Okay, so I'm writing this about 20 minutes after I finished the first one…Thea…My friend is pushing me to write this. It's not my fault that her relationship is such an inspiration…Well, actually it is…
Anywhoooo. Shout outs to THEA THE PLAYA! Don't trust me! I love you *tear* and, to everyone else…well, you know who you are. Or, maybe you don't; in which case, I suggest finding it out soon, because your identity is important.
I don't own anything.
Enjoy it while it lasts.
EPOV
Last night had been fun, and I had to remember to thank Emmett for choosing such a scary movie. We were being us; hanging out, cracking jokes, and just being normal teenagers. After bowling – I hate to agree with Emmett, but Bella really was on fire. She beat all of us without even trying. But, I'm not gonna say anything, because when she wins, she jumps up and down a lot, and that's perfectly fine by me - we went back to our house, where Emmett did a cannonball that caused so much damage I'm pretty sure there's no water left in the pool. I was surprised when Carlisle joined in on the fun.
When Jazz took Alice home, I know we were all thinking the same thing, but Emmett chose to actually say it. Well, scream is more like it. Jazz flipped us off, and I couldn't help but laugh.
Em chose 'The Exorcist' and I was so happy. I must say, the man knew how to get a good look down his girl's shirt. Bella had her head in my abdomen, and I could see straight down into that little v-neck top of hers.
The girls slept over that night. Bella looked so cute in her little "girl boxers" as she likes to call them, and old t-shirt. She crawled into bed, and I immediately hugged her to me. She was so warm and her soft breathing surrounded me. My big white comforter, Bella's quite snoring, and my bed of a god all made me feel like I was swaddled in a cocoon of cloud…candy…but nothing could drown out the sound of Rose and Em down the hall. I felt like I was going to vomit.
When I woke up, Bella was gone, but I saw the small sliver of light under the bathroom door, so I assumed that she was in there. I quickly got dressed, throwing on a basic blue button-down and my favorite pair of jeans. I checked my phone and saw that I had 5 texts, all from Jasper. They weren't much different.
Dude, I need your help. I really need to tell Alice how I feel.
Man, where are you and Emmett? I need you guys to meet me somewhere so you can help me! I really need to tell Alice!
ANSWER ME! I need your help telling Alice!!!
Please!? I need you two. Help me tell Alice how I feel…Tell Emmett that there will be a reward if he helps me.
Dude. I really think I need help. Alice is so fucking amazing. I can't stand it much longer. I know I need to tell her how I feel, but I don't know when or how. You and Em need to help me.
Just as I was reading the last one, Bella came up behind me. She asked what was so funny, and I simply told her "Jasper". She read the last message and fell over laughing. I smiled as she told me how 'Jasper really needs to grow a pair.' We went downstairs, and as she cooked breakfast I went and told Em about the messages.
Breakfast was delicious. My girl knows how to cook. She made chocolate chip pancakes (Mickey Mouse ones for Emmett) scrambled eggs better than any I have ever tasted before, and bacon that wasn't too crispy. It was all perfect, and I actually considered licking my plate clean but decided that would make me look desperate and creepy.
Around 12:30, we told the Bella and Rose to pick up Alice and go shopping. We had work to do.
I texted Jasper back, telling him to come over. Emmett ran upstairs and got some duct tape and a rope. I looked at him confused, "Emmett, why the hell do you have a rope and duct tape?" He just looked at me and shrugged. I shook my head and told him to go put them away. He sighed, but did as I told him to.
He came back downstairs holding a can of pepper spray, a hammer, a safety pin, a ball of yarn, three band aids, a tub of hair gel, an empty glass bottle, and a paper plate. "Emmett, what are you planning to do with those?" He quietly mumbled, "I need to find a place to put them," as the searched the kitchen for an empty cupboard. The sad part was that he looked like a lost kitten trying to find its mother. Right then, Jasper walked in, caught sight of Emmett, and we both fell over laughing. Emmett got very mad, and started yelling "STOP MAKING FUN OF ME!!!" This just made us laugh harder.
Eventually our laughing subsided, and Jasper asked "So, are you guys going to help me or not?" I rolled my eyes at that question and said "Of course; you're like our brother." Emmett shook his head, so I offered, "Step-brother?" He shook his head again so I offered, "Weird kid who lives down the street and eats nothing but mayonnaise on saltines?" Emmett didn't do anything, so I decided that's what Jasper was. Jasper didn't like his title too much. He punched me in the shoulder and said, "Really, guys." I looked at him and asked "Dude, who are you and what have you done with Jasper?" Jasper smiled, and in his 'deep' voice said,"Simba, I am your father." I looked at him, and laughed. "Mufasa never said that." I laughed some more. He shrugged, "Mufasa, Vader, I'm Not Rappaport, it's all James Earl Jones." This made me laugh even harder. I saw Emmett chuckling next to me, but I'm pretty sure he didn't get the joke.
