II
- And how long have you known that, tell me? Did you know that I was dreaming about you, Bill, just after I tasted your blood?
- Yes I knew it.
- And you did not tell me! Do you know what you are really telling me now by saying this?
- Yes I know. I do. I am telling you only now the things that I should have told you long ago, the day you asked me about the consequences of you consuming my blood.
- But you did not…
- I did not. I hoped you would never discover it, Sookie.
- And do you know what that is called in my book?
- You call it lying. I know. And it is something you hardly forgive.
- Yes. And if it was not enough with just lies… it is worse than that.
- What do you mean? What is worse?
- My feelings. What feelings are mine? How could I ever know? If my dreams were not mine all the way… then what do I really feel for you, Bill? Do I really love you? How could I ever tell what I feel?
- I hope you love me. I do. You ran to save me from drainers before you had tasted my blood.
- Yes I did. And I've been thinking about my feelings today. But it is all just mixed up. And in fact all these dwellings gave me another question to ask you…
- Go on, little one.
- That night when I asked you to meet me at 1:30 after my work, you were not there in time. You came few minutes late. You did come and save me from Rats. But if you would have been there at 1:30, it would not have happened at all, and you would not have had the occasion to give me your blood.
- I should have come earlier, yes. But that night I was not sure if I should come at all, if I should start seeing you, Sookie, in this human way. I had almost decided to stay home that night, but I couldn't. I just had to see you.
He says that, standing in front of her, facing her, trying to see that love in her eyes he used to see there. She is looking down. He catches her shoulders and shakes her slightly to make her face him; he is about to cry or to shout, he does not know what he is going to do if…
- "It sounds not much trustworthy, Bill". She pronounces not looking at him.
- "I always thought of you as the smart little girl… And I see it just now that I was right."
The face of the blond handsome giant looks through the open window smiling at them.
- "What are you doing here, Eric?" Bill seethes.
- "Just listening, Bill. And do not tell me that it is not my business what is going on at your place. I was called here by Sookie's deep distress, so you know. You lied to this girl and you made her drink your blood. That is what has been revealed just now. And I am not sure that you can accept such a truth. Without reaction, I mean. And that reaction I guess can frighten Sookie, if not damage her… That is why I have shown my presence."
- "I would never cause any damage to Sookie" Bills voice is low.
- "Of course you are all so good… But just now she doubts it, Bill."
- "It seems that right now I doubt just everything, Eric… But anyway, thank you for coming."
- "Always yours. And you know I mean it. From the moment I saw you I wanted you by my side. If I lied to you, Sookie, was it more than he did?"
- "It is just all too much for me now. I was not sleeping well… for a while. If I'll sleep with you, Eric, would it end my dreams, as it happened with Bill?
- "I suppose you don't mean simply sleeping, my dear… If yes, you're right. You'll be free from your dreams as soon as you put them in action. It is how it works. Even for general dreams."
- "If it is so, I guess, my decision is made. Sorry Bill, I'm leaving with Eric. Where you'd like us to go, to put my dreams in action?
- "My nearest place will be fine. Thank you, Sookie. I promise you will not ever regret your decision …"
Eric's patented mischievous smile enlightens his face. Bill's hands fall down from Sookie shoulders; this blow comes all too sudden for him…
- "Do not, Sookie, my love, do not do it. You do not need him at all; you are just tired, mixed up and disappointed in me. We can sort it all out, I promise."
- "No more promises Bill. I'm sorting it out myself. If I love you – you'll see me again. If you love me… we'll see. You will wait… and forgive."
She is sad, Bill can feel it, she is not happy at all to betray him like this. But she has made up her mind… for today. Can he take it? He has no choice.
She takes Eric's hand and he flies with her at once, up in the air. That's his favorite way to impress any woman. It works. In a moment Bill can hear her laughing.
His house is empty now. His heart, he wishes he never had one. His desperate growl shaking the trees and the sky…
- "Sookie, I love you. I cannot exist without you, Sookie. I just cannot exist!"
He is looking around for something as sharp as a stake. There is no meaning. He knows, he will never forget her and never be happy again. Just then her last words sink in his mind "If you love me you will wait and forgive." Can he really manage? He doubts it deeply. But he is not looking for a stake any more, at least for now.
