AN: Luna: Well, well, we meet again, Steffy. I can call you that right?
SM(looking cross): Can we get this over with?
Luna: As you know. The score is currently 1-0. I have the lead. Aren't you nervous?
Sm(snorts): Pssh. I eat stories like this for snacks. It was only the first chapter. And by the way my Charlie would have never done that.
Luna: Yeah because your Charlie was a boytch! Mines is a certified father figure.
Sm: Whatever. Nice title for the chapter. Don't tell you you're throwing the towel in and making them all lovely dovey? I thought you were all about the nitty gritty.
Luna: My Jasper is the fucking God of War. When he decides to be lovely fucking dovey, it won't be in the title. Read the masterpiece and weep, Meyers.
SM: As you wish, hopefully my eyes won't bleed.
Charlie leaves the next day, making me promise not to leave. I never answer, just slammed my door. I'm still angry at his words, I've given and given and what do I get? Nothing. Just a 'get well soon or else' threat. So in my teenage act of rebellion, I ignore my chores. Hell, he said that I can mope as long as I get over it. Since he is such a big guy he can handle doing my housework for the next couple of days. Or until he apologize for his hurtful words.
"Don't think too hard, darlin', or you might hurt yourself," I jump three feet into the air upon hearing his voice. Clutching the pillow to my chest I turn to glare, at the blonde Adonis before me.
He laughs when I flip him off. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to see you."
"We have a front door." I reply evenly, as I clench my hands into fists.
Jasper eyes darken and his nostrils flare. "So the window is Eddie special entrance? Forgive me I didn't realize it was a V.I.P. entrance."
"You know what? Fuck you! I've done nothing to you and you're acting like such a dick. But if memory serves me correctly we are in the same boat. Your mate ditched you just like mines." I smirk taking in his surprised face. I bet there aren't many time that you can surprise Jasper like this.
"You have a functioning brain and a backbone. One would have never known with the way you acted with Edward."
"Alright, Jasper Hale, get out my house. Insults aren't welcome," Throwing him a hateful glare I storm out of my room.
Once I reach the bottom step, there is a knock. For once I listen to that nagging bitch in my head, and don't answer. Preferring to look through the peephole. My blood boils when I lock eyes with the infuriating bastard from hell. Throwing the door open I point my finger in his face, only to have snatched in midair.
"Aht, Aht, I would be careful if I were you, I like to bite," My mouth flops open. Who is this and what has he done with the quiet boy I use to know?
"Jasper, what do you want? I'm trying to mope here and you aren't helping." I cross my arms over my chest. Jasper's eyes follow the movement and pause there for a moment before returning to my eyes.
Jasper softens, well his face is the most relaxed it's been since my birthday. He looks exquisite with the sun rays peeking out from the clouds, teasing his skin. The smooth marble gleams turning from deathly pale to a magnificent snowy tint. His jaw is tense, but firm and masculine. His full lips are slightly parted but a pale pink, a healthy color despite being dead. The golden locks that are normally limps appear bouncy and shiny. I see what Alice didn't, the raw beauty of Jasper. He isn't the boy next door nor is he the cuddly bear that Emmett was or the authority figure like Carlisle. He's what man is supposed to be, raw undiluted strength.
"I came to tell you that I was wrong yesterday to tell you to be what Edward wants you to be," He stops and takes an unnecessary breath. "I know there is more to you than the klutz that Edward dazzled every day. And you shouldn't go back to being that for anyone, especially me."
I nod my head, partially because I'm stunned and the other part because I don't want to ruin this Jasper. He is actually being cordial to me. Not that this is the first time. But it's the first after the Cullen's disappearance.
"I don't know who I'm supposed to be," Admitting this out loud is a punch to the gut. It brings back the fight I had with Charlie. He was right. Oh God was he right. I don't love myself. I never had the chance.
"Isabella. You're Isabella."
Noticing the car that is on my curb, my attention sharpens. I look at Jasper inquisitively then back at the car. It dawns on me along with everything else. Jasper is leaving. Of course he wouldn't leave bad blood between us especially since he feels at fault for 'attacking' me. But when Jasper leaves he takes my only link to happiness with him. I might not be happy with Edward anymore but there is one thing that I got right while I was with him. I was never supposed to remain human.
"Whatever you're thinking stop," I smirk at the repeat words. "Seriously, I don't like it go back to moping. I like those vibes better."
"Change me, Jasper."
"Hell no!" Jasper exclaims pushing off the doorframe to leave. I grab his arm in a weak attempt to keep him here. He pauses.
