Audio manuscript from Holly. J. Halbrook. PsyD. August 25th, 2014. Session # 141
"Good afternoon, gentleman. I'm glad to see you have returned for this, our second session."
"It's our pleasure to be here, Doctor." - Starscream
"Hey, how come you're new?" - Thundercracker
"Ah yes, that. Well, I have taken over for my colleague who had to take some personal leave. And...according to her notes, I must say I'm very pleased to see that there's been no trouble with the seating arrangement this morning."
"That's because Starscream got here first." - Skywarp
"Greatness waits for no one!" - Starscream
"Yeah, right! You beat it over here right quick because you messed up Megatron's plans to..." - Thundercracker
"Shut up, you clod!" - Starscream.
"Gentleman. Your attention, please. Let's start this out on the right foot, shall we?"
"What does that have to do with it?" - Skywarp
"Put you're foot down, you moron!" - Starscream
"Okay, moving on! Today gentleman we're going to begin the exercise. You'll find in front of you on the table a corresponding pamphlet related to the case study we began yesterday. I was hoping we could work through it together this morning and avoid any further unpleasantness."
"You mean...this is still about the female Decepticons?" - Starscream
"Yes."
"About the women? Decepticon women? These!?" - Thundercracker (papers rustling)
"Yes. We would like to monitor your reaction to..."
*sounds of the three Decepticons scrambling for their pamphlets.*
"Are there pictures? Where are the pictures!? Tell me there's pictures!" - Skywarp
"Nothing! Not even a centerfold!" - Thundercracker
"Huh. Well, I read it for the articles anyway." - Starscream
"Yeah, right!" - Skywarp
"Gentleman?"
"Shut up, you idiot! You don't even know what a woman looks like!" - Starscream
"Excuse me."
"Sure I do! They look like her!" - Skywarp
"That's a fleshling, you goon!" - Starscream.
"Gentleman!"
"Hey you know what, I'm gettin' tired of you two gangin' up on me about this." - Skywarp
"Let it go, Skywarp." - Thundercracker
"Nah man, we haven't even been here two minutes and already it's shut up, Skywarp! Well, you know what? Speakin' of the lack of women around here, why don't we talk about how we always take Bumblebee hostage." - Skywarp
"Excuse me?"
"What are you prattling about?!" - Starscream
"All this time I thought it was because he was the weakest. But maybe it's because he was the cutest, eh Starscream?" - Skywarp
"Uhhh oooh." - Thundercracker
"Did you just...you can't..." - Starscream
"Hey, lady. Is this place insured?" - Thundercracker
"Yeah, that's right. I said it. Why dontcha go ask Bumblebee if he wants some more free candy!?" - Skywarp
*Starscream punches Skywarp*
"Oh my God! Stop that!"
"If he wasn't going to close his mouth, I was obliged to close it for him, Doctor." - Starscream
"Please! Sit him back up! No violence, please! Is he all right?"
"Ehh, he's fine." - Thundercracker.
"I don't want him to break my chair! Please! Sit him up!"
"All right, all right. Thundercracker, give me a hand." - Starscream
*scuffle scrape*
"Skywarp? Snap out of it. Come on, wake up!" - Starscream
*clong bong thong*
"If you're going to keep slappin' him around like that, try opening your hand." - Thundercracker
"Noticed that did you? Ahahahaha!" - Starscream
"Stop punching him!"
"Just relax, my good Doctor. Shake him awake, Thundercracker. The sooner we finish here the better." - Starscream
*two minute pass*
"Skywarp? He's coming out of it. " - Thundercracker
"Thank goodness."
"Thank the fact I didn't kill him! Ha!" - Starscream
"Ohhh, man. Who hit me?" - Skywarp
"Optimus Prime. Now pay attention. Doctor? Bring forth the proper reading material, please." - Starscream
"Excuse me?"
"Yeah, I want pictures." - Thundercracker.
"But this...this is just a questionnaire. We've created a little workshop and have set up a small experiment. That's all. See?"
*sounds of a panel sliding back to reveal a life-sized mock up of a female Decepticon sitting in chair number four*
"Now then, as you can see we have...oh my God! Stop that!"
"Who is that!?" - Starscream
"Ambush!" - Thundercracker
"Is it the Autobots!?" - Skywarp
"Freeze, bitch!" - Starscream.
"Please, lower your blasters! It's a mock up. A simple mock up. It's part of the experiment! It goes with the questionnaire! My God!"
*prolonged silence*
"I knew that." - Starscream
"You did not." - Thundercracker
"Is that...a female?" - Skywarp
"Quit drooling, Skywarp. Sit back down!" - Starscream
"Yeah, you're blockin' my view!" - Thundercracker
"Gentlemen! The experiment! Please! Can we just please try and conduct ourselves with some restraint here?"
"Sounds kinky." - Thundercracker
"What do you mean experiment, Doctor? What is this anyway?" - Starscream
*ahem*
"In wishing to observe how you interact with the fairer sex, it was understood that I would stand in as the voice of the female contestant and run you three through this questionnaire to see how Decepticon warriors like yourselves would respond to the opposite sex purely in a social setting and congenial atmosphere."
"For cryin' out loud, take a breath why dontcha?" - Starscream.
"So this is like...some kinda Decepticon dating-game?" - Thundercracker
"Put simply, yes."
"If I win do I get to take her home!?" - Thundercracker
"Yeah! Can we keep her!?" - Skywarp
"Gentlemen, please. This isn't the purpose for which the experiment..."
"It's not a blow-up doll, you fools. Sit back and pay attention!" - Starscream
"Thank you, Starscream. Now...shall we begin?"
"Proceed!" - Starscream
"If I may make an observation at this point, Starscream, if you want someone to do something for you, it's better not to order them to do it."
"What other way is there?" - Starscream
"When it comes to women? Why not just ask her nicely?"
"Askher? Nicely?" - Starscream
"Why, yes. You would be amazed at the results."
"I would think pointing my blasters at her would get some amazing results too." - Starscream
"...you two have nothing to add to that?"
"Why? Is that a problem?" - Thundercracker
*all three Decepticons erupt in laughter, high-fiving each other*
"Let's just try some questions then, shall we!?"
"Very well." - Starscream
"Contestant number one. Starscream. I'm a young, virile Decepticon woman. Where would you take me on our first date?"
"Uhhh...umm...hey! Would you like to see the slave pits on Lespas Four? Or the Autobot recycling center?" - Starscream
"Hoo boy. Contestant number two. Skywarp. If we were sitting watching a movie together, would you take my hand first? Or wait for me to take yours?"
"What's a movie? Get your own hand!" - Skywarp
"Good God. Contestant number three. Thundercracker. If you were going to buy me a drink, what would it be?"
"I dunno. Some oil would be nice." - Thundercracker
"That's good! And how would you serve it?"
"Me? I was thinking if you're already in the kitchen, you might as well get me some too." - Thundercracker
*sounds of Doctor Halbrook tearing up her pamphlet*
"Oookay, I think I've heard enough."
"What's the matter, Doctor? Why are you suddenly growing so irritable?" - Starscream
"Yeah, maybe you need some therapy." - Skywarp
"Oh, screw you, you brain dead lunk! The Autobot's told me how infuriating you Decepticons could be. Yesterday you beat each other up, then today you threaten the first woman you see in four million years all the while responding to her like robotic neanderthals!"
"What was that? The Autobot's? What do they have to with it?" - Starscream
"They funded this project. They even provided us with the mock up."
"What!?" - Starscream, Skywarp, Thundercracker all together.
"Hahaha!" - Wheeljack (transmitting hi-jacked signal at 34.1 rhz)
"Who was that!?" - Skywarp
"It's Wheeljack!" - Thundercracker
"It's coming from the mock up!" - Starscream
"You guys are pathetic! Hahaha!" - Wheeljack
"Grab her! Pin her down! Hold the bitch still!" - Starscream
*sounds of a scuffle*
"Oh my God! Stop that! Get off of her!"
"Nyah nyah nyah! I've been listening to the whole thing. This stuff is gold!" - Wheeljack
"You bastard! He's been recording us!" - Thundercracker
"When I get my hands on you..." - Starscream
"Oh yeah? Well I'll be perfectly safe if I look like this mock up. Because you guy's don't have a clue what to do with a woman!" - Wheeljack
"Fuck you, you globe headed asshole!" - Starscream
"Are these really boobs? Wow!" - Skywarp
"Stop that!" - Starscream
"HAHAHA!" - Wheeljack
"Pull her apart! Find the transmitter! Rip it out of her!" - Starscream
"Pay attention, Doc! This what a Decepticon calls getting to first base!" - Wheeljack
*tearing sounds*
"This is insane! You're all certifiable! Get outta my way! I'm leaving!"
*door slams*
"Whatta bitch." - Starscream.
"Do we have to rip her apart? She's kinda cute." - Skywarp.
"Haha!" - Wheeljack
"You should talk, Wheeljack! At least we don't keep a bitch-boy like Bumblebee around, you grab-happy ass clown!" - Thundercracker
"What's he talking about?" - Bumblebee
"Shut up, kid." - Wheeljack.
"Maybe Bumblebee should ask Starscream. Haha!" - Skywarp
"You wanna go there again, huh? You mother fu..." - Starscream
*transmission abruptly ends*
Auditor : Prowl. Claim number 48A-21. Payment pending.
Note: Prime, I don't think it's wise that Wheeljack provoke the Decepticons near humans. - Prowl.
Fuck you, Prowl, you kiss-ass! - Wheeljack.
I'm changing my password. - Prowl