Jasper rolled his eyes and rhetorically asked himself, "Why am I going to Edward and Emmett for relationship advice? I'm cool, I'm attractive – after all, I am the only one who got asked to be a model – " I laughed as I thought about the day Jasper was confronted in the mall by some lady saying, "You know, you should really think about getting into the modeling industry." Of course, Emmett had confronted her and asked, "What, my bro and I aren't capable of glaring into the camera, or Blue-Steeling it up occasionally?" She looked at him confused, so Jasper and I took the opprotunity to run away, and ditch Emmett. Rose wasn't too happy about that. I'm never ditching Emmett again.
I sighed and walked up to Jasper. I put my arm around his shoulder and said "Jasper, my man……If you don't grow a pair of balls soon, then I'm gonna have Rose put you in a dress, and make you stand on the corner like a prostitute. All you have to do is walk up to her, and say 'Hey, Alice, listen. I really like you, and I was wondering if you wanted to go out on a date with me.'" I didn't tell him that Alice would probably scream and flip out, and of course say yes, cause I mean, come on! This is just way too much fun.
Jasper nodded and took a deep breath. I grabbed Emmett and said, "Okay, We're going to pretend Em is Alice. Now, Jazz, ask 'her' out." Jasper walked up to Emmett and said "Alice, I really like you and –" he didn't get past that, no matter how many times we tried.
And we tried a lot.
~*~*~*~*~
BPOV
I unbuckled my seatbelt, and got out of the car.
We had stopped at my house so I could change my clothes, and get Alice if she wanted to come with us. I knew she would, because Alice never turned down a chance to shop. I walked in and saw that Charlie was home. He was going through a bunch of papers spread out all over the table. I walked up and said, "Hey Charlie! What's this all about?" He sighed and said, "Some poor girl got murdered down by Port Angeles and I'm looking through everything trying to find some clues." I looked at him confused, "Huh. She was murdered? You'd think I woul've heard about that." He looked up from his paperwork, "Bella, don't you watch the news?" I shook my head and explained, "No, I can't watch it anymore. The anchorman has a tupee. It's like every newscast begins with a lie." He chuckled and went back to digging through his paperwork. I sighed and walked over to the fridge to grab a Coke. As I made my way up the stairs, I called down, "Just remember, Charlie. Clouds don't kill people, people kill people."
The door to my room was open and the light was on. I walked in and found Alice digging through my drawer. I came up behind her, grabbed her purple thong, pulled it as far back as I could, and…SNAP!... She screamed and ran around in circles like a dog chasing it's tail. I laughed. She glared at me, and I asked "Why were you going through my drawers?" She blushed and said "I couldn't find my purple thong. I guess you found it for me…" I laughed and asked if she wanted to come shopping with us. She, of course, agreed and said she'd be ready in five minutes.
I changed into some black skinny jeans, my black gladiator sandals, and a red white and black ¾ sleeve button-down, flannel shirt that fit me perfectly. Once again, I was aiming for comfort.
Alice walked in wearing red flats and a red and black plaid dress. "Huh, we match," I said looking over her outfit. I found that quite funny.
We went downstairs, said bye to Charlie, and hopped into Rose's car. Rose started the engine, and in her best anouncer voice asked "ARE. YOU. READY?" Alice and I both screamed "YEAH!" and we were off.
Rose drove about 90 mph the whole way. Alice told us about everything that had happened the night before. Apparently a lot had happened…
"This is so scary. I was lying in bed watching 'One Tree Hill,' my favorite show. Chad Michael Murray is so hot. And I had this cute liquid kitty alarm clock, it meows and blinks its eyes every half hour. So, all of a sudden, they just start blinking over and over and over, and then, it just stopped! And then, it let out this half meow: Mmmmraaa--! And then its tail fell off, and then... it exploded!"
I laughed so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants. "Really Alice? A half meow half Mmmmraaa?" This time Rose laughed along. Alice pouted and said "It's true!" I rolled my eyes and turned on the radio. I flipped it to my favorite channel, and Poker Face by Lady Gaga started playing. We all got excited and started singing.
Mum mum mum mah
Mum mum mum mah
I wanna hold em' like they do in Texas, please
Fold em' let em' hit me, raise it baby, stay with me
(I love it)
Luck and intuition play the cards with spades to start
And after he's been hooked I'll play the one that's on his heart
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got
Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)
Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
I wanna roll with him a hard pair we will be
A little gambling is fun when you're with me
(I love it)
Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun
And baby when its love, if it's not rough it isn't fun
(Fun)
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got
Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)
Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
I won't tell you that I love you
Kiss or hug you
Cause I'm bluffin' with my muffin
I'm not lying
I'm just stunnin'
With my love-glue-gunning
Just like a chick in the casino
Take your bank before I pay you out
I promise this, promise this
Check this hand 'cause I'm marvelous
Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)
Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)
Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)
Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)
Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)
Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(She's got me like nobody)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
When the song was over, we giggled, and I high-fived Rose for no apparent reason.
