A/N:

Thank you sooo much SassyGeminiMom for beta-ing and of course Sophia for your devoted friendship and fanship.

I know this chapter took painfully long the next one will come faster, I swear!

I own nothing. Everything Twilight belongs to SM.

BTW Jessica is listening to I'm Not Okay by My Chemical Romance. I know it's a little extreme and emo but she's just being an overly sensitive and dramatic teenage girl.

Chapter Two – Meet the Parents

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?
I've told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means
To be a joke and look, another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!

I'm not okay!

After the day's events I had decided to turn emo and had shut myself in my room with a serious case of teen angst. The rest of my afternoon was spent yelling out lyrics and jumping around my room to My Chemical Romance. I wasn't seriously considering dying my hair black and writing dark poetry or anything. I just needed to be an egocentric teenager and brood.

I was being as depressing as possible and began thinking about how, maybe, if I was lucky, I might die of shame. Then I wouldn't have to face everyone at school tomorrow. My mind continued to wander and I began making a mental list of the different ways I would like to die (emo music can put you in that kind of mood).

Drowning sounded like a nice way to go. You would struggle at first and all but after coming to terms with the whole impending doom thing it would probably be like going to sleep, right? I was considering jumping off a cliff into swirling waters that would carry me off to a better place; a better place where everyone I had ever met (and then some) hadn't seen the heinous picture of me sprawled out on the cafeteria floor covered in blue slushy and mystery meat chili.

I had eventually moved on from the chaotic singing stage and was checking MySpace as I did every day. God, I hated the internet! As if the initial humiliation wasn't enough, now I could relive it as a photo slideshow, motivational poster, and screen saver. The countless means of embarrassment the internet has to offer is really quite astonishing.

I turned off the computer with a sigh and made my way towards the kitchen. On the fridge door my mom had attached a bright pink sheet from her Kitty Cat 'To Do List'. It was covered in her incredibly tiny, bubbly writing. Since my parents didn't believe in grounding I got to pay for the red shirt I ruined that afternoon in pure sweat. Personally, I think my parents just liked to take advantage of me for cheap labor. There was no way that twenty dollar shirt was worth ten hours of chores.

The grumbling of my stomach reminded me why I had come into the kitchen and I opened the fridge to look for something fatty and sweet that would make me feel just a little bit better on the most embarrassing day of my life. I didn't think my day could get any worse. Sadly, it seemed as though public humiliation wasn't enough. I was also cursed with an empty kitchen.

I had the option of no-sugar-added jam on an end piece of twelve-grain, fiber-plus toast or Fig Newtons. Not exactly the comfort food I had been looking for. My cliff jumping idea was becoming more appealing by the minute. So, I got started on chore number eleven; grocery shopping. Not that my mom or dad had left me with a grocery list or anything. They just expected me to read their minds.

I grabbed my jacket, purse, and the grocery money from the counter. I was ready to leave but found myself standing at the front door unable to convince myself to open it. Outside there was a town of people waiting to tease me and laugh at me about for being such a klutz. I was going to be the butt of everyone's jokes. The one thing that got to me above everything else was people laughing at me. Thankfully, it didn't happen very often.

My stomach gurgled in complaint yet again. I was so hungry… It couldn't really get any worse. I had to go out there eventually. My stomach responded with a 'grrrrlurrrp' as if to say 'What are you waiting for?' and I found myself turning the door knob and walking towards the store.

The whole way to the grocery store I caught myself flinching whenever a car drove past. If I was this self-conscious now, school tomorrow was going to be hell. Lucky for me, the only two people that passed by were Miss Thompson (Forks' very own cat lady) and Chief Swan; both of which were totally harmless. They didn't exactly seem like the type to use email let alone get online updates about the short film montage of my fall that Zach Bryant was working on. I was so telling Suzanne that he kissed Lauren at the Halloween party as payback.

I turned into the grocery store parking lot and braced myself for my first public appearance since I wore Eric's lunch that afternoon. I was so nervous and hungry. It felt like I was going to throw up butterflies and then maybe, if I was lucky, my body would consume itself from the inside out because of lack of food. Why did Forks have to be such a small town? It just made everyone a hundred times more nosy and critical about everyone else's business.

