Disclaimer: I only own Danny Phantom on Opposite Day. Today is not Opposite Day.

Author's Notes: A big "thank you" goes to all of you who kindly sent me your reviews! Someone even said that Susan was scary. That, my friends, means that I'm doing my job right. :)

WARNING: Here, there be random Japanese and much "emo-angsting." And monsters. . . named "Susan Williams." Reader discretion is advised.

Chapter Two
My Horrible Life

Susan was in every single one of my classes by her fourth day at Casper High.

Every. Single. One.

I think I'd rather be sucked into the Fenton Thermos for a year than be stuck in eight classes a day with Susan Williams. It was a total nightmare; even the Fright Knight would have a hard time conjuring a Hell that awful.

"Konnichiwa, Danny!" she squealed as she walked into our first period English class. At eight o' clock in the morning, it was way too early to put up with her. She eagerly sat next to me in spite of Lancer's seating chart. I groaned; she ignored me. "I asked to be transferred into all of your classes since we're such good friends now! Isn't that great? Oh! Mr. Lancer asked me to write a paragraph or two about myself, and I'm going to read it in front of the whole class! Wait until you hear it!"

"Is it going to be about your. . . uh. . . ?"

"My ghost powers? And my Kingdom of Randomness? Yes. Yes, it is. People know about you, so why can't they know about me? Now, everyone will know what I am and they'll know of my tragic past!"

"Great, Susan," I said, trying to sound as obviously sarcastic as possible. I rolled my eyes, took out my textbook, and pretended to be interested in whatever was in it.

"My name is Dani! And it is great, isn't it?"

"Um, why are you in my seat?" Rachel – the girl who was assigned to sit next to me – asked.

"Scram, bitch! I sit here now!" I inched away from Sue; she sounded feral. I remember thinking, Oh my God, I hope she doesn't ever bite me. What if she has rabies?

"Um, Mr. Lancer?" Rachel called helplessly.

"Miss Williams," Lancer said, "you have an assigned seat. Please take your seat behind Mr. Baxter."

"But I want to sit next to Danny! And Danny wants me to sit next to him! Right, Danny?"

"Assigned seats," I said, not looking up.

Susan picked up her stuff and sat where she was supposed to, near the back of the class. I glanced up at her as quickly as I could. She looked pissed, but at least she was away from me. During roll call, I considered the possibility of being home-schooled. It didn't seem like a bad idea. Susan couldn't stalk me at home. . . Actually, she could, but she'd have one Hell of a time trying to get inside.

"Mr. Fenton?"

"What? Oh, um, here."

"Psst. . . Danny!" Rachel whispered. She held a folded piece of paper in her hand, just out of Mr. Lancer's line of sight. "From Sam," she mouthed.

I nodded. As stealthily as I could, I snagged the paper from Rachel and unfolded it. I instantly recognized Sam's handwriting in dark purple ink.

Hey, who was that?

The new girl, I wrote back.

It wasn't long before Rachel was handing the paper back to me.

What was up with her?

She's loopy. Like, even loopier than Vlad.

Wow. That's saying something.

And that's an understatement.

I'm impressed.

Why? Because Susan is loopier than Vlad?

No. You used the word "understatement," placed it in a sentence correctly, AND spelled it right.

Ha, ha. Very funny, Sam.

"Miss Williams?"

"Miss Malfoy," she corrected.

"Miss Williams, did you prepare your paper for today?"

"Why, yes, I did!" Susan said, smiling. "Do you want me to read it now?"

"Whenever you're ready," Mr. Lancer said. "Class, our new student, Susan, is going to tell us a bit about herself."

Susan was in front of the class before you could say "crazy." She cleared her throat and said, "'My Horrible Life,' by Dani Malfoy."

Sam's note read, This is going to be good.

"My life is filled with trauma and angst and lots of bad things," Susan read. "Like, my mom was the Queen of the Ghost Zone and the Ghost King beat her every day and then she was raped by Vlad. She got pregnant with me. And, like, she was murdered after I was born by Lord Voldemort and Darth Vader and Sauron. I saw her die and it scarred me forever. Then my dad beat me and he gave me scars I still have and I was exiled to the human world. Humans adopted me, but they were like, 'Oh, we don't want her to, like, know her true royal lineage!' They named me Susan and I don't like it 'cause that's not my name. They couldn't even give me an uber-kawaii name. They even tell me, like, 'You're not half-ghost or a princess and your name is Susan!' And I say, 'LIKE, STFU. I SO AM.' They abuse me, too. It causes me emo-angst and I cut myself because I can't deal with my agony! I know what I am! I have a birthmark that proves it! And I have a special amulet! I'm wearing it now because I wear it forever and always!"

Susan pulled her "amulet" out from under her shirt. It was just a plastic crystal at the end of a black rope. "This is it! See? So, like, anyway. . . I wear my amulet forever and always. And, like, since I'm a princess, I need a prince to rule my kingdom. And I can only have ONE kawaii desu bishounen prince, 'cause we're soul-mates! We'll be together forever and ever and ever!"

I sank down in my seat, hoping that my ghost sense would go off soon. Susan was staring at me. I swore that I saw her eye twitch as she continued, "Forever and ever and ever. . ."

Author's Notes: I'm not entirely sure what "desu" is.

. . . I don't think I want to know.