"Please Jasper."
"No, Bella," He glares at me. "I don't want you."
"I don't want you either but you're all I got left." I let my hand drop. "Jasper, I won't be the mopey girl that Edward left behind if you give me this."
"No, you'll be my headache."
"But I-"
Jasper cuts me off. "I'm going back to drinking from humans, Bella."
This floors me. He can't be serious but in the short while I've been around Jasper I know that he isn't the type to say things to get people away from him. He actually means that he is going to drink from humans. All of his hard work gone to waste. But was it his hard work?
"You didn't do it for you. You did it for Alice." I whisper.
"You don't know what you're talking 'bout."
I nod my head vigorously. "You adopted the Cullen's diet because of Alice. And Alice never knew because as long as you two were together you never had a reason to go back to your former diet."
"Bella, it doesn't matter I'm not changing you."
"Jasper, not changing me is death within itself. The Cullen's might can fool themselves into thinking that leaving is the best option for me. A chance at a normal life. But you and I both know that's not the truth. There is mark on me, I've seen the invisible. I can't go back to ignoring that."
"Bella, I'm not going to cuddle you."
I smile, he is relenting. "Good. I don't need to be."
"I can't believe this shit. Fucking human manipulating me," I chuckle at his mumbled words knowing that it was meant for me to hear. "Go grab your stuff. You got five minutes before I leave."
Okay so it didn't take me five minutes, a little under four. I didn't trust Jasper not to leave on the dot. He really isn't warmed to the idea of a companion but it's just me, five feet of cowardliness. What's the worst thing I can get us into? When I slide into the black leather of his Aston Martin, he pulls off. Normally I would be freaking out about the speed-a little part of me is-but soon I won't die from speeding.
Jasper grips the wheel tightly, every now and then he risk a glance at me. One of the times I catch him looking I wave. This wasn't the smartest thing to do considering he speeds up ten miles in response. If I'm going to weather the Jasper Hale shit storm, I need to remain off his radar. Now that is going to be difficult, he incites my worst aspects. Hell, I've cursed more in the past forty-eight hours than I've have my entire life. And all because of Jasper.
We've been driving for eight hours and I have yet to sleep a wink. I've eaten five granola bars to ward off hunger but sooner or later Jasper is going have to stop so that I can eat and use the bathroom. He will probably give me hell about it but it's one of the things that I cannot change until he bites me. And by the way he is acting; you would think I've sentenced him to death.
My phone breaks the deathly silence an hour later. I glance over at Jasper but he doesn't acknowledge the fact that it's ringing. Do I ignore it? Making the decision I grab my phone without looking at the screen.
"Bella, where are you," The one person I didn't think about when I made my decision. Charlie. The only person that I will regret leaving. But I'm living for me now.
"Gone."
There is a pause. "Jesus, Bells, I thought you weren't going to put me through this again? Come back this instant, Bella. I can't keep taking this."
"I'm not coming back, Dad. And don't think this is because of Edward, it's not. You made me realize that this past year hasn't been healthy. I don't love myself, you're right. But I'm going to start. And this is my first step."
He doesn't say anything for a moment. "I wish you could have figured this out and stayed. You're eighteen though; I can't make you do anything. When I was your age, I was married and starting my own family. Just don't forget me. When I left home I barely kept in contact with my folks. I couldn't bear it if history repeated itself."
I look over at Jasper for an answer. He looks over me briefly before shaking his head negatively. I let out a deep breath. Surely I can at least e-mail my father once I get where we are going. If I can't I'm not going to tell Charlie, it would break his heart.
"I'll send you an e-mail when I can," I tell him softly.
"When will I see you, Bells, I rather see you than have an e-mail."
"Um, Da-" Jasper snatches the phone out of my hand and tosses it out the window. "What the hell?"
"Let's establish something. I'm in control here. I talk. You listen. I command. You obey. Understood? There is a reason I told you not to tell him. Amazing right? Raging bloodlust. Uncontrollable. Incredibly strong. Does any of that ring a bell?"
I bite my lip. "Are we talking about you or me?"
"Godamnit, Bella! You say you want something but you're not even taking it seriously," Jasper swerves onto an exit. "Get it through your thick skull; you're going to be a vampire Bella. Better to have Charlie thinking you're pushing daisies instead of sipping a pina colada on the beach. Is this honestly what you want? If not I can take you back."
"You're overreacting," I mumble.