"WE'RE HEEERE!" Rose said in her best Poltergeist voice as she pulled into a parking space. Alice squealed, and we all jumped out of the car.
As we entered the mall, I saw closed signs on most of the stores. Alice saw them too and began wimpering. Rose came up to me and asked, "Bella, why are all of the stores closed?" I shrugged and searched for anything that was open. There was a Macy's in the back that looked like it had some potential. We walked in, and I quickly wanted to walk back out. Clothes were strewn all over the floor, and there was a mob of people at the cash register. Alice's eyes widened in horror, "This place is trashed!" Rose laughed, "Maybe Johnny Depp stopped by." I quirked an eybrow, "I'm sorry, did that joke just arrive in a time machine from 1992?" She blushed and laughed at the same time.
I looked around the store and decided that there was no way we were going in any further. I texted Edward.
Hey, shopping isn't going very well. There isn't a single store open. Is it safe to come back?
He texted me back not a minute later.
We aren't making much progress here either. I'm pretty sure it's because Em looks nothing like Alice, though I can't be certain. Come on over.
I sent him another just for kicks.
Thanks! I love you, my little Eddiewollapoobabear! XOXOXO
I waited.
Never call me that again. I love you too.
I laughed quietly to myself. Alice popped up behind meand asked "Can we go home? I actually wanna get some sleep." I looked at her baffled, "Alice, you do know it's only about 2:00, right?" She rolled her eyes, "Duh, I know that Bella. I just didn't get any sleep last night so I wanna catch up if we're going to stay up again tonight." I sighed but went along with it.
On the walk over to the car, Charlie called me.
"Hey Dad, what's up?"
"Hey, Bella. Come home I have to ask you something, and it's important. Bring Alice."
"Wow, perfect timing. We were just coming home. We'll be there in about 20 minutes."
"Okay, great. Love you Bells."
"Mmhmm, Dad, sure I love you too bye."
I snapped the phone shut not waiting for his response. Alice was babbling about Jasper as she often does. I rested my head against the window and let my mind wander. Eventually Alice's scream snapped me out of my day dreaming. "Jesus Christ, Alice! What's with the screaming?" Rosalie answered for her, "She was describing to be how she felt last night with Jasper in the pool." Alice nodded in agreement. I sighed and rolled my eyes. "He needs a code name so you can talk about him while he's around, and he'll be completely clueless." Alice agreed, "OOH, YOU'RE RIGHT! LET'S CALL HIM…………POPCORN!" Rose and I looked at eachother and this time, she asked, "How'd you get the name Popcorn from Jasper?" She shrugged, "His hair reminds me of popcorn." I laughed. She had good reasoning. His hair really did look like popcorn.
We spent the rest of the ride talking about 'Popcorn' and when they were finally going to get together.
Rosalie parked the car in our driveway, and all three of us got out. Rose really had to pee, so while Alice and I talked to Charlie, she ran upstairs to the bathroom.
Charlie was still sitting at the table only he had changed his clothes and was now wearing a tight black turtle neck. I studied it. "Hey dad. You said it was important," I surveyed his shirt some more," Clearly you're about to shoot an Old Spice commercial." He rolled his eyes at me. I grinned.
"Look, Bella, Alice, there's something I have to get off my chest." Alice quickly jumped in, "Is it your shirt?" I laughed and jumped in too, "Please say no."
"NO!" He practically yelled. I could hear the toilet flush upstairs.
I studied Charlie's face he seemed to be wearing a mask. His face looked mostly calm accept for the way his brows were furrowed. They weren't mashed together like they were when he was pissed. I quirked an eyebrow, "Your mad."
"Of course I'm not mad! I'm happy! I'm THRILLED! I love looking like an idiot."
"Well, that explains your shirt."
He rolled his eyes. I studied his face again.
"That's not it. Charlie, why did you call us over here?"
He sighed and shook his head. Suddenly he looked very weary. I saw concern plastered all over Alice's face as she waited for his response.
He looked back up but never met either of our eyes. "I'm just tired. I can't figure out this case. I don't want you guys to go out toPort Angeles for a while okay?"
We both solemnly nodded, and made our way upstairs. Rose was in my room reading a magazine. Alice trudged off into her own room to try to get some sleep. I layed down next to Rose on my bed. She turned to me and said "Let's go to the Cullen house. I think I need my baby."
I agreed, so we went back downstairs, said a quick goodbye to Charlie, and made our way over to our waiting boyfriends.
OK, so…Sorry to end it on such a sad note. I'm about to fall asleep, and I can't write funny things when I'm tired. I know the beginning of a story is always a little rough, but please continue reading and reviewing and I promise I will make it worth your while. I already have tons and tons of idead forming in my mind for later chapters.
Thea was my inspiration for the whole popcorn thingy, and as I'm writing this she is with her popcorn. The real, original popcorn that we've all come to know and love. Well, not so much love…
PLEASE REVIEW! It makes me feel giddy.
Loooooooove,
Olie