Chapter 2

Clarke cradled her turtle-duck -who she'd named Harper- as she walked about her expanded garden. From the far edge, they could easily see the barely-carved doorway of what would eventually become Murphy and Emori's home.

Harper squawked in her arms and Clarke gently hugged the bird a little closer, "Yeah. I miss them too."

It had been a month since the first exploration mission, and apparently Bellamy had given Clarke a glowing review of her behavior in the field, because all she was doing was exploring and mapping by order of the Commander. She didn't mind it, exploring large swaths of territory, bringing back new plants for Jordan to analyze, and drawing the mysterious creatures she encountered. But she hated it when they made her go with other people. Despite Clarke having gone on every trip, they never let her lead one of them. It was always Bellamy or Echo or Indra.

Clarke and Bellamy still had tension between them that she wasn't ready to deal with, Echo hated her, and Indra always wanted to get back quickly, so she could spend more time with Gaia. So Clarke always ended up having to go back out by herself in order to fix their terrible maps. Because of her new job, Clarke hadn't set foot in the village in a week and hadn't seen Murphy and Emori for longer.

Murphy and Clarke's relationship had improved significantly over the past month. He still didn't forgive her, and made sure that she knew it, but he wasn't openly antagonizing her anymore. Echo, Raven, and Emori still had that pretty well-covered. He hadn't told her that he knew about her attempt, but part of Clarke suspected that he knew anyway. It was the only thing that could've caused such a sudden change in their relationship. At this point, Clarke was healing as well as she could with the constant abuse she received every time she set foot in the village, and Murphy not pitying her or trying to make her feel better was helping. Clarke didn't want to be pitied, she got enough of that from her mother. He was trying to understand her without belittling her feelings, which was something entirely new for them; though it was slow going since Clarke still didn't want to talk.

It eventually led to the decision of Murphy moving out to live near Clarke. He'd claimed that the village was getting too cramped and that he wanted his space from it all. Deep down he was still a loner, and Clarke wasn't sure if that's what he really wanted or not. Emori had been extremely resistant to the idea of being anywhere near Clarke, but watching Murphy not openly alienate Clarke was slowly softening Emori as well.

The last exodus to get the rest of Wonkru to the ground was underway, and the village was busy preparing for their arrival. Hunting, gathering, cooking and preserving everything they could find or kill, and building as many new homes as they could. Because Murphy and Emori worked in the kitchens, they were responsible for all of the preserving with Jordan, along with their cooking duties. Clarke usually saw them in passing when they got days off to work on their house, and was happy to see them busy and needed after their peoples had so easily tossed them aside before.

She asked a silent question to Monty, and could almost feel him smile as she did. Helping build Murphy and Emori's house would definitely be doing better. She deposited Harper in a basil patch before leaving the garden and beginning to work. There was a design pinned to the doorframe, which outlined everything that the pair wanted or needed. The tools she'd used to build her own house had been returned to the smithy, because she was told other people would need them. She hooked the saddle of her scent-beast -which Murphy had named Sniffer for his giant nose- to a wagon and rode to the smithy to see if they had any tools left over.

A brown-haired man was striking the hot metal of a sword against an anvil as she approached. He was definitely one of the prisoners, and Clarke wondered how he got such an important job when the prisoners were still on probation.

"What can I do for you, miss…?" He greeted her as he tossed the sword in a barrel of water.

Clarke dismounted Sniffer and began scribbling on a piece of paper. I need carving tools to build a house.

His eyes narrowed, intensifying their green color, as he looked between her and the written text, "Who are you?"

She scribbled on the pad again. My name is Clarke Griffin. I live just outside the village. I'm helping my friends build their house.

He took another moment to study her and held out his hand, "My name is Kent Dawson. It's nice to meet you Clarke."

Surprise colored her features as she shook his hand. It's nice to meet you too.

"Bring your wagon around back and I'll get you what you need, doll," He told her with a smile and a wink before walking back into the smithy tree.

