A/N: Part 2! Thank you again to Belle who inspired me to write this prompt, and who has great ideas ;) If you guys haven't already, check out her and Mia's (onechicago-ff) story 'She's a Halstead' You won't regret it. :)

Enjoy :)

Broken - Part 2

Erin POV

I'm watching Jay sit stoically on the couch from my position in the doorway of my bedroom, twirling a tube of antiseptic cream.

His eyes flicker to mine as I move across the room, sitting on the coffee table so we're facing.

My knees rest contentedly between his, the contact a gesture of comfort.

The only sound reaching our ears is soft breathing and the busy Chicago streets from down below.

I unscrew the lid, eyes finally dropping from Jay's as I squeeze some onto my finger.

Carefully I reach forward to dab it across his angry red cut on his cheek, the only response from my touch is a small wince.

"Sorry." I whisper, unsure if it's for the physical discomfort I inflicted or the emotional whirlwind of pain he's caught in.

"What can I do?" I finally ask, afraid he'll push me away.

His blue eyes seek my hazel out, but his mouth doesn't move. Pain is shining in his eyes, begging for redemption.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I reach out to gently caress his cheek; his hand grabs my wrist softly.

"I can't." He lets go of my hand and it drops to his knee.

"Can't what?" I ask fearfully.

"Do this. I gotta go." He stands quickly, my hand dropping from his lap.

"Jay, please stay." I reach for his hand; he pulls away and heads towards the door not sparing a glance back.

"I need to be alone. Give me space, please." The apartment door closes abruptly behind him, shattering what's left of my heart.

Tears fall down my cheeks as I stare at the closed door, the warmth from Jay's presence already gone, leaving me cold.

Thoughts race through my head, my mind screaming at me to go after Jay but my body frozen in place.

Finally I work out how to move my fingers, dialing the only person I can think of.

"Erin, what's up?"

"Mouse, I need your help." I suck in a deep breath, encouraging myself to keep the sobs at bay.

"Jay?"

"Yeah… Will told me once that you were the only one there for him, that you… dragged him back."

"Yep." His reply is short, silence flowing down the phone.

"What was… what…" A hand covers my mouth, a sob slipping through.

"What was he like? When he got back?" I nod, despite knowing Mouse can't see me.

"Erin, it's not my place to tell you. If Jay wants you to know, he'll tell you. If he doesn't, he won't. He may never tell you, that's something you need to decide if you can live with." I suck in some air, feeling like he landed a punch to my stomach.

"Okay. Then how do I help him?" My whisper is so quiet, desperately trying to conceal the hurt.

"I knew he wasn't okay." Mouse sighs down the phone.

"He's far from okay Mouse. I'm worried." I brush tears away, before giving up when they persist.

"Where is he?"

"He just left my place, he said he needed to be alone. What do I do? Do I go after him, make him see I'm here for him? Which is what I want. Or do I let him go? Give him the space he's asking for. I don't know what to do. Please, tell me what to do." I pull my shirt up to brush away my tears.

"I can't tell you that Erin, it's up to you. But… don't let him push you too far away. Because he'll drown in his baggage and memories." Mouse delivers the warning with an edge of worry in his voice, fear griping my body in response.

"Why won't he open up to me?" I whisper with sorrow and disappointment seeping into my voice.

"It's hard for him… for any of us to talk about what happened there. Who we were when we got back. Even more so for Jay to tell you."

"Me, why?" My words catch in my throat.

"Because he's never felt this way about someone before."

"He doesn't want to burden me." I whisper in realization.

"Yes, but he's also terrified of losing you or changing the way you look at him. We did things over there that…" The sentence trails off, after a few moments I whisper a quiet thanks and hang up the phone.

I pace anxiously in front of Jay's apartment door, swinging his keys around in my hand as I weigh up my options.

Finally I sigh loudly before slipping the key into the lock, deciding my partner needs me tonight.

The apartment is dark when I enter; I close the door behind me and flick the lock.

I tiptoe through the apartment and stop at Jay's bedroom archway; he's laying on his back facing the ceiling.

"Why are you here?" His voice breaks through the silent night, his eyes not leaving their place on the ceiling.

"To be with you." I move towards the bed, dropping my keys to the bedside table and throwing my jacket and shoes to the floor.

I pull my jeans off before sliding beneath the covers, pressing into Jay's warm side.

His body is stiff until my hand rests against his cheek; bring his head around to face me.

Our eyes are locked for only a moment when he concedes to his tears, my forehead rests against him as I hold him close.

"I've got you." His body turns to face me, his face dropping into my neck.

We hold each other as he works through his grief, his hand softly brushing against my thigh.

My neck is wet with his tears, his sobs echoing around the apartment as our bodies shake in response to his pain.

When the tears finally stop, his breathing is so quiet I think he's fallen asleep. My fingers continue brushing through his soft hair, my lips finding his forehead.

He brings his head up to rest in front of mine on the pillow; my fingers smooth the lines on his forehead.

"This wasn't your fault." I finally get a nod from him.

"What you went through and what you carry is real, and unimaginable and if you ever need my help carrying it… you just have to ask." I place a soft kiss on his lips.

"I try to tell myself they wouldn't want me throwing away the life I've still got." Tears still burn brightly in his eyes, coaxing them into my own.

"That's a good way to look at it." My voice is husky as he places a kiss to my wrist.

"But it's hard." His voice breaks, another sob jolting through his body like thunder.

