Chapter 1
Bella was trying to have sex again. I wasn't really feeling it. Sure, her body was banging and yeah, that whole "singing blood" thing was a huge turn on, but the little fella wasn't playing ball. It hadn't been for a while really. Not since we got back together. Not since that mutt Jacob had started following her around like a lost puppy. Literally. In those months of solitude, I had begun to think about things. Revaluate. And some strange things had begun to develop. Feelings that I didn't want to admit, not to myself and definitely not to the only one who mattered.
I'm sure this was just a phase. He had been there for me during the hardest times of my life, including when I was apart from Bella and my world was crumbling at my feet. Carlisle… Carlisle who was so important to me. It felt wrong to have these thoughts given that most of us, except for Esme, saw Carlisle as a father figure. He was so nurturing and loving and I'm sure if he knew about these ungodly thoughts, he would most certainly drift away from me. I didn't want that to happen. I couldn't have that happen.
Carlisle was… everything.
Edward, what are you thinking? This is so wrong, you love Bella!
Do I?
The thought came immediately after and I squashed it. I couldn't think this. It was immoral. And I feared deeply already for my soul. I looked at the topless girl before me as she waited patiently for me to come closer, to embrace her, and I didn't feel anything. Limp.
I shook my head and gestured towards Bella, averting my eyes from her wanting and off-putting flesh. "Cover yourself Bella. You know it won't work."
Nothing would cure me of this infliction. This deep aching need to touch Carlisle. I felt sick because of it, but it didn't make me love and want him less. What I wanted – needed – didn't even bear thinking about, but it was all I could think about. Day and night. Night and day.
Bella looked down. I stayed quiet. I had been quite harsh towards her and now I felt that I needed to give her some time. I couldn't help it though. She was relentless and it was starting to make me feel uncomfortable. All she wanted these days was to get down and dirty with me and it made me feel used… and cheap. Carlisle never made me feel this way. He looked at me with so much love and respect and I wanted, no, I needed that. I was tired of feeling like an object, like the only thing that mattered was my strong, sexy body.
Carlisle loved my mind.
But I fear he didn't love it the way I wanted him to.
Bella looked up again and her eyes were glistening with tortured tears. Great, you asshole. See what you did?
"Edward…" she said in a shaky voice "do you not want me? Do you not love me anymore?"
A/N: DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUN. Stay tuned. Leave loads of reviews. Readers are my life! 5ever peoples - PEACE OUT!