There are many things left to do in the house. He works till the dawn. Simple physical chores. He is not even hungry, it seems. He just cannot allow himself to feel anything, not even hunger. He falls asleep in his dirty clothes. Doesn't matter. Nothing matters just now for him. Evening comes all too fast. He is fully awake. Should he even rise tonight? And for what? But he is rising, he is moving. There is still so much left to do in the house. And in the fridge there is some True Blood.
The night goes on and the next one comes and goes. Sam has called. Bill sent him to Northman without much explanation. What could he say? "She has left me."– would be the truth. But how can he ever pronounce such a phrase.
For now he has accepted it. He told the truth to Jessica when she came to see him one night and to announce that she got the place at the college, she and Hoyt. The college far north , in Minnesota, which is open for humans and vampires both. It is not that cheap, but he assured her that money is not a problem and that he wanted her to study. Of course, he also assured her at once that he will pay for them both. And he is moving with them. To Minnesota. Far north. Far from this house and town, where he has nothing to do any more. Jessica is still so young, so wild and she must be controlled to manage her life near humans. And she wants him to come. She is plainly afraid to leave him here alone. He is touched that she cares, and he is mad, all at once. No vampire is supposed to feel pity about his maker!
Bill has known the guy who recently moved to St. Paul, just 30 years ago. His name is David and he is still living there. He can present them to the King and the local Sheriff, help them to find a place to live. David seems to mainstream. He works at the bank and has a human companion who lives at his house, Aurora.
All practical things go just fine. Even Jessica's hungry hysterics Bill can manage just fine. It is hard for her living only on Hoyt but she had to adjust to keep both Hoyt and her place at the college. Hoyt is doing his best. He eats as a horse and always is ready to share. Bill really likes him. As for his own sake, he lives on True Blood. It is possible, yes. It is not very appetizing, but still he tries. He tried humans a few times, willing donors, of course. He had to admit their blood was slightly better than the bottled crap. His tastes must be spoiled all the way- in comparison to Sookie's blood's unforgettable taste, everything fails to delight him. It mainly disturbing, because as opposed to bottled blood, human blood awakes another type of hunger in him. He tried it too, a few times. To satisfy his desires with humans. Willing, lovely and skilful human girls. He could get his release. But he was not in any way satisfied. All their efforts made him long even more for the one and only woman whose body he wanted to touch and to enter.
He knows she is doing just fine. Without him and with Eric. It could not be other way. Bill has heard all too much about Eric's sexual skills and his style and his houses all over the planet and his powers to fly and to rule and to show. Eric knows how to live and enjoy. He is surely able to make every day of Sookie's life a feast. Bill has seen it. In a few magazines over the time. These overflowing parties she attended with him. She was so elegant in the pictures. Her pure natural beauty was really sparkling while framed by expensive designers. In one picture Eric was nuzzling her neck and she was smiling at him. Bill couldn't stay in one room with that picture. He burned it. And while the fire was eating the colorful glossy pages, he opened the piano and played. Piano playing is better than crying, especially when you are a man and a vampire, and your bloody tears are not to be seen. Yes, it is much better to play.
In his days Bill had heard so many different tunes, sad and cheerful. Composing them he can sometimes obtain some sort of release, get some calm from his emotional turmoil, so that these wounds on his soul can be soothed for a while. It happened a few times that David had been listening to him play, and Jessica too. They seemed to be rather excited; they really want him to play. David even recorded some tunes. Bill himself was not even writing them down. His vampire memory keeps everything anyway. And what is the point? He plays to get rid of his pain. Even shortest relief is enough for the effort.
Empty nights come and go. He is not even waiting. She is not coming back. There is no way to forget her. And there is no way to get her back, either.
Comes another long night. It is chilly and dark. Jessica is leaving for college; accompanied by Hoyt and seems satisfied. They have some lectures together. This college schedule is made for the humans who are not sleeping at nights.
Bill is doing some work for the Minnesota King. He wants to adjust the human made tracing program to the speed of trespassing vampires. Not the easiest task. Bill would rather rewrite it from the code. There is somebody knocking at the door downstairs. Bill asks them to come in, whoever it is. And she comes in.
When she opens the door he knows at once that this is Sookie. But for a long moment he doesn't dare to look.
Many thanks to my Beta! Few more chapters are almost ready. I will be happy to see some response. Please review!