The grocery store was small but pretty well stocked. Everyone went there, which made it that much worse for me -- someone who would have liked to avoid humans entirely. I tried to walk by the cashiers as fast as I could on my way in. Tyler was working, and I could trust him to bring up Zach's video. So, to protect my already hurting ego, I practically ran past him and began going up and down the first couple aisles.

Who knew there were so many different kinds of soup? What would Mom want? Garden vegetables with noodles or some kind of vegetable lentil brown stuff? I hated grocery shopping, I never knew what to get especially since my family had all different tastes in food.

Mom was always going through different phases. One day she loved Italian food, the next she wouldn't eat anything that didn't have antioxidants (she didn't really know what they were she just heard they were good for you). My dad on the other hand almost refused to eat something if the main ingredient wasn't meat. I kept trying to tell him that it wasn't healthy but he didn't listen to me, ever. I tried convincing them to let me go on the zone diet once because I read about it in a magazine. Of course they said no, and were convinced I had an eating disorder for the next few months.

I literally jumped in the air and dropped the can of soup I was holding into my cart when I suddenly heard a man's voice behind me.

"Hello." OH MY GOD! As I turned around to confront whoever it was that snuck up on me my butterflies almost erupted from my stomach.

"Hi, Edward. What are you doing here?"

"Same as everyone else. You know, grocery shopping." What wouldn't I give for him to pin me against the shelves of canned goods and press his…

Edward took a small step back from me. I was too busy admiring his perfect face and body to realize my last question was so badly thought out. My mind had wandered where any teenage girl's would in my situation. It was only natural. Urgh, he interrupted my fantasy! Oh well, I have the real him standing in front of me

Edward took a small step back from me.

"Oh, yeah. Of course. Me too." Great. I can't even put together a whole sentence. I forgot how ridiculously beautiful he is.

"Are you okay?"

"What?"

"I wanted to make sure you were okay after what happened at lunch." I can't believe it! It looks like he actually means it. That's so sweet. He'd probably make a really great boyfriend that always remembers anniversaries and calls you 'my love' or 'beautiful'. I guess my performance in the cafeteria today didn't completely turn him off. Edward Cullen still likes me!

"I'm fine." Look at those shoulders. His entire body must be so muscular and defined. I wonder if I could fake losing my balance and fall into him, anything to feel what's under that shirt.

Edward took another small step back. If I hadn't been admiring his build I wouldn't have noticed.

"Well, as long as you're okay. Look, I should go. My parents are just about finished so I really should get going."

He began walking down the aisle towards the cashiers. Nice Jessica, you spent so much time staring at him you couldn't actually maintain a conversation. Concentrate! Stop acting like such a loser and start staring at his butt!

Edward suddenly turned around.

"Um, bye, Jessica."

He backed away and moments before taking his final steps out of the soup aisle I heard a soft female voice from behind me:

"Edward?"

I turned around and saw an absolutely beautiful woman standing behind me. She looked like she was in her mid-twenties and had brown hair framing her face in silky layers. I couldn't think of any way to describe her other than 'breathtaking'. There was no doubt about it. She was a Cullen.

"Hi, Mom. I'm ready to go when you are." I wish my mom looked like that. Hell, I wish I looked like that. It's hard to believe she has five kids.

Edward sounded a little surprised to see her. I would have turned around to get a better look at him but I was having a hard time looking away from the woman he had just called 'Mom'.

"Your father will just be a minute." Oh no, she's turning towards me. What do I say? "I apologize, Edward has neglected to introduce us. He really can't be trusted when it comes to these sorts of things. I'm Esme."

I wonder how long I've been standing here with my mouth open. I can't seem to get any words out. Why do I always get like this around the Cullen's?

"…Hi." Finally! I thought I would be standing there with my mouth hanging open forever. She was a woman and still managed to leave me speechless.

"Mom, this is Jessica." Thank you! I really did need saving from my own stupid silence. I wonder how he could tell. I hope it wasn't too obvious. "We go to school together."

"It's always nice to meet friends of Edward's."

