Author's Note: I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue this story or leave it as is, but I was convinced to keep going. I have to admit I do not have a solid plan, but I'm working on it. By the way, did you all know that Shatter Me has been optioned for television? It's so exciting!Thanks, everyone!
I am sitting in bed, knees drawn to my chest in a familiar position. I don't cry. Of course, my eyes puff and swell anyway. How can it be possible that my world has fallen apart this many times? Time after time I have figured things out just for the world to laugh at my preconceptions and twist me back around its little finger.
Warner left me here an hour ago. I've counted to a thousand and back down again twice. I started counting the hairs on my head. I've been alone the entire time with nothing but my thoughts to bother me. Exactly three people have experienced my touch since I have arrived. Three people with three different gradations of goodness. Adam: the truly good and the best person in my life, Warner: the completely evil, the one that wants to use me, and Jenkins: the man I know nothing about except how it felt to drain his life. There is no pattern, no method, no common denominator, just chaos and so so so much confusion.
Suddenly the door clicks open. Adam. My love, my hope, my bird. I try to smile, try to uncurl myself, but he knows. Adam always knows. He places a jacket he's holding on the edge of my bed. He slowly approaches me. He's cautious, but ready. Adam's teetering between keeping his distance and pouncing on me. He settles for perching on the edge of the bed.
"Hi," he says tentatively.
"Hi," my answer is barely a whisper, but I know he hears me.
"I saw Warner after your meeting. He looked more smug than usual. I figured that meant bad things." Adam inches a little closer, asking me a million wordless questions. "Looks like I was right." I just shake my head.
"I can't talk about this, Adam." I stand and make my way around the room. I've lived here such a short time, but this room is filled with more memories than anywhere else I've bathroom where I touched Adam, the armoire where I found my journal, the spot on the floor where I slept next to Adam. All of it feels sacred, and yet I wouldn't be surprised if this whole base were straight from Hell.
I turn around, unsurprised to find Adam watching me.
"Juliette, you can. I know you've never been able to trust anyone in the past, but that's changed now. I am here, and I promise you I won't leave unless I have you on my arm." He struts forward, suddenly confident.
I smile at him. A true smile, the first one in a while. My hands reach for his, but the words remain locked in my head. There is no denying Adam's love for and mine for him, but we've always been linked through touch. He has been the only one I could touch my entire life. How am I supposed to admit that I share that bond with Warner as well?
I return to the bed, my toes just barely touching the floor. Adam sighs, paces a few times and runs his fingers through his hair. He tries to crack me open one more time.
"Juliette. You are the one person on this base that I can trust. The only one that I can reveal myself to. I know you know how that feels, and I know you remember how it feels to be blocked out. Please, Juliette, don't block me out. I-I love you, Juliette."
This boy is going to kill me. He doesn't realize how much harder his love makes this. He does realize that I would do anything for him. And that's exactly what he's doing now. He's making it about him so I can't refuse.
I take his hands in mine again, one of my favorite things to do. I run my fingers over his palms, hoping that he'll change his mind. His breath hitches for a moment, but he looks just as determined as ever. My mouth opens and closes a few times before the words come.
"Warner….Warner can…" My eyes fall closed. Who would have thought that words could ever be harder than actions. Adam is patient. He leans forward and places his arms on my shoulders, comforting me.
I start again, "Warner can touch me." All four words come out in one breath. One quick huff and the sentence is gone, can never be taken back or forgotten.
Adam is silent. His hands drop from my shoulders and he steps back. His eyes don't leave my face, but they look more distant than ever. I lift my hand to smooth out the crease in his forehead, but he dodges my fingers.
"Adam," I whisper, incredulous. Suddenly, he is spurred into motion by some internal force. He picks up his discarded jacket and walks to the door.
"Adam!" I say, more forceful this time. Adam pauses with his hand on the doorknob. This is it. This is the decision that will define our relationship from this moment forward. And he choses wrong.
Adam turns the doorknob and walks out. On me. On us. On everything he ever told me he wanted.
Just minutes ago he told me he would never leave me. He told me he knew the pain of watching people shut him out. He told me he loved me.
He promised me things. And within five minutes he broke every. single. one.