The woman couldn't help but blush lightly as the memory of Finn swam through her mind. His smile, his charm, it seemed to be reincarnated in the man before her. She took a moment to collect herself before grabbing Sniffer's reigns and leading him around the back of the building. The beast sat down quietly as Clarke fed him a piece of fish, while Dawson loaded the tools into the wagon.

"If any of them break, c'mon back and I'll repair them for you," He told her.

Thank you. Clarke wrote. I'll bring them back when I'm finished.

"Nah, keep them," He continued with a smile and then a wink. "I've fixed that set ten times now, and besides, it'll give you a reason to come see me again."

Clarke nodded once before mounting Sniffer and taking off into the woods.

It had been a long time since anyone had tried flirting with her, and Clarke swallowed the bitter bile that rose in her throat. Wells had loved her, and had died before they ever gotten a chance, Finn had cheated on her and she had to kill him to spare him a more painful death, Nyliah wasn't really a girlfriend, more of a fling, and Lexa...Lexa's death was her fault as well. It was part of the reason why she was avoiding Bellamy so much. All they'd ever done was hurt each other, and if they fell in love -which would never happen- he would probably end up dead too. Not loving anyone was protecting them from her.

Having someone completely fresh and new seem interested in her was a new feeling. But it wasn't one that she was at all comfortable with. He had no idea of the things she'd done, and if he ever asked, he'd just run for the hills. That much she was sure of.

The next day Clarke had to go exploring in the morning -since Indra was leading the expedition they'd be back by lunch- and decided she'd keep building the house in the afternoon. Except when Clarke got to the village atop Sniffer, the group wasn't waiting in the usual spot. Raven saw her looking around and approached her.

"Indra felt that there were more important things to do than mapping today," Raven explained with a gentler expression than Clarke had seen her with recently. "She said to tell you to take the day off."

Clarke nodded and turned Sniffer around to head back out when Raven called out to her again.

"Do you like it out there? Alone in the woods?" She asked, catching Clarke off-guard.

Clarke just stared at her with an indifferent expression. She couldn't tell if the genius engineer was mocking her or not.

"I just wanted to know what the appeal was," She said stiffly. "Since you convinced Murphy that it was a good idea to move out there."

Clarke just shook her head and scribbled on a piece of paper. I didn't do anything. That was his decision.

Raven read the note and stared at Clarke, "So you're not going to admit to it?"

The blonde just sighed and turned Sniffer back toward the woods.

"No, wait Clarke!" Raven called after her and Clarke stopped, looking carefully over her shoulder.

The brunette hobbled up to Sniffer and hung her head for a moment. But when she met Clarke's eyes, she felt her anger rise in her again.

"I don't know how you got Murphy to forgive you, but I don't. It's your fault we almost died, because you didn't just shoot McCreary, the valley is gone, and Monty and Harper are gone too," Raven continued. "This is all your fault."

Clarke held her gaze the entire time without divulging any indication to how she felt. She dropped her eyes to write something on the paper and handed it to Raven, before heading into the woods.

He doesn't forgive me.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Clarke turned away from the wall where she'd been carving a window to face Emori, who was standing just inside the doorway.

"You're the one that's been building our house?" She asked again.

The blonde nodded as she reached for a piece of paper.

I don't have any mapping or infirmary work to do, and I wanted to help. I've been following your design exactly as you wrote it.

Emori read the note, but didn't stop glaring, "Why? All you've done is hurt us."

Clarke took a minute to carefully choose her words.

I want to apologize. But I don't expect forgiveness. What I did was awful and wrong, and you all have every right to be mad. And I want you to know, that I know that, and that I'll always regret it.

The look on Emori's face didn't change, and Clarke left the design pinned to a wall before taking her leave.

Even though Emori hadn't said anything, Clarke knew that she'd made the right decision to try and help. She hoped Monty was proud of her attempt as she loaded the tools into the wagon and rode Sniffer to the smithy. When she got there, she saw Dawson talking with Shaw while Raven looked around the shop.