"No I'm not. You die when you become a vampire. Your old life doesn't exist." Jasper pulls into the parking lot of McDonalds. "Get something to eat and handle your other stuff. When you come out have an answer. I don't have time to hold your fucking hand."
I slam the door in a fit of rage, and accidently shout an explicit word. A grandmotherly looking woman glances at me weirdly but I give her a look that says today isn't the day. Normally I'm nicer than this. I am nice, aren't I? Unfortunately Jasper has that effect on me, making me question things I rather not. I give the man my order before slipping into the bathroom. There is no one in the bathroom when I enter. Something to be thankful for. I'm not in my best mood right now.
When I finish using the bathroom and wash my hands, I stare at myself in the mirror. If you would have asked me when I came to Forks what I wanted, I would have probably responded with to go to college. But like always my destination got screwed up along the way. I fell in love with Edward. I lost myself to him completely giving him control over every part of me. But I told Jasper I wouldn't be this mopey Bella. I lied. Its hard to erase someone out of your life that you loved completely with everything you had in you. But I'll try to get over him because I don't want to be who I am now. This I am certain of. I've loved and I've lost but I've gained also. With Jasper I have the chance to be me. To be who I want to be. So there isn't a decision to be made, I know where my mind is.
My order is ready when I get back. I wasn't surprised; I was in the bathroom for a very long time. That happens when you have an inner dialogue with yourself. Jasper starts the car when I shut the door. He is quiet not saying anything. I don't make an effort to talk either preferring to gobble my food down and possibly get some sleep.
"The grandma crossed herself when you walked past," I arch an eyebrow in disbelief; it wasn't even a terrible word. "Apparently Satan's workers are running rampant nowadays."
"We-wel-well that lady can go fuck herself," I snap under my breath. When we get back on the interstate I'm confused. "Where are we going?"
Jasper turns down the radio. "When you didn't get back in the car in a fit of tears I assumed you were staying. So our destination is Texas."
"Everything is bigger in Texas."
"Why yes, yes it is." I shake my head when Jasper chest puffs up with pride.
As we ride on I start to get sleepy. It might have something to do with music Jasper is playing. Now that I think about it he and Edward are polar opposites in the music they listen too. While Edward was a natural at the piano, Jasper seems like he would be a natural with a guitar in his hand. I'll have to ask him if he plays. Eyes On Fire by Blue Foundation comes onto the radio and its with that song that slip into unconsciousness, where I dream of Edward.
To say I was woken rudely is an understatement. Being slap by a vampire isn't pretty its downright painful. I scowl at Jasper and he has the audacity to scowl back. Now if he thinks that he is going to abusive he lost his natural undead mind.
"There has to be a logical excuse for you TO SLAP ME," Unbuckle my seat belt and scramble out the car knowing that if I stay in that car, I'll do something that will hurt me more than him.
It's a good thing that he has parked because I didn't stop to see if the car was moving or not. Jasper follows my actions and stares at me warily. His hands are tucked in the back pocket of his jeans. We stay this way for a few minutes. Mainly he is waiting for me to calm down.
"I'm waiting, Hale," I snarl at him.
"The name's Whitlock, Bella," He states calmly. "You were talking you your sleep."
"So you smacked me?"
"Okay when you say it like that it seems worse than it is."
"You smacked me!"
Jasper nods. "Yes, I believe we've covered that already."
"Jasper," I warn feeling my rage coming back.
"You were moaning and withering about Edward. It was fine in the beginning. But you kept getting louder. To the point you were screaming. Oh, Edward don't leave me. I love you. Stay with me I'll do anything. Come back. I tried waking you the normal way you just screamed louder. So I smacked you."
I scratch my arm and stare down at the ground. Never before have I been so mortified about my sleep talking. Edward managed to make it seem harmless. Jasper just makes me feel pathetic. Can't he see I'm trying? All day the fact that Edward left me was absent, as long as I didn't think about it the feelings associated with it weren't there. But when I'm sleep I'm vulnerable to the things I ignore while I am awake. The truth is there is a gigantic hole in my chest.
I let out a strangled sob and whirl around to seek shelter away from Jasper judging eyes. But I don't get far. He catches me and refuses to let me wander farther.
"C'mon Bella, seriously," He protests.
"I'm sorry Jasper that I can't erase the pain. I'm sorry!" I wail and he takes an automatic step backwards. "Didn't it hurt when Alice left? Can't you feel her absence? Tell me you feel something. I know I'm not in this alone. Damnit Jasper can't you allow yourself to feel your own emotions?"
"Get in the car, Bella."
