Captain's Journal
Stardate 1705.6 (The Naked Time)
All this psychological doubt can't be good for my mental health. If you can believe it, this is almost as bad as what happened about a week ago. For a short time, I had the unnamed virus that killed the men on Sy 2000, and I said what was, apparently, my true opinion on my ship and... love. I blamed her for my lack of a stable relationship and bemoaned my ties to duty. Perhaps this is all true in part, but then I knew when I signed on that a Captain's lot is lonely in many ways. This puzzles me less than my frustration at Spock's reaction to the virus. It's understandable that he was raised in a society which completely suppresses emotion, and that his human half would be ashamed of that, but the present is a different matter entirely! I had been thinking, lately, that Spock and I were doing a fair job of working on his emotional frustration without actively having to do so, but now... he apparently fells ashamed of our friendship. I don't know why this is so frustrating to me, but he shouldn't have to hide his emotions from me. In retrospect, slapping him was probably not the best way to express my feelings, but we were going to die, so hopefully he'll understand and I won't feel the need to apologize throughout chess tonight.
Until next time,
Jim Kirk
Author's Note: Only one that there will be for this story, because I don't like them. I only wanted to say that to prevent confusion about what's happened in universe related to each journal entry, I'm going to include in parentheses the episode that each entry is "inspired by" or related to or what written shortly after me re-watching while thinking about Kirk's feelings and whether he'd write a journal entry after the experience. However, I just moved across a few states and so I don't have my stardate list. Where I can remember, I'll fill them in, however you can also google stardates from each episode (as each episode has a listed stardate somewhere in it during a captian's log). In any case, thanks for reading and please continue to do so! It gets very interesting soon, I promise. : )
-Shidoni