I'm on a buttery, French roll here. Thanks so much to all you lovely people who have reviewed, but also to those of you who take the time to favorite or alert. You make me smile. :) And forgive me for not including Big Guy's perspective. It just seems to me, since he already has so much insight into Helen and her life, and since we all know how verbose he is, that he'd really only have to say "Yep." to get his point across. At any rate, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Sanctuary.

2. Kate

If there was a limit to how irrefutably gross one could feel, Kate was sure she'd found it. She'd just spent the better part of a week crawling around on her hands and knees through the most unpleasant pit in the earth imaginable trying to track down some elusive abnormal, the scientific name for which she'd forgotten the very second it left Magnus's lips, and in the end she'd come up just as empty-handed as she'd gone down.

Man, there was nothing she wanted more than a hot shower. Except maybe a hot cheeseburger.

Her stomach growled demandingly at the thought of real food. Her mind quickly caught up with it when she remembered with devilish glee that today was Monday, which meant that yesterday had been restocking day. Oh, sweet, sweet restocking day. Walking into the Sanctuary kitchen pantry after restocking day was a lot like walking into the grocery section of a Costco.

One pit stop and two microwave burritos later, she was heading up the stairs and around the corner to the residential corridor with every intention of scrubbing her skin off. Because she was too busy shoving as much of what she considered, in her very ecumenical opinion, to be delight of the Mexican gods into her mouth as possible, she didn't hear the feeble knock that echoed halfheartedly down the hall.

Although being quiet wasn't usually her area of expertise—she was more of the type to shoot first and ask questions later—she did give her best shot at tiptoeing down the unlit passage in consideration of the fact that it was the middle of the night and most everyone on this stretch was human.

There was no warning.

The gig was up when her foot connected with something solid in the middle of the floor, sending her sprawling onto her aching palms and knees. She might have shrieked, had her mouth not been so full of burrito.

But seriously? Come on. Who the hell left his stupid crap in the middle of the Goddamn—

"Mind watching your feet, Bridget?"

…it talked. In fact, it complained. Which, oddly enough, reminded her very much of—

"Vlad! You? Holy tits, when did you get here?" It was dark, but she could just make out his form propped up against the doorway at his back—Magnus's door—with his legs sprawled straight out into the hall.

"Is anyone here ever happy to see me?"

"Yeah, like you ever show up for a happy visit. You know she's not letting you through that door, right?"

"Au contraire. You see, I was on the other side of that door no more than three hours and forty seven minutes ago." His look was pointed and distasteful, but by the way he waggled his eyebrows she decided she didn't want any part in knowing what had been going on three hours and forty seven minutes prior.

"You've been sitting out here for…? " Almost four hours. As a sworn enemy of boredom, she sympathized. "Geez, you're as stubborn as she is. So, she kicked you out into the hall, huh?"

"No, sitting on the floor in dark hallways in front of locked doors just really tickles my fancy. She begged and pleaded for me to stay, but I couldn't resist."

Something in the way he said it tugged at her small reserve of pity for others, probably because he reminded her a little of herself. That, and she couldn't deny that it was, in a weird way, cute. Hoping she wouldn't regret it, she slid down next to him onto the floor. "Listen, uh…maybe I could help you out."

He sniffed. "You reek."

"Yeah, tell me about it. Balinese caves. Don't ask. But hey, maybe you should tell me what happened."

"Mind your own beeswax, Miss Freelander."

"Oh, you don't wanna go there—I am the queen of minding other people's business. Consider yourself shit up the creek, Sparky."

She could tell he was struggling not to smirk at her, but he still shook his head. "No. Absolutely not. I do not accept help from stinky children."

"Oh, so…that time we saved you from being eaten by those giant termites, or when we helped you get those trust-fund vampire kids out of your hair…?"

"Excuse me, who was the fall-guy in those situations?"

With a sigh, she crossed her arms. The guy was a real piece of work, and he knew it. Why, why couldn't Magnus just involve herself with guys that were a little less…psychotic? "Listen, all I'm saying is…I'm on your side. I'm rooting for you, man. We could use a little pizzazz around here, and I'm sure we could all breathe easier if the Doc's getting a little action."

From the other end of the door came a rather suspicious-sounding cough, and Tesla waved a finger at her in delight.

"See, I knew there was a reason I liked you best."

"So…? What happened?" Each second he didn't tell her only fueled her curiosity. All thoughts of soap and showers wiped clean from her mind, she nibbled expectantly at her second burrito.

"If you must know, she only made me leave because she couldn't restrain herself around me. If I were to have stayed a moment longer…"

"Bull."

"My version's better," he grumbled.

Rolling her eyes, she swallowed hard and leaned back, settling down for a long night. She didn't really mind as much as she let on. Dangerous and obnoxious as the man was, he was fun, and she liked that side of him that could take her team for a ride. Fun was good.

"Okay, so what really happened?" She nudged him in the ribs, offering a bite. "Burrito?"

His lip curled. "Oh, no, no, no—I don't do dog-food. As for the Princess of Propriety, she told me she was tired and asked me to leave."

"That's…it?"

"I told you my version was better." He stuck a lip out and pouted with a vengeance.

Eyeing him in keen skepticism, she shrugged and bit into the last of her snack. There had to be more to the story. He had to have done something—said something—that would cause Magnus to clam up and toss his ass out, because as far as Kate was concerned the woman never slept.

"So why are you still out here?" she asked.

"Clearly waiting for a bumbling child like you to come along and make all my problems go away. Where have you been all my life?"

She groaned, and turned to the door. "Hey, Doc, you gotta let this guy in. Please, just open up, he's driving me insane."

There was a shuffle, and then a voice. The door didn't budge. "Sorry to disappoint, but I feel the same way. He's all yours, Kate."

Suddenly, she didn't need to know what he'd said in order for it all to make sense. Just hearing him talk, she decided, was enough. It would, in fact, be enough for anyone.

The thud of her forehead against her boss's door made her realize just how much noise they'd been making. She stood. "Oh, man. You must've really pissed her off, this time. But hey, I bet I know what'll cheer you up."

He looked away disinterestedly, but she could tell that his ears were perked.

"But you'll have to come with me, first."

For a good five minutes, he steadfastly refused. For the next five, she resolutely considered giving up and taking that shower. But when she finally dragged herself down to the little cubby in the basement to prop up her feet and pull out an old movie, he was right there behind her, skipping at her heels. With no reasonable clue as to how she'd done it, she considered herself lucky.

Or, as the situation dictated, unlucky. The man was an arrogant son of a bitch, but she couldn't deny that the Sanctuary was a little lacking when he wasn't around to bother them into the ground.

She never did learn what he'd done to get on Magnus's bad side, but she did learn something of a little greater importance; Tesla, whether he liked to admit it or not, was tied by the heartstrings to Helen Magnus.