I shake my head.
"Stop bein' difficult!" He shouts at me with a wild look in his eyes.
"Not until you tell me you feel it also. It hurts doesn't it! It hurts that she is gone! Admit it, damn you Jasper, you can feel!"
The next moment he is in front of me. He lifts me until I'm eye to eye with him. His black eyes drill into me stripping me of any thought that I can take him head on. They remind me of my place.
"I'm not scared of you," I whisper placing my hand on his cold cheek.
He shudders at the contact. "It hurts. I can feel too, Bella. But unlike you I can admit something that you can't. Alice wasn't my mate. There isn't a knot in my chest in her absence. If she died, I could still go on. So yeah it hurt, the bitch played me like a fiddle. But I'm not devastated because she wasn't my other half. So face it Bella, Edward wasn't your mate. He wasn't the Carlisle to your Esme. So no I'm not sympathetic to your sniveling because you're so much better than this."
"What did Alice do to you?" I whisper.
He lets out a dark chuckle before putting me down on the ground. As he turns to leave he replies, "The most un-Alice like thing, she admitted to her faults. She used me. Just like my creator. My salvation was just like my creator."
I know this isn't meant for me to comment on. So I don't. Once we get back into the car, Jasper stays still for a minute before starting the car. I believe he just realized the same thing I did. He needs me as much as I need him. Sure I came into this to get something from him. But we are in this together. Or until he gets tired of me, that how it normally goes.
The next few days are spent crossing boarders and eating. Jasper isn't big on talking other than ripping me a new one for saying something dumb. When you've lived as long as he has you have the right to say whatever comes to mind, words from the man himself. With his arrogance and weird music I'm on my wits end.
"Tell me we're almost there," I groan as I see another welcome sign.
"Another hour and we'll be at the place." He replies.
Technically it takes us two hours because, he had to stop and hunt. Jasper claimed that there wasn't going to be anything edible beside me for the next couple of days. I shot him a look that could kill as I climb out of the car and headed into the grocery store to stock up on some food. He told me not to buy much since I won't be human for long. When I finished my shopping the car was already outside waiting on me. I started to say something smart about him being my bitch-just to send him over the edge-but stopped in my tracks when I noticed his ruby colored eyes. He watched, as I cocked my head to the side before shrugging and telling him to get on with it, in silence.
Now we are in front of a white two-story farmhouse. I watch amuse as Jasper whisk the bags out of my hands before disappearing into the house. To be honest I expected a lot things a mansion, penthouse, warehouse, hole, but not a quaint farmhouse. This was out of my cognitive process. But Jasper Whitlock has yet to cease to surprise me.
Hefting my bag onto my shoulder I enter the house. Jasper isn't anywhere to be found. But I know that he is close, call it a sixth sense. My eyes roam the bare house wondering why he had me to buy food that will spoil without a fridge. Not my money but it does irk me that good food will go to waste. My bag makes a soft thump as I allow for it to slide off my shoulder onto the wooden floor. The house is old but with a little TLC it can be back in its prime. It has a little charm to it that warms my bones; it has the potential to be home.
My wanderings find me in a modern renovated kitchen, complete with stainless steel appliances. Jasper isn't here but I can see he put up the food by looking at the glass cabinetry. If he thinks that he is just going to drop me off here and go about on his on he has another thing coming. Aren't you getting a little too dependent on him, bitter Bella questions? I don't think so it just the effects of being cooped up in a car with him for a couple days.
"Why are you standing in one spot like an idiot," Jasper questions as he appears suddenly in front of the stove.
"Where have you been?"
Jasper clenches his jaw before relaxing. "I thought we established the fact that there wouldn't be any questioning me?"
"No, I won't question your judgment. I never said anything about questioning." I cross my arms over my chest and look at him defiantly.
"You didn't have any dreams about Edward last night. That's a good sign," I frown leave it to him to ruin the mood. "As for you question. I was running the perimeter."
"They're vampires here?" I ask suddenly worried.
"We're everywhere, Bella."
My heart constricts at the word Bella. It sound so forced coming from him. I admit it sounds better coming from Edward but I'm not that same girl I'm changing. Bella doesn't suit me anymore. It never did honestly, that's why I had to remind people to call me Bella. It wasn't a true nickname. Bells stuck with Charlie because let's face it; I will always be his little girl. Jasper is the only person that's ever really taken the time to get to know me and make me know myself regardless of the findings.
"Jasper, Bella doesn't exist. Find something else to call me," With that I turn to finish exploring our home.