Kelly ran down the stairs, tears were still flooding out of his eyes. Why couldn't Erin understand? He thought she was the only one able to understand him – as she would always say, they were cut from the same cloth – but, this time, she wasn't. He slammed the door and walked out of the building, fearful that Erin would follow him and try to stop him. He had to go somewhere he could not be found; the Squad knew where he was, since he forced his men to stop the truck out of Erin's apartment, but he didn't care if everyone was worried about him. He didn't care of anything. He just wanted to be alone with himself, the only one that could really understand him. He started walking around, aimless, trying not to think about what happened not even one hour before. It all looked so unbelievable in his brain, but he could still hear the explosion, smell the smoke, feel Shay's cold hand in his. He had to be brutally pushed away from her, when the stretcher was carried into the ambulance. He couldn't let go of her hand: she was still alive, he knew it, she couldn't be dead. Dawson was wrong, everyone else was wrong, why wasn't anyone helping? As soon as his hand was detached from hers, everything else disappeared, he couldn't remember anything.
Erin was standing in front of her open door, not knowing what to do. Severide was gone, he wanted to be alone, so she couldn't follow him. His radio was still on the floor, the batteries under the coffee table. She picked them up and tried to put them back into the radio, and see if it still worked. She could hear some crackling when pushing the button, it was working.
"Chief Boden?" she said, her voice was still trembling. Silence, and then "Severide? Severide, where are you?".
"I'm detective Lindsay, Chief".
"Lindsay? Where's Severide? Is he with you?". She could feel the pain in his voice, as she'd never heard it before from Boden. This broke her heart even more.
"I... I don't know now, Chief. He just left. He wanted to be alone". Silence.
"I understand, thanks Lindsay" said Boden, in a whisper.
"I'm so sorry for your loss" she added, unable to say anything else. The radio went silent. She sighed, and put in on the table.
She knew Severide, his impulsive character, his mindless moves. She was scared he would get into trouble, do something harmful, but where could he be? Chicago was big, but a lonely firefighter, still in his uniform, was recognizable.
The digital clock of a pharmacy in the suburbs of Chicago told 8:30 P.M. It was already getting dark and cold. Kelly had already got rid of his fireproof pants miles before, throwing them into the filthiest garbage bin he could find in an alley, but he was still in his Squad shirt and pants. A lot of people had seen him, but he didn't mind. Who cared about a single firefighter in such a big city.
He sat down on the sidewalk, and all the thoughts he had tried to hold back during that long walk suddenly hit him like a knife. He didn't know where he was, he had no money, there was no way he could hide himself in a motel, or even buy a drink. He was alone, finally alone, but that was not the loneliness he wanted. Being alone with his thoughts was even more painful. He took off his sweaty shirt, letting the cold air cool down his even sweatier undershirt. There was no one around him, he could only hear dog barks and cars in the distance. The neon light of the pharmacy above him was creaking. He touched his legs, and felt something in his left pocket: it was his phone. It was still in there, turned off. He wiped the screen with his fingers, repeatedly, not knowing what to do with it. He had no one to call, everyone would immediately tell him to come back, or worse, they could locate him with the GPS. Severide sighed and turned it on, mindlessly. The first thing he saw was a beautiful picture of a smiling, drunk Shay as lockscreen wallpaper. He instantly turned it back off, and his sight was fogged with tears again.
Erin checked the time again, it was still 9 P.M., even in that unknown bar. She sipped her drink, unlocked her phone, and tried to call Kelly again, but he was still out of service. No one had seen him, he was not in his apartment nor he had passed through it, his car was still there, he wasn't in any of his favorite bars. Of course he was not, he had no money with him. What could he do without money and without his car? He couldn't even spend the night in a hotel, and he had no known relatives in Chicago. She was sure he would come back in the night. This thought calmed her down a little, and she ordered another shot of whiskey.