fists into the tough red fabric, he forced himself to think of all the good days he'd had, all the people in his life that he'd never expected to be so important.
The day he married Kathy. Sure, it had been a shotgun wedding with no money, but it was the day of independence from his family. The day that Kathy chose him over everybody else.
His shoulder aches from where he'd banged it wrestling a perp last week.
The day Maureen was born. There was nothing like seeing your firstborn. She had blonde hair, like her mother, but those eyes. Those eyes were his. And her appetite.
A line of perspiration broke out on his forehead.
Kathleen's birth. Not only did he welcome his second beautiful daughter into the world, he'd finally caught the serial rapist they'd been looking for months. Physically, she was Kathy dead out, but her stubbornness, that was all him.
A bead of sweat trickled into his mouth, and he savored its sweet, salty taste.
Making Detective. That was the day he finally realized he was better than his father. That he would never be the washed up, violent cop he'd been raised by. He had made something of himself.
His knuckles cracked as he continued his assault.
The day the twins were born. They wanted the genders to be a surprise, so once they induced Kathy's labor, he was all nerves. He loved his girls more than anything, so once Lizzie appeared, he smiled at the thought of pink and boyfriend intimidation for the rest of his life. But when his son arrived, he thought his family was complete.
The seam of the heavy bag split, and the grains inside spilled onto the scuffed hardwood floor.
A girl partner. Well, shit.
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She knew she had her work cut out of her. As her new captain described her partner, a knot formed in her stomach.
"…can fly off the handle…excessive force…third generation cop…"
She had him all worked up to be some brute with zero intelligence, all muscle and testosterone. She'd have to play the voice of reason, solve the crimes while he took the credit.
He was gonna ogle her, make her feel twice as bad as her last, aging beat cop partner.
She was gonna dish it right back, though. This was her job, the one she was born to do. She knew she'd be damn good at it, and she wasn't going to let the 16th Precinct's reigning Hulk Hogan mess her up.
So the morning of her first shift, she came prepared. She brought a huge cup of coffee for her and a bagel for him.
She thought he'd be hairy, and old, and someone she'd dislike on sight.
But in the instant she met his eyes, she knew she'd had him all wrong.
Shit.
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The room is silent, save for the desperate breaths of two detectives. Still, the echo of his words rings loud in her head.
"A mistake? Like, on a case?"
"No, Liv. I made a mistake with Kathy. With you." At this, he reaches out for her hand, but she snatches it away in the nick of time. She collapses onto the couch, her body too weak to take the impending emotional beating standing up.
"Elliot. What are you trying to say?" she questions, scratching her eyebrow with her pinky.
He takes his time in answering, his jaw line tensing and relaxing as he formulated the perfect words. He wanders to the couch, sitting near enough to her to smell her shampoo.
"I don't like my life anymore. I shouldn't have moved in with Kathy. I want out." Olivia looked away, staring at nothing. He cups her chin, turning her face to his. He waits for eye contact before pressing on. "I want you, Olivia."
Granted, Elliot didn't have a lot of experience in romantic declarations. The last time he'd made one, the girl had been barefoot and pregnant. But he's pretty sure this kind of statement merited a response of some sort. A gasp, a hug, hell, even a sound slap across the face.
Instead, she just looks unsettled. Sick.
"Elliot. You don't mean that. You love Kathy."
"I don't-" he begins to protest.
"You do. You love your family, you love her. You do." With that, she shoves off the couch, moving quickly towards her kitchen. She has a cold beer opened and half-gone by the time he follows her.
He can sense her quiet panic, so he grabs her left wrist and rubbed soft circles on her palm. She swallows the rest of her beer, slamming the bottle onto the counter.
"What are you doing?" she asks softly.
"Trying to calm you the hell down."
"I don't need you to do that." Her body betrays her, goosebumps appearing with the tender strokes.
"Like hell you don't, Benson," he challenges.
"I don't need you, Stabler. I've never needed anyone, and I'm not gonna start now." She fights for control of her arms, but he just maintains his gentle grasp. He places his left hand on her hip, pulling her against him for only the third time in their partnership. Elliot finally relinquishes his hold on her wrist, only to wrap her in his arms.
Both attempt to maintain their stoic behavior, but he breaks first. He fists a hand in her hair as a sob wracks his body.
"Olivia, dammit. I love you!"
That's all it takes for her to grip him back just as fiercely, her nails digging into his strong muscled back.
"I love you too. That's why I have to let you go. You deserve better. You deserve your family."
"But I want you," he whispers into her hair.
"You have me. I'll be your partner as long as I can. You'll have them at home and me at work, just like always." With that, she shoves him away, finally gaining some distance.
"But-"
"No, Elliot. It has to be this way. You and me, we're better off partners."
He takes a commanding step towards her, but stops just before contact. "I'll always love you."
"I know." She smiles sadly. "Now go home."
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On his way to the door, she calls out to him. "Elliot, if you didn't want to move back in with Kathy, why did you sleep with her?" From the look on his face, that was the million-dollar question.
"Liv, I just needed a soft place to fall."
She thinks they must not be able to read each other's minds anymore. Because, surely, if he could read hers, he wouldn't be saying this. She wipes her clammy palms on her jeans, trying not to look as though her world were falling apart.
She fails. "Why wasn't that me?"
His mouth fell open, then closed slowly. He swallowed. "Liv..." he began.
"No." She held up her hand. "Don't answer that. Just, go."
"But-"
"Go. Now, Elliot." She storms over to the door, flinging it open. He walks silently, shoulders drooping. Defeated. As he is about to pass her, he stops. He turns to her, tucks an errant strand of hair behind her ear.
"Olivia, if I had known you were an option..." She chokes back a sob. "If I had only known, I would've come running to you."
With that, he walks out of her apartment. As she closes the door behind him, she tries to take a deep breath, only to have it catch in her chest. Without him, she has no air.
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