When Dawson saw her, he smiled, "Welcome back Clarke. Did they break already?"

She shook her head and wrote: I'm returning them.

He raised an eyebrow, since she'd only had the tools for a day. "Done so soon?"

She shook her head again. They didn't want my help.

The blacksmith frowned as Raven and Shaw watched their exchange. "That's a shame. I don't know why someone wouldn't want help building a house of all things."

Raven took that moment to interject, "Whose house were you building?"

She scribbled a note: Murphy and Emori's

"Why?"

I want to apologize, and to help.

Shaw, whom had definitely suffered the worst at Clarke's hand before they'd left Earth, finally spoke. "That's really nice of you Clarke."

She met his eyes for a moment to give a small nod, and Raven wheeled around on him.

"Don't tell me you're buying her 'good little princess' act," The brunette snapped at him. "She doesn't mean it. She just wants us to forgive her so she doesn't feel guilty anymore!"

Clarke tried and failed to hold back her tears, and made no noise as they rolled down her face. She covered her mouth with a hand and swallowed a sob as Dawson moved to comfort her.

Shaw narrowed his eyes, "How could you possibly know that? Look at her!"

Raven turned to see Clarke crying, and the blonde turned away in a futile attempt to hide it.

"Does that look like someone who doesn't mean her apologies?" Shaw continued. "Did you ever consider what we did to her? We tried to take her child, and even though she gave us up, she came back to save us."

Dawson was ushering Clarke outside as Raven glared at Shaw.

"You're supposed to be on my side!" She shouted. "How the hell have you forgiven her?"

Shaw shifted the weight between his feet as he tried to find the words to explain, "When I watched that video of your friend Monty with you guys, I felt like I was intruding on a special bond you all had, but Clarke is part of that. And when Monty said to do better, I saw that as not bringing old problems to a new planet."

Raven was beyond pissed, "Get to the point."

"I'm not saying what Clarke did was right, but she only did it because she thought it was the only way to protect her child. I get that you had a shitty childhood, and don't know what it's like to have a caring mom. But right now, you're the asshole."

Shock spread over the engineer's features before she stormed out of the smithy, without waiting for Shaw, and without grabbing the toolbox she needed to finish building the new rover.

Shaw watched her go and sighed before going out back to check on Clarke and Dawson. The latter wasn't privy to the events surrounding the former, and Shaw felt bad that Raven had forced him to get involved. Dawson was as nice as guys came, and his kind nature had dragged him into this mess.

When he came outside, Clarke had her face in her hands, tears escaping from between her fingers like the leaky faucet in his kitchen back home. Dawson had an arm around her, but wasn't saying anything. He exchanged a glance with Shaw and looked around for Raven.

Shaw knelt in front of Clarke and took her hands in his for a moment as he searched for something to cheer her up.

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry," She croaked, her voice scratchy from months of disuse.

Dawson and Shaw exchanged a look. Clarke hadn't spoken to anyone since a week before they landed, and no one knew why. The guttural sound that came from her throat, seemed to reinforce how raw and painful this whole situation was for everyone involved.

"I forgive you Clarke," Shaw told her as he squeezed her hands. "I don't know you very well, but I was raised in a church, and we believe that everyone is deserving of forgiveness, as long as they atone for their sins."

Clarke met his eyes and Shaw continued.

"You've been atoning all this time. You live alone, without your daughter or friends. You shouldn't have to suffer like this forever. You don't need to atone for what you did to me anymore."

She nodded and squeezed his hands back before releasing them, and accepting the rag Dawson handed her to wipe her eyes.

"Thank you...both of you," She told them. "I don't deserve your kindness."

"What I don't understand is, how they're able to forgive us, the people they were recently at war with, and not forgive the person that won them the war," Dawson said.

Clarke shook her head, "I've done a lot of terrible things since I got to the ground. Too many to even recount. They've never held back before."

"You're not the only one. But when do you step up and defend yourself?" Dawson continued.

She let out a breath, "That'll only make it worse. I can't let it get worse."

End Chapter 2