"I know, I'm sorry baby."

"Thank you for being here."

"I'll always be here when you need me. Always. Just know that whatever you want to share, you can. You don't have to worry if it will change how I look at you. Because I could never look at you any differently than I do now." My voice is fierce but pleading.

"You can't promise me that."

"I can. Because I love you, Jay. More than I ever thought possible." His eyes widen.

"What?" He blinks at me thrown my confession.

"I love you." A smile finds it's way to his lips.

"I love you too." Our lips meet in a soft and sweet kiss, so much tenderness in the moment.

I rest my forehead against his, my hand on his cheek.

"You should talk to someone… or find a support group. I know you think your problems are behind you, but they're not baby. You've pushed them down and that won't hold forever." Tears slip down my cheeks, pain piercing my heart at the look flashing across Jay's face.

"It's getting hard to pretend I'm okay." When he finally admits this, some tensions fades from the corner of his eyes.

"You don't have to be okay Jay."

"But if I start to deal with it, I'll break." His features are glazing over with resolve again, my fingers gently brushing down his cheeks..

"At first you will… but then you'll heal. I'm right here, every step of the way. I promise." My nose brushes gently against his, our lips touching briefly.

"I'm scared of who I'll become… that I'll be the same guy I was when I got back."

"You won't." My whisper is fierce with determination.

"How do you know?"

"Because that's not you. I know the real you, I love you." His eyes seem to be drilling into mine, searching for the truth.

He must find what he's looking for as his shoulders drop some tension.

We're cuddled together in silence, the steady rise and fall of our chests not even enough to lull the other to sleep tonight.

"I can't believe he's gone." My eyes close briefly, trying to find composure.

"I wish I could have met him, he sounds really wonderful." My lips quiver, as I will my tears not to fall.

"He was."

"What was…" I trail off, shaking my head.

"What?" Jay questions.

"Nothing, sorry."

"You can ask me." I bite my lip, searching for the truth on his face.

"What was the hardest part of serving?"

"Coming home without good men and women… having watched them die and then facing their loved ones, unable to provide any comfort about their last moments."

Our foreheads are touching, his confession trapped between us as salty tears stream down our faces.

"Staying with them as they bled out, watching their life drain away. Listening to their goodbye, promising to pass on their final I love you."

Each whispered confession fills my heart with sadness, the horror in Jay's eyes ringing true.

His lips press against mine, softly at first before they seek mine urgently.

I allow his tongue to slip into my mouth, the salt from our tears invading our senses.

"Jay." My hand presses against his chest softly, whispering my objections against his lips.

"Please, Erin. I need this." The hitch to his tone has me consenting with a nod, his muscular body rolling over to trap mine.

Warmth radiates between us as he rests between my legs, my hands run along his sides under his shirt.

His body leaves mine, resting on his knees to pull his shirt off, revealing his abs.

I take his offered hands as I sit up to slip my own shirt over my head, hair being tousled with the action.

Our lips meet as he presses me back into the bed; our warm chests are pressed together as his hands slide down my bra straps.

Slow breaths are falling through my lips as he pulls away, kisses being trailed down my neck and across my smooth shoulders.

I moan as his teeth nip my shoulder before he pulls the bra down, revealing my tight nipples.

My hips jerk in response to his warm mouth engulfing my sensitive nipple, teeth grazing it softly.

Want pools in my belly as I feel his erection pressed against my panties, I squirm on the bed beneath him as his mouth moves to my other breast.

My fingers run through his hair and down his muscled back, as his mouth continues it's way down my toned stomach before reaching my aching core.

His finger runs teasingly along my covered pussy before hooking his finger in and pulling my panties down.

My nails claw at his shoulders as he runs his tongue along my slit, I whimper when he moves away.

A groan falls through my lips as his fingers push in, my hips moving against his fingers pumping into my wet pussy.

My fingers move to grip his hair as he hooks his fingers up, my hips buck in anticipation as his lips find my clit.

"Oh god." I pant out as his stubble drags across my already throbbing pussy.

I'm calling his name as I find my release, Jay doesn't stop until my body stops trembling with ecstasy.

My hands cup Jay's cheeks as he comes back to rest between my legs, my tongue seeking his out immediately enjoying tasting myself on him. He clumsily shifts his boxers down, letting his manhood spring free.

I gasp into our kiss as he pushes in, filling me with him as my legs wrap around his waist.

He's rocking against me quickly, desperate to find his own release.

Our lips part allowing his head to drop into the caress of my neck, whimpers fall through my mouth as his lips brush softly against my skin.

My hips move against him, encouraging his thrusts to push deeper and harder as I feel another orgasm already building.

He's pushing into my aching core with such intensity I'm struggling to catch my breath, his lips come back to mine as I wrap my legs tighter around his waist.

Jay's hips jerk as he explodes, the sensation pushing me over the edge to find my own bliss.

When our bodies stop humming with passion, Jay pulls his forehead from mine to stare into my hazel eyes.

The intimacy of this moment, our bodies still joined has my heart racing in my chest.

"I love you." He whispers, placing another kiss on my lips.

"I love you too." My words are lost in his sweet kisses.

A/N: Let me know your thoughts :)

I've got two chapters planned for 'Finding my way back to you.' Covering both 4x19 and the Med ep with Jay's dad in a different way to fit that story (I even have a way to explain away Jay talking to his dad ;) )... then looks like I'll be updating Fate. ;)

Review :)