I made an attempt at a smile but I still hadn't been able to scrape my jaw off the floor so I didn't think it turned out quite as I planned. Esme suddenly looked at Edward. "Here comes your father." I saw a tall figure come up behind Esme in my peripheral vision but I hadn't actually managed to look away from her since I first turned around. I'm not sure how she heard Edward's dad coming. I sure didn't.

"Edward, there you are. Is this a friend of yours?" Wow, his voice is almost as velvety as Edward's.

I decided it was in my best interest for me to look away from Esme before they began to think there was something wrong with me.Odds were that his dad was good looking too. It would have really sucked to be the black sheep in that family.

When I saw Edward's father for the first time I couldn't believe he was a father of five. In my mind, men as attractive as him weren't allowed to have five kids. Old men with receding hairlines and funny looking moustaches had five kids. Not men who looked like they belonged on the cover of Us Weekly! He was so totally hot!

"Hey Dad, shouldn't we get going. We don't want to be late getting home."

Edward and his dad were just standing there looking at each other with serious expressions. It's like they knew something we didn't. So hypnotic.

They both look so statuesque. Forget David! I'd pay twice as much to see these two standing around naked. I wish I was an artist. Then I could make Edward my muse... or maybe his dad. God, they're both so hot. I can almost imagine feeling Edward's lips on mine. Or maybe his dad would be the one to suddenly pin me against the canned soup. Or maybe their looks will change from serious to passionate and they'll both take a step forward closing the space between them. Then, Edward will reach up, brush his dad's hair off his face, lean in and--

"Dad, we have to go."

"Of course, Edward." He turned towards me again. It felt like the butterflies were eating away at my insides. "It was nice to meet you but we really should be going."

They began to walk towards the checkout together, probably basking in each other's perfection. Esme turned around before they were out of sight and called back,

"Have a good night Jessica." I most certainly will, especially with the dreams this little grocery store meeting will bring on.

Edward started to walk a little faster and was quickly out of my sight. Too bad, it's was much fun to watch him walk away.

I finished up the grocery shopping and headed back home. I went straight to the kitchen and began putting everything away in the cupboards and fridge, making sure that I snuck a cookie or two every now and then. I felt so much better than I did earlier that afternoon. I straightened up and turned away from the fridge after squeezing the orange juice in next to the ketchup and milk to find my dad towering above me. He suddenly wrapped his arms around me in a deadly hug. I was going to have to choke out a 'Stop!' in a second before I stopped breathing all together. However, it wasn't necessary since he had just let me out of his bear hug and was holding me at arm's length so that he could look me in the eye.

"I thought you might need a hug after what happened at lunch today." Ugh, I wonder who told him about that, it wasn't me. Well, I shouldn't be surprised. News travels fast in Forks.

"I'm fine Dad. Stuff like that happens all the time."

"Well, not really. From what I hear you practically flew into Eric's bowl of chili and that picture of you on the floor is rather impressive." Wow, I know he doesn't do it on purpose and he tried to make it sound like a joke but that was insensitive.

"Thanks Dad, I feel so much better about myself."

"Remember Jessica, sarcasm will get you nowhere in life." Blah, blah, blah…

The conversation kept going and going and going but nothing was really being said. I doubt the Energizer Bunny could keep up with my dad when he gets talking. At last, my mom came in. We threw some spaghetti together, had a never ending supper full of 'Jessica's most embarrassing moment' talk, and I went up to my room to get ready for bed. I had managed to get through the day without any suicidal cliff jumping. I thought that was a pretty good accomplishment.

I called it a night and settled myself in bed with the latest issue of Cosmo. My parents didn't like me reading them and called it mindless garbage. They talked about Cosmo like it was some kind of drug that would kill off my brain cells one by one. So, I kept them under my mattress. The most obvious place was always the last place they looked. Personally, I didn't get what the big deal was. It's not like Cosmo governed my life or anything.

I was lying on my bed flipping through the pages when my heart just about skipped a beat. I had just come across the perfect article to get me the perfect Edward: 'How to Get a Guy'. It was full of tricks and tips that would help me get Edward's blood pumping and, hopefully, get me a date.

I wasn't nervous about school anymore. I had officially gotten over the humiliation. Self-pity had no place in my game plan. I had a mission. I was going to seduce Edward Cullen.