The Inbetweeners

'I look like an idiot.' Simon whined, falling back onto his living room sofa.

'You look alright, slightly bent but you look alright.' Neil said, trying to reassure him.

'That must be the worst attempt to cheer me up ever, Neil.'

Will sat down next to Simon and smiled at him.

'You don't look bent, you look mature and fashionable-'

'I need to get dressed, I look bent.'

'But-'

'If you're giving him fashion advice, he knows he looks like a bender.' Jay laughed.

'He looks fine!'

'He looks like he's robbed his clothes from Neils dads wardrobe!'

'My dads not gay!' Neil snapped, glaring at Jay from across the room.

'Look, I'll just put on a top, some jeans and an ugly jacket. I was trying something different to see if Carli would like it and go with me instead of Tom, but if I look like I'm doing Neil's dad-'

'My dads not gay!'

'-then I clearly need to wear the usual shit I wear.' Simon frowned, stomping off upstairs to get dressed.

The other three turned on the tv, since it was half six, they had just under half an hour to be ready, and the first decision Jay and Neil had was to find fit women on the TV.

'I'd do her.' Neil said, at a skinny red-head on the telly and sitting on the arm on the armchair Jay had occupied.

'She hasn't got any tits.' Jay shook his head. 'Nah, change.'

Will rolled his eyes and changed the channel, to a bunch of girls in bikinis. Bad idea.

'Oh yes, thats more like it.' Jay grinned, shuffling down in the sofa and eyeing up the girls.

'You two really do disgust me at times.' Will said, sharply.

'Oh come on twat features, you're telling me you wouldn't do any of them?'

'No, I'm not saying I wouldn't-'

'So you would, so shut up complaining and watch the pretty ladies.'

'Idiot.' Will growled.

The lady looking went on for a while before Simon came running down stairs, looking much better than he did earlier.

'You lot-' Simon ran in, smiling broadly. 'Carli's single on Facebook!'

'Get in there, Si!' Neil smacked him on the back, causing Simon to fall onto Jay.

'Bit violent today, Neil?' Simon breathed, rubbing his back and sitting beside Will on the sofa.

'No, I just don't know my own strength, or it could be the boxing lessons at school.' Neil shrugged.

'What boxing lessons?' Will asked.

'The ones on every friday after school.'

'It is friday, Neil.'

'Oh shit, I've missed it!'

'You look the least harmless person in the world, but if you box better than you've been accidentally hurting us then you're gonna be like the new Muhammad Ali!' Jay said, astonished.

'I doubt that, Jay.' Will shook his head.

'Neil, attack' Jay laughed, pointing at Will.

'Cmon you lot, Carli will be on her way there now- I might get lucky!' Simon said, impatiently grabbing his keys.

'Not in the crapmobile you won't, why didn't you take Neils car, his is much cooler.'

'Shut up Jay, she won't care about the car-'

'Have you seen Tom's car?'

'Yes... Neil can I borrow your car?'

'Cant, scrapped it.'

Everyone looked at Neil as if he was an idiot... Well, he was, but this was one of his thickest moments, since he had only just had an MOT on the car and it passed with barely any problems at all.

'Why, there was nothing wrong with it!' Will said, his mouth wide in shock.

'I know, sold it for scrap to get a new Xbox because it broke.'

'Where was the Xbox from, may I ask?'

'Ebay.'

'Neil, you may be a nice, innocent guy- but you are a twat.' Jay said, slapping his hand to his face. 'You sold a perfectly okay car, for whats probably a secondhand Xbox.'

'Oh no, it was new, it had bubblewrap around it.'

'Anyone can put bubblewrap around something!' Will snapped, slightly frustrated with how stupid Neil had been.

'Oh shut up all of you!' Simon shouted. 'Just get in my fucking car, and go to the fucking pub!'

'Sorry babe, don't get your thong in a twist.' Jay mocked.

'I just want to see Carli.'

'Well, seems like we're on a Friday Night Pussay Patrol, ladies.' Jay grinned, pulling out four cans from a plastic bag and giving one to each of them. 'To the Pussay Patrol!'

'To the Pussay Patrol!'