Good morning, you're a cripple.
I'll admit, I was quite shocked at first. Yes, it was definitely going to be an adjustment. Waking up after being in a coma for a week was not high on my to-do list either. But a missing limb?
In all those wild fantasies I'd had as a kid, I'd always imagined myself grappling with a vicious Nadderhead, or a Monstrous Nightmare. There I'd be, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III, slamming the reptile's jaw into the dirt and lifting an axe heroically over its head. Of course, none of this would happen overnight; there would be some sacrifices. At some point, I probably would end up losing a limb in some dramatic battle in which I would hold off a horde of Night Furies in order to save some children or something. So I guess my missing leg didn't really come as a complete surprise.
It's just… I thought I had more time, you know? I kept dreaming, and dreaming, and just when it would get good- I'd slap myself on the head and say 'aww, it'll never happen.' After a while I grew up and stopped kidding myself in the first place. My father thought I was a flop, my friends thought I was a loser- even Gobber took pity on me. But I thought my time to shine would come in a few years, not a few hours. I didn't think I could go from village idiot to hero in just a few short weeks. No one did.
So yeah, I think I'll be able to get used to the leg.
I think I cried. And I hardly ever cry, not about anything. Ask anyone; 'Astrid Hofferson? Aye, she hasn't cried since she was a wee lass'. Astrid Hofferson doesn't cry.
So when I tell you that I was bawling like a baby by the time we got back to Berk, I want you to understand that completely. You'd understand if you'd been there when Toothless opened his arms and revealed Hiccup's dying form.
After I got over the shock of him just being alive, I did ask Gobber about his foot. He basically told me that Hiccup would need a prosthetic to walk again, and I took that in. I accepted it. It wasn't easy, I'm not saying it was, it's just… When you're faced with all the evidence, you have no way out. In fact, it almost seemed natural. So much about Hiccup had changed that I was willing to nod and say 'Yep, that sounds like him' when Gobber talked about the new foot.
When Hiccup was finally up and around again, I noticed he wouldn't go walking without Toothless. For the first few days of his prosthetic, walking was quite a challenge for him. But that boy has guts. He would fall down, cry out in pain…but then he'd get right back up. Sometimes it's harder for me than it is for him, but whenever we talk about he just tells me not to worry. It's not the end of the world. I don't understand how he can say that, but that's Hiccup for you.
I don't care about the leg. I'm just glad to have my boyfriend back.
Besides, cripples are hot.
It's my fault. It's all my fault, and I know it.
Whenever I see him struggling around the house, another shred of guilt lands on my heart and sticks to it. Thor, he's only a teenager- Gobber was at least twenty before he lost his first limb. I still haven't lost anything, and it makes me more ashamed than proud these days. People see my son, and they see his leg, and then they look at me.
"Why's your son a cripple," is their unspoken question, "where were you when that happened?"
I'm a terrible father. I don't need to be told twice. With Valhallarama gone for so long, it fell to me to raise Hiccup. But he was so different from me that I ended up shutting him out. He rose himself, and slowly my son became a complete stranger.
But still he has the heart to tell me it's not my fault. He hates that I keep beating myself up about this, and I wish I could stop, but…
On those nights when the amputation made him feverish, all I can think about is how different things would have turned out if I had just listened to him. For once in his life, just listened.
AN- that's all for now…